Quotable Harto

You, too, shall meet your own natural death in my fridge.

Wow, both my floor and my hands are sticky.

OK, Hannah, that's enough stalling. Time to put this in your mouth 'cause that's what your job is now.

Take your foil and make a crazy hat, because you're having a party.

Wow, I'm cured! Just kidding, still very gay.

The best way to make Indian food is to order it.

Are people upset about the corkscrew? I don't have time for that right now.

Oh, that was the recycling, not the egg place!

Now, take your perfectly-sautéed stuff, and add it on top of the other stuff.

It smells so good, and it's shaped like a butt.

I'm just eyeballing the amounts, mainly because I don't want to go read the recipe again.

Your noodles may or may not have formed some sort of gelatinous mass.

Am I using shortening? Am I using butter? Who am I?

I don't have any Irish whiskey because I drank it all.