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@georgie-sow

@stella-harlow

@detmason

@mechanicsm

miller: so i was in this bookstore today and there was this super cute note book for teachers, it's like separated into terms and then weeks anD this book of activities for children. i know i already gave you presents for your birthday but it's super cute and i wanted to get it for you because i love you and that gives me the right to shower you in gifts right?

miller: i got two, considering the academic year will be over soon so you can have a fresh one for next year and one to start now.

kit: miller u didn't have to do this

jj: pls tell me you got some good stuff

kit: a lot more attention that I could've asked for so I'm very happy

“I will…turns out I’m pretty damn lucky and I got the best kid in the world. She’s so great she’s just…she’s prefect.” Layla smiled softly, relaxing at the touch on her hand. Very few people got the privilege of being so close to Layla but she was glad that Kit was one of the people in her life she could relate to. “Exactly, to a mother who loves you and wanted you….to a dad who thought you were the light of his life.” She sighed a little as she turned to look at him. “All we can try and do is make it so our kids don’t need to fly huh?”

                   finn offers his friend a reassuring smile, letting his HAND rest on his shoulder. ❛ look, i’m not pissed at you. i’m not going to begrudge you or use it as leverage. it happened & there’s nothing we can do about it. there’s no changing the past, right ? ❜ he takes a small sip from his own coffee, letting the warm liquid soothe his slightly aching throat. being in the COLD this soon after being bathed in warmth is still harsh on his throat, but the heat resonating from the coffee gives him a sense of relief. ❛ you don’t know how good it felt to finally get away. ❜ ( no matter the reason why he disappeared in the first place ). ❛ oh, yeah. played BEACH BALL & everything. you would’ve loved it, ❜ he teases lightly.

“I’m sorry,” Eli said as he looked over at Kit. He was breaking his heart even more when he pulled away. He did it for a reason. He didn’t want to be near him. It wasn’t for anything other than just being there and it hurt. He knew he was full on crying now but he didn’t care. “I’m sorry. I didn’t…I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry of the timing but I’m not sorry about the words. It’s how I feel. I don’t…I know there’s a good chance you’ll never feel the same and I don’t care. Because I just want you with me. No matter what that might look like.”

Eli took a careful step closer, eyes still locked on Kit’s. “We are both idiots. If anyone would know that, it’d be you.” His tone was light but he kept his face serious. This whole situation wasn’t ideal but he had to talk about it. “It’s not…you know me. I’m a physical person. It’s…we’re friends. She’s closer to me than a lot of people. But all of that it’s not the same as it is with you. It’s comforting with her. But with you? Every time you so much as look at me it’s like my whole body is on fire. You’re different. I love you both but you’re the one who makes it hard to sleep and hard to think straight about anything but you.” 

Eli’s tears couldn’t be stopped by Kit and the teacher felt a twist in his abdomen at the discovery that he didn’t want to. They needed to fall, he realized. He was being a necessary evil. “I dun fer’give ya,” he muttered, feeling his hands tighten around himself as he watched the man before him unravel into pieces. They were crudely colored and misshapen, clashing with the visage of visual perfection Eli tended to present himself as. It was like watching the most beautiful painting be ruined in slow motion.

Eli knew this conversation was going to hurt. There was no way that it wasn’t going to. But he didn’t realize it was going to hurt this much. He felt like he was breaking in half and Kit was both helping and making it worse at the same time. It was breaking him to see how Kit was reacting to his words. He could see him trying to make himself smaller and he couldn’t handle it. All of this was too much and he found himself stepping closer to the other man. “I know you don’t. It’s why I held back as long as I could.” 

He was itching to grab Kit and hold him but he knew that might do more harm than good right now. He let one hand move forward, putting it over Kit’s bicep. “I know you’d probably never feel the same way about me. And as much as that fucking hurts to think about, I want you happier more than anything. Even if that means I’m not in your life anymore.” Just even thinking that was enough to make the tears fall again. He’d do it in a heartbeat if it made Kit happy. He’d do just about anything. 

