Cosmic Joke

An apple farmer and a garlic farmer team up to fight their mutual nemesis, a vampire doctor

Dr. Acula

“you push everyone in your life away, but i’m the one you’re always chasing” is a pretty bold line seeing how it’s from lego batman (2017) said by the joker to batman after he turned wayne manor into a circus and killed the eye of sauron

Every single time a trivia show has a question that I know the answer to but none of the contestants do I’m like God if only I was there…I would win that whole game…ignoring the fact that I cannot answer the other 19 out of 20 questions

this gif is perfectly timed because it gives you enough time to read it, comprehend it, and still have this too-long-for-comfort moment of suspense before being punched square in the solar plexus

@genuine-possum

He needs two years of real life full time kinging experience and a prescription from a recognised government expert. Waiting times are currently seven years.

Hormone royalty therapy

wholesome

Culture is so obsessed with the idea of lone geniuses that it doesn't really appreciate that most of the progress of science (and likely every other discipline) occurs collaboratively, in babysteps, and usually through a lot very tedious, utterly unsexy, work.

This is what’s so faulty with our short sighted coverage of scientific discoveries. You hear politicians question why we spend money on science studying insect wings and then decades later that research gets used by NASA for the most efficient way to fold/unfold solar panels on spacecraft. All of science is connected and useful because it enhances our understanding of the universe

my balcony blocks my view of the playground, but I heard one child yell "I FOUND A FROG" with a great deal of excitement and now there is screaming, so I'm filling in some blanks

situational update: a little girl screamed "LEAVE HIM ALONE" and now there's noises that sound suspiciously like a child getting wailed on by a wiffle ball bat

further update: parent has been called to the scene. distribution of fault is underway. bat appears to have been confiscated.

bat has been returned under the promise of not deploying it once more against brothers. the pause and "but tell him to leave the frog alone" tells me it will likely come back into play shortly.

ra ra rasputin is objectively the funniest song ever written it's like "rasputin was an advisor to the romanovs and honestly he was a bit of a power-hungry conman (oof)... but you're not here for a history lesson! you want to know how much he fucked, don't you? well i'll tell you: he fucked. he fucked often and severely."

and it's a banger