she dreamed of paradise

As he climbed the last flight of stairs and opened the door to the roof, Puck wasn’t sure what to expect. Quinn’s texts had seemed serious after all, and she’d even gone as far as to say it was important. He couldn’t imagine she’d have done that if she’d suddenly gotten the urge to try her hand at throwing water balloons off the roof. “Hey,” he said to get her attention as he stepped out onto the roof and let the door close behind him. “Everything alright?” Her answer of ‘I don’t know’ hadn’t put his mind at ease when he’d asked her through text, so he could only hope that he got a better one this time. “Not planning to jump, or anything?” A teasing grin tugged on the corner of his lips as he tucked his hands into his pockets and walked over to join her. It was his attempt to lighten the mood, try to get her to smile, and ease his own worry all rolled into one. After a rough end to their summer that had carried on for the majority of their senior year, Puck was glad to be able to talk to Quinn about things again. He’d missed it more than he wanted to admit.

QUINN FABRAY:

To say that the past few weeks had been easy for Quinn would be a complete and total understatement. While being accepted into Yale and securing their second consecutive Nationals win would normally be considered exciting, it was hard for Quinn to get excited about much of anything when her personal life was currently a roller coaster that didn’t stop for a break. Just as things with her future were finally clearing up, her relationship with Sam had taken a turn for the worse. They had become distant, hardly talking at all. They had begun to live their own lives separately, and somehow neither of the two seemed all that phased by it. They had grown out of each other, and there was hardly anything that they could do to salvage it. Deciding that even though things with Sam weren’t exactly panning out in the way she would have hoped for, she wasn’t about to let that happen with everyone she cared about. And what better place to start with than her family, right?

Her friendship with Puck had nearly come out of the blue, but she could hardly complain about it. She and Puck had a history that, to this day, still confused her. He was her first for a lot of things, and somehow you just can’t get over someone like that. However, they hadn’t talked much since things went down a bad road between them, but she was willing to do just about to smooth things out between them. That even included finally growing up a bit and realizing she had to make a move now or she would never have a chance to be a part of Beth’s life. So, she emailed Shelby. Truthfully, she had been planning on doing it for a while, but with a little encouragement and help from Puck, the words couldn’t stop coming. It was like a weight was being lifted off her shoulders, and somehow she knew it wouldn’t have been possible without him.

The nerves were eating at her stomach as she stood against the railing of the roof, her eyes flashing from building to building. Just the thought of even merely mentioning all this to him was enough to make her lean over and hurl. She jumped quickly at his voice, turning around with a small smirk on her face. “And risk not seeing everyone at graduation? You’ve got to be out of your mind, Puckerman.” She declared, her voice softening as she turned to look back at the lights. Chicago was a city of dreams. It was a city where she could put the past behind her. It was a place where she could officially turn a chapter into her future. It was a place where she could finally be brave. After a few moments of silence, Quinn’s voice spoke up softly. “I emailed her, you know. Shelby.” She sucked in a breath, nearly avoiding his eyes. “I told her everything. I told her about Yale and how hard I worked to get into there, I told her that I had made mistakes before and I was taking responsibility for them, and I told her how sorry I was.” She paused, her eyes lifting to his. “But mainly, I told her how happy I was that she had Beth and, well, you.” A soft sigh escaped her lips as she quietly muttered, “And jealous.”

NOAH PUCKERMAN:

Puck chucked under his breath as he heard her answer and saw the smirk on her face that went along with it. It helped to ease his mind somewhat as to what the whole thing was about. While he was still sure it was important like she’d said, at least it didn’t appear to be overly dark on top of it if she could joke around with him like she was. “Weren’t you going to be hiding in the corner with your tears and Kleenex? You won’t be able to see anyone anyway.” he teased back as he pulled his hands from his pockets and rested them against the railing as he looked out over the city. Puck knew Quinn well enough to not push on why she’d asked him to join her, but instead wait for her to get to it on her own. It wasn’t like he had anywhere else he wanted to be, and as he looked out at Chicago, he couldn’t help but to think it was another place on a long list of them that being a member of glee club had exposed him to. Nationals in New York City the year before had been followed by a summer full of places that he never in his life thought he would have seen. There was a lot of memories he knew he’d hold on to forever. It wasn’t just the places, but the people he’d gotten to see them with.

