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Everyone has their fearsâŚ
Starting from the simple, silly, unexpected
Until⌠the most life-threatening
Each person has a guardian angel of eachâŚ
Visible, the stealth, which exists when certain times
Even that made cry
Strange. I never thought of having a guardian angel looks like. I mean, think. As a coincidence, it always comes when I have trouble, when I was in danger, and when I 'make' the danger was coming for me. Guardian Angel, it is not unusual that you're supposed to say in the 21st century. Ridiculous, it sounds really silly.
I cursed myself could never erase the shadows even thousands of times I've cried, "I hate it!"
Huh⌠Well. Yeah, honestly, I was never able to really hate it. He has helped me a lot, believe me he's already made up when complimented with sweet, she just laughs when I'm angry at him, he made me cry, make me slumped but help me up again, he's⌠he's⌠I'll be so many things about it that sucks but me looked up at any time.
Then⌠I started lying to my own feelings. You-know-that? Every time my friend asked, "Cho Kyuhyun You like it?"
I shook my head and went on to say, "Nothing. He's a bitch. "
Kyuhyun hates chocolate. However, she once gave me a box of chocolates. As usual, forcing me to eat it. I said, "I do not want to, not hungry, and chocolate can make me fat."
But, he first bite and give half to me. I just looked at the chocolate without interest to open my mouth and eat it. Then, left without saying a word.
---
The next day, I heard Kyuhyun got stomachaceâŚ
---
Love is like a candle in the darkness, lighting you as always as 'it' can be. You'll know a lot of love the simple yet extraordinary significance. Like when Harry Potter cast a spell Lumos, surrounding the light changed. Like when Kyuhyun say 'saranghae' to me, it feels as if plucked out of your world and stood dumb in the all-white.
I never said 'na-do saranghae' and Kyuhyun also never asked for the answer. But he always called me 'chagi ". Only occasionally does. I started lying again. I pretended to pout, clucking upset, but my heart was pounding abysmally.
---
"Yak! Why did not you wait for me like usual?! Why did you go home? Why did you not into the cafeteria? "He asked.
I closed my ears, trying not to listen. Whatever. I'm annoyed at him. Each child 'disturb' me all day. Of course, since Kyuhyun called 'chagi'. I tried to avoid it. And he tried to catch me.
Kyuhyun always managed to stop. Always, with his right hand grip my wrist. Then his left hand on my shoulder. Always like that.
"I'm not waiting for you. I was never expecting it, "I said curtly.
"Ish, come chagi. Are you mad huh? "
"HYA! Stop calling me as 'chagi'! "
"That's because I like you. The period must not call chagi? "She protested. Ck! As a small child!
"You're not my boyfriend!" I said, and puts stress on the word 'not'.
"Then make me your boyfriend."
"Ish! Pabo! "
"Arguably Pabo also does nothing. As long as you want to make me your girlfriend. "
"HYA! Cho Kyuhyun! " I yelled frustated.
"What? I'm in front of you. Why must yelled? "
"Ish! Stop bothering me. I'm not like you, " I said.
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow. I know, it's the 'doesn't believe' expression. "Do not lie," he said.
Both my brow furrowed. Yeah, he's right. I was being lied to. But, I'm not sure. What is just a taste of love when he saw it? Like as it continues to protect me? Or a sense of awe? Or a sense of need? Or really love?
Kyuhyun thrust his face and a second later⌠he grabbed my first kiss. I froze in shock. Between happy, angry, and scared. I'm happy because it's Cho Kyuhyun, I'm upset because he did it without permission, I was scared because I had lied to my feelings a few minutes ago⌠and he knew.
Kyuhyun let go of the kiss. I looked down. Staring at the end of the shoe. There is a flood of feelings that I do not know what it is, feels like exploded, and channeled through tears. Kyuhyun grabbed my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. There is a soothing glow in there, but it makes me scared, still scared.
"It was a penalty of lies," he whispered lightly.
"Yes, yes, I lied," I admitted.
"Well, do not cry."
"Pabo! Pabo Kyuhyun! "
"But you're happy right?"
