A Kitten As Pure As Snow

Bomba remembered that too….Alonzo missed Lady Purretty very much. But it was not uncommon for loved ones to mourn those that passed, even if they were moving on to the next life. She supposed it was only natural to miss those you knew that passed on. The thing was, she didn’t miss Grizabella at all. Not that there was anything to miss. 

When Jem wondered what she was in her past life, Bomba began to ponder the same. She hardly even registered her kitten batting at her tail; it responded almost of its own accord, twitching and shifting for her to play with it. It wasn’t until the ‘granny cat’ was brought up that she turned her attention fully to Jemima. Sometimes she almost forgot how in tune he daughter was with other people’s feelings. She supposed her mother probably felt sorry, but a lot of good that did the kittens she left behind. She really didn’t want to even talk about it, but before she could even think of a way to change the subject, she looked into those big eager eyes. She couldn’t say no to those. 

“She…she left the tribe some time ago. It wasn’t like Macavity though—she wasn’t kicked out. She chose to leave everyone behind, even her kittens. That’s why the tribe was mad at her.”

While Bomba spoke, Jemima could feel a range of emotions that she usually didn't accociate with her fun and happy mama.  Her ears dropped a little as she moved closer to touch her nose against Bomba's paw.  

"I'd cry forever if you went away.  I don't mind not having a papa but..."  She moved so that she was more under Bomba, feeling the warmth from her fluffy stomach and nuzzling against it.  "I wanna be with you forever~"  After some snuggling, another thought came to her.  "I don't get it though, we don't live in the junkyard all the time...How did she leave us?"  Whoops, and then the floodgates were opened.  

as munkustrap pressed close against her, demeter closed her eyes and lowered her paws, moving to nuzzle her face against his neck, breathing in his scent and letting it calm her, as it never failed to do. through everything, he’d always been there for her, without fail – he was her family, he and bomba – and their kittens. the tribe were her family, and they’d raised her. it didn’t stop the hurt or the confusion – maybe nothing ever could.

“i just wish i could have spoken to her.. before..” she gestured vaguely, letting out a soft, quiet sigh. it hardly mattered now; whatever reasons grizabella had for leaving, she’d kept them with her as she’d ascended towards her new life. whatever that life was, demeter hoped she could find some happiness. 

she listened to him as he spoke, letting his words wash over her, and her gaze softened slightly. pulling herself back from his touch, she turned, smiling at him, and her paws gently took his own. there were tears in her eyes again, but this time, they were less sad, and the smile on her face indicated as such. “thank you — i don’t.. i don’t know what i did to deserve you, sometimes, you know? you’re almost TOO perfect.. it’s scary.” she let out a watery laugh, moving to gently nuzzle her cheek against his own. 

“maybe you’re right – maybe it DOESN’T matter, maybe i never would have accepted her reasoning, but at least i would have known what it was and made my peace with it. i think.. sometimes, not knowing is worse than knowing. there’s.. too much uncertainty.” 

He couldn't help but wonder what Demeter might have said to Grizabella, had there been time to talk.  With the sun about to rise, the ascension had to happen quickly, but what if Old Dueteronomy had chosen Gus instead?  The theatre cat was old and tired, and despite putting in a good word for Jennyanydots, privately, Munkustrap had assumed that Gus would be chosen.  If it had been him, then Demeter and Bombaluria could have had an entire year to talk to their mother.  Of course, that was an entire year that Grizzabella could have found an all new way to hurt her daughters...Maybe it was for the best that she'd died with her true feelings.

Demeter pulled away, and though he immediately missed her touch, he simply waited.  He covered her paw with the one not covered by her own and laughed when she said he was 'perfect'.

Bomba happily groomed her little kitten, tutting softly when she explained she had been chasing a butterfly. Sometimes she wished Jem was a quieter kitten that liked to stay inside and nap, but at the end of the day, she woudln’t have her any other way. Nothing good came in life without a little risk, after all. “Just make sure you pay attention to where you’re going darling.”

She continued to listen to the tales of her daughter’s adventures, including her discovery of a ‘little black box’. Bomba had seen the humans gather around it before, and was fairly certain that the images on the box were not real. Or at least, not presently so; it was almost as if they’d been captured at some point prior, and the buttons and knobs only served to control what you see. What that image was though was beyond her…perhaps a memory? There was certainly something magical about it.

“It is nice when everyone gets together, isn’t it? But remember, the ball’s about more than just the party. We’re celebrating the cats coming of age and…” Bomba paused, trailing off a minute as her smile faded ever so slightly. She started grooming Jem a bit more intensely, half to cover up her own hesitation. Thinking about the deeper purpose of the ball, the part where Old Deuteronomy  chose which cat got to be reborn, brought her mixed feelings these days. Seeing her mother again had been…A Lot. A lot to digest, a lot ot process. 

“Well it’s also about choosing a cat to move on to the Heaviside Layer. That can’t really happen every week, now can it?” she finished, any evidence of uncertainty gone from her voice.

Jemima tilted her little head back to look at her Mama, accidentily getting licked in the face, to which she giggled.  

