All fucked up and I make it look good

These very beautifully plated sand treats presented beside our home's sand box. Look at that. They've got leaves as garnish and all.

reblog from twilekgirlinhumanworld: “but for real tho they sluts literally just watched a jedi make out with high priestess on a balcony and now we all have the day off lmao”

reblog from vintage-speeder-aesthetic: “um yeah this just gave me severe psychic damage because the only jedi i know about is that ancient little green dude who apparently saved my grandparent’s neighbor’s best-friend one time so my parents have to point him out whenever they’re are on the news so thanks i hate this.”

reblog from lothcatskysong: “the robes are for easy access”

reblog from rodirodian: “jedi are literally armed unregulated enforcers of a corrupt government and if you want fetishize them to make yourself feel like you’re not living in a dystopia honestly that’s valid have a good day”

reblog from notadroid77: “ok so i just called a jedi outreach center and asked if jedi could be sluts or if that was illegal and there was a long pause and they sighed and said ‘is this about a shirtless nautolan? or an auburn haired human?’ and then i panicked and closed the commlink because i didn’t think i was talking to a real person so can confirm there are at least two jedi sluts and also unrelated does anyone have any suggestions for changing your identity so jedi can’t track you down”

reblog from mandomilkmaid: “wait there are jedi outreach centers”

reblog from mrsnailracing: “average jedi sleeps with 1000 beings a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average jedi sleeps with 0 beings per year. Red head human, who lives in pleasure palace & sleeps with over 10,000 beings per day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted”

reblog from fylk-moooons: “you know these are real people right? like these are actual sentient beings from an actual religious order that you’re talking about like they’re bad holofilm characters?”

reblog from princesssenatornerfherder: “@fylk-moooons thank you. ^this”

reblog from i-was-a-spaceship-once: “alrighty no one’s going to believe this but i SWEAR i live on coruscant and sometimes this one kiffar jedi stops in my shop (not telling you what shop because holonet creeps sorry) and he’s got a sense of humor and i finally worked up the courage to casually say ‘oh haha i learned abut jedi outreach centers in the weirdest way’ and he was like ‘oh really how?’ and i don’t know! i decided to risk it all!

and i showed him the thread and he burst out laughing, like there was a jedi laugh crying in my shop, people were staring, i was relieved at first but started getting nervous. eventually he stopped and LEGIT, swear to all the karking gods, this is what he told me: 

‘op is woke and also right, but some are really committed to the modest vibe because it’s unfortunately necessary for them to be treated seriously in the workplace. also if my friends didn’t want people to talk about them like bad holofilm characters then they shouldn’t act like bad holofilm characters so it’s fine. please tell um, ‘notadroid’ and ‘mrsnailracing’ that they just made my whole YEAR. also you can tell everyone that official jedi doctrine teaches that all sluts should be treated with respect and dignity, jedi or not.’ 

People commonly defend this practise with "But the audience isn't meant to understand!" or "It's inconsequential!", neither of which actually address a) their assumption that the [ideal Anglo] audience wouldn't understand, or, perhaps most crucially in the context of CCs, b) that this is a failure of accessibility. A hearing person who speaks that "foreign" language will know exactly what's being said. A deaf or HoH person – the people CCs are primarily intended for – who speaks or reads that language should therefore have the exact same opportunity to understand. It very much feels to me like an assumption that we deaf and HoH people couldn't possibly understand any language but English, so there's no point in getting those languages transcribed for us. I hope it goes without saying how profoundly audist that sentiment is.

There is also, I think, a profound misunderstanding or ignorance of Deaf culture at play. Which is to say, CCs in English-language media are written with not only the assumption that the audience will be native English speakers, but that all d/Deaf and HoH people speak English as their first language, so all other languages are as supposedly foreign to them as they are for hearing people. But sign languages are their own distinct language. BSL, ASL, ISL, AusLan, NZSL etc ≠ English (and are indeed different from one another), LIS ≠ Italian, JSL ≠ Japanese, and so on. So, if you follow the captioners' logic to its natural extreme, all non-signed dialogue is "foreign" to many d/Deaf and HoH people and should therefore be labelled [speaks foreign language] / [speaks English] / [speaks own language] / etc. – which is, obviously, a terrible idea that perfectly highlights all the biases implicit in closed captioning.

canon is what happens in the text. e.g. merlin tries to poison morgana

a headcanon is a fact that you have personally made up as an elaboration of canon. it is your invention. e.g. i think morgana and gwen had a teenage lesbian situationship before the events of canon. or, i think modern morgana would love evanesence.

an interpretation is how one reads the existing text. it is not an invented fact nor is it a headcanon, it is a reading. e.g. i think merlin tries to poison morgana out of misplaced self-hatred. or, i think that one line was delivered with suppressed malice and shows a nuanced relationship.

fanon is the general fandom’s accepted headcanons and interpretations that elaborate or recontextualize canon. e.g. merlin is a badass waif and morgana is a bitch.

