ergo, beans

it is good to fill up a page with lots of something. it looks cool even if the drawings are bad

it is good to draw small objects you like

it is good to draw yourself (in a mirror, specifically, although little goofy cartoons? also great) 

no need to erase or scribble over things you mess up - write a little regretful note next to em (if that) and move on. i learned this in 4th grade and believe it vehemently. 

Now the concept of "community" is nebulous, which is a double-edged blade; even if your initial online community is relatively small, the potential audience for anything you say or do that makes it to the internet is anyone who has even tangential access to the internet.

We could go around in circles debating how much widespread reach translates to actual privilege or influence, and the level to which personal accountability scales with follower count or by publishing an indie novel or running a successful YouTube channel or (fill in the blank)... But it bears considering that there is a magnitude of difference between "guy says or does something shitty and offensive/ignorant and the people in his direct social circle hold him accountable and tell him he's being a shithead" and "guy says or does something shitty and offensive/ignorant and hundreds of complete strangers start demanding accountability, many of whom didn't even know who he was until they heard about what he said or did second-hand".

This is something I have to challenge myself to consider and admit -- what is my actual purpose in joining in with mass criticism? Do I actually believe that 500 people demanding accountability is an appropriate and necessary amount of social pressure being utilized to reduce harm, or am I angry and wanting to see someone punished via social consequences?

Even if my anger is completely justified -- even if the person "deserves" social consequences -- does the increased visibility of the offense actually correlate to the scale of the appropriate response?

If a thousand people are angry at you, then you won't know each person. Their judgement doesn't come with years of goodwill, and some of them may even be hearing of you for the first time. For those people, you aren't the generally nice person who was uncharacteristically mean. You're the stranger who did something bad, and with no other knowledge of you, they'll extrapolate your entire personality off of one offensive comment.

Each one will ask for accountability. Some of them will be nice about it. Some of them will be harsh with you. Some will even insult you. You will hear all of them simultaneously, but you will not be able to talk to all of them. You cant have a reasonable back and forth conversation with a thousand people. Even if you convince one person that this is a big misunderstanding, theres hundreds behind them. You won't be able to personally apologize to everyone either. You can release a public apology, but each person will have different standards.

Even if some people understand that you're sorry and want to do better, others won't. Some may be looking for you to be more emotionally repentant on camera, and you'll be asking yourself if you should have cried in your apology video. Some people will think you're being disingenuous, and fake crying will just make it worse. Some people will want there to be a punishment, and you won't be able to satisfy them at all. Some people won't even be aware you apologized because they aren't closely following everything a stranger says. Some people will just want to hate you.

There might even be people who hear about it years after it happened and get angry at you all over again, even if you already apologized and promised to do better. You could be subject to hurtful comments and accusations of wrongdoing for years and years off of one mistake. That's why people spreading around "receipts" has always carried an insidious undertone with me.

You physically cannot have a conversation with everyone who is angry with you, and no public statement will satisfy everyone. Even if the angry people are mostly made up of reasonable individuals, there will still be enough unreasonable people to continue stirring the pot despite your attempts to make amends.