quiet indifference

first thing id do as a skeleton is drink red wine from a goblet and have it spill out everywhere . second thing id do is play my ribs like a xylophone

yeah yeah yeah mortifying ordeal of being known and all that but sometimes a friend mentions something about you that you didn’t think was noticeable and it feels like your heart is being cradled in their hands

gmail is like SPAM FOLDER: hi dear its your grandmother who has been emailing you for years because shes not that good at using whatsapp look at this link do you want to come over this week NORMAL NOT SPAM FOLDER: Quora Digest: Are There People In South America? Experts Answer

muffin tins gotta be one of the top five worst dishes to wash by hand. right up there with them fuckass blender blades. all those nooks and crannies like… don’t piss me off

the people have spoken. also included in that list are whisks, cheese graters, champagne glasses, and apple corers. fuck these kitchen utensils!!! 

When the mafia finally catches my ass

you can’t ‘i’m just a little guy’ your way out of this one cunt

well yeah? it’s my birthday. you wouldn’t arrest a silly boy on his birthday would you?

I told my gf that I was having an episode earlier and she replied "is it the beach episode" and it shocked me so much that it grounded me immediately

herbs and spices in the house tonight.. everybodyjust have a good thyme