Hearing Quinn’s voice breaking through the silence, Puck took his eyes off the busy city and over to her instead. Remembering any of his time in high school or the summers in between without Quinn involved would have been impossible. Their paths had crossed and tangled so often, that he couldn’t think of one without the other. As she spoke, Puck kept his eyes on her, even as she looked anywhere but. It was obvious that it wasn’t an easy subject for her to talk about, and as he listened to every word, he couldn’t blame her for that. Having to apologize could be hard enough at times, but finding the courage to reach out to Shelby about Beth after everything had happened was something else entirely. Before he got a chance to tell her he was proud of her for the big step she’d made, she tossed in a curve ball.

A surprised look mixed with a touch of confusion reached his face when their eyes met and Quinn admitted how his name was brought up in it all. While they’d been on more friendly terms lately, there was always that part of him that wondered if it was because of him that she made the choices she did. While he could see now that Beth and Shelby were somehow just meant to be, and Quinn had definitely made the right choice, it was something he’d always wondered but never asked her. “Jealous?” he asked even though it wasn’t the most eloquent response, not that he imagined she was expecting one. “You mean that she’s raising Beth, right?” While it didn’t fit with her apology she’d sent as people didn’t usually apologize out of jealousy, it made more sense to him than her being jealous that Shelby had him. He couldn’t imagine she cared much about that part, not when she had Yale, Sam, and a million other things going on in her life.

QUINN FABRAY:

“And miss out on saying goodbye to everyone? I don’t know if I’d be able to just sit back and hide.” A couple years from now, when Quinn is settled down in a career and possibly a family, she will be able to look back onto her high school years with both happiness and regret. And, sure enough, Chicago would definitely be a place that marked a huge and significant change in her life. While the end of her junior year and most of her senior year revolved a whole great deal around Sam, that was hardly the case anymore. It was clear to the both of them that the relationship wasn’t exactly going to hold strong during the time they were about to spend apart. Hell, they had barely spent much time (if any at all) together the past two months. They had grown apart, simple as that, and Quinn wasn’t going to let it go on any longer than it had to. When it came down to it, the break up was fairly mutual, as both knew it had been headed for them a while now. They had agreed to keep it quiet until they returned from Chicago - both to keep themselves sane and keep the spirits of everyone else up.

“Yeah,” Quinn admitted, her voice soft and distant, for a lack of better word. “I know it sounds out of character, but when you think about it, Shelby has everything going right for her, and you can’t blame me for being jealous of that.” It had been a long while since Quinn had talked about Shelby to someone, much less about Beth. Come to think of it, the last time she had honestly really talked about the two of them was to Puck, when she made a decision that would forever haunt her thoughts. “She’s successful, she has a loving family, an amazing daughter, and you’re always there with them.” Running a finger along the length of her ring, Quinn let out a quick and quiet sigh. “I have this … problem where I tend to think about what could have been if we did things differently.”

Opening up was hardly something that Quinn took lightly. It was a rare occasion that she felt truly comfortable around someone to let them know exactly what was going on beneath all the walls and layers she had built up. And somehow, Puck was different from just about everyone else. In almost all of her major and favorite memories from high school, Puck somehow found his way into being a big part in every single one of them. He was always there, despite whether or not she wanted him to be. He was always there, and it had taken her far too long to realize that. Pushing her hands into the back of her jean pockets to stop any and all fidgeting that was sure to occur, Quinn raised her eyes to him once again. “What I’m trying to say is.. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to you. I’m sorry for not being honest about you and me when the news about the pregnancy got out. I’m sorry about not giving you enough of a chance to be in our lives. I’m sorry for shutting you out … like, always. I’m sorry for not treating the guy I loved the way he should have been treated. You didn’t deserve any of it, and you never will. You’re an amazing guy, Puck, and I hope to god that Santana realizes what she has in front of her.”

