welcome to my candy store

did i actually relapse or did i just never recover

NO LITTLE GERMAN BOY DO NOT CREATE A TUMBLR ACCOUNT!!!

the main thing that puts me off of playing chess is that there is 2000 years of gameplay that hundreds of people with higher IQs than me have spent thousands of hours studying the history of, so much so that when i put the pawn forward they say “ah i see youre going for the bulgarian somersault” and then i try to take their bishop with my knight and they go “aw, rookie mistake, youve played the frenchmans cumsock, and in approximately 37 moves i’ll have won”

Fucking awesome

im the guy who has to jack him off to keep him docile and to stop his thousand years blood lust and i totally agree. tight scrotum. small but powerful penis. circumcised.

Hate diet culture so much bitches will b like “don’t eat processed carbs they’re so bad for you” like and??? So what?? God did not give us grain and stone to grind it with for no reason. Bread is inevitable. Bread is food for the heart and the soul. U think I’m gonna give that up in pursuit of instagram fitness?? U think I’m gonna deny myself the simple pleasure of toast with jam so I can endlessly chase an ever-shifting standard of beauty that ultimately means nothing? In 20 years I will no longer be beautiful and in 60 my body will be vacant food for other, smaller creatures. But the taste of fresh bread? Of homemade donuts and still-warm pie? I will carry the taste on my tongue into whatever follows this life. So like. Stop telling me I should diet lmao. I’m not abt to martyr myself just to get a man to look at me.

Op genuinely thank you for this

The funniest part of this, to me, is that they didn’t use the “G” in Super Mario Galaxy? 

What about the H in Super Mario Sunshine? @pesky-plumbers

@pesky-plumbers what about the F from Mario Golf?

y in mario party

there was a g in this one too tho

Truly this is one of the only situations where each word felt like someone was punching me in the face and it kept getting worse

“you only lick once!” -what a dog would say :)

Wrong. Dogs can lick many, many times and are acutely aware of this.

Um make your own post?

A dog would never say “yolo” or “you only lick once” because they can lick many, many times and are acutely aware of this.

ok let’s be fucking real here. Pennywise wouldn’t be sweet and cuddly. Pennywise isn’t gonna fuck you nicely. Penny is gonna bend you over, push your face into the mud, rip your clothes off and take what’s his. He’s hungry. He’s gonna take all that pent up frustration from dealing with kids to rail you… pound you until your eyeballs fall out of your fucking skull.

y'all forgetting, that since he lives in the sewers, he likes it dirty. So y'all dont have to worry about douching, actually he even would be against it. And he wouldn’t mind the smell neither cuz it would give him a feeling of home ❤

this gave me an aneurysm

they say the human body is 70% water. youll be 100% water by the time im done with you.

Wh….. what are you going to do to me…..

answer his question