I said nothing. Still sobbing. He laughed, laughed heartily. As if no load. As for me, for some reason instead of fear.
---
That was the story when I was in high schoolâŚ
Five years agoâŚ
This is a story that occurs at this time⌠The truth is in front of me. Which made me limp, looks so fragile, and too tired to open my eyes. Why the tears that kept flowing.
Bitch is⌠when you see the person you love lying on the bed a place called 'Hospital'. With a distinct smell like Can Can.
"Hello, Namja Pabo. You still do not get up too, heum "I asked to hear the tone vibrate.
Kyuhyun opened his eyes. I knew he was awake the whole time. "I'm not stupid! Strange yeoja, "she said.
I laughed, but my tears fall. Crying again. Again, and harder. I covered my face with my hands. "Do not look at me. Ugly when I'm crying, "I said as he sobbed.
"Yes, all right. But not for long. If you cry, shrill voice also changed. It could even damage the ears later, "he joked.
I quickly wiped my tears, stopped crying, and looked at him wistfully. I'm scared. I was scared when she left. I'm afraid there are no more people who cheer me up, gave me motivation, made me fall but help me up, compliment, and made me hold my head high as Cho Kyuhyun.
"I'm not going to go away," he said softly.
"What?"
"I'm going to recover anyway. Believe? "
"Yes."
Kyuhyun laughed heartily. Even in this state, he can still laugh. As claimed five years ago after my first kiss.
Love exists in a limbo, in denial, and the uncertainty.
ä¸ä¸ĺŞćĺŚĺŚĺĽ˝ a Luhan fanfic, in Indonesian, originally posted on 2013.04.27. Inspired by Knite, an interactive comic flash on deviantART by yuumei, visit http://yuumei.deviantart.com to read.
Shi Shang Zhi You Mama Hao (Mama is the Best in the World) is another Chinese Childrenâs song which a rather controversial that most people do not sing anymore. It was written to scare children into being more grateful to their mother, but it failed to consider those who truly do not have a mother.
ä¸ä¸ĺŞćĺŚĺŚĺĽ˝, starts here.
In this world, Mama is the best
A child with a mother is like a jewel
Luhan menyusuri jalanan malam dengan lunglai. Langkahya tersaruk-saruk memecah heningnya senin malam pada penghujung bulan Januari yang sebelumnya penuh keriuhan diawal tahunnya. Segala macam hal berkelebat di benaknya.
Tentang kembang api.
Tentang kegembiraan.
Tentang jatuh.
Tentang terpuruk.
Tentang hal-hal yang tidak ingin ia pertahankan lagi.
Tentang keluarga. Teman. Ayahnya. Ibunya. Ibunya. Ibunya.
Luhan menghentikan langkahnya. Ada sebuah bayangan yang sedang tak dikehendakinya untuk saat ini, singgah lantas memaksanya mengingat keseluruhannya.
Ia tak mau mengingatnya. Perempuan yang dulu ia panggil sebagai âMamaâ. Ia tidak ingin membiarkan perasaan sesak dan rindu melingkupinya lagi. Untuk kali ini, ia ingin egonya bertahta sempurna. Menutupi segala pecahan dan kerapuhan dari perasaan âkehilanganâ.
Dive into Mamaâs embrace
Happiness is boundless
Tidak. Dia tidak pernah sebelumnya menemukan sebuah tempat yang membuatnya terlihat begitu baik dan buruk dalam waktu yang bersamaan. Ketika pelukan dan senyuman melambangkan kebaikannya, lalu ketika sarkasme dan berjuta keinginan menjadikannya tak lebih dari manusia yang nampak tak berguna.
Hanya pada tempat seorang Mama, Luhan merasakannya. Menjadi berguna dan tidak berguna. Dibentuk dan diretakkan. Ketika semua meneriakkan tentang âberterima kasihâ, lalu dia sendiri meneriakkan âuntuk apa lagiâ, sehingga semuanya berubah semakin tidak berarti.
