Having Trans Women+Femme Characters in a Game (when you arenât one)
(note: My intention was to publish this SO MUCH SOONER, but on a different publication, and that fell through, so I finally have the chance to make this post visible! Sorry it took much longer than I intended to get this out into the world).
In the game developer community, I've met so many amazing well-intentioned straight dudes. Whatâs interesting is that I talk with them about queer representation more than I do with my queer friends. A couple of times now, the same conversation has sprung up about having characters that aren't white or aren't cis or aren't some other ânormâ they default to. Often, they don't branch out or they pick the âneutralâ option because they're afraid of getting it wrong. I remember being in a game jam once (you make a game in 48 hours) where the writer on the team opted for a second person narrator to make the protagonist gender neutral. That was his response when I asked for a female protagonist (sigh). They don't want to misrepresent people so they avoid the dirty work of trying. I get that, it's hard work. Itâs something I struggle with too. Iâve been trying to help bridge that gap by making Queer Quest. It features a Latinx protagonist, bong-rips, nachos, a femme sex party and then some. But itâs also about how queer community responds to tragedy, what self care looks like, and how we navigate each other. I started making it in response to a protest that happened five years ago. There was a queer couple assaulted on a bridge in town, so the communityâs response was to stand across the same bridge and hold hands. Since then, Queer Quest has shifted and grown into its own message. One about queer visibility, especially in a world with such sparse representation in video games. But visibility for all queers is challenging, Iâm only one dyke who looks like a boy, I canât possibly know what itâs like to be every kind of queer. Since Iâve been a part of queer family since high school, I owe a lot of my personal growth to the community and this game is my way of giving back. Queer Quest has grown to a point where Iâve started crowdfunding to help get it developed so I can pay the contributors. Queer Quest has gained some attention, and with attention comes questions. Since starting to show my game to the world, I've had multiple folks ask about trans women + femme representation. I am not on the trans or femme spectrums. So I had a lot of work to do if I wanted to do things right. Conversation and Compensation I started meeting with trans women and non binary folks (five in total). We got drinks, pho, burritos, ramen and Iâd always start with something along the lines of âThank you for meeting up, Iâm going to be a nerd and have a list of questions and take notes because I have no idea how to have these conversations, and if I use crappy out-dated language let me know.â I did my best to compensate for the meals/drinks in exchange for the dialog, and I wish I could contribute more to the folks who consulted with me. But indie game developers are not exactly known for their wealth, and all I could afford (especially with our crowdfunding in limbo) was a meal as a âthank youâ. And holy shit I learned a lot. Half of the folks were friends I knew through the queer and tech communities, and the other half were folks I didnât know (who honestly gave me some of the best insights, I think partially because we didnât have any previous conversations to base this one off of). Hereâs what I learned. Start with whatâs been done. My opening question was about examples of good representation of trans women (or non binary folks) in the media. Most of the responses were books (Nevada, A Safe Girl to Love) and comic characters (Alysia Yeoh in Batgirl, Claire in Questionable Content). Sense8 came up a few times across conversations too. Non binary representation was a lot harder, one person I spoke to, Jude Perez, an artist, brought up that as a non binary person who was perceived as a cis woman, they never saw someone like them in the media. I couldnât think of any either (Iâm sure thereâs⌠one? Somewhere?). We also talked about bad representation too, but it was gross and Iâd rather not. Show what youâve got. I showed everyone the sketches of the characters and talked about their puzzles and who they were. The first key takeaway was to have honest and interesting, flawed characters. It became obvious pretty quickly that having two trans women characters in the game was important because just having one limited a lot of perspective, and ran the risk of looking âtokenâ. I had one planned trans woman in the game, and one character who was a general badass and would make for a more badass trans woman. I felt a little weird deciding a characterâs gender after the initial creation, but these characters were still early enough in development to re-evaluate (the second character transitioned later in life, sort of like in her character creation). One of the women I talked to, Brook Shelley- a writer and podcaster I knew through tech work, suggested I make the two characters talk to each other. She brought up the topside test, which is: are there two trans characters talking about something other than being trans? When I play video games I donât think a lot about the character creation process. I lucked out when a friend introduced me to Lauren Voswinkel because sheâs a DM and incredible at character creation. She asked me how old the characters were when they transitioned. I hadnât thought about that at the time. It seems so obvious in hindsight. We talked about one of the characters, who works a lot of jobs around town (coffee shop, brunch place, etc) and how that could play into commentary about how a lot of trans women are overqualified for positions but get turned down for being trans. So in the instance of this character, she may have had a great job in the past, then lost it when she started to transition, and is now working in the food industry instead of where sheâd rather be. We also talked about the backhanded compliment, like the âyouâre so pretty I wouldâve never guessed you were transâ (Ugh). I donât want my sweet protagonist (Lupe) saying anything so rude, but Lauren brought up that a lot of folks donât recognize statements like that as rude, and showing it in a game is a great way to teach people to listen to themselves. I still have a lot to navigate. Ask questions. Queer Quest is dialog-heavy, itâs the main method of learning about characters and getting things done. So, I asked what kind of dialog folks wanted to see trans characters talk about. Mundane things were top of the list, obviously itâs character-depending. Alfie Padilla, a game developer who ran in similar circles as me though weâd never talked until this subject, had some good insight. She brought up that a lot of queer folks talk about really intense topics in a mundane or even funny tone, and how that helps with coping. Brook brought up that itâs important to see trans women as agents of their own sexuality. Keep having these conversations. So now I have a million notes and shows to watch and comics to read and characters to explore. Luckily, the first woman I spoke with, Seanna Musgrave whoâs a game developer in the VR scene, reminded me that not everyone will be happy with every character. I can try to do everything right and still get some of it wrong. So long as Iâm trying, and Iâm trying to do it right. And while these are the first conversations Iâve had about specific representation in Queer Quest, they are far from the last. Trans femme representation is just the tip of the queer iceberg. The game has a lot of characters from various shades of gender and sexuality and backgrounds. I canât believe how much the first few conversations have taught me, Iâm amped to see whatâs in store. Sure, Iâm a queer person, but that doesnât mean I know what another queer personâs experiences are like. Same applies to the well intended straight dudes in the game developing community. This shouldn't be seen as scary work, it's invigorating. These conversations helped me really think about who is in my game and what they are doing there. Itâs worth the time and the effort, but you have to be willing to try. I want Queer Quest to show the whole damn queer iceberg. This game will help clear the path for other queer representation in gaming. I want more queers, trans women, everyone in the family to see games made by queers and know that itâs possible and worth doing. Weâre at the start of this beautiful blank canvas of what queerness in games can be, and Iâm so excited to see what comes from it. This is your chance to help paint that canvas. Show Queer Quest some love and support by checking us out on Patreon.
