JCz

Guess who's back, back again~

For most of my life I have been the "bad guy" in other people's narratives. I'm tired of that title. Do any of you realize how exhausting it is? To be looked at constantly as a "morally inept" person when you aren't? To constantly be fighting this invisible stigma and trying to always prove you are a good person? I've been mentally sick the majority of my life and have only finally come to a point where I feel I'm consciously living it in a healthy manner. I'm not saying this as an excuse for any of my bad behavior. I look back at myself and I grow ashamed. I know I've done some messed up things, but has anyone ever taken the time to wonder why? Why I may have acted out? My father passed away when I was a freshmen at 15. My mother was so distraught, I had no actual adult to turn to for help. I was left to defend and take care of myself when I had no clue how to. My friends slowly dissappeared around me because of my behavior while trying to deal with my fathers passing. No one could sympathize, let alone empathize with what I was going through. I dropped out of highschool because people actually made fun of me for "going crazy because my dad died". I was alienated because of my struggle. This leads me to the point I'm trying to make. So many of us hold the mental health flag and wave it and say "I'm here for anyone who has a mental illness", but then we are selective about who we want to help and we push away the ones we don't understand or the ones we feel aren't actually "worthy" of our help. We don't take the time to wonder why someone maybe acts the way they do, we don't consider what made a person do this or that. What I'm trying to say is maybe we should all be a bit more understanding and willing to hear someone's side or story before we hop on the assumption train. The assumption that they're a "bad person", or "morally inept", or even "crazy". We are all human and we all make mistakes and it astounds me how selective others can be with their understanding. You really don't know what someone has or is going through until you know. So lets all be a little kinder, even to the people we originally feel don't deserve it. You really don't know the difference you can make in someones life by showing them just that little bit of understanding.

Hi hello how are we all surviving quarantine?

Get ready for a dump of all my Vegas pics/vids.

Flew to Vegas last night got sick on the plane then today I drove down the strip and went to my first medicinal dispensary got to go on a walking adventure with my boyfriend and bask in all the beautiful palm trees my head and heart are so overwhelmed and full it's been a great start to our vacation.