Ada banyak percakapan di kepalanya tentang hari itu. Ketika seorang perempuan yang dulu pernah Luhan sebut sebagai ibunya dan ia panggil âMamaâ dengan setulus hatinya, pergi tanpa kecupan singkat di antara lelapnya, tanpa sepatah kata yang mengiringi langkahnya.
Hanya ketukan ujung-ujung sepatunya yang menyampaikan... bahwa Mama bukan âMamaâ lagi. Mama pergi, dengan membawa apa yang bisa Mama bawa. Tak terkecuali rasa percaya.
Rasa percaya. Yang sekarang tidak Luhan punyai lagi.
Without Mama is the worst
A motherless child is like a blade of grass
Luhan menunduk dalam. Hening benar-benar melingkupi malamnya. Bintang-bintang yang ketika ia masih kecil biasa ia lihat menemani malam-malamnya telah kalah sinarnya oleh cahaya kota. Jadi, bagaimana lagi ia harus mencari cahayanya?
Tidak ada lagi Mama. Tidak ada lagi cahaya yang dulu diagungkannya. Tidak lagi ada kata terima kasih. Tidak lagi ada penghargaan atas semua belaian kasih sayang yang lalu.
Hanya cahaya matahari yang tiap pagi memberinya pelukan hangat, sedangkan siangnya bersinar terik dan tak jarang membuat kerongkongannya menggumamkan dahaga. Lalu ketika malam mulai turun, dan matahari dipasung pada suatu tempat entah untuknya melihat, ia sering melihat bulan bersemayam tanpa bintang. Lalu mengertilah ia bahwa hanya cahaya kota yang ada.
Matahari... dan cahaya kota yang kini membimbingnya, menuntunnya ke rumah yang tak pernah nyata. Jalanan. Panasnya hari dan dinginnya malam, hanya 'mereka' yang tersisa untuk memeluknya, walau tak seramah perempuan yang dulu ia sebut Mama.
Setidaknya, itulah cahaya-cahaya pembimbingnya, yang ia punya.
Away from Mamaâs embrace,
where can happiness be found?
Luhan menghela napas dalam. Dirasanya segala masalah dan beban pikirannya berjejalan dan menyesaki dadanya, bahkan ketika ia menghembuskan napas, sesak itu masih ada.
Ada sesuatu yang hilang dan ada juga yang tak mau hilang.
Luhan kembali melangkahkan kakinya, masih tersaruk-saruk, ia mencoba menyusuri malam hingga matahari dilepaskan dari pasungannya di pagi hari.
Luhan berjalan dan terus berjalan.
Tapi, akan sampai kapan?
Entah. Sampai egonya tak lagi ia harapkan bertahta.
Luhan terjatuh. Ia benar terjatuh. Bahunya bergetar dan cairan bening mengaliri kedua belah pipinya. Iya, ada sesuatu yang hilang dan baru kini hal itu teramat disadarinya.
Entah baginya... ia harus ucapkan terima kasih, atau mengutuk perempuan mulia yang ia panggil Mama dengan tulusnya.
Only mommy is the best in the world.
When children has a mommy, they feels treasured.
When they gets into mommy's arms,
there is endless happiness to enjoy.
When children does not have a mommy,
they're the most worried and anxious.
A child without a mommy is like a weed.
Away from mommyâs arms,
where can they find happiness?
Aku ingin mencintaimu secara sederhana. Tidak mau bergelayut manja dan minta segala apa. Aku cuma mau kamu tersenyum bahagia. Bukannya merutuki manjaku atas permintaanku yang jika kuungkap, kurasa tak akan ada habisnya.
Aku ingin mencintaimu secara sempurna! Seperti awan yang membiarkan dirinya sendiri lenyap untuk mengaliri kelokan sungai di bumi yang ia sayangi. Layaknya pangeran dan putri dalam dongeng yang pernah kudengar ketika waktu tidur menjelang. Atau Romeo dan Juliette, serta kisah cinta romantis lainnya.
Aku tidak peduli jika mencintaimu sama saja dengan hidup secara klise. Aku tidak peduli jika tak ada angin segar dalam kisah kita. Aku sungguh tidak peduli jika orang lain berpikir demikian. Karena bagiku, menurutku, tidak akan pernah ada yang namanya kisah cinta itu sama.
