I scream

never kill yourself. discovering music is literally endless. you know songs? they're always making new ones

do u think i can go for a run today or is that something only normal people are allowed to do

weird animals run all the time dude

im going to go for a scamper and scare everyone

being as i am an idiot, and having been one my whole life, i just wanna say that i find it very easy to do nothing, and go nowhere. i eat chocolate late at night in the dark. i stand in the garden also. and i’m often waiting for something to happen. and i’m stupid.

i had a dream i went to nintendo and they revealed to me that all this time the real pokemon designer was this Russian guy named Vladimir Pokemondesigner and i asked him why he named jigglypuff that and he said “is puff. is jiggly. are you a jokester?” and crushed my head like an empty soda can

*walking down main street sweeping my scythe back and forth in front of me* watch out bitch! watch out bitch! 

A long distance friend is a kind of dead wife

location sharing in modern relationships is so bizarre to me. like I get having find my iPhone on or whatever but if my S/O texts me some bullshit like “why is your location saying you’ve been at 337 South Front Street for 30 minutes?” I am considering them a hostile entity. we are no longer dating. you are like a slasher in a horror film to me now. you do not need to be up my ass like that. checking a loved one’s location should be a last resort if you can’t contact them and you have reason to worry. then again, I’m one of the few souls alive who refuses to turn on read receipts or text back in a timely manner. very much a call me if it’s important, be patient if it’s not kind of person.

new sex position were you dont touch at all. in fact one of you dies

15 seasons wasn’t enough they had more to tell me

masturbation is evil not for any puritan anti-fun reason but because it has permanently claimed so many verbs

nobody can crank anything anymore. and god forbid you jerk

turning off rbs at 75k btw so get your last reblogs in now

real yearners miss people BEFORE they're gone