green eyes, fried rice

It seemed really stupid to you, a PR relationship with your co-star for a film? Sure, this was your debut into acting, but you had confidence in your ability to perform well and were certain that the film would do great, it was a lovely story! You didn’t need additional PR help to make the film successful. You loved the script, it was a nice, yet realistic friends-to-lovers story. It had range, happiness, sadness, comedy, intimacy…you wouldn’t have chosen a stupid script for your first attempt at the silver screen! So the fact that your agent had written this into the contract with whoever your co-star was going to be, it felt a little insulting to you. 

“It’s offensive! I don’t want to fake date anyone, Fred!” You whined into the phone, “Everyone’s going to see it coming from a mile off…what if they cast someone I hate? What’s gonna happen then?” You asked and he spoke calmly, trying to appease you.

“Think of it as more acting practice! You have to act like you’re into the person when in public.”

“No one is going to agree to that.”

“Sweetheart, everyone will agree to it. It’s a classic PR move! They’re just gonna be kicking themselves for not thinking of it first! It basically guarantees film success for these rom-com type of things.” He said and you sighed and nearly hung up out of frustration. You wished that he had at least asked your permission before including this in the contract.

A few weeks later you were called in by the production and directing team for a few chemistry tests with the two actors that they were split between. They didn’t want to tell you who they were looking at for casting as to prevent any bias on your part during the chemistry read. They wanted to see it for themselves who you vibed with the most. Fred had told you to stop trying to figure it out because both picks were fairly new to the acting world. And when the day came, you were sick to your stomach. You hardly ate anything since the night before because of it. 

When you were introduced to the first guy you did recognize him a bit but you couldn’t really place him. He shared that he had done a lot of supporting work and this would be his first time in a lead role if he got it. He was trying so hard though, trying to make it look like you guys were vibing well. Your interactions felt really inauthentic. The way he would knock his head back and laugh in an exaggerated manner whenever you said something slightly humorous, the way he would lean in closer to speak to you, and touch your arm or shoulder even when you crossed them over your body to indicate that you were uncomfortable. Then when you guys did a couple of test scenes, one of them being the lead up to one of the more intense dialogues between the characters, he came on really strong and theatrically and it was cringey; even you knew that he wasn’t it as they thanked him for his time and off he went.

“We’re gonna break for a few minutes. Meet back in here in 10!”  Someone announced and you took full advantage to go make yourself a tea while they reset the makeshift “set”. Fred knew better than to talk to you right now, you were still quite annoyed at him for putting you in the PR dating situation. So when you felt someone come up beside you, you didn’t say anything, he’d get the hint.

“Ummm, pardon?” You heard an unfamiliar voice and you did a double take over your shoulder when you realized that the person who was looming behind you patiently was Harry Styles, the glasses he had on threw you off a bit.

“Oh god, sorry! I’m taking up the whole counter aren’t I?” You apologized as you grabbed your phone and dropped it in your purse and grabbed that from the top of the counter to make space for him and he smiled at you.

“That’s alright.” He assured you, “I just wanted to introduce myself before we all have to head back in.” He explained and you nodded. You quickly set down your tea packet and extended your hand to his and you shook it firmly and briefly. “I’m Harry.” He introduced himself.

“Y/N.” You smiled warmly.

“I know. Umm, I really liked your EP.” He said to you and your eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh wow, thank you so much! I like your glasses.” You said stupidly and he laughed as he glanced down at the ground between you and you mentally scolded yourself, “ Y-your albums too!” You added in, “I genuinely love all of your albums.” You giggled, trying to mask the star stuck feeling and embarrassment from your little blunder. “The last one, it was phenomenal! I put so many friends onto it.” You shared and he smiled timidly as he glanced away for a moment again before looking back at you.

“Thank you, that’s very generous of you.” He thanked you modestly, as if he hadn’t won an album of the year Grammy for it.

“It really was the least I could do. Great work.” You assured and he chuckled. You knew that one of his best friends was producing this film and you’d heard rumors that he might be writing on the soundtrack, so while you were shocked that he was here for this chemistry/screen test you didn’t think it too odd. Maybe it was going to help him get the vibes between you and whoever else they cast opposite you so that he could start working on the music. “So are you going to be writing some pieces for the soundtrack?” You asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, I thought the script was so genuine and I don’t know, I’m quite partial to hyperrealistic stories like this. The ones that show the challenges as well as the good things.” He said and you nodded.

