Asteria

“I wasn’t about this life,” Rufus says, looking away. “And I would’ve been game with game over. But that’s not what my parents and sis wanted for me. It’s mad twisted, but surviving showed me it’s better to be alive wishing I was dead than dying wishing I could live forever. If I can lose it all and change my attitude, you need to do the same before it’s too late, dude. You gotta go for it.”

I don’t know if it’s sadder to die alone or in the company of someone who not only doesn’t mean anything to you, but also probably doesn’t care much for you either.

Having the chance to say goodbye before you die is an incredible opportunity, but isn’t that time better spent actually living? Maybe I would feel differently if I could count on people showing up to my funeral. If I had more friends than I do fingers.

This is a room for a princess, and I am anything but that.

There are so many moments I wish I could relive again. Especially the smaller ones. The quieter ones that we often don’t think about. Those are the moments I look back and miss the most. Us sitting on the floor in Sam’s room doing homework together, or watching movie musicals in Mika’s living room on the weekends. Or that time we decided to grab blankets and bring them to the backyard to watch the sunrise together, for no reason. We stayed up all night, talking about what we wanted to do ten years from now, waiting to see that burning red glow curve along a dark sky, oblivious to the significance of seeing another day. And oblivious to a future when one of us would be gone.

“We have too many voices inside our heads. You have to pick out the ones that mean something to you. What story do you want to tell?”

“It can’t be that simple, though—“ I start.

I really need to focus again, and pull myself together, because what else am I supposed to do? The world keeps moving, no matter what happens to you.

But they don’t know how it was for me, the times I had to watch the others get what they wanted while I pretended I want nothing.

“Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you didn’t lie”

“If it’s my time, then I’ll go gladly. There’s no sweeter way to enter heaven than beside the one you love”

But magic was not always so linear. It was born from odium. From love. From revenge.