Literally Just A Bear

whose dumb ass idiot fuck idea was it to make medicine cost money

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

its interesting how the people who say "my trauma made me funny" are never actually funny just uncomfortably self-deprecating

IT GOT BETTER

The RomCom Aunties!

(to the tone of creep by radiohead) but i'm asleep. on mypillow

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

not to be horny on my horny blog but I'm kinda horny

I'm shy at first and then im like donkey from shrek