“Oh my god, same. I know that films should sometimes be an escape, a reprieve if you will, from reality and just be optimistic and romanticize the good but I really love it when it feels like I’m looking in the mirror, you know? Or when it helps me relate to others more. I just love the humanity so much.” You explained and he nodded along. 

“Yeah, definitely.” He agreed. “What do you love most about this story?”

“Just the hope of it all…” you sighed happily, “I mean, who isn’t a sucker for a good friends-to-lovers trope? That whole “it’s been you all along” moment has happened to so many of us, I think. Like it’s the ideal scenario for falling in love, no? When you discover that your love for someone is so much bigger than you thought it was. But what I loved most is the way Cara learns to love herself and knows when to choose herself. It’s shows so much strength and integrity to herself. But yeah, I mean the love story between the two characters is also really great, so…normal.” You hummed. 

“Yeah, it’s so pure, isn’t it? I love how it builds so realistically, like you know all the good bits but also all the bad bits of a person and still love them and they you just as you are.”

“Exactly.” You hummed and he smiled.

“And how’d the last guy do with that?” He asked you, “You can be honest, I won’t tell.” He assured you with a little grin.

“Honestly, a little too forced for my liking. Like fake laughing and inside jokes kind of thing, it was a bit cringey. And well, the acting was far too theatrical for film in my opinion. He very clearly comes from a theater background, it was like really over the top.” You explained to him and he hummed.

“Hmmm…Well, I hope I do better than that.” He said and you froze.

“Wait. You’re the other choice?” You asked him and he nodded, “Oh…”

“I didn’t come and say hi just for fun. It was strictly business.” He joked with a playful grin and you shook your head in disbelief.

“And here I thought you were just here out of the kindness of your heart. To like pick up on the vibes for inspiration for the music.” You chuckled, feeling even more nervous now. “I was basically told that this was amateur hour by my agent.”

“Well, between the two of us, I’m quite the amateur when it comes to acting.” He said and you laughed a little in disbelief.

“Are you fucking kidding me? This is my first acting gig since…my high school play where I was dragged into playing Rizzo because the original cast member dropped out the week before because she hated how she looked in the wig!” You exclaimed, “Please forget the modesty. You’ve been in a Nolan film!” You said to him and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yeah, and all I did was swim around in the freezing cold ocean trying not to drown in that heavy ass uniform. The panic I portrayed was very real! There was no acting talent required. I was genuinely fighting for my life on that set.” He joked and you laughed and shook your head. 

“Well, I think you’ll get the part. We’re genuinely laughing, right? Or are you acting so well that I can’t tell whether it’s genuine or not?” You asked and he raised his eyebrows smugly.

“Definitely acting, even wore my glasses since the character does int eh script.” He said  jokingly and you giggled.

“Well, they suit you.” You complimented and he smiled bashfully.

“Thanks.” He responded, “But ummm, we are genuinely laughing…I think we’ll do good in there.” He said with a little more confidence.

“I think so too.” You hummed.

“Here’s to hoping. Well, I’m gonna head back in now, but I’ll see you in there, okay? Wish me luck!” He smiled warmly and you smiled and nodded as you watched him head back into the reading room.

************

It almost goes without saying that Harry was cast as the other lead opposite you. You guys did get along well and you also read well together, the screen test was great too. It was evident how personal these roles felt to each of you. So after a few days you were sitting before each other with your teams present to work out the terms of this PR relationship you’d have. It was all pretty basic; some of the parameters set were that this was business so no canoodling outside of the contractually obligated appearances, there were an agreed upon number of appearances you’d have to do during and post production. There were strict boundaries on what PDA was okay and what wasn’t, it was all very straight forward. So with both parties having most of their conditions met, you guys signed the contract.

…. ONE MONTH LATER ….

Now, you guys were a quarter of the way through filming and being the delusional hopeless romantic you were, you’d started developing real feelings for Harry. He was just so sweet and fun and thoughtful. For example, your birthday had fallen during production and he bought you flowers and a cake and had everyone sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you. Or when you had a scheduled appearance but were feeling ill from your period cramps, instead of making you sit through dinner at a restaurant, he drove you to the nearest pharmacy and walked around with you to buy you tampons and snacks. You loved it and everyone else did too. Or just little thoughtful things he’d do for the staff after a long day, he was just a complete sweetheart and it was getting harder and harder for you to just ignore it and not take his kindness all that personally.