“I don’t know about my career. I don’t know what to do. I mean I’m trying to get my masters and Ph.D. but that’s…I do want to keep playing. I’ve…that’s something I’d have to talk to my b-boyfriend about. Partner. Whatever word you want to use.” He knew he must look like a wreck right now but he felt that way. He wasn’t sure how much longer his knees were going to let him stand. “We’re just friends. It’s…she’s my best friend. This makes me sound like a horrible, horrible person but she’s kind of my beard. Instead of people being on me about who I’m dating or asking questions, we go out publicly and let people talk. She knows that she’d never make me happy. And I’d never make her.” He looked up at Kit, eyes red and tears still falling. “She knows I’m just too scared to admit what I want.” His voice cracked on the last few words and he turned his head, shoulders starting to shake. 

“Ya dun get’ta make those decisions...decidin’ when ‘s convenient fer ya’ta drop somethin’ like this on me—It wasn’t, by the way. M’birthday’s pretty much the worst day’ta start confessin’ shit’ta me, Elijah,” he shot back, though there was little bite to the bark. He didn’t shy away from the touch, but the pointed look on his face as he tried to steel his emotions was proof that he was far from pleased. Kit’s eyes never left Eli’s, no matter how bad the sting behind his eyes made him want to look away and hide. He needed to face this head on.

Eli thought for a moment that everything was over. Kit pulled away and it seemed that everything was going to crumble. He had to keep his emotions in check and didn’t know how long he’d be able to do it. His nerves were momentarily eased when Kit took his hand. But it all came crashing down again when he spoke. It was the moment he had been terrified about. The moment that might change everything. “No,” he said after only a few moments. He didn’t want Kit to think he had to think about it. “It’s how I feel. It’s how I’ve felt for a while.” He looked at Kit, knowing full well there were tears in them. 

“I’ve been freaking terrified to even say anything because I know you aren’t….I know you probably don’t feel the same. And that’s fine. It’s okay. I get that I can be a lot and that I’m not someone who deserves you at all. Like, you deserve an actual prince and that’s not me but I just couldn’t….” He trailed off, wiping the tears that had started to fall with his free hand. “I’m sorry if I screwed everything up. I didn’t mean to do that with you. That’s kind of the last thing I wanted to happen. But I couldn’t not let you know.” He took a deep breath, forcing himself to keep the tears back as he looked at Kit. “So….yeah.” 

Not even for a moment did Kit release Eli’s hand, and it was most of what was on the forefront of his mind as he waited for an answer. He’d known that it would be negative, that Eli would stick to what he said because that’s what continued to happen with the men in Kit’s life. They persevered, and Kit couldn’t fault them for it. He wished that he could be strong enough to do that. To endure, and to love, even if it were someone as broken and generally replaceable as Kit.

Eli was crying. With a rush, Kit found his hands reaching up to bat the other man’s own away from his eyes so that he could wipe them himself. He’d been on the other side of this before. The month prior had sent him through so much emotional pain and he broke down in front of too many people, but seeing it from the outside made him understand why everyone had entered his space to dry his eyes. Once he’d realized how close they were, however, his hands grew shaky and he took a step away. The red that rimmed his lids only deepened in hue as his vision started to blur a little. He wasn’t going to cry, though. He’d prepared himself for this.

James averted his eyes as Jo kissed the top of Kit’s head. He scanned the inside of Kit’s apartment – he’d only really seen it once, when he’d dragged a very drunk Kit home – and realized just how… clean the entire place was. James toed his shoes off inside the door and followed Kit through to the kitchen. The sight of the half-frosted cake was enough to make his heart ache a little, and he wondered whether Kit had spent any time with friends throughout the day. He found himself wishing he’d texted Kit in the morning to let him know that they’d been thinking about him and were planning on coming by. James wasn’t entirely sure how Kit felt about birthdays, but he couldn’t imagine what it must’ve been like to spend one alone. He put an arm around Kit’s shoulders and squeezed him slightly. “Are you kidding? Jo and I had the best day ever,” he informed Kit sarcastically, throwing a playful wink in. “I really hope you’ve had a better day than we have.”