To buy a new set of sheets.
I tell my friends loudly, I will not wallow
as I purchase $40 of cereal marshmallows from the internet
in a transaction I will later come to regret
both for the resulting identity theft
but also because I really wanted those cereal marshmallows
and donât know if I can handle another disappointment.
Buzzfeed says,
go to a new bar and flirt with a stranger.
I get stoned with my motherâs friends
and watch the classic 1984 breakup film
The Terminator,
not-not-crying as Arnold takes the screen,
all smoke and metal, and
what more could you ask for than this?
to be huge and loud and indestructible?
listen, I know exactly how too-much I am,
I have lived in this machine my whole life,
this is not the first time love has left me
scratching at my skin,
praying to withstand just one more burning,
Buzzfeed believes I would benefit from a meal plan service.
I pause the movie to curate a plate of Oreos,
Waffles & Syrup on a bed of Double Stuf,
then carefully place the Fireworks Oreos
in the garbage where they belong,
because they are just second-rate Pop Rocks
and I deserve better than that shit.
Onscreen, Arnold tosses a guy from a phone booth,
flips through the listings until he finds her,
and as he pulls up to the driveway,
I am the only one holding my breath.
Arnold knocks on the door and it opens,
he says Sarah Connor?
and she says,
yes,
(her only line in the movie)
and then he shoots her like twenty-two times,
and moves on to the next Sarah Connor in the phone book.
Six months ago,
my friend Megan asked me, do
you think you would marry him?
and I laughed into the phone, said
that would be a disaster,
meant,
that would be a disaster, but
Iâd do it in a heartbeat if he asked,
meant,
of course, Iâm not the one heâs looking for,
but goddamnÂ
if it didnât sound like it
when he said my name