Harry wasn’t really one to talk your ear off, he loved conversation, but mostly the listening bit. He liked to learn and hear other people’s thoughts and opinions. Like a sponge, he absorbed all the information and stowed it away for a later time. You could tell by the way he looked at you that he was listening. Like now…

“-it was just really stupid.” You sighed in slight irritation, “Like you just don’t follow someone to their car in a parking garage at night to ask for their picture!” You ranted and he nodded.

“You’re absolutely right. That’s scary, when someone follows you all the way to your car…”

“It was! And it was one of those things where like, if I started to run I knew they would start running after me so I tried to stay calm but in the end I just freaked out a little bit.” You explained, “Fuck, now they’re going to write shit about me being rude online.” You sighed as you guys drove out to the wine bar you were going to be spending some time at this evening.

“Look, you know you did nothing wrong and you’ve never lost it on someone before. If they do post that video and see an empty car park no one is going to think you were being rude. You can’t chase down a woman at night in a parking structure.” He said and you sighed.

“You’re right…” you agreed after you calmed down a bit. “H-how do you do it?”

“Chase women down?” He asked with a playful smile and you rolled your eyes and giggled at his little joke.

“Seriously though. Like deal with the obsessed people and the stalkers that just follow you around from a distance.”

“It is scary for me too. I mean, it sucks to say you get used to it, but you will.” He said and you nodded, “Like I don’t really go out alone in the evenings any more, try to do everything in the day time, with friends if possible. And like at night I’ll drive if I really need to go out, but like I’ve caught people trying to sneak in behind my car at the gate at my home in London. Or just like wait out there for me to come and go. I hate having security there all the time, but for a time I did have someone around patrolling a bit, it did help. Gave me some peace of mind, you know?”

“Yeah…well sorry if I…dampened the mood, I’m just still a little shaken up.” You explained.

“No, I get it.” He assured you with a smile, “Well the wine bar we’re going to is very low-key, so I don’t think anyone will bug us until we walk out to leave. Unless you’re in the mood for something else?” He asked you and you shook your head.

“The wine bar sounds really good right now.” You said to him and he smiled.

Your evening with Harry had been really fun. Not that you guys never had fun, but he was being extra sweet and attentive considering what had happened to you the night before. There were an assortment of board games available to play or you could choose to color and talk, but seeing as you weren’t too keen on any of the games you pulled out your trusty deck of cards from the depths of your purse. He found it extremely amusing that you just had that in your purse but went easy on the teasing. 

You rotated playing a few games, you taught him how to play 21 and Speed and it was getting so competitive. Obviously, you were at an advantage considering you knew how to play the games already. He did alright at 21, but when you started to play speed your expertise shone. You were kicking his ass and eventually beat him enough times (four times) that he decided it was time to change games. He kicked your ass at Scrabble and Connect 4 for retribution, but by that point you’d had at least four glasses of wine and were pretty tipsy. He was too, he was all giggly and pink in the cheeks and the tip of his nose, almost as if he were freezing cold and not teeming with warmth. His voice had dropped a bit deeper and his eyes had a slight glassy sheen over them and they were a bit lidded. You were both far more touchy now, it started rather innocently though.

“You’re cheating.” You said to him as he laughed.

“How can you cheat at Scrabble!?” He asked through his laugh.

“You’re picking your tiles.”

“I am not!” He scoffed through a laugh.

“Let me pick one for you then.”

“Hell no.”

“I’m only getting consonants! I need to prove that something is up.”

“How is that possible?”

“It just is!” You said and he laughed.

“Only if I can pick your letter.”

“Okay, deal.” You agreed and you drew his next five tiles after he’d put down ‘reflex’ joint to your previous word, ‘car’. 

“I got one consonant, a good one too.” He said as he arranged them on his rack.

“Of course you did…” you murmured as you looked over your options. You really only had consonants. “Okay…” you said as you grabbed the only three tiles that would work with what was on the board, “Eggs.” You said with a small smile as you tagged on the g-g-s to one of the e’s in ‘reflex’ and he burst into laughter.

“That’s all you have?! I don’t believe this.” He said.

“It is!” You laughed through your insistence.

“Let me see.” He said reaching for your rack of letters and you batted his hand away.

“Stop cheating!”

“I’m not! I’m trying to help you.” He chuckled as he grabbed your wrists in one hand to grab the rack and turn it towards him. When he saw your letters his smile dropped, “Mmmm, I see your predicament. And here I thought you just couldn’t spell…” He teased with a smirk and you arched your eyebrows up at his little joke.

