Behind Closed Doors- Chapter Four
A/n: Chapter four is finally out!! Remember, this has themes of abuse so please donât if you are sensitive to this topic!!!
Warnings: Mentions of abuse, swearing, mentions of blood, and death. This chapter can hit hard for some people so Iâm warning you guys to read casually if you donât deal well with topics of abuse. Â
IMPORTANT THINGS: Your last name is Barlowe (Bar-Low) because it sounds cool. Itâs now more of the start of the winter of your third year because I changed my mind. The reader is a Hufflepuff for the sake of my tropes, but if youâd like to change it go ahead! I would suggest just not being a Slytherin because than the tropes wouldnât make too much sense. Enjoy!!!
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You sat in a desolate space outside of the castle's walls. The darkness engulfed you in a warm and somewhat comforting hug as you sat and thought about everything. You had vowed with yourself that you would make yourself hate Draco Malfoy for the sake of your brothers, that you would do anything to make yourself lose the intense feelings you had for the blonde. But you just couldnât make yourself hate him no matter how hard you tried, no matter how many times he insulted your brothers or how many times he made you feel insignificant.Â
You listened to the sweet sounds of the babbling brook, the birds slightly singing and the rest of the sweet sounds of nature as you took it all in, you were truly alone, but you did not mind it. You enjoyed being alone. It gave you time to actually sit down and think without going crazy because of your brothers, or should you say brother.
The wind grew colder and you felt a presence sit next to you in the grass. You looked over to your side and you saw the blonde head of hair you were so infatuated with. You didnât say anything, you felt at peace with him. You didnât feel like you had to hide anything, you didnât feel like you needed to run. You just felt like you needed to sit with him, and be with him. And damn did it feel good to not worry about it for once.Â
You felt your hand crawl towards Dracoâs. No words were spoken, but you felt at home, and more importantly at peace. Dracoâs hand felt warm against your cold ones. And you looked at him and admired his features. You saw him smile and look at you, and yet, still no words were exchanged between you too. You felt your heart skip a beat as you saw him moving closer to you. You leaned in yourself and you felt your lips linger in place for a second before finally meeting.Â
You grabbed his face, and you deepened the kiss. You felt Dracoâs hands run down your hips, and push you to the ground. He was hovering on top of you as he held your face in one hand, and your hip in the other. Your lips moved in sync and you felt the warmth in your stomach grow.Â
You wrapped your arms around his neck, and for once you felt so at peace. You had longed to kiss Draco, and it felt like heaven. You never wanted it to end. Until it did.Â
You felt ice cold water being splashed on your face causing you to wake up suddenly from your peaceful dream.Â
âWHAT DID I TELL YOU TWO? YOU LEAVE HER ALONE WHILE SHEâS TRYING TO SLEEP, SHE NEEDS TO RECOVER!â Madam Pomfrey yelled. Her voice rang in your eyes and caused you to flinch at the sudden booming effect coming from her.Â
Your head throbbed and your throat felt very dry, you were still trying to get over your unrealistic dream, so the combination of loud yelling, head throbbing, and sudden cold water being drenched on your face didnât help at all. You looked around the white room, eyes still adjusting to the sudden brightness of it that you hadnât acknowledged your brothers standing side by side of your bed.Â
âY/n? Are you okay?â Calum asked calmly. Calum was always gentle, he knew and when not to be extravagant and at thighs time, he was choosing to be more soft spoken than Bennett was.Â
âOH FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU SCARED ME!â Bennett, who looked as if he had been crying, threw the cup from his hands and grabbed you by your aching shoulders. âARE YOU OKAY?â He, once again, screamed.Â
You pushed your brother away, mumbling quietly about your head throbbing before laying back down on the bed.Â
âI feel like shit.â Was all you said, but your brothers mustâve understood.Â
âLanguage Mrs.Barlowe. But, Itâs expected that no one feels great when getting hit in the temple by a bludger. But, recovery should only take at most two days.â Madam Pomfrey paused before she mixed the liquid in her hand and handed it to you. âThis is a painkiller. Take it and sit for about an hour. Iâll release you when I feel comfortable in your ability to function.â She smiled at you as she watched you drink it.Â
It tasted like swamp water, but you didnât complain. You took it in hopes that your blinding headache would subside.Â
âNow, when I release you, you come straight back to me if youâre feeling any type of symptom. Nausea, headaches, fatigue, anything thatâs out of the normal for you, Okay dear?â She added. You smiled at her and nodded, handing her the glass vile back carefully and watching as she walked away from you.Â
âSo, is your headache really that bad?â Calum asked, you groaned dramatically and looked over at him.Â
âYes it is. It feels like someone is taking a spiked bat to my cranium every five seconds.â Bennet laughed at this, while Calum looked at you apologetically. âWho threw that bloody Bludger anyways?â You asked, Bennet stopped laughing and looked at Calum.Â
âDid you see who did it?â Bennett asked, Calum shook his head.