“   i don’t want to bother you when you’re trying to rest,  ”   demeter confessed, letting go of his paw in order to sit down on a nearby box outside of the den, her eyes fixated on the ground. the more she put it off, the more those feelings would stagnate and hurt, so perhaps getting them out in the air now would be the best choice she had.      “  after all that, she came back to the tribe not to see us.. just.. just to try for a new life. for some.. acceptance. she didn’t come back for me or for bomba — it was just because she had nothing left.   ” 

it stung more than she wanted it to, and she knew that bomba’s anger towards their mother ran much deeper. demeter herself had always been a forgiving queen, and she had WANTED to forgive her mother, to hold her again and ask why – WHY had she abandoned them? why did she never come back?  “i’m glad she isn’t suffering, despite everything, i know what she went through was hard, but what i went through was hard too — and she wasn’t there.” now that she’d started, it felt like she couldn’t stop. she wasn’t ANGRY – she was just.. hurt. she could feel her eyes welling up, and brushed the back of her paw against them to wipe the moisture away. 

“  and — and we never found out why she left us - why we weren’t enough for her,  ”  she buried her face into her paws, before letting out a tired, shaky laugh.   “  and we’ll never know, now.   ”

He sat just below the box, looking up at her and listening.  He couldn't argue with her assesment.  If Grizabella had specifically wanted to rekindle a relationship with her kittens, or even her old mate, Gus, she could have done so.  From observing her, she seemed to be looking to be touched by absolutely anyone.  Could she even recognize Demeter and Bomba by this point?

He rested a paw on one of her own and said nothing, letting her have a moment to wipe her tears.  Soon though, she had buried her face in both paws.  He leapt up onto the box and lie flush against her, willing her to find comfort in his warm body and steady breathing.

"I wasn't the victim, so it's very likely my opinion doesn't matter, but...As soon as she left...As soon as I came across you holding Bomba, trying to console her to no avail.  As soon as we were alone and you started to cry yourself...It didn't matter 'why'.  I couldn't think of a single possible reason that I could accept.  Perhaps she wasn't suited to be a mother?  Perhaps she felt as though having a family would make it harder for her to see the world?  Perhaps she figured you would be better off with the rest of the tribe.  I've pondered it quite a bit....How any cat could possibly look at you and think of you as anything less than the most wonderful cat in the world."  He shook his head.  "And there is no answer I can accept."  

demeter couldn’t help the twinge of relief she felt at munkustrap’s agreement, and she smiled at him, grateful. she knew that he’d be restless all day, so she was determined to sit with him and keep him company. there was really nothing she needed to do, so she was going to.. coddle him. taking care of him in a way he often took care of her. she didn’t often get to return the favor. she shook her head, amusement rising at the look of horrified realisation on tugger’s face when they ask him to help kitten-sit. 

“you know he won’t say no, though,” she pointed out, laughing softly. “it keeps tugger out of trouble while you’re resting, and the kittens are with someone we trust.” as reckless as tugger could be, there was no way he would ever do anything to endanger the kittens. he was a good uncle to them, and he loved them, despite his devil-may-care attitude. with how big tugger was, and how intimidating he could often look to strays, should something happen, she knew the kits would be protected.

she smiled as he nuzzled her paw, fond, before she faltered and stopped in her tracks as he mentioned grizabella. ah. her mother. all night, she’d been slipping into the ball, and every moment had been like a knife to her heart. after everything with macavity, all she had wanted was her mother’s embrace and love, and she’d.. never had that. seeing her again, after so long.. she’d wanted to throw herself in her arms, but she knew bomba’s anger ran so deep — and the tribe didn’t trust her. forcing herself away had been.. hard. 

“do we have to?” she asked, her voice heavy, staring at the ground. she felt.. tired all of sudden, so many emotions in her heart and mind. “after all.. she’s gone now…”

Now it was Demeter's turn to hesitate, and Munkustrap's turn to gently push.  

“  you’re not taking advantage of him,  ”   demeter rebutted firmly, shaking her head.    “   he’s your second in command - there’s a reason you HAVE one of those. if you let this wound get infected or push yourself too hard, then you’ll be forced to stand down.. you won’t be able to protect the tribe if you’re ill,”     she pointed out, watching him closely. her eyes were knowing, compassionate. she knew how much he loathed to be unable to do what he would normally do.  “  and don’t worry about the kittens, we can just force tugger to kitten-sit for the day.  ” 

a glint of amusement crossed her face then, and she couldn’t help but grin at what had happened the last time the tom had looked after their kittens.. all of them had come back completely exhausted, tugger included. a good way to keep them ALL out of trouble.   “  maybe he will! i mean, if his magic is THAT powerful, who knows what he could do?  ”   the magic mistoffelees held truly was.. awe inspiring. she’d only ever seen magic from macavity, and the tuxedo cat’s magic was so much more.. wholesome. 

 “  i’m not a hero,  ” demeter waved away the praise, but didn’t bother to elaborate, simply taking hold of his free, uninjured paw.   “  last i checked, they were.. they are all pretty shaken by tonight, so they decided they wanted to sleep curled up together.. i had jenny watch over them while i came to wait for you,  ”   she confessed.

Not being able to protect the tribe at all was the last push Munkustrap needed.  He sighed again, but nodded in agreement.  He'd ask Alonzo tomorrow morning.  He couldn't help but laugh when she mentioned roping Tugger into watching their kittens.  It was one thing to prance about and flaunt and sing, but it was another thing entirely to actively have to chase an energetic ball of fluff around and make them sit still for a bath.

"Now that's a wonderful idea.  I can see the look in his eyes when we bring it up~"  Tugger was the king of irritating Munkustrap, but the elder brother knew a few tricks of his own too.  He happily took her paw, rubbing the back of it against his cheek before starting to walk with her.  "Jenny is a wonderful choice~"  He was very fond of Jennyanydots.  Despite having championed her as his first choice for a new Jellicle life, he would have admittedly been sad to see her leave her current life.  As they neared the den, he looked at his mate and considered her.  Gently, he said.