I'm funny sometimes

Kilometery Cyrus

Het guys I'm going to change my name to Peanut Butter, because I sexually identify as jelly.

I quit my job at Starbucks today. It was day after day just the same ol' grind.

So why did the chicken cross the road? Far away voice: Because he has free will or something. I don't know dude, aren't you just supposed to make dad jokes and puns or something, that's it I'm out. *takes sledgehammer, breaks the 4th wall and walks through it*. Wow I did not expect a maze to be here. That is certainly aMAZEing.

You know, the Wright Brother's father once said, "I did not think you would fly, but I guess you were... wright".

Why did the bee have self esteem issues? Because he did not beelieve in himself.

So I girl came up to me and said she met me from the Vegetarian Club in college.... But I never met herbivore.

Dogs can't run MRIs... but catscan.

You know, I once met a girl with a dozen nipples. I know, sounds wierd, dozen tit?

Never go to the national peanut festival, I heard that place was nuts

Why is two times ten the same as two times eleven?... Because two times ten is twenty, and two times eleven is twenty, too.

Whats the most famous fish?... The starfish. Also on a side note, if you find a more famous one, let minnow.