NOAH PUCKERMAN:

“I never thought you’d be jealous.” Puck couldn’t help but to express his surprise at the statement. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t believe her, the honesty was written all over her face, or that Shelby didn’t have a life worthy of being envied, but that Quinn was standing in front of him and admitting as much. Quinn opening up and talking about Beth and Shelby wasn’t completely unheard of, but it was as rare as George Lucas making a change to the Star Wars franchise that fans actually liked. In other words, it didn’t happen often. Puck had assumed that over the last year Sam had been the one she talked to about it all, but as he kept his eyes on her when she spoke each word, he realized it wasn’t the case. She spoke like it was something she hardly opened up about it all, to anyone, ever.

“I mean you seem to be doing alright. You’ve got Yale in the fall, and you’ve got people who love you. Your mom, your friends…Sam.” Puck wasn’t sure what was going on there exactly. Granted, it was a subject he’d finally learned to stay out of, but even he’d noticed they weren’t inseparable as they once were. In fact, he hardly saw much of them together at all, not that he’d ever admit to noticing. “And you’ve got me,” he added in after a small pause where he debated if he should or not. “I know it’s not the same, but I’m here.” Puck’s eyes dropped to Quinn’s hands for a moment as he watched her playing with the ring she was still wearing. “And I’ve wondered it too, you know. I thought about what it could have been like if things had gone different, but getting to see Beth now, and seeing that’s she’s happy, it makes it hurt less. So all of that…” Puck let his voice trail off as he took a second to process her apology. It had been unexpected, and in his mind unnecessary as he didn’t feel it was owed to him, but he couldn’t deny that it felt good to hear.

Puck always claimed to not need people’s approval, but that was because it was so rare that he actually got it that he tried to convince himself he didn’t need it at all. He’d always wondered if he’d been less of a screw up, more trustworthy, and overall better in er eyes if things would have gone different. “..you didn’t have to say it, but it really means a lot to me that you did.” I know I’ve fucked up a lot, especially with you, so you don’t owe me anything.” Leaning against the rail, Puck looked up to catch her eye again at the mention of Santana. “You could remind her of that,” he said with a teasing grin tugging at the corner of his lips to lighten the mood a little. With them both set to go to opposite coasts for college, he didn’t know what was going to happen with Santana. It wasn’t like either of them were relationship experts to begin with, but when thousands of miles were factored in the mix, he didn’t have a good feeling about it. They’d been set on figuring out their own path, but it felt with with both going in opposite directions. “Really. It’d help me out. Especially when I do something to piss her off.”

QUINN FABRAY:

"Yeah, well..." Quinn's voice trailed off as she tried to come up with the perfect words to convey the mixture of contracting feelings that were running through her body at the current moment, but despite everything, all she could come up with was a shrug and a quiet laugh. There was nothing funny about the situation they were in at all, but the irony of how they had started off hardly speaking to each other to how they were spilling their inner thoughts and feelings to each other was not completely lost on Quinn. Nodding a bit, Quinn couldn't help but smile. "I've always been jealous... I'm just not as good as coping with or showing my emotions like someone like Rachel, who puts everything out there on the table. But, I have been, and.. I don't know, it's kind of nice just to be able to finally tell you all of this. Does that make sense?"

