hi, i write.

you're not far enough cause when i find myself crying i'm still craving your touch and if you asked i'd gladly say no knowing no one could ever make me feel whole

baby let's fucking go crash every party like we've never known of something quite like invites baby let's go spread all the love around and if we keep going we might even start to fly baby i'm ready, i'm ready to die.

oh how good it feels to be wrapped up in bed as sickly as ever, i am celebrating death so long i have waited for us to break who knew a heartbreak was all that it takes

yeah it feels so good to rid myself of you oh baby, been crying my whole entire life  just to get a taste of this freedom i’ll be enjoying the rest of my time

you got me waiting got me staying up all night just to wait for a ‘no, thank you’ and some other shitty white lies but i swear this is the last time you’ll be able to fuck me up my sleeping patterns, my mind and soul won’t let you in to push me down a hole deeper than i’ve ever been i hope you rot in trash filled bins

i know it’s been a while since we’ve last spoken i know we were meant to see each other but i’d rather never see you again how does it feel to be without me? how does life feel in reality? we were meant to be together but i never wanna see you again

too many times i’ve cried about the past too long i have held on to something that would never last to something long gone

and now i’m off to somewhere far trying to heal my heart from all disappointment, fears and wishes i’m off to somewhere far far away from here i’ll start living my life just like it is without hoping someday i’ll get that kiss yeah i’m off.

i’m off.

goodbyes always felt too good much better than this and i’m not surprised that we ended too i couldn’t write you a list of all the friends i ran away from too many times i walked off and they all led to me leaving you but this time’s tough

i guess i killed two birds with one stone broke two hearts on my own and now i’m stuck with myself yeah i’m crying for help

no, we never loved me we could never be two lovebirds tweeting away so i burned whatever we had and now i wish we weren’t dead i guess i want you back.

i guess.

i'm fucked up in my head i built a wall around my bed no i'll never leave my comfort so i guess i'll die instead of searching the people that are made for me i know i'll die instead cause i try to make it work, want to find the people who were made for me but maybe it's just not meant to be yeah, maybe it's just not meant to be.

oh i wish, oh i wish that i could be myself and i wish, yeah i do that i didn't have a clue fuck, i wish i didn't care cause the fear is always there what if they see me and what if i share too much, a smudge, not fucking enough.

there will always be good days and bad days worse days but better

you criticize, you crash my pride and i’m still surprised at how much i wanna disguise? you’re the source of all doubts in my brain and i wish so badly that i could blame everyone and you for creating this monster but you don’t even realize, i’m the one to walk in shame and it’s so unfair, now i have to redeem everything you set out to destroy a dream.

you, yeah you’ve always got something to say i do, make, create and play and you’ve got nothing, still you manage to lay out all the flaws, even the good sides of me you manage to belittle, am i created to be? just a thing you can train to be everything you want

am i just a fucking fail?

lost myself in the process cause there’s no one to be myself with and if there’s no one who am i? and if i’m just a ghost

who am i?

my friends are busy my family is there but i’m too devastated to try to care

and it all comes down to me a lazy, lonely ghost exists but only partly

it all comes down to a ghost and you expect me to do well?

y’all got me wondering what’s wrong with me? is it my hair, is it my face, cause it feels like a chase and unfair, but anyway

what’s wrong with me?

they say be yourself but everything means nothing when nothing is enough

they say everyone deserves to be loved but i’m not enough no i’m not 

i miss the comfort of our friendship i miss the comfort of your company even though your love was never real i miss fantasizing about this fantasy

from the smell of your embrace to the emotions on your face from the talks to the laughs the text messages and hearts

i miss knowing you’ll be there forever and always, you would care i miss believing you feel the same

now i know it’s all fake, fake, fake.

will i ever be able to listen to 1d songs without thinking it’s you that i’m missing oh i’m missing you so much