“Ha-ha.” You mocked and he chuckled.

“Come here.” He said patting the spot beside him on the tabletop and you were tipsy enough that you didn’t question it. You dragged your stool over beside his and he sighed that you were too far and you squealed in surprise when he grabbed the edge and tugged you even closer to him as easily as if he had slid your empty glasses of wine out of the way. You knew he was strong, you’d seen it with your own eyes over the course of your professional relationship together. But with your growing feelings and the wine fogging up your brain you melted inside at this simple display of strength.

“Geez!” You gasped and he chuckled.

“Sorry.” He hummed with a smile before patting at your hip and looking back at the rack of letters he took from you. “Okay, so…you’re a bit fucked.” He said after scanning the rack some more.

“Well, you didn’t need to drag me over here to tell me that.” You giggled and he turned to you.

“Well, you’re here now, so win-win I’d say.” He flirted and you felt the blood rushing up to your face and making your cheeks and ears go hot.

You didn’t move from his side the rest of the time you were there. All games were forgotten, you were just fiddling with each other’s fingers under the table, your hand resting over his thigh, talking nonsense, and giggling as the alcohol got to the both of you. The way he was looking at you was making you feel like the only other person on the planet. You typically shied away from intense, undivided attention but he wasn’t ostentatious in the way he gave it. It was subtle and personal, it made you feel seen. After ordering one more glass you decided it was time to go, so Harry called your driver. You were getting hungry for some real food as you’d only been munching on the complementary bread they’d been bringing you guys.

“Bill’s here.” He informed you and you reached for your bag while Harry came around and helped you off of the high stool. You were wearing some heels because he was just so tall, but of course, your landing was a bit shaky and you both laughed as he grabbed around your waist. “You good?” He asked with a grin and you nodded up at him, “Sure?”

“M’sure. Just got a little wobbly there.” You giggled as you glanced up at him.

“Here.” He said extending his hand.

“It’s alright. I’m good.” You assured him.

“I’m sure you are, but we’re supposed to do the pictures for the paps, remember?” He said more quietly.

“Oh right, right…” you mumbled and it made you a bit sad as you handed your hand over. He took it and started guiding you though the bar to get out.

You could see people in the bar also taking videos of you guys walking out, calling all this attention to yourself like you were supposed to. But hey, at least you were holding his hand. When you guys got outside the flashes started going off and the paps were calling out to you both but you kept your eyes down at Harry’s shoes, you were a little too tipsy for this. Harry’s grip on you tightened as he pulled you to the car waiting right along the curb and then opened the door to help you in before sliding in behind you.

“God, didn’t think there’d be so many.” He said and you nodded as you buckled up.

“Heading home?” Bill asked.

“Yeah, please. And can you make a little detour on the way so we could get some food?”

“Certainly.”

“Okay, we’re still choosing we’ll pick something on route to her place.”

“Sounds good, just let me know.” He smiled and Harry thanked him before asking you again what you wanted. 

You eventually settled on some dumpling place on the way and placed your order online so that it would be ready to pick up when you arrived. Thankfully, that all went to plan and soon you were being dropped off at your house. The lack of stimulation really perpetuated the tipsiness you were both feeling. You were laughing as you navigated your way to your kitchen in mostly the dark, guiding Harry through so that he wouldn’t get hurt.

“Here we are. Can’t wait to eat.” You said and he nodded in agreement. You guys split the food and then curled up on your couch to watch something on the TV while you ate and chatted. Harry started to sober up a lot faster than you which was great as he had to go home after this. You were trying to get on his level so you chugged your big glass of water and then dropped back onto the couch.

“You feeling alright?”

“Yeah, a bit better.” You said and he smiled.

“Good. Did you have fun?” He asked and you nodded.

“A lot of fun actually. Though to be fair, I think you pick fun things to do.” You said and he smiled.

“Oh good! I mean I think I’m quite boring.” He confessed.

“No…I don’t think you’re boring at all. I’m definitely more of a homebody so getting to do all these different things has actually been really great.” You assured him.

“Funny, I pegged you as more of an extrovert than me.” He said and you shook your head.

“Oh no, I’m definitely more introverted than anything.” You chuckled.

“You know, I have a lot of fun with you too. I’m glad it’s you I get to do this with.” He said as he glanced towards you and you smiled down at your lap.

“Yeah, me too.” You responded weakly, but he didn’t catch it, thankfully. 