But, Puck was right - She did have things that were finally working out in her favor, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't deserve them after everything she was forced through. "No, you're right. I mean, Yale's amazing and I still can't process that I'm going there in the fall. I'm incredibly blessed to be able to go to school there, I know that." Quinn could all but feel her face fall a bit as soon as Sam's name was mentioned in the list of things that were supposed to be a positive addition into her life. "No... Puck, me and Sam aren't together anymore. We haven't been for a while, actually." She paused, looking up at him, as if to question whether or not she should continue. It was no secret to anyone in all of Lima that Sam and Puck hadn't really gotten along the past few months. And, it's safe to say that at least a little part of it was because of Quinn. "We made it official the night of prom. When I left the party early, we met up and we both just kind of... knew. We had been trying to keep our relationship alive for so long that we just lost each other a long time ago." Sighing, she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I know you probably don't want to hear about him right now, but it's about time we told someone." That much was true. She hadn't told Santana, Britt, or even Rachel yet. She was sure she'd get to it before the cruise, though.

As he climbed the last flight of stairs and opened the door to the roof, Puck wasn’t sure what to expect. Quinn’s texts had seemed serious after all, and she’d even gone as far as to say it was important. He couldn’t imagine she’d have done that if she’d suddenly gotten the urge to try her hand at throwing water balloons off the roof. “Hey,” he said to get her attention as he stepped out onto the roof and let the door close behind him. “Everything alright?” Her answer of ‘I don’t know’ hadn’t put his mind at ease when he’d asked her through text, so he could only hope that he got a better one this time. “Not planning to jump, or anything?” A teasing grin tugged on the corner of his lips as he tucked his hands into his pockets and walked over to join her. It was his attempt to lighten the mood, try to get her to smile, and ease his own worry all rolled into one. After a rough end to their summer that had carried on for the majority of their senior year, Puck was glad to be able to talk to Quinn about things again. He’d missed it more than he wanted to admit.

QUINN FABRAY:

To say that the past few weeks had been easy for Quinn would be a complete and total understatement. While being accepted into Yale and securing their second consecutive Nationals win would normally be considered exciting, it was hard for Quinn to get excited about much of anything when her personal life was currently a roller coaster that didn’t stop for a break. Just as things with her future were finally clearing up, her relationship with Sam had taken a turn for the worse. They had become distant, hardly talking at all. They had begun to live their own lives separately, and somehow neither of the two seemed all that phased by it. They had grown out of each other, and there was hardly anything that they could do to salvage it. Deciding that even though things with Sam weren’t exactly panning out in the way she would have hoped for, she wasn’t about to let that happen with everyone she cared about. And what better place to start with than her family, right?

Her friendship with Puck had nearly come out of the blue, but she could hardly complain about it. She and Puck had a history that, to this day, still confused her. He was her first for a lot of things, and somehow you just can’t get over someone like that. However, they hadn’t talked much since things went down a bad road between them, but she was willing to do just about to smooth things out between them. That even included finally growing up a bit and realizing she had to make a move now or she would never have a chance to be a part of Beth’s life. So, she emailed Shelby. Truthfully, she had been planning on doing it for a while, but with a little encouragement and help from Puck, the words couldn’t stop coming. It was like a weight was being lifted off her shoulders, and somehow she knew it wouldn’t have been possible without him.

The nerves were eating at her stomach as she stood against the railing of the roof, her eyes flashing from building to building. Just the thought of even merely mentioning all this to him was enough to make her lean over and hurl. She jumped quickly at his voice, turning around with a small smirk on her face. “And risk not seeing everyone at graduation? You’ve got to be out of your mind, Puckerman.” She declared, her voice softening as she turned to look back at the lights. Chicago was a city of dreams. It was a city where she could put the past behind her. It was a place where she could officially turn a chapter into her future. It was a place where she could finally be brave. After a few moments of silence, Quinn’s voice spoke up softly. “I emailed her, you know. Shelby.” She sucked in a breath, nearly avoiding his eyes. “I told her everything. I told her about Yale and how hard I worked to get into there, I told her that I had made mistakes before and I was taking responsibility for them, and I told her how sorry I was.” She paused, her eyes lifting to his. “But mainly, I told her how happy I was that she had Beth and, well, you.” A soft sigh escaped her lips as she quietly muttered, “And jealous.”