âYouâve been out for a day or so, I was really worried about you.â You smiled at Calum and weakly punched his shoulder.Â
âYou gonna be at quidditch practice tomorrow?â Bennett asked. You knew he probably meant it to be a joke, but yet you still rolled your eyes and stuck your tongue out at him, him doing the same.
âNo she is not, but as of right now, what matters more is you getting rest. Come on Ben, we have potions soon anyways.â Calum kissed your forehead lightly before grabbing his books and getting up to leave. You examined him carefully, watching as his demeanor changed as he got up to leave. You could sense that something was wrong, that something was bothering him or as if he wanted to say something, but Calum held his tongue like he always did and he smiled at you. âI promise Iâll get you all the homework for our classes later okay?â You nodded and reached up to give him a hug, he smiled and reached down to you, hugging you tightly. The smell of lavender hit you as you inhaled his scent.Â
âLove you too Y/n/n. Come on Bennett.â Was the last thing Calum said before he walked away from your bed, not forgetting to give Mrs.Pomfrey a âThank Youâ before leaving.Â
âYeah whatever Iâm coming.â Bennett turned to you and sat down. You looked at him in confusion, but remembered that Bennett had a history of being late to class, and nor did he particularly care.Â
âListen, Y/n,â Bennett stopped, trying to form the words correctly. Bennett was never the most well-spoken person, but, if you let him think, he would say things that would baffle even Dumbledore himself. âYouâre my sister. Youâre also my best friend so that's why I feel like I have the right to say this.âÂ
âI donât like that you like Malfoy.â Oh. âI donât like it at all. He's a horrible person Y/n. Youâre allowed to like who you like but I wonât let you like him.âÂ
You felt your throat start to become even dryer than it was before. You looked down at your hands, avoiding eye contact with him as if it was going to make him disappear. You knew it was going to come down to this, as much as you tried to deny your feelings or shove them so far inside you that nobody could see them, Bennett and Calum always saw right through you. You were like an open book to them, there was nothing about you that they didnât know.Â
âIâm not gonna do anything to stop you I guess. I hate that you like him. But it comes down to a decision.â Bennett paused looking at you with the most serious face you have ever seen him have.Â
âItâs either us, or it's him.â Was all he said before picking up his books and leaving. He didnât say anything more, nor did he even spare you a glance as he walked out from the hospital wing. The obvious decision was your brothers, I mean, why wouldnât it be, right?
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Bennett walked out of the Hospital wing with a heavy heart. He hated making you choose between your brothers or Draco, but he knew that he had to one day. Bennett was so lost in his thoughts that he didnât see the shorter figure of a girl walking in front of him.Â
In an instant he crashed into a smaller girl. Her brown hair, messy as always, flew back along with the rest of her body as she started falling backward at the sudden collision. Luckily, Bennett caught her just in time before she fell. He grabbed her hand and pulled her up to his chest as an attempt to save her from falling.Â
He stared into her bright brown eyes and smiled sheepishly before quickly pulling himself back together. He pulled away from her, picking up her books for her before picking up his own.Â
He studied her face and saw her pale complexion, complemented by the light ring of blush on her cheeks.Â
âIâm so sorry I didnât mean to.â He apologized. The girl looked up at him and blushed even more, she smiled and took her books from his hand.
âItâs fine, don't worry about it.â She said, before she walked away Bennett grabbed her by her arm and looked her in her eye.Â
âHermione, come on we gotta go!â Harry yelled from a distance. Hermione looked back at Bennett and smiled once more before running off to meet with Harry.Â
âHermione.â he whispered to himself before he tightened his grips on his books and strutted off to class.Â
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You stared at the blank ceiling above you, counting the cracks being the only thing that was keeping you occupied. You thought to yourself, random thoughts that had no substance. Like,
Homework, what's for lunch, Draco, How was Bennett and Calum doing, Draco, quidditch practice, oh and did I mention Draco?
