queernessandlatkes

So, I know that there are a LOT of people here born around the year 2000 (a huge amount really), and there was a discussion on the discord that I wanted to clean up and get out here in the new decade.

Because adulting is hard, y’all, but sometimes it looks harder than it needs to be. So here are some bullet points from that discussion.:

Everyone is confused and terrified in their early twenties. It’ll settle in eventually.

Just don’t believe the hype of ‘these are the best days of your life and you need to do everything now and live to the fullest’. You’ve got time. Just breathe.

It’s normal to be overwhelmed, not know what you’re doing, not know where you want to go, have no idea who you even are.

I had plans for my life when I was a teenager. They were WRONG. Things will change. You will change.

Also, probably be ready for a nervous breakdown or a dozen. Your brain’s not finished baking and it will overload. It’s not the end of the world.

Also, NOBODY has their shit together at that age, even the people who look like they do. They just hide it better (or postpones the crisis until 30).

To use a school analog because friends or family telling you what you need to do often comes from the best places, but it still messes you up: One teacher giving an hour homework is manageable, and the teacher does it with good intentions, to make you learn better, and it will be useful in the future, and make everything easier then. BUT have four teachers in the same day think the same thing, and there’s four hours of your evening gone, and no time for friends or hobbies, and things keep piling up and turning overwhelming. A lot of people don’t think about that when it comes to life advice.

Every little thing just gets added to the NEED TO DO NOW pile, with no way to distinguish what actually needs to be done, and what would just be a handy thing to take care of now if you have the time and brain space.

ESPECIALLY since at that age people are still in the school mindset of “oh shit someone set me this task, I need to do it on time, because I am still a child inside my head and an adult is telling me to do something, and it needs to be done now"Real life is not school. The beauty of responsibility is that you also increasingly get the power to say NO.

Learn to say NO. It’s the most valuable life skill you’ll have in the future.

You will fail. We all do. It’s not the end of the world even if it feels like it is at the time.

Some years will just be pure hell. But years grow less important when you grow older. And you can walk out of hell with your soul intact, if nothing else.

You will drift apart from most of your friends once you’re not forced to spend every day with them in school. That’s okay. New ones will come in time.

Learn to say NO. Seriously.

Grades matter very little once you’re out of high school. If you are going for a degree, scraping by is good enough. Nobody will check what grades you had when you finished when you apply for a job, they’re just interested if you’re finished or not.

A half finished degree can still be very useful.

You don’t have to be out and proud about anything, it’s not a failure to want to be private about who you are to avoid hassle or just the annoyance of being perceived. There’s nothing wrong with hiding in the closet if that’s comfortable, just make sure you bring a blanket and a reading light (or a supportive online community). 

You do NOT need to love yourself to be loved. That’s bullshit.

You need to learn how to set your own obligations eventually. Draw your own lines. Make your own traditions. Don’t feel the need to uphold your family’s if you don’t agree with them.

You have no obligation to respect your family if they don’t respect you.

And finally, TAKE YOUR TIME. You can’t hurry growth. Your twenties will be a mess, just try to keep your head above the water in the meantime. That’s all you need to do.

You don’t have to defeat your demons, you just need to outlast them. Humans are pursuit predators, sometimes just keeping going one more day is the biggest power we have.

I used to wait tables at an upscale restaurant that was known to be the place to have your holiday or office parties. Great money if you got the right group. The menus were pre-set, the wine and liquor was pre-set, and it was all auto-grated at 18%. All of it was in the contract the host signed pre-event. Usually the host would make themselves known fairly early on so you would know who to talk to if there was an issue and who to give the check to at the end of the night.