Aku ingin mencintaimu sepenuhnya! Seperti bintang yang bertaburan di langit malam, mengepung rembulan yang telah terang dengan cahaya keagungan. Seperti Paris yang menjaga Eiffel.
Aku ingin kamu merasakan hal yang sama. Ketika hujan, kita sama-sama mengalihkan pandang sejenak pada tetesan hujan yang mengalir di kaca jendela. Merambat perlahan, lalu tanpa sadar kita tersenyum dan mendadak ditelusupi rasa tenang.
âItu kamuâŚâ
Kata yang kita tancapkan sama pada otak masing-masing untuk berharap dapat dikenang selamanya. Kita saling menatap rentetan hujan, mengingat, tersenyum, berbisik, merindu.
Nah! Lihat! Bukankah kita sekarang telah mencinta? Bahkan telah tahu bagaimana mencipta rindu dengan manisnya.
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Untuk âtengah malamâ yang selalu melahirkan ide bagiku.
Pada penghabisan malam aku diam. Diam. Diam. D i a m. Menatapi taburan bintang yang berinteraksi entah bagaimana dengan rembulan. Pada akhirnya, tinggal aku yang tak punya teman. Sendiri, memeluk lutut, diterpa angin, menggigil sendiri, menangis sendiri. Tak ada yang bisa kulakukan selain diam.
Jika kau bertanya apa yang ada di pikiranku sekarang, ingin rasanya kujawab: tak ada. Tapi berjuta bayangan, kenangan tak penting ataupun berkesan, sedang menari-nari menantang daya ingatku. Membawaku ke tempat entah yang di dunianya disebut imajinasi.
Aku membayangkan. Membayangkan. Membayangkan. M e m b a y a n g k a n. Bagaimana jika suatu ketika bulan dan bintang tak lagi saling sapa? Akankah langit tetap indah tanpa mereka yang saling tersenyum mesra?
Aku membayangkan. Bagaimana jika bumi berhenti berputar. Akankah bulan dan bintang tetap pada posisinya? Ataukah mereka yang berlarian, berotasi, berevolusi, atau sekalian saja mereka mau melakukan keduanya, berotasi dan berevolusi? Atau ilmu fisika tak lagi penting bagi mereka?
Malam ini, bulan dan bintang masih berkedip mesra. Sempat kudengar bisiknya. Bintang meminta manja pada bulan. Ia ingin sepatu kaca Cinderella, atau kerudung cantik Little-Red-Riding-Hood, atau⌠boleh juga hanya sekedar mengintip Romeo dan Juliette memadu cinta. Tapi bulan menolaknya. Mereka bertengkar sengit rupanya! Bulan mengambil panah Robin Hood, melepaskannya tepat di jantung Bintang.
Sekarang langit marah! Salah satu Putri tercantiknya terkena panah Bulan. Ia lari, Bulan melarikan diri! Ia melesat, melesat, melesat, m e l e sat! Cepat! Cepat!
Gawat! Sang Putri tinggal punya satu napas, dihembuskannya lembut beriring setitik air mata yang menetes. Ia mati dikhianati cintanya yang kini melarikan diri. Ia korban dari cinta yang memikat lalu dijerat hingga mati. Ia menangis lantaran tak mengerti cinta baik dan cinta buruk itu sendiri.
Lalu, Bulan? Ia terus berlari. Tapi ke manapun ia pergi, langit tetap ada di atasnya, menaungi, dan hingga kini menjebaknya dalam awan penuh amarah ingin membalaskan sakit Sang Putri. Tapi langit tak pernah bisa, karena ia adalah Sang Penaung, ia tak boleh jadi Sang Pencelaka. Maka langit hanya menatap penuh angkara.
Aku menatapnya dengan seulas senyum yang kuharap dapat menawan hatinya. Tentunya dengan berharap juga agar ia membalas senyumku dengan senyum hangat yang lain atau pelukan menenangkan.
