Rat King System

Anyone else terrified that they are toxic and manipulative and just can’t see it? Or is that just me?

A lot of people who’ve been abused think this. It’s very common for abusers to try to convince their victims that they, in some small part, deserve the abuse. And a common way of doing that is to frame the defensive tactics of the victim as bad, manipulative things.

when are we gonna stop using the word “abusive” as a synonym for “just being an asshole”

hate 2 break this 2 yall but the world isnt split up into nice people and abusers. being cruel or manipulative in the absence of an observable pattern of behavior and an established power dynamic isnt abuse. sometimes people are just shitty

getting used to the idea that there are people who will actually respect my boundaries is so hard. like, i’m allowed to change my mind? i’m allowed to stop things if im uncomfortable? i can disagree safely? i can talk without being criticized? i can open up without being torn apart? like okay. all of that sounds fake but okay

are you an “avoid all triggers” victim or a “hyper-expose yourself to your trauma(s)” victim

im not anti-self dx per say but when i see 14 year olds on here diagnosing themselves with 3 personality disorders it’s really hard to be supportive since their personalities are still developing and therefore will change as they mature and get older. also, the mental health community on here isn’t so healthy at times. often times i see people shutting down others for simply giving advice on how to feel better/what you can do to help yourself…this is especially toxic for impressionable young people who will take anything they see and form the same beliefs. this goes for diagnosing yourself as well; by saying there is no way to see a doctor because of the bias of mental health professionals, costs, etc. you are essentially telling young people to not even try to reach out. although i do understand where many people are coming from when they talk about the flaws in the mental health system it is still best to reach out if/when you can…that being said once again i’m not completely anti-self dx but i do believe it is not completely necessary. professionals give diagnosis to help them figure out what meds/treatment can help and unless you are using your diagnosis to help yourself it really is useless.

also another thing some people don’t fully understand is that you can exhibit traits of a pd without having the disorder. my psychiatrist and therapist have both told me that i have bpd traits but i dont have bpd, and that with time and treatment those symptoms will resolve. so ultimately remember this: although you may be experiencing some symptoms to a degree it’s not the best to self dx especially when young, because more times than not those symptoms will go away. im in no way saying that what you’re experiencing isn’t real but rather that it might not be what you think it is.