* Word of God: The author made a remark about the work's lore that isn't in the book. Can generally be considered canon unless something in the text refutes it.

* Word of St. Paul: An editor or voice actor or actor has made a remark about the work or a character therein that they believe to be factual. Can also be considered canon unless contradicted by the text or Word of God.

* All There In The Manual: supplementary materials give information on the lore. This can fall under either of the above categories if a person relevant to those worked on them.

She begins by detailing the history of Ingen as a fledgling bioengineering company, with a lot of biographical information about John Hammond as the charismatic yet shady founder, complete with the anecdote about his genetically engineered dog-sized elephant ("While it may have wowed investors, Babar the elephant did not live very long, and allegedly suffered from numerous health disorders and a generally poor quality of life. Put a pin in that.")

After detailing the covered-up scandals about workplace "accidents" at the park, the youtuber goes into her own trip, which is notably disappointing, not dramatic. It starts well with her seeing the Brachiosaurs, complete with found-footage style reveal of them that hopefully manages to capture some of the majesty of their reveal in the original film, albeit from a very grounded "real person encountering big exotic animals" vibe.

But then we get to the tour of the park itself. The visitor center is half finished, with a big obvious tarp covering the wall from the reception area that hasn't been made yet. the hokey welcoming video is using scratch track music because they haven't sorted out the rights to the licensed music they want. The automated vehicles are buggy as hell - one of them snaps on the youtuber's thumb when she closes the door, bruising it terribly ("That's what you get when you partner with Tesla I guess. Spared no expense, I guess.")

The dilophosaurus is a no show. The T.rex is a no-show, even when they bring out a goat to lure it. ("Why feed it a live goat? I'm pretty sure most zoos don't feed live prey to the large carnivores both for their safety and ours. And a goat's barely more than a mouthful to a T.rex, isn't it? It's like they're not considering the animal welfare at all - put a pin in that.") The triceratops is sick. ("The veterinarian on hand, Gerry Harding, said this was a recurring problem. Apparently there was a plant in their enclosure that's toxic to them, but because the trikes haven't been spotted eating the plant, the park assumed it was alright to include because it's pretty? Anyway, it turned out that the plant's berries, which are also toxic, were being eaten by the trikes, and that's where their digestive problems came from. Spared no expense!")

Many of the other promised rides aren't in operation, and as she looks into it our youtuber protagonist learns that it's due to inability to manage the animal behavior (despite the staff trying to hide that this is the case). The aviary is closed because the cearadatyluses are wildly aggressive. The mosasaur lagoon is closed because they can't find a way for audiences to view the mosasaur up close that's remotely safe. The river ride is closed because the dilophosaurs SPIT VENOM! at people when they pass by. The velociraptors have been moved to an extremely tiny quarantine pen because of their vicious behavior ("Yeah, keeping predators that are built to run at cheetah speed in a tiny pen is going to do so much good for their behavioral issues. Spared no expense!").

On her last day she finally manages to see the Tyrannosaur in its exhibit ("Why did they put it in a paddock filled with thick foliage? It's a nine-ton carnivore, it needs a much more open space! This can't be comfortable for it - hell, I'm halfway convinced the reason it didn't show up the first two days is that it was struggling to find its way through all those goddamn trees!"). She takes note of its odd, toad-like eyes, and its near inability to capture the goat when it stands still, forcing it to roar loudly to make the goat squirm so it can finally eat. The youtuber then recalls a bit of information from the welcome video - "Remember when I said to put a pin on Frog DNA?" - and realizes that the dinosaurs's hybrid nature has severely compromised their basic biological functions, with T.rex, an animal with some of the best binocular vision in the fossil record, being hamstrung by having the vision problems of a toad. "This is a creature that should have eyes as sharp as a hawk's that's now almost functionally blind! Can you imagine how terrifying that must be for it?"

The video then turns into a takedown of Ingen's shoddy genetic engineering work, uncovering a great deal of infomation on the hybridization process and how it's negatively impacted the animals upon creation, and then focuses on how the park exacerbated this by its neglectful approach to protecting their livelihoods, caused by a mixture of stingy over-reliance on automation and a lack of actual experts on staff. "They hype these animals up as miracles of science, and yet they can't be bothered to put even a modicum of effort into considering their basic biological and behavioral needs! Spared no expense my ass!"