Tapi, ternyata tidak.
Ia membeku di depan laptopnya, hanya mengangguk sedikitâsebenarnya. Aku merasa agak tercekat. Aku tahu, ini bukan pertama kalinya ia terlihat tidak begitu peduli ketika aku pulang kerja. Tidak ada lagi senyuman hangat, kecupan di kening yang singkat, atau pelukan yang selalu membuat lelahku mendadak hilang.
Atau hanya aku?
Aku pulang. Aku benar-benar pulang. Aku benar-benar sedang berdiri di sampingnya kini. Memandanginya dengan miris. Memandanginya dengan berjuta rindu. Kerinduan tentang hangatnya kisah romantis ketika dulu.
Aku masih dianggap?
Ada pizza yang masih tersisa di mejanya, kotak french fries yang tinggal beberapa batang saja isinya, jugacoffee yang tersisa separuh gelas. Ada saus di sudut bibirnyaâŚ
Aku masih jadi yang berhak atasnya?
Kuseka sisa saus yang ada di sudut bibirnya dengan jariku. Lalu berjalan cepat menuju kamar. Entah bagaimana responnya tadi. Mungkin⌠Mungkin tidak ada. Istrinya kini laptop dan setumpuk kerangka naskah. Bukan aku, kurasa.
Aku pulang. Jika kau bertanya, jika kau menanyakannya. Aku sudah pulang.
âHanya masalah kebiasaan,â batinku meyakinkan. Tapi yang menjadi ketidakbiasaan kini sungguh menjadikanku penat. Yang sedang menjadi ketidakbiasaan ini membuatku hanya bisa tersenyum miris.
Kubaringkan tubuh lelahku di atass peraduan kami. Aku ingin istirahat. Tidur. Jika boleh, aku ingin tertidur agak lama. Sampai ketidakbiasaan ini berevolusi dengan sendirinya menjadi kebiasaan tanpa perlu kusaksikan prosesnya yang memenatkan.
Baru beberapa detik aku memejamkan mata, kurasakan sebuah tangan melingkari pinggangku.
TangannyaâŚ
Peluk hangatnyaâŚ
Seketika aku berbalik dan menemukannya merengkuhku dalam dada hangatnya. Matanya terpejam. Tidak ada kata yang mengungkap apa. Hanya diam yang hangat, hanya perasaan kasih yang menjerat pekik penat.
Aku memejam. Ingin terlelap, bersamanya, dalam dekapannya.
Ke mana saja kamu? Kenapa baru datang?
âAku pulang.â
Suaranya yang lembut tertangkap indera pendengaranku. Aku mengangguk lirih. Aku pulang. Dia pulang. Kami pulang. Dan segala ketidakbiasaan telah melebur jadi kehangatan.
Originally posted on: Friday, March 1st 2013 11:27pmUntuk cerita usang tak mengenakkan yang kukembalikan jadi cerita sederhana yang (kuharap) penuh kehangatan.
Ada begitu banyak hal yang ingin aku sampaikan⌠Tapi aku hanya bisa memandang dari kejauhan. Ada begitu banyak hal yang ingin aku utarakan. Tidak lagi hanya sekedar melalui sorot mata. Aku ingin, hati dan mulutku berbicaraâŚ
Ada begitu banyak hal yang terasa mengganjal di hati. Aku ingin selesaikan ini. Tapi, setiap kali melihatmu, setiap kali meraba detak jantung ini, kenapa kamu begitu jauh? Kamu ada di sana, dan detik seolah hanya mengejek sikap pengecutku.
Aku tidak berani berlari! Aku hanya memiliki sedikit oksigen, tapi terlalu banyak cinta, terlalu melimpah dan kamu bisa rasakanâŚ
Apa kamu mendengarku?
Aku ingin mendekat. Lantas membisikkan beribu kata cinta. Aku ingin memeluk dalam, aku ingin merasakan hangat, dan angan telah membawaku semakin jauhâŚ
this feels so cringey af but im going to [re]post old posts that i can find from my old blogs, unpublished drafts, or whatever. actually, i deleted my blog from 2012-2015ish and now i kinda regret it and suddenly want them back.
Hello everyone, today will do another update on Indonesia, but it wont be like my other uodates bcause I am tired, angry, and scared with all the news around us that just keeps worsening.
[29/8/2025]
A while ago, the government dropped a news that the people of the parliament will receive a large sum of money support from the country, around 100 million rupiahs or roughly around 6000$, PER MONTH. While the people here are struggling to eat, teachers and lecturers, especially those teaching in rural parts of Indonesia ARE NOT PAID. Even if they are, they're barely reaching the minimum wage. All while the people of the parliament get paid a large sum of money for doing nothing and corrupting the country. These people are dancing and singing in the parliament house while people literally outside their places live crammed, barely making 180$ a month. And for Jakarta? That barely covers necessities.
A few days yesterday, angry citizens started moving. At first they swarmed and broke into the parliament house. Then a massive protest was held in front of the parliament house (mostly by college students). The people are mad. The police started spraying tear gas and high pressure water towards the crowd (classic move). Eventually, ojol drivers started joining the protest (think: uber, uber eats drivers that use cars and motorcycles). One person got killed by getting ran over by the police. ONE PERSON GOT KILLED BY GETTING RAN OVER BY THE POLICE, A 21 YEAR OLD OJOL DRIVER, PROBABLY A BREADWINNER IN HIS FAMILY. And a lot more victims of brutality and violence and missing people. It doesnt stop there as well, Karet station are getting shot with tear gas, where non protesters are trying to get on with life.
Please spread this, read this, our news canal are silent, there are no news canal in our country broadcasting this. I've seen an Australian news canal broadcasting these news but not ours. I'm scared for the lives of the people, I'm scared for my own, and I genuinely don't know what to do to help the people in ways that won't put my parents' life in possible danger. And as I always say, please educate yourself more about this matter. There are a lot of overwhelming news around, I can't gather them all alone in one post. Thankyou.
Massive TW // police brutality, detailed descriptions of police brutality and death
[30/8/2025]
A lot of things have happened, sorry I cant post this faster, my friends are few of the many the people participating on the protest.
The person killed by police brutality, Affan Kurniawan, is a 21 year old motorcycle taxi driver. The backbone of a family of 7 and was not even participating on the protest. He was just delivering food to protesters. He was trying to pass the road when the police's Barracuda vehicle (think: SWAT cars) speeds on the road and hit him. Doesnt only hit him, but did not stop aswell.
Barracuda vehicle/car
In Solo, the apparatus have lowered down so badly, they resorted on using rubber bullets to shoot the masses that are unarmed, and primarily college students. Some are aimed and shot on their head.
News I received from my college group chat:
"Info from the people who heard from the police's Walkie-talkies, they (the cops) are allowed to shoot the masses and they should aim for their head."
"10 mins later it actually happened."
"It is rubber bullet, but they're aiming for the head."
In Jogjakarta, according to the news I received from my friends who were protesting, police officers are chasing down protesters who are going back home or college students. Some even seeking refuge on nearby malls, and the cops also followed them inside.
Similiar things happen in Jakarta, in the University of Indonesia, cops got into campus environtment, especially around the medical departement.
Medical station for protesters were also shot by tear gas.
A parliament house got burned in Makassar.
Hate speech and provocation towards those with Chinese ethnicities have started, but more people are starting to spread awareness around this matter so the masses won't fall for the provocation.
And this morning, an MRT station got trashed, but we firmly believe that the people who trashed the station are not protesters, instead the government aligned people who plan to divide the country even further.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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hyperfixation please stay with me long enough to complete the project. hyperfixation do not fade. hyperfixation finish what you started for the love of god
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Copyright class actions could financially ruin AI industry, trade groups say.
AI industry groups are urging an appeals court to block what they say is the largest copyright class action ever certified. Theyâve warned that a single lawsuit raised by three authors over Anthropicâs AI training now threatens to âfinancially ruinâ the entire AI industry if up to 7 million claimants end up joining the litigation and forcing a settlement.
theartofmadeline