Truth be told, you were still tipsy and were having a hard time getting down to his level of sobriety. And with that came this avalanche of sincerity that could not be avoided or misdirected. In fact, the longer he stayed with you the more you felt the thread of your composure starting to fray. You were fighting against yourself and your need to get closer to him, you wanted to feel his warmth radiating onto you, you wanted the scent of his cologne to waft over you as you buried yourself into his side. You wanted to feel the rumble of his chest when he spoke lowly to you.

“Hey, are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just…thinking.” You said through a tight lipped smile.

“About?”

“Just the film and how much fun I’m having. S’gonna be sad when it’s over.”

“Yeah, it will be. But you don’t have to think about it being over just yet.” He reminded. “We’ve still got a couple more months of filming and things…and this.” He said and you nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right.” You decided and suddenly stood up. “I need to go to the bathroom. Ummm, let me take all of this…” you said of your food containers.

“It’s alright, I’ve got this, you go on.” He assured you and with one more confirmation via a firm nod you headed off to the bathroom.

You just needed to splash some cold water on your face or something. Do anything to freshen up a little and get out of your head. So you did just that as soon as you’d relieved yourself. You grabbed one of the hand towels and soaked it with cold water and dabbed it all over your face. After a few moments you were heading back out and to the kitchen where Harry was just filling up the bag the dumplings had come in with you trash.

“Do you want the vinegar and and chili oil?” He asked, hearing your steps behind him.

“Ummm, just the chili oil. I repurpose it.” You said and he smiled and dropped in the two little sauce cups of black vinegar before tying it up. “You can just leave it, I have to take it out back.” 

“Sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Alright. Well, it’s nearing 1am, I should get going.” He said as he turned around and you nodded.

“Yeah. Ummm, are you good t-to drive?” You asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, the food really sealed the deal.” He chuckled and you smiled.

“Positive? You can stand on one leg?” You asked jokingly and he did so. “Count down from 100 in intervals of 7?” You asked with a raised eyebrow and he scrunched his face down pensively.

“I can try…I didn’t finish high school so it might be a bit harder for me thank most.” He said with a small grin.

“Mmm…don’t think that’ll hold up in court.” You joked and he laughed and shook his head.

“You’re quite funny, you know?” He said and you smiled and shrugged.

“Triple threat.”

“I think that third is supposed to be the dancing bit actually.”

“Who cares about dancing? Would you rather a partner who can dance or who makes you laugh?”

“Mmm…Facts.” He smiled and you shrugged.

“No brainer.” You said and he nodded, “Okay, I’ll uh, I’ll walk you out.” You said and you guys made your way to your door.

“Genuinely, I’ve had an especially fun time with you tonight.” Harry said as you got into the foyer.

“Me too. I’ve never done something like that before.”

“Well, we could always do it again, maybe you’ll have better luck with Scrabble.” He smiled and you chuckled.

“Yeah, maybe.” You said, “Hey so ummm, in a few months the LA Opera is opening up Turandot.” You said and he looked at you quizzically, “I’m sure you know the most famous song, or at least heard it?”

“How does it go?”

“It’s the…Nessun dorma, nessun dorma. Tu pure o principessa, nella tua fredda stanza… you’ve heard it.” You said and he nodded.

“Yeah, I think I have.”

“Yeah, it’s this incredible Italian opera and I’ve always wanted to see it but none of my friends are really into that. Not that you are, but you said you like classical music, this is kind of a branch of of that…in a way and-”

“I’d love to go.” He said and you smiled.  

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure. We could tally off another one of our appearances.” He said and you bit your lip as the pang of hurt radiated from your chest and out to the rest of your body. But you smiled and nodded.

“Y-yeah, exactly. Just get another one of those out of the way.” You responded, trying your best to ward off the growing knot that was lodged up in your throat. You really were just inviting him as a friend, not as part of your PR arrangement, so the sting of rejection remained.

“Cool, I’ll get the details from my team then.”

“Yeah.” You nodded, holding back the need to cry now. It hurt so bad, you hadn’t been in this position in a long while, the unrequited affections position. You really just struggled with dating so you hadn’t really spent a lot of time with someone you were into in a long time so everything was just intensified in a way, including the disappointment. You quickly opened up the door to get him out of there as soon as possible so that you could go cry it out for a bit. “Remember we don’t shoot tomorrow morning.” You reminded and he smiled.

“Positive?” He asked as he turned to you and you nodded.

“It’s an afternoon shoot tomorrow.” 

“Okay, thank you. When’s call time?”

