All fucked up and I make it look good

@chaotic-carnifex

Blessed are the fires that have burned me. | It's hellpunk, you've probably never heard of it. | it/its fae/faer es/ihm | one whole entire adult queer | mostly void, partially masc, possibly proxvir | .de | Current alignment: chaotic lawful | Mood: 😶| Cringe culture is dead y'all | YKINMK, ship and let ship and for fuck's sake don't police queer people's identities. | blog title / first line of desc is from Birth of the Cruel by Slipknot

57.7K posts

Look, I made a carrd!

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One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

claypigeonpottery

mice playing in a coyote skull was 2nd in the poll. I’m glad I added the pink. might still touch up a few spots or maybe add some green wash over some parts. still undecided.

claypigeonpottery

there, I like that better. the mice stand out more

claypigeonpottery

sold

🐁🐁🐁🐁🐁!

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

Hooray! Yay! Dykes!

headspace-hotel

I'm not seeing any naked adults in that screenshot...

...There's something deeply messed up about how breasts, which are used by our species to feed babies, are considered to be so perverse and obscene that a child should never see them.

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Some ghoap AUs for flatwasher and pineapplemona! Thank you 🥊🎬

I'm going to be honest I think the notion that there is a clear-cut list delineating what is and isn't a romantic or platonic behavior that is universal to every culture, time and unique life experience is a complete load of shit.

chaotic-carnifex

No shit, half of y'all lose your damn minds when family peck each other on the lips 🙄

worst part of being an adult is how often youre forced to nag. you Have to be annoying or youre never getting anything done. which is unfortunate considering how common it is to teach kids to never nag and be annoying ever

lets make bad art together

i just realized that i forgot to put the word “make” in the image and i think thats fitting lets bad art together

mangled-by-disuse

genuinely curious pls respond

people always say that internet spaces are americanised because the users are majority americans.

and i do always wonder how much of that is "there are actually a majority of usamericans" and how much is "usamerican cultural markers are a default for many online spaces, and non usamericans are often indistinguishable from usamericans unless you're actively looking".

so here's an incredibly unscientific poll reblog for reach or whatever

where do you live?

in the usa

anywhere that is not the usa

Remaining time: 2 days 19 hours

no nuance. if you live in a usa territory/colony like puerto rico or guam or american samoa, go with your heart.

mangled-by-disuse

additional poll, what the hell:

is english your first/native language?

yes, english is the main language i grew up speaking

yes, but i also grew up speaking another language(s)/i'm bilingual

no, i learned english as a second or additional language

Remaining time: 2 days 19 hours

mangled-by-disuse

tags from @headpanemaniac:

#i am saying this every single time i see such polls but i am compelled to say it again#you are inevitably getting skewed results by even asking the question in english#i learned english as a second language but i feel comfortable enough in it to live in English-speaking internet as normal#there's many people i know who don't. and who will not interact with english posts as much because it takes effort#and your mind gets burnt out after focusing so much on foreign language content#not ideal for something you do in your free time#i know there's not much you can do about it#i just wanted this to be remembered

I don't have much to add to this (besides that I am one of the sad anglosphere people who is only fluent in one language - I used to be competently conversational in German but that's the highest I've ever got in any of the languages I've tried to learn, and I'm definitely not conversational in it now!), but you're absolutely right and it should be borne in mind.

also to remind people that i was being dead serious about "incredibly unscientific poll", there are massive methodological issues with every part of this poll that would make it completely unusable as a serious data source, and if i see anyone citing it as fact i will spray you in the face with a water bottle.

mangled-by-disuse

tags from @bigopenspaces:

#the language poll doesn't even have an option for non-English speakers#i think both Europeans and Americans have a great deal of privilege#so that their culture and especially the English language has been forced on the rest of the world#all to say that we must acknowledge Western-centrism when discussing American-centrism#polls

I didn't add a poll for non-English speakers because the polls themselves are in English, so it seemed fair to assume that most if not all people who interact with it would have at least some English.

like, you're not wrong, but putting "I don't speak English" in the second poll would have given an artificially low number of results in that category while implying it was accurate. looking at the current results it's easier to simply assume that people who don't speak English are fully unrepresented, and to mentally recategorise the results as "tumblr users who speak english"

(i have got to start adding methodological notes to polls like this from the beginning)

Translation programs exist. I use them sporadically when I interact with languages I'm not fluent in. They have the ability to translate entire pages or specific text.

mangled-by-disuse

I know, I've used them both personally and professionally. It's not that I think non-English-speakers are incapable of interacting with the post, just that I think that the additional barrier means it's less likely to circulate in non-English-speaking parts of Tumblr, so an "I don't speak English" option would probably come out looking depressingly low.

like I don't necessarily think this was the best methodological approach, and nobody should take these data as representative in the first place (bc this is a scratch poll not a well-designed survey), and you're absolutely right that Anglocentrism needs discussing just as much as America-centrism, but I also want to be clear that this wasn't "I didn't consider that non-English-speakers might exist on Tumblr" - whether or not to include "I don't speak English" was actually the part of this poll I spent the longest considering.

fwiw I think the lack of inclusion of non-English-speaking Tumblr probably goes some way to explaining the ~10% gap between the reported web traffic stats (45% USA) and this and similar polls (50-60% USA, usually), so I would suggest that around 8-9% of non-USA Tumblr is primarily non-English-speaking.

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mangled-by-disuse

genuinely curious pls respond

people always say that internet spaces are americanised because the users are majority americans.

and i do always wonder how much of that is "there are actually a majority of usamericans" and how much is "usamerican cultural markers are a default for many online spaces, and non usamericans are often indistinguishable from usamericans unless you're actively looking".

so here's an incredibly unscientific poll reblog for reach or whatever

where do you live?

in the usa

anywhere that is not the usa

Remaining time: 2 days 19 hours

no nuance. if you live in a usa territory/colony like puerto rico or guam or american samoa, go with your heart.

mangled-by-disuse

additional poll, what the hell:

is english your first/native language?

yes, english is the main language i grew up speaking

yes, but i also grew up speaking another language(s)/i'm bilingual

no, i learned english as a second or additional language

Remaining time: 2 days 19 hours

I will never shy away from the word goon. goon is the only way to describe a particular type of henchman, lackey, or thug. look at these guys. they're goons.

randomencounters

Encounter: skategoons

I feel like a lot of people engaging in torture are not treating their victims as if they could have blood borne pathogens 🤔

Is what my wife said apropo of nothing as we were silently drifting off to sleep

Uh oh

Is what she said when I immediately reached for my phone and opened Tumblr instead of responding

@everything-you-feel-is-real I know by tumblr tradition that I'm to say "impossible, my posts never blow up like that," or "please don't do this to me."

But I feel in my bones that you are right. If this is to be my wife's moment of glory, I am willing to suffer notification overload, that the world may know she is funny. #MyFunnyWife

No wisdom from me this week, I don't know WHAT MY ISSUE IS

ADHD Alien Graphic Novel & Stream here: https://linktr.ee/adhdalien

cottoncandylesbo

what the fuck

violently-puppy-deactivated2026

ohhhh you elfsturbating 😧😲

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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i deliver pizzas & sometimes funny things happen

The Blank Signature (1965) René Magritte, oil on canvas, 81 x 65 cm

All fucked up and I make it look good @chaotic-carnifex - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook