pyuddings 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

You had been observing him for months.

Every single day the moment you got home, your eyes instantly drifted upward to where he stood on his balcony. Sometimes, you would run into him at the entrance of your shared apartment complex.

He completely consumed your every thought, not just because of his looks, but because of his kindness.

He was the missing piece.

A few meaningless interactions were all it took to trigger the shift. Soon, you found yourself monitoring his routine. You noted the exact minute he left, the specific cars that picked him up, and the people he allowed into his space.

Isolation wasn't just a habit for you.

At work, you existed as a ghost, completely invisible. Outside those hours, the silence was defeaning.

You had never fit in. Since you were a child you were just a silent spectator standing on the outside while other kids ran, laughed, and existed in a warmth you couldn't touch. You were always the one watching from the shadows, entirely erased from their world.

But it was nothing compared to your childhood home. Inside those walls, your parents looked right through you.

There was no love, no care, no warmth.

Most of the time, you were met with silence. The only time they ever acknowledged you was out of necessity or when their resentment turned to rage. You learned very early that survival meant staying quiet, blending into the background.

Maybe that’s why you never learned how to love the right way.

Night after night, lying in the dark of your bedroom, your phone screen would illuminate your face as you systematically combed through his digital footprint. You memorized his posts, studied the shifting patterns of his followers and analyzed every interaction.

You wanted to finally be seen.

The standard neighborly small talk wasn’t enough. You needed everything.

But words had always failed you. So, you relied on the one skill that had kept you alive your entire life: you watched.

Some might call it obsessive, but to you, it was the only way to finally make him notice you.

So, you slowly began making your way into his friend group.

Hongjoong, one of his friends, worked at a café near your workplace. You began stopping by in the mornings before your shift. When he worked at the register, you often found yourself chatting with him. It was nothing meaningful, but just enough to make him remember you.

After some time, you began sitting with Hongjoong during his breaks at the café. The two of you would joke around, laugh together or you would simply listen to him talk about the music he was currently obsessed with.

In these conversations, you were practically mirroring his interests. You stayed up late to look at his socials, just to have something to bring up in your next conversation.

Each step you took was aimed at getting closer to San, to be noticed, to become a presence in his life.

· · ─ · ✝︎ · ─ · ·

One evening at closing hour, you were sitting with Hongjoong as usual, simply talking, until someone walked in.

You froze.

It was San.

Hongjoong stood up to greet him. “Hey man, thanks for picking me up! I'm glad to see you,” he exclaimed happily.

You stared blankly at the two of them as they were having a conversation, suddenly feeling out of place. Then, San looked at the person Hongjoong had been talking to earlier.

"Oh hello, didn’t think you guys knew each other," he smiled at you.

Your mind was racing. You didn’t expect him to be here, you weren’t prepared. So you just greeted him with a simple hi, while smiling back at him.

Luckily, Hongjoong chimed in. "You two know each other?"

"Not really, she’s my neighbor. We sometimes talk when we see each other," San said, still looking at you.

"Oh, that’s cool! I’ve been talking to ____ for a while now. She’s keeping me company… unlike you guys, who almost never visit me at work," he sneered.

San turned to him laughing: "Well, if you wouldn’t cancel on us every time we ask you to come over, maybe the others would stop by too."

"Next time I’ll be there, I promise," he whined. "Speaking of that," Hongjoong looked at you. "Why don’t you come too? I mean, it would be nice to have someone like you there. The other guys surely wouldn’t have anything against it."

This was the moment you’ve been waiting for. This was the moment you’ve worked so hard for. "Sure, I’ll come," you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

When you got home that day, you couldn’t sleep.

You had to be prepared.

You had to put on the same fake persona just like you did with Hongjoong. You didn’t know who exactly would be there, which was rather unfortunate, but just when you started to lose hope, you suddenly got a text from Hongjoong.

hongjoong: heyyy, we’re gonna meet up at san‘s tmrw at 6pm :D

hongjoong: I already asked woo, mingi and yeosang if they're okay with you coming and ofc they said yes!

you: yayy thank you :) you: should i bring anything ?

hongjoong: noo, no need to bring anything, we’re gonna order something anyway

you: alrighty, thank you for having me :D

hongjoong: no need to thank me, i’m happy to finally see you outside of my work place !!

hongjoong: see you then <3

Hunched over your laptop, you scanned their profiles, trying to claw together every scrap of information you could find. Luckily, Wooyoung and Mingi were pretty active on their socials, constantly reposting stuff and posting their daily activities. Yeosang, however, was like a ghost. Every single one of his accounts was locked down tight, completely private.

Once your research was done, you finally crawled into bed.

You were so close, so close to finally getting what you wanted. To be noticed, to be remembered, to be a part of his life.

· · ─ · ✝︎ · ─ · ·

You were restless, it was already 4am, still scrolling on you phone.

When suddenly San’s latest post flashed in front of your eyes. He was at the beach, wearing nothing but swim shorts, posing effortlessly for the camera. There was nothing inherently sexual about it, there really wasn't, just a sweet, casual update to show what he had been up to.

The background captured a sunset, the fading light catching the sweat glistening across his abs, framing that signature grin that deepened his dimples.

You stared at the picture.

Heat was already pooling between your thighs. It felt gross getting off to a picture that was meant to be entirely innocent, but the longing had built up for too long, and he looked too devastatingly beautiful to ignore. You gave in.

Holding the phone in one hand, your free hand slowly slipped beneath the waistband of your panties. They were already damp, the friction alone sending a jolt straight to your clit. A soft whimper escaped you at the contact, your eyes never leaving the screen. Pushing the fabric aside, you slid a finger between your folds. You moaned softly against the quiet of the room, slicking yourself as you began to massage the bundle of nerves, desperately pretending it was his hand instead of your own.

Your fingers trailed downward, teasing your entrance. His whimpered his name when you finally pushed a finger inside, wanting it to be him so badly. You pictured him holding you tight, his frame pinning you down as he prepped you for him.

Adding a second finger, you let out a breathless moan, you imagined how his fingers would feel inside you, how much larger, thicker and longer his fingers would be. You were so close by now, not just because of the stimulation of your own hands, but because of the thought of him doing this to you.

When you finally peaked, you cried out his name, ragged breaths escaping you as the high rippled through your body.

And still, that damn picture remained open on your screen.

You should have felt a wave of shame, but as you looked at him, how could you?

Not when it felt this good.

· · ─ · ✝︎ · ─ · ·

Standing before his door, a sudden wave of nervousness washed over you

You had prepared for this moment, but actually being here felt entirely different than managing Hongjoong.

You knew exactly how naive and easily manipulated Hongjoong was. But you hadn't met the rest yet.

This wasn’t just about stepping inside his apartment, this was entering his life.

Whispering a silent prayer that everything would unfold exactly as planned, you finally knocked. Only a few seconds passed before the door swung open. San stood there, looking down at you with a gentle, unsuspecting smile. He greeted you warmly, stepping aside to invite you into his space.

The rest of the guys were gathered in the living room, the low hum of their conversation fading as you entered. Hongjoong was the first to approach, closing the distance to wrap you in a welcoming hug.

"I am so happy you're finally here," he beamed, breaking the hug to point toward the couch. "That's Wooyoung sitting on the right," he laughed softly. "You've probably seen him around a few times already, considering that he practically lives at San’s place."

In fact, you had. You had seen everyone who had crossed that threshold over the past few months.

Wooyoung stood up, offering his hand with a gentle grin. "Hey____, Hongjoong hasn't stopped talking about you since we arrived. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

Cute, you thought, maintaining your composure.

"Oh, wow, I definitely didn't expect that from him," you replied, effortlessly mirroring his warm smile to mask the thoughts running through your head. "The pleasure is all mine."

After smoothly introducing yourself to the rest of the group, you sat next to Wooyoung, who was seated at the opposite of San.

You were officially on the inside and they had absolutely no idea who they had just let through that door.

While engaging in a conversation with Wooyoung, you smoothly dropped a few subtle hints about things you already knew he liked. You kept it low, just a passing mention here and there, purely to make yourself seem more intriguing and perfectly aligned with his interests.

He took the bait effortlessly. He talked a lot about his bond with the others. He reminisced about how San and he had known each other since middle school and how they had been inseparable ever since.

Talking to Wooyoung was easy, he was genuinely nice and open, but as he spoke, you found yourself secretly wishing it was San opening to you with that level of freedom. You couldn't help but steal glances across the room. San was sitting there, laughing carelessly at something Yeosang had said. A wave of jealousy hit you. It irritated you that someone else was the reason behind that smile. But you forced the feeling down. Not today. Today wasn't about conquering San just yet, it was about becoming part of his inner circle.

You had to play the long game.

You couldn't afford to overplay your hand.

The rest of the evening carried on effortlessly. After ordering food, you began engaging with the others too, applying the same charm you had used on Wooyoung, slowly weaving your way into their trust, one conversation at a time.

When you saw San walking to the kitchen to wash the dishes, you followed him.

"Need any help with that?"you asked innocently.

He smiled at you. “Sure, I could use a helping hand.”

You stood next to him, drying off a plate as he washed the next.

"Oh, I just remembered," you chimed in, "I saw that you have some Pokémon cards displayed on your shelf. I actually love collecting them too."

San looked at you, surprised. "What? No way! I’ve been obsessed with Pokémon since I was little. The others always tease me for still liking them."

"Me too," you replied smoothly. "People always told me my interests were childish, but I stay true to myself. I have some rare cards at my place," you smiled, "You should come over and take a look sometime."

"That is a great idea! It’s so nice to finally have someone to talk to about stuff like that," San said flashing a warm smile.

You actually did own a few cards yourself, but you had only bought them because your research showed that he liked them.

San and you talked for a long time about his interests, and coincidentally, you seemed to love most of them too. The conversation felt completely natural. You knew him inside and out and San just like the others ate it all up. As you stood there chatting, you felt a deep sense of pride. You were officially in.

· · ─ · ✝︎ · ─ · ·

The evening went on. You laughed and smiled with the others, but your mind was stuck in that kitchen. It was the first time San had actually looked at you, really looked at you and that feeling was intoxicating.

When it was finally time to leave, you played your part perfectly, thanking everyone for being so kind.

But the moment you closed your apartment door behind you, the fake smile dropped. You were practically trembling with excitement. Everything was falling into place perfectly. You were getting closer to your goal. Just as you were getting ready for bed, your phone buzzed.

hongjoong: hii thanks for keeping us company!!

hongjoong: the others loved having you around you should come next time and meet the others too :)

you: yea that would be nice, I enjoyed hanging out with you guys a lot ! :D

· · ─ · ✝︎ · ─ · ·

After that night, your plan accelerated. You made sure to hang out with them constantly. They even added you to their group chat. You successfully made the others love you, but more importantly, you crawled your way into San's life.

Soon, you were staying late at his place, long after the others had left. You would sit on the balcony alone with him in the dark, listening to him talk about everything and everyone.

With every secret he shared, the obsession inside you grew heavier, suffocating and deep. He was opening up his heart to you.

You were inside his head now.

You owned a piece of him.

· · ─ · ✝︎ · ─ · ·

One night as you were laying in your bed mindlessly scrolling through your phone, Your heart skipped a beat. It was San.

san <3: heyy, you still up? :D

You paused for a second, forcing yourself to wait so you wouldn't seem desperate, even though your pulse was racing.

you: hiii yea

You stared at the screen, watching the little typing dots appear and disappear.

san <3: do you wanna come over ?

san <3: I can’t sleep and I really want someone to talk to, just us

Your grip tightened on the phone.

Just us.

The words felt like a victory.

You had spent months planning for this, shifting your whole life just to fit into his. And now, he was reaching out for you in the middle of the night.

you: sure, I can come over, give me five minutes :)

san <3: Thank you, seriously

san <3: see you then :D

You threw the covers off, a smile spreading across your face in the shadows of your room. You threw on some casual clothes, making sure it looked like you hadn't tried too hard and left your apartment.

He was lonely.

He was vulnerable.

And he had chosen you over everyone else.

· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·

"You're actually here", he said softly, a small, grateful smile tugging at his lips. "Thanks for coming. I know it's late."

"Of course," you replied, your voice warm and innocent. "I'm always here for you, San. You know that".

Always

You took off your shoes, tracking the familiar layout of his apartment. A layout you had memorized long before you ever set foot inside it.

He led you over to the balcony, the same one where you had always sat with him when the others left and it was just the two of you. The apartment was silent. There was no Wooyoung, no Yeosang to take his attention away from you.

You had him all to yourself.

"I couldn't shut my brain off," San admitted, sitting down and pulling his knees up to his chest. He looked small, vulnerable. "Everything just feels.. loud tonight. The guys are great, but sometimes I feel like I have to keep up a certain image around them you know? With you, ____, it's just.. different. It's easy."

You sat down next to him, close enough that your shoulders almost touched. You could feel the warmth radiating off him. Every instinct inside you wanted to reach out, to wrap your hands around him and never let go, but you kept your movements slow, deliberate. You played the role of the perfect, comforting friend.

"You don't have to pretend around me" you said softly, looking into his eyes. "You can tell me anything. I won't ever judge you."

He turned his head to look at you, his dark eyes searching yours in the dim light of the lamp.

He believed you. He completely, entirely trusted you.

"Sometimes I feel so lonely, even when I'm surrounded by people" San whispered, his voice cracking slightly as he confessed this. "Is that weird?"

"No,” you murmured, reaching out to gently touch his arm. Your skin tingled at the contact. "It's not weird at all. But you don't have to be lonely anymore. I'm right here."

San stared at your hand on his arm, then looked up at you, his eyes shining with intense, raw emotion. He leaned in just a bit closer. You smiled at him in the dark. You had finally crawled under his skin.

San breathed out a long shaky sigh, letting his forehead rest against your shoulder. The sudden weight of his body against yours sent tingling sensation through your body. It took every ounce of your selfcontrol to keep your breathing steady, to not let him hear how fast your heart was beating.

"I don't know what I would do without you" he spoke, his voice muffled against your arm. "You just.. you came into my life out of nowhere and now I can't imagine you not being here."

Out of nowhere

He really thought it was fate.

He had absolutely no idea about the months of planning, the sleepless nights.

He thought it was just a beautiful accident.

"I’m not going anywhere, San" you whispered, resting your chin on top of his head. You raised your hand and slowly ran your fingers through his soft, dark hair. Comforting him like a good friend would, but inside your grip felt possessive."I’ll always be right here. No matter what".

San relaxed completely under your touch, melting into the embrace.

You looked past him, staring out into the dark city. The shadows seemed to wrap around the two of you, isolating you from the rest of the world. There was no going back.

You weren't just a part of his circle anymore, you were becoming his entire world.

"Let's just stay like this for a while," San whispered, closing his eyes.

"As long as you want," you replied, your voice sweet and comforting. You stared down at him in the dim light, a smirk touching your lips.

Neither of you moved. San’s breathing soon slowed down, becoming deep and even as he drifted into sleep against your shoulder. The trust he placed in you was heavy, physical and addictive. You sat perfectly still, refusing to move even an inch, terrified of breaking the spell.

A quiet, breathless laugh escaped your lips, so soft it didn't even disturb him. It was almost funny, how easy it had been. A few practiced lines and he had handed you the keys to his soul.

You looked back down at his sleeping face. Without his usual sharp, energetic expressions, San looked fragile. You leaned down just a fraction, your breath brushing against his hair.

"You have no idea, do you?" you whispered into the dark.

You thought about the others, Hongjoong, Wooyoung, the rest of the group. They thought you were just a nice, supportive friend. They would keep inviting you over, keep pushing you closer to him, completely unaware.

Soon they wouldn't matter anymore.

Soon, he wouldn't need them at all.

San stirred slightly, murmuring something as he gripped the fabric of your hoodie a little tighter, pulling himself closer to your warmth. Your smile widened in the shadows. You wrapped your arm tighter around his waist, locking him against you. Every step, every lie, every move had led to this exact moment.

He was entirely yours now, asleep in your arms. And you were never going to let him go.

· · ─ · ✝︎ · ─ · ·

You had been sitting on the outdoor bench for some hours by now, wrapped in the chilling dawn, but you barely felt the cold. The weight of San sleeping soundly against your shoulder was all that mattered. Your shoulder was stiff and a dull ache was blooming across your back from sitting upright for so long, but you welcomed the pain.

Slowly, you reached into your pocket and pulled out your phone. You opened the group chat next. There were dozens of unread messages from Mingi, Yunho and the others, talking about plans for the upcoming weekend, joking around, being a family.

You stared at their names on the screen, feeling a cold sense of detachment. They really believed you were one of them now.

You looked down at San, whose face was still buried in the crook of your neck.

They don't know you like I do They never will

With extreme care, so as not to wake him, you raised the phone and angled the camera. The screen captured the two of you framed by the fading shadows. San, vulnerable and asleep, clinging tightly to your hoodie and you looking directly into the lens with a calm smile. You took the photo. You didn't send it to the group chat. Not yet. That would be too messy.

San shifted, his eyelashes fluttering against your skin as he let out a soft sigh, settling even deeper into your embrace. You slid your phone back into your pocket.

San’s grip on your hoodie loosened slightly. He let out a soft, contented hum, his face turning toward your neck, his breath warm against your skin. You raised your hand again, lightly tracing the line of his jaw with the tip of your finger, barely touching the surface so he wouldn't wake up.

You owned this version of him now. The version no one else gets to see.

Suddenly, his phone on the small balcony table buzzed, the vibration loud against the metal surface.

New Message: Wooyoung

You didn't even have to blink to read it from where you sat.

woo: hey, you up? heading out early, want me to pick you up ?

A spark of irritation flared in your chest, but it vanished just as quickly, being replaced by a feeling of superiority. San stirred at the sound, his eyes slowly fluttering open. He blinked against the dim morning light, looking disoriented for a fraction of a second before his gaze focused entirely on your face.

For a moment you held your breath, wondering if the morning light would bring regret or hesitation into his eyes.

Instead San just smiled, a sleepy, soft grin. He didn't pull away. He tightened his arms around you, shivering slightly against the cold morning air, before finally sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"You stayed," he whispered, his voice thick with sleep. "You were out here with me the whole time."

"Of course I stayed," you said, your voice dripping with sweet devotion. You offered him a gentle, reassuring smile, masking the screaming in your head. "I told you. I’m not going anywhere."

He looked at his buzzing phone on the table, then looked back at you, a choice forming in his mind. He didn't reach for it. He just let it buzz until it went completely silent.

"Thank you," San said softly, looking at you as if you were the only person left in his world.

"Anytime," you replied, standing up on the chilly balcony and stretching your stiff muscles, already planning your next move.

San shivered slightly. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself, his eyes still fixed on you with a quiet, desperate kind of gratitude.

"It's freezing out here," he murmured, "We should go inside."

"You go ahead," you said softly, giving his shoulder a gentle, reassuring pat. "I should probably head back to my place”.

San’s face fell instantly. The thought of you leaving hit him like a physical blow. He stood up quickly, taking a step towards you. "No, wait. You don't have to leave. Just.. stay for breakfast? Please?"

· · ─ · ✝︎ · ─ · ·

San kept his back turned to you as he busied himself with the coffee maker, but you could see the slight tension in his shoulders just because you were in the room. The kitchen was filled with the soft sounds of clinking mugs and dripping water, a perfectly domestic scene that you had constructed in your mind a thousand times before.

You walked over to the kitchen counter and leaned against the edge.

"Black coffee, right?" San asked, turning around with two mugs in his hands.

You smiled softly. You hadn't even told him how you took your coffee, but of course he had noticed it during the hangouts. You had made sure to order it exactly how he liked it back then, just to create another invisible thread between you.

"Perfect, you know me so well," you smiled, taking the mug from him. Your fingers brushed against his and you caught the slight hitch in his breath.

San leaned against the counter next to you, blowing softly onto his coffee. "I feel like I'm finally starting to relax. It's crazy.. a few months ago, we didn't even know each other. Now, I feel like you're the only person who actually looks at me and sees me"

"That's because the others see what you let them see, San," you said smoothly, keeping your voice low, "But with me, you don't have to hide. I see every part of you and I'm not going anywhere."

San looked down at his mug, a soft, almost vulnerable smile forming on his lips. "I don't think I'd let you leave even if you wanted to."

It was meant to be a lighthearted joke, a sweet comment from a grateful friend. But to you, it was the truth.

Just then, your phone vibrated in your pocket. You pulled it out, looking down at the screen.

New Message from: wooyoung in: hangouts

You stared at the message for a second, a cold smile touching your lips. They were still trying to include you, still trying to pull you into their dynamic.

You didn't need them anymore.

You had the prize.

"Who is it?" San asked, glancing at your phone.

"Just Wooyoung," you replied carelessly, turning the screen off and putting the phone face down on the counter. You looked back up at San. "It's nothing important. Let's just focus on us this morning"

San’s eyes widened slightly at your directness, but the genuine look in your eyes made him relax again. He nodded, completely shutting out the rest of the world, completely yours.

San set his mug down on the counter. The silence in the kitchen grew heavy, thick with a strange tension. The rest of the world seemed to fade away, leaving nothing but the two of you.

"Just us," San repeated softly, testing the words out loud. A faint smile touched his lips. "I like the sound of that."

"I do too," you whispered.

You took a slow step closer to him, closing the small distance between your bodies. San didn't step back. Instead his posture softened, his chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm as he looked down at you. He was entirely focused on your presence, craving the validation you had spent for months calculating exactly how to give him.

Slowly you raised your hand and placed it flat against his chest, right over his heart. You could feel it thumping beneath the fabric.

"You look tired" you murmured, your voice dropping to a soothing, innocent tone. "You should rest. You don't have to carry everything by yourself anymore. Let me handle it."

San covered your hand with his own, his fingers warm and slightly trembling as he pressed your palm deeper into his chest. "I feel like I can finally breathe when you're around," he confessed, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Like the noise in my head just.. stops."

"Then let it stop," you replied, giving him a small, comforting smile.

You guided him away from the kitchen counter and back toward the living room, leading him by the hand. He followed you without resistance, completely compliant, like a puppy following his owner. You made him sit back down on the couch and before he could say anything, you sat right beside him, pulling a soft blanket over both of your laps.

San immediately leaned his head back against the cushions, closing his eyes as a deep, shuddering sigh escaped his lips. The exhaustion was finally catching up to him and he was letting it happen because he felt entirely safe in your hands.

You watched him as his breathing began to steady once more. Your phone vibrated again in your pocket, another meaningless notification from them, no doubt, but you didn't even bother to check it.

You didn't need to.

You leaned your head back against the couch, a smile spreading across your face in the quiet morning light as you watched him drift off to sleep again, right beside you.

As San’s breathing deepened into a heavy, sleep, the soft mask you’ve been wearing all night and morning completely melted away.

You turned your head, eyes wide and unblinking, locking onto his sleeping face with pure want. A shiver ran down your spine.

Slowly, you leaned over him. You brought your face so close to his that you could feel the hot, steady puff of his breath against your lips. You inhaled sharply, swallowing his air, drinking him in until your lungs burned. It’s sick, knowing that right now, you are the only thing keeping him safe, even though you are the very thing he needs to be saved from.

You brought your hand out from under the blanket. Your fingers hovered over his face. Gently, the tip of your index finger touched his bottom lip, pressing down just enough to part them slightly. You traced the shape of his mouth, your pupils dilated in the dim golden light of the morning.

"Mine" you whispered, the word whisper in the quiet room. "Every piece of you.. every breath."

You slid your hand up, burying your fingers deep into his dark hair, gripping the strands tightly. You pulled just enough to tilt his head back, exposing the vulnerable line of his throat. You looked down at the pulse thumbing beneath his skin.

You want to leave a mark.

You want to bite down until he bleeds, just so he wakes up and realizes that your teeth are the only things holding his world together. But you restrained yourself.

Instead, you leaned down and pressed your open lips against the side of his neck, right over his pulse. You lingered there, feeling the thud against your skin, taking a slow, deep breath of his scent. You pressed a hard, lingering kiss into his skin, leaving an invisible seal of your love.

San stired slightly in his sleep, a tiny, distressed whimper escaping his throat as if your dark thoughts are bleeding into his dreams. He moved closer, his hands blindly reaching out to grasp the fabric of the hoodie that you are wearing. He clings to you like a drowning man, burying his face back into your chest.

A soft, breathless chuckle escaped your throat.

On the table, his phone lit up again. Wooyoung is calling now. The screen flashed with his name over and over.

You don't even look at it. You took San’s hand, locking your fingers with his, pressing his palm flat against your own chest so he can feel how violently your heart is beating for him. You smiled, leaning your head against his.

He thinks he’s safe.

He thinks he’s loved.

And he’s right, but it’s a love that will consume him entirely.

San’s whimper dies down, replaced by the rhythm of his breathing. His fingers still tightly knotted into the fabric of your hoodie. You looked down at his hand, admiring the way his knuckles look against your chest. You placed your free hand over his, squeezing just hard enough to let the pressure border on painful.

You want him to feel you, even in the depths of his subconscious.

The phone on the table finally stops ringing. The screen goes black, cutting Wooyoung off.

You leaned back slightly, pulling a stray lock of San’s dark hair between your fingers. You twirl it tightly, pulling it just enough to feel the resistance of his scalp. Your eyes wandered across his face, tracking every single detail, the tiny mole on his cheek, the curve of his eyelashes, the slight parting of his lips. You’ve already memorized these details.

"You have no idea how perfect this is" you whispered, your voice dropping into a quiet purr right against his ear. "They're going to keep looking for you. They're going to wonder why you're changing. But you're only changing for me."

Slowly, you shifted your weight, carefully sliding your leg over his lap beneath the heavy blanket. You positioned yourself over him, pinning his lower body down with your own. He doesn't wake up, too exhausted, too deeply comforted by your warmth. You looked down at him from above.

You reached down to gently touch his eyelids, smoothing them down with the pads of your thumbs.

Keep them closed

Don't look for anything else

Don't look at anyone else

Your phone vibrated against your thigh. A soft, muffled buzz. You didn’t even have to look to know what it is. The groupchat is probably alive with morning plans, entirely unaware that one of their bestest friends has already been stolen right under their noses.

You slipped your hand back beneath his chin, lifting his head just a fraction more. You leaned down, your lips hovering mere millimeter above his. You could taste the warmth of his breath. You don't kiss him, not yet. Instead, you just breathed him in, watching his chest rise and fall against yours.

"Sleep, Sannie.." you whispered against his lips. "I've got you.. I've got you forever."

Your pulse thumped wildly beneath your skin. You shifted your weight slightly, pressing yourself harder against him, feeling his body trapped beneath yours.

"Look at you," you breathed out, the whisper scraping against his skin. "So quiet.. so safe."

You leaned down further, pressing your cheek against his, letting your hair fall around his face like a curtain, shutting out the rest of the world. The smell of his cologne, the heat radiating from his skin, the soft fabric your clothes crushing between your bodies, it’s a sensory overload, a high that you never want to come down from. You wrapped your arms completely around his torso, squeezing him so tightly that your muscles ache, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

You want to merge with him.

You want to leave your scent so deeply embedded into his skin that no amount of scrubbing will ever wash it away.

On the table, the phone screen flashes again.

1 Missed Call: Wooyoung

New Message: Hongjoong

joong: hey man, we're leaving in 20. you ready?

You lifted your head just enough to look at his face one more time. A single, strand of your hair lies across his cheek. You leave it there, a tiny mark of your presence. You leaned in, your lips brushing the corner of his mouth in a ghost of a kiss, tasting the warmth of his skin.

"They can keep calling," you spoke into the space between your lips. "But you're not going to answer, are you?”

The phone on the table gives a long vibration. Not a text this time.

A Facetime call. The screen lit up, casting a harsh blue reflection against the wall. Wooyoung.

At this point you’re starting to get annoyed.

You reached over, your arm draping completely across San's chest as you grabbed his phone from the table. Your thumb sliding across the screen, completely powering the device off. The screen goes black.

You dropped the dead phone onto the floor, letting it clatter against the hardwood and wrapped both arms back around him, locking him beneath you in the quiet of the room. You pressed your forehead against his, your breathing completely synchronized with his.

San’s body reacted to the sudden silence of the dead phone, his muscles going completely slack again. The absolute quiet of the apartment closes in around the two of you, heavy and thick.

You remain draped over him, your chest rising and falling in perfect synchronization with his.

Slowly, you lifted your hand and began to trace the outline of his face again, but this time your movements are different. Your fingertips press firmly against his cheekbone, dragging down to his jaw, feeling the structure of his bone beneath the skin. You grip his chin, tilting his face up toward yours.

"Wake up, Sannie.." you breathed, your voice a dark whisper right against his ear. "Look at what you've done. Look at where you are."

His long eyelashes fluttered. A low, confused groan escaped his throat as the heavy layers of sleep began to peel away. He blinked against the bright morning light, his eyes unfocused and swimming with confusion. For a second, he looked around the room, trying to orient himself, trying to remember how he ended up pinned to his own couch.

Then his eyes lock onto yours.

The confusion in his gaze instantly deepened. You don't move an inch.

"What.." San’s voice is rough, cracked from sleep and dry from the cold morning air. He glances down at your hand firmly gripping his chin, then looks toward the floor where his dead phone lies. "..Wooyoung.. what time is it?"

"It doesn't matter," you say smoothly, a wide smile spreading across your face. You leaned down closer, until your lips are almost touching. "They called. But I turned it off."

Instantly, you notice San’s body tensing beneath you and your mask of absolute, tender care slips back into place.

In a fluid motion, you lift your weight off him, sliding off his hips to sit normally beside him on the couch. Your intense, fixed gaze instantly transforms into an expression of deep and warm concern. You brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead, your fingers completely calm and soothing now.

"Hey.. Sannie, it's okay," you spoke in a soft, comforting voice. You took his trembling hand in yours, squeezing it reassuringly. "You were shaking so badly in your sleep. I think you were having a really awful nightmare."

San blinked, the panic in his eyes slowly turning to confusion.

"A.. nightmare?" he murmured hoarsely, rubbing his eyes. He looks at you and all he sees is the person who has patiently stayed by his side all night.

"I'm right here, you're safe," you said with a warm, innocent smile.

"You're just completely overworked," you continue, tracing soothing circles on the back of his hand. "The guys called earlier, yeah.. I muted your phone and put it away for a bit. You were just so deeply asleep, I felt so bad for you. I didn't want them waking you up when you clearly need the rest so desperately. They will definitely understand if you just call them back in a few hours, mhm?"

San looked down at the floor where the phone is lying and then back up at you. In his exhausted state, it all makes perfect sense.

"Thank you.." he whispered. He scoots a little closer to you, instinctively seeking your warmth and tiredly rests his head on your shoulder. "I really don't know what I'd do without you right now."

You wrapped your arm around him, stroking his back in steady, calming motions, staring out into the empty room with a peaceful, utterly innocent smile.

The soft, comforting strokes change, subtly. Your fingers became slower, heavier, more deliberate.

You slip your hand beneath the warm fabric, tracing your cool fingertips over his hot, bare skin. Your thumb brushed against his sensitive skin. A quiet, involuntary shiver ripples through his body. He takes a deeper breath, his head still resting heavily on your shoulder as he presses himself even closer to you.

"You're so hot, Sannie.." you murmured into his ear, your voice low and deep. You inhaled the scent of him like a drug, your lips dragging painfully slow across his earlobe. "Completely flushed from your little nightmare".

You let your hand wander further up, across his chest, until your fingers felt the rapid hammering rhythm of his heart. You pressed your palm flat against it, drinking in the bare heat of his body. With your other hand, you gently fisted his hair, pulling his head back just enough to tilt his face up toward yours.

San opened his eyes just a fraction. He looks at you, seeing the dark, almost hungry glow in your eyes.

You leaned in, pressing your lips to his, not a gentle kiss, but a slow, possessive, wet claim that steals the air from his lungs. San lets out a soft gasp into your mouth, his hands clutching your sides, as he gave in. He started kissing you back with the same intense longing you had for him. You moaned softly, when his tongue finally entered your lips.

A soft, breathless moan escaped your throat the moment his lips parted yours and his tongue finally entered your mouth. The tension that had been building between you both dissolved into an all consuming heat.

Neither of you wanted to stop, each kiss growing hungrier than the last.

You slid your fingers up into the dark strands of his hair, gripping tight and pulling at the roots. The sharp tug earned a rough groan from him that vibrated directly into your mouth.

He started massaging your sides, drawing you even close, until you were on top of him.

The heat of his chest pressed against yours. His hands shifted from your sides, sliding down to grip your hips with a possessive force. The kiss broke for a moment, both of you gasping for air. You could feel the thudding of his heart against your chest.

Every boundary he had ever had, melted away in this moment. You angled your head deeper, your fingers digging into his skin.

He was drowning in you.

You felt him growing hard beneath you. Without giving him a second to think, you began grinding down on him, your hips rolling in a slow, torturous rhythm that drove your weight directly against his length. He broke the kiss with a sharp, ragged gasp, a breathless moan tearing from his throat at your sudden movement.

You didn't let him recover. You started trailing hot, openmouthed kisses along the side of his neck, your teeth sinking in to nibble his skin just hard enough to leave a mark, claiming him inch by inch. San whimpered underneath you, his hands moved up and down your body, his fingers travelling lower digging in to squeeze your ass while holding you down, desperately trying to keep you flush against his chest, as if he would lose you if he let go for even a fraction of a second.

"You look so beautiful like this, Sannie," you breathed out right underneath his ear. "So pretty.. so vocal. Just for me."

He didn't answer with words, he couldn't. He just pressed harder, his hands sliding down to grip your thighs, setting a faster, more punishing pace from beneath you. The friction through your clothes was almost unbearable, sending sparks straight to your core. You arched into him, meeting his frantic rhythm, the overwhelming sensation building a tight knot in your stomach that made you dizzy.

Right when you felt him getting dangerously close to the edge, you stopped moving your hips. You broke the contact completely, shifting your body to kneel on the floor right between his spread legs. San whined at the sudden loss of your warmth. When he forced his sleepy, glazed eyes open, he looked down at you, completely mesmerized by your features.He leaned his upper body down, fisting his hands into your hair to pull you into a deep, bruising kiss.

Moaning directly into his mouth, you began sliding your hands up and down his thick, muscular thighs, feeling the way the muscles contracted and twitched beneath your palms. You started palming him right through his pants, your hand wrapping around his length and squeezing. San groaned into your mouth, swallowing the sound right away as his body shuddered.

He was painfully hard by now, his cock already leaking and leaving a dark, prominent wet patch on the fabric of his joggers.

You broke the kiss, dragging your mouth down to place heavy, wet, openmouthed kisses to the base of him through the fabric. His head fell back against the couch cushions, his eyes tightly closed as a breathless gasp escaped him. The worship of your touch was overwhelming, an addiction he knew he could never get enough of.

Finally, you hooked your fingers into the waistband of his pants and underwear, slowly pulling his fully exposed, leaking length out into the dim light. You stared up at it, your chest heaving. He was even more beautiful than you had ever imagined. With your fingertips, you traced slowly along the pulsing veins, watching how his lower stomach twitched at the featherlight touch.

"____, please... need you, need you s'bad," he moaned, prying open his heavy eyes just enough to look down at you, his gaze filled with need.

You smiled, starting with light, kittenlicks across the tip, earning a jolt from him at the sudden, wet sensation. You took just the head into your mouth, sucking at a brutally, agonizingly slow pace. San was an absolute mess beneath you, the combination of the dry humping and the work of your mouth already had him hovering right on the edge.

Then while looking into his dark, glazy eyes, you sank lower, taking him in inch by inch into the heat of your throat. You swirled your tongue completely around him, tasting his skin.Your pace quickened, eyes never leaving his face. You felt him twitch in your mouth, indicating that he was getting closer.

This only spurred you on, finally tasting what you had been longing for so obsessively driving you crazy.

"I'm so close, s'close..." he groaned, his voice cracking, his hands blindly fisting into the fabric of the cushions.

After a few more flicks of your tongue, you felt him snap. He came heavily into your mouth, thick, white-hot spurts hitting the back of your throat. You swallowed every single drop he gave you, draining him completely, leaving nothing behind.

As San was still coming down from his high, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, you stood up. You immediately propped yourself right back onto his lap, straddling him to take in the sight in front of you. He looked up at you with deep, shattered admiration in his eyes, completely under your spell.

"You can take another one, can you?" you smiled sweetly at him.

San couldn’t even reply, his brain too fogged from the overstimulation. He could only nod his head furiously, completely eager to give you whatever you wanted.

Without breaking eye contact, you threw off your pants and underwear, discarding them carelessly somewhere into the room. Taking his stillhard cock in your hand, you aligned the wet tip with your dripping hole. You sank down slowly, the sudden intrusion making both of you let out a loud, breathless moan.

The anticipation was overwhelming. You took him in completely, burying him deep inside you, and stayed like that for a few minutes, just to feel him pulse and throb inside your walls, locking him in place.

Then, you began to move. Slowly at first, you added the perfect mixture of grinding down and rolling your hips, creating a friction that drove you both out of your minds. San rested his head in the slope of your neck, groaning loudly from the sensation of your body crushing down on his.

You began quickening your pace, the friction between your bodies pushing you closer to the edge, the tight knot in your stomach threatening to snap.

"S'close, Sannie... want to fill me up? Want to make me yours?" you moaned softly, your breath hitching as you drove yourself down onto him.

"Please... all mine, so perfect..," he groaned, his voice completely broken, his hands gripping your waist. "You were made for me."

You both moved in perfect synchronization. Squeezing one last time around his cock, pulling him as deep inside your warmth as physically possible, you felt San finally tip over the edge. A wave of warmth filled you and that sensation alone was enough to make the knot in your core snap. Your body locked tightly around him as you came, a cry tearing from your lips.

San and you stayed like that for a long while, fused together in the quiet room where the only sound was your heavy, ragged breathing. You laid your head on San’s damp shoulder, closing your eyes and breathing in his scent.

When you felt that it was time, you slowly got up to lie down right next to him. You could already see him growing tired again, the exhaustion taking over as his eyelids threatened to close.

"Sleep tight, Sannie... I'll be here when you wake up," you spoke to him softly.

Snaking an arm around you, San pulled you closer against his chest, holding on with a tense grip, scared that if he let go, you’d just disappear and leave him alone in the dark. You couldn’t help but smile into the shadow of his neck at the desperation of his hold.

"I love you, ____," he whispered into the quiet, his voice already slipping into sleep.