“For you it’s 3pm.” You said and he nodded.

“Okay…I really should start adding these to my calendar.”

“You should.” You concurred as he turned back to you with a smile.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He said and you nodded and he stepped closer and went in for a hug. You did hug sometimes, but you didn’t want to just now, but you gave in anyway, relaxing into his embrace as he squeezed around you just a bit. “Sleep well, alright?” He said softly as he started to pull back and you nodded but then he turned his head a bit and your noses bumped together.

“Sorry-”

“S’my fault.” He chuckled and then glanced down at your lips. “I ummm…” he trailed off and just grabbed your jaw gently and tilted it up and kissed you quickly on the lips. You didn’t even have time to react before he pulled away. “Shit.” He cursed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! Obviously, that was a mistake, I shouldn’t have done that.” He rambled as he let you go and took a step back.

“It’s alright, Harry.” You said and he shook his head.

“I didn’t even ask you and ummm…I don’t know, something just came over me and I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean t-to kiss you. Fuck…” he cursed at himself.

“Harry, I’m not upset. It’s fine.” You assured, trying to hint at the fact that you were very okay with this. 

“It’s not fine, Y/N. It’s not.” He said firmly and you couldn’t help it as your eyes started to well up, “It was a mistake. I’m not like into- like it just happened, okay?” He said instead and you just nodded. He was backed up enough now that he couldn’t see your glassy eyes all that well anymore.

“I get it, Harry. Drive safe.” You rushed out and then hurried inside and closed your door before locking it and resting your forehead against it as a soft sob broke past your throat.

*****************

After the initial shock wore off Harry rushed up to your door again, about to knock and apologize again but just as his first raised up he heard the latch of the deadbolt and sighed in defeat. He rested his forehead against the thick door for just a moment before he walked to his car. He got in and then glanced up to see if he could spot you through a window or make out where in the house you were by the flick of a light, but it just stayed dark for a minute or so and he shook his head.

“Fuck…fuck me.” He grumbled before taking off.

Harry actually had no idea where that impulse to kiss you had come from. He did like you, he wouldn’t have agreed to anything more than the film if he didn’t. And he had also had so much fun working with you so far, it was just so easy and such a good vibe that he often forgot that it was “work”. Like tonight, after having a few glasses of wine he was feeling rather touchy and vulnerable, like he usually did when he drank, and it was so nice to feel that relaxed around you. He felt comfortable and it really was just one of those impulsive thoughts that he had. He had thought about kissing you before, you would for the film. But lately it was on his mind a lot more because those scenes would start filming soon. Maybe even in the upcoming week. 

Harry wanted to call Tommy or Jeffrey and tell them what he did but he kew he’d get an earful and he didn’t want that right now. He just needed a little sympathy and possibly another drink. So he called one his more discrete friends as she also lived in Beverly Hills, just about 10 minutes away from you. And they sat out by the fire pit as they sipped on a cocktail. He was petting at her dog’s back while he shared what he’d done and how anxious he was feeling about having to face you at work now. He told her about the PR stunt and how he felt like he’d majorly crossed a line. And when she asked him why he was beating himself over this so much he wasn’t sure what to say. And she helped talk him down and reminded him that if you had said it was OK and you weren’t angry that this was entirely about him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’re making it bigger than it is. I mean…do you like her?”

“Of course I like her. We get along really well and-”

“You know what I mean, H.” She said with a knowing smile and he licked over his lips.

“Yeah, I guess I do a bit. Like starting too but I can’t you know? Last time I got involved with a co-worker it didn’t turn out so great for her. People were cruel.” He said.

“Well this isn’t last time. But I mean, if that’s now a boundary that you really don’t want to test ever again then do what’s going to make you feel better. But I mean, attraction and feelings are sort of out of our hands, you know?” She said with a smile, “And burying those too deep also isn’t good for you.” 

“Yeah.” He sighed.

“Did she kiss back?” 

“No.” He said quietly and she hummed, “I mean, it was fast…maybe she would have…I’m glad I didn’t stick around to find out though.” He admitted.

“So…I think you know how you want to proceed then.” She said and he sighed and nodded.

“Yeah, I guess…I guess I do.” 

He ended up staying the night there as neither of them had anything in the morning. But he headed home after one final pep talk from her, he needed to mentally prepare for seeing you again. He was an absolute wreck over it, his stomach was turning anxiously when he arrived before his call time just to talk to you, you were likely already there in hair and makeup. There was a dinner party scene you guys were filming, it was the scene where his character began to see yours in a different light. Very appropriate. 