NOAH PUCKERMAN:

Puck chucked under his breath as he heard her answer and saw the smirk on her face that went along with it. It helped to ease his mind somewhat as to what the whole thing was about. While he was still sure it was important like she’d said, at least it didn’t appear to be overly dark on top of it if she could joke around with him like she was. “Weren’t you going to be hiding in the corner with your tears and Kleenex? You won’t be able to see anyone anyway.” he teased back as he pulled his hands from his pockets and rested them against the railing as he looked out over the city. Puck knew Quinn well enough to not push on why she’d asked him to join her, but instead wait for her to get to it on her own. It wasn’t like he had anywhere else he wanted to be, and as he looked out at Chicago, he couldn’t help but to think it was another place on a long list of them that being a member of glee club had exposed him to. Nationals in New York City the year before had been followed by a summer full of places that he never in his life thought he would have seen. There was a lot of memories he knew he’d hold on to forever. It wasn’t just the places, but the people he’d gotten to see them with.

Hearing Quinn’s voice breaking through the silence, Puck took his eyes off the busy city and over to her instead. Remembering any of his time in high school or the summers in between without Quinn involved would have been impossible. Their paths had crossed and tangled so often, that he couldn’t think of one without the other. As she spoke, Puck kept his eyes on her, even as she looked anywhere but. It was obvious that it wasn’t an easy subject for her to talk about, and as he listened to every word, he couldn’t blame her for that. Having to apologize could be hard enough at times, but finding the courage to reach out to Shelby about Beth after everything had happened was something else entirely. Before he got a chance to tell her he was proud of her for the big step she’d made, she tossed in a curve ball.

A surprised look mixed with a touch of confusion reached his face when their eyes met and Quinn admitted how his name was brought up in it all. While they’d been on more friendly terms lately, there was always that part of him that wondered if it was because of him that she made the choices she did. While he could see now that Beth and Shelby were somehow just meant to be, and Quinn had definitely made the right choice, it was something he’d always wondered but never asked her. “Jealous?” he asked even though it wasn’t the most eloquent response, not that he imagined she was expecting one. “You mean that she’s raising Beth, right?” While it didn’t fit with her apology she’d sent as people didn’t usually apologize out of jealousy, it made more sense to him than her being jealous that Shelby had him. He couldn’t imagine she cared much about that part, not when she had Yale, Sam, and a million other things going on in her life.

QUINN FABRAY:

"And miss out on saying goodbye to everyone? I don't know if I'd be able to just sit back and hide." A couple years from now, when Quinn is settled down in a career and possibly a family, she will be able to look back onto her high school years with both happiness and regret. And, sure enough, Chicago would definitely be a place that marked a huge and significant change in her life. While the end of her junior year and most of her senior year revolved a whole great deal around Sam, that was hardly the case anymore. It was clear to the both of them that the relationship wasn't exactly going to hold strong during the time they were about to spend apart. Hell, they had barely spent much time (if any at all) together the past two months. They had grown apart, simple as that, and Quinn wasn't going to let it go on any longer than it had to. When it came down to it, the break up was fairly mutual, as both knew it had been headed for them a while now. They had agreed to keep it quiet until they returned from Chicago - both to keep themselves sane and keep the spirits of everyone else up.

"Yeah," Quinn admitted, her voice soft and distant, for a lack of better word. "I know it sounds out of character, but when you think about it, Shelby has everything going right for her, and you can't blame me for being jealous of that." It had been a long while since Quinn had talked about Shelby to someone, much less about Beth. Come to think of it, the last time she had honestly really talked about the two of them was to Puck, when she made a decision that would forever haunt her thoughts. "She's successful, she has a loving family, an amazing daughter, and you're always there with them." Running a finger along the length of her ring, Quinn let out a quick and quiet sigh. "I have this ... problem where I tend to think about what could have been if we did things differently."