You groaned as your thoughts consumed you, not being able to distract yourself from Draco. Nothing helped you, and you could never go six seconds without thinking about him. And instead of being filled with the usual fuzzy feelings of liking someone, you were filled with the feelings of guilt and insolence. Your brother had made it clear that by choosing Draco you would be disappointing him, and, worse, choosing a boy over your own family.Â
You were adamant about staying all day in that crunchy and extremely uncomfortable hospital bed, but you heard the giant doors of the wing open and close, a small conversion, and then steps towards your bed.Â
âBarlowe.â The voice said. You looked up and immediately felt a cold rush of wind fall in front of you. You saw Draco, his hair sticking to his face with sweat beads coming from his forehead. His quidditch sweater hugged his body in all the right ways that made your brain go fuzzy. His eyes, which seemed to be glazed over, while they scanned your body.Â
âWhat could you possibly want, Malfoy?â You asked, you felt like you knew the answer to your so obvious question, but you felt in the mood to poke and prod at someone
âIâm here to see you, isnât it obvious.â He responded sarcastically. You rolled your eyes and sat up straighter, looking up into his gray eyes. âAnd I came to take you out on a walk. Madam Pomfrey said you should get a little air.Â
âIâm not going on a walk with you.âÂ
âBecause I canât control myself around you.âÂ
The words flew from your mouth before you could snatch them back and gulp them back down. You stared at Draco, expecting some type of cocky reaction to come from him, and of course you expected right. You saw his shoulders straighten along with his posture, his eyes found a little more light and you sighed to yourself as you saw the effects of your words take place.Â
âMost girls canât love.âÂ
âWhatever Malfoy, let's hurry this shit up.âÂ
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You breathed in the fresh air as you walked outside. The winter air hitting your face like a brick, but it somehow gave you comfort. You walked, the yellow and black scarf wrapped around your neck tightly.Â
Draco stared at you and he swore he saw the snowflakes stop, the wind slowed down and it was like a mental picture for him. He looked at your reddened cheeks from the cold, your smile as you walked alongside him, and how you held your hands closely to your chest.Â
Draco smiled as he walked with you. He reached forward and grabbed a piece of your hair, placing it neatly behind your ear. He watched as your shoulders tensed and your cheeks get redder.Â
âDonât do that.â You said, pushing his hand away and putting on the meanest look you could. But, deep inside, your heart skipped a beat and you jumped for joy. Your brain gave you a mental smack, as you reminded yourself that Draco has probably done this with ten other girls if not a lot more.Â
âWhy not? Because you canât control yourself around me?â Draco mocked. You pulled the fakest laugh you could and swatted his shoulder. Draco pretended to be hurt, fake crying and shortly after laughing. You rolled your eyes, and looked around to find a place to sit.Â
âThere. Let's sit down for a moment.â You said, you didnât wait for Draco, you just walked yourself over and sat down on the bench. Draco followed soon after, taking a seat a little too close to you, but you didnât verbally complain.Â
Draco and you sat in awkward silence for a couple minutes, watching as the snow fell from the sky and landed softly on the ground. You were alright with just sitting in silence before being whisked off to your dorm room for some mandatory rest, per Mrs.Pomfreyâs request. But, Draco had other plans.
âCan I ask you something?â
âOkay well Iâm going to anyways,â Draco faced you, looking at you with those gray eyes that made you melt almost every time. âWhy do you feel nervous talking about your dad? And why do your brothers get into physical fights every time they get compared to him? I know heâs in Azkaban but what did he do?âÂ
You sighed. It was always a hard topic, your father that is. You had no problem telling select few people about it, people that you truly trusted. So you had no idea why you started to tell Draco.
âWell, to start he was never there. I canât remember one birthday when he was actually there. He would always show up the next day with a pair of socks for each one of my siblings. He always got them mixed up, especially me Bennett and Calumâs. But, one day, me, Bennett and Calum came home from a sports practice, and my mother was on the floor. My oldest sister was crying, she had blood on her head and my younger brother was nowhere to be found. When we calmed my sister down and asked her what happened, all she said was that âdad snappedâ. I donât know why he did but he did. He abused us for a while, before my mom finally had enough and she sneaked all of us out in the middle of the night and we took the first flight to England.â
Draco stayed quiet, the story was a lot to process for anyone, and you knew you shouldnât have spilled all of this to him, but you felt like you could trust him oddly.Â
âYour younger brother, what happened to him?â He asked. You smiled sadly to yourself as you felt tears weld up in your eyes.
âHis name was Ryder. He was only about seven or eight. Right now I think he would be around eleven or twelve. But, Ryder just, he ran away. And I never saw him again, none of us did. Heâs just gone. Mom and Celia, my older sister, assume heâs dead. But, I think heâs alive somewhere.â
Draco nodded, all he could do was nod, and itâs not like you expected him to say anything. But you felt good saying it, and he didnât do the whole âif you ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to meâ mantra. Instead, he just nodded and looked ahead of him.Â
You too sat in silence for another five minutes. You felt your hands start to freeze, so you got up and you started to walk away. Not before you heard Draco abruptly get up from his seat and grab your hand, turning you around to face him. You looked at him in confusion for a second before he pulled you closer to him.Â
Your lips collide. In real life this time, and even if this wasnât a dream, it felt like one. The way his lips felt on yours made your heart stop, and you felt yourself deepening the kiss, placing your hands on his arms and holding them as a way to secure your position. His hands found their way to the sides of your face. Your lips moved in sync as the snow fell at the sides of the two of you. You felt warm, and he felt fuzzy. Draco pulled away for a second and looked in your eyes.Â
âYou donât know how long Iâve been wanting to do that.â He laughed. You smiled and went for another kiss, but Draco pulled away. âYouâll get another kiss, if you promise me youâll go on a date with me this weekend?â You nodded, eagerly wanting to reconnect your lips. Draco mouthed something before he reconnected your lips. Your lips danced one last time before you pulled away.Â
âI guess Iâll see you on Saturday?âÂ
âYeah, Saturday.â Was all he said while you walked away. Draco smiled widely to himself as he watched you walk away. He couldnât deny that he was excited, he mentally planned the whole day in his head as he walked back to the Slytherin common room. And you cursed at yourself. How could you possibly be discreet about a date with Draco? You didnât know how you would do it but you convinced yourself that you would.