“Hey Harry.” One of staffers greeted him as he breezed by.

“Hello!” He waved and then pushed up his glasses further not he bridge of his nose. He hurried over to the hair/makeup trailer. He knocked and heard a cheerful “come in!” From the artist Veronica. Harry stepped inside and as soon as your eyes met through the mirror you looked away quickly and then his eyes met Veronica’s.

“Hey H! I wasn’t expecting you yet!” She said with a smile.

“Just wanted to drop by a bit earlier.” He said and she nodded.

“Well feel free to sit, I’m almost done with Y/n. I’m ahead of schedule.”

“Thanks, ummm, I actually needed a word w-with Y/n.” He said to her, “If I can?” He asked and then glanced to you, to see if that was alright with you. You held his gaze for a second before you nodded.

“It’ll just be a moment, V.” You said to her.

“Maybe like 5-10 minutes.” He said to you and your inhale literally stopped. Your stomach fluttered violently, your heart pounded hard, and your mouth slightly dried.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll go get a drink. Do you guys want anything from the cafe?”

“No thanks, I’m good.”, “No thank you.” You and Harry responded and she smiled and gave him a pat on the arm as she walked past him and out of the trailer. Harry approached and sat in the seat adjacent to yours. You turned to him and he looked sad, defeated.

“Y/n, I’m so fucking sorry.” He apologized again and your eyes flickered down to your lap and you shook your head with a small smile.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Harry.” You assured him, “I’m not mad. Quite frankly I’m relieved because…because I…I uh-”

“Please, don’t.” He interrupted and your eyes fluttered up to his as the lump in your throat grew, “I know you what you’re about to say. Please don’t say it.” He implored and you bit down on your lip to hold back from frowning. “It doesn’t work. It won’t.” He said with certainty, “I’ve been there…I’ve fallen in love with a really wonderful person who was working along side me and it messed her up.” He said with a frown. “I can’t do that to anyone ever again.” He explained.

“I get it.” You whispered.

“Believe me, it’s hard. I think we work well together, don’t we. We mesh!”

“Really nicely.” You agreed.

“Yeah.” He confirmed, “So let’s-lets just do what we need to do and call it a day.”

“Okay.” You nodded your head robotically. You just shut down all your feelings because you couldn’t show him how deep in it you were by now. If you could save yourself from anything, at least the embarrassment.

“Does this change anything for you in terms of like the dates-er appearances w-we have to do?” He asked and you shook your head.

“No. Don’t want to make a fuss. Fred is kind of a nag, don’t want him harping and teasing me about it until something more embarrassing or astonishing makes him forget it.” You said.

“Yeah, they can give you a hard time…” he said and you nodded.

“Well uh- actually there is one thing.” You said and he nodded, “T-the opera thing ummm, let’s not do that.” You said and he frowned a bit, “It’s just that when I asked I ummm…I wasn’t asking you to go as an idea for the appearances. This kind of means a lot to me and I was actually asking you to come with me as a friend.” You clarified, “I’d want to go with well…someone who-”

“I get it.” He said with a small smile.

“Thank you.” You nodded.

“Well that’s it I guess.”

“Yeah.” You whispered and he stood and left quite awkwardly.

Once again, he was kicking himself over what he’d just done but it was for the best. He needed to put an end to this before he let himself like you a little too much and it ruined everything. Or worse, he gave in and you guys tried for a bit before things inevitably went to shit because of how awful the public were to you until they wore you down…better safe than sorry. He needed to stop this before it was too late.

***************

You were definitely hurt but you understood where Harry was coming from. And maybe he was right, it was just a bad idea to get involved more than professionally. Admittedly, if you had been in the place of his last girlfriend there was no way you could’ve been as poised as she was through all of it. Through all of the rumors, all of the hate, all of the lies, all of the tasteless jokes… you were confident in yourself but not to that extent, surely you’d have a public breakdown at some point with all of that pressure. 

But as the days went by you realized that you’d soon be filming the more intimate parts of this film. Normally, films didn’t film chronologically but this one did. The director really wanted to capture the natural growing closeness between you and Harry as filming progressed. Truth be told, you were acting your asses off and everyone on the set was buying it even though the bond between you two had broken down. Even your dates were different; you guys weren’t talking as much as before or learning more and more details about each other like before. Now you mostly talked about work to him or your plans after filming but nothing too personal. 

You were still nervous for the intimate scenes though, that’s what you would be doing today, the first intimate scene. You would surely do something to give away just how real your yearning was for him. Your actions couldn’t lie. Especially after you hadn’t been able to kiss back when he’d kissed you a few weeks before.

“Nervous?” Veronica asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, a bit.” You confessed.

“Don’t be. Just work with the natural tension and attraction the two of you already have going on and it’ll be perfect.”

“What do you mean?”

“Girl, you’re really gonna make me say it?” She said with a tsk.

“There’s nothing else going on.” You said and she gave you a disbelieving look.

“What was that a couple weeks ago with the “ten minute talk” he needed to have with you?” She asked you.

“It genuinely was a talk. We had a misunderstanding and I was a little upset at him.” You explained and her gaze softened from teasing and playful to sorry for assuming.

“Oh…I could’ve sworn that you guys-”

“No. No. I mean…I…I like him. Like that.” You said a bit shamefully and she pouted and sat down in the seat beside yours and nodded as she listened, “It’s kind of impossible not to when we spend so much time together and have gotten to know each other the way we have. Like god, it’s so amateur of me…” you shook your head and she sighed.

“Hey, no. Look at me, hon. Attraction is natural, you can’t help how you feel or how your brain responds to something! And quite frankly I think he…likes you too.” She said and you smiled sadly and shook your head.

“He doesn’t, that’s what he said that day. That he didn’t want to blur the lines and like…it’s been so weird since. So dry and robotic…ugh, I hate it so much. I don’t know how I can do this for another eight weeks.” You sighed.

“Well after you have to kiss all day just…act cool. It’s whatever, yeah? I’ve kissed tons of people and not all of it has to mean something, you know?”

“Yeah… I hope I can.”

“You can. You can do it. And i-if you need to talk about it or just be sad about it after you can talk to me. I won’t say a thing. Promise.” She assured you. 

“Thank you.” You said to Veronica and she smiled and nodded.

“Of course, hon.” she assured and this made you feel better. You could certainly get through the next weeks of filming if you had someone to talk to about this.

…. 8 WEEKS LATER ….

The lighting was dim as you approached the front door, the heavy and constant knocks on the door made you hasten your step. You finally opened the door to see Harry drenched from head to toe, clothes clinging to his skin as his eyes met yours.

“What’re you doing here?” You asked, your features creased in confusion as he stepped froward and you stepped back into the entrance.

“I needed to see you.” He said as he swung the front door back and it closed with a heavy thud.

“You just saw me-”

“I didn’t like seeing you with him.” He said coming closer and you sighed.

“Listen-”

“He’s not nearly good enough for you.” He said to you firmly and you scoffed.

“As much as I valued your opinion before, I don’t really care for it right now and I didn’t ask.” You responded.

“You didn’t need to. I know you.” He said as he reached for you and you increased the distance between the two of you.

“No you don’t. Not anymore.” You shook your head as your eyes started to well up.

“Don’t say that.” He frowned, the hurt evident on his face, “You’re my best friend. I know you.” He insisted again and you let out a sarcastic laugh.

“We haven’t spoken since…” you trailed off and swallowed thickly.

“Since I let you walk away.” He finished your thought for you and you nodded. “I was scared.” He admitted.

“You weren’t scared with April or Sarah.” You said and he sighed.

“They weren’t you. There was more to lose with you.” He explained and you shook your head.

“That’s a miserable excuse. You always do this!” You groaned with frustration, “You see that I’ve moved on, that I’m happy and then you come to me and make me believe you-”

“I know you’re not happy.” He interrupted.

“I’m happier than when I’m playing this stupid game with you!” You raised your voice, your breathing shallow as you expressed your frustration and he frowned. “You say you love me and fuck me and then say we can’t be together!”

“Can’t you see how that proves how much I love you?” He asked sincerely, his eyes meeting yours and you glanced away and shook your head, “I’ve loved you this whole time but I can’t risk losing my best friend.” He said and you sniffled as your tears started to fall.

“You don’t love me.” You rejected his claim, “You love who I’ve been for you. Always available, desperate for you to realize that I’ve been here the whole time, but I’m not that person anymore. I don’t need you any more.” You said and he frowned, “You don’t know what’s it been like…” you said to him with a sad smile, “Being here. Waiting. Watching you choose someone else over and over again and when it fails you come running back to me. But I’ve realized that if I wasn’t good enough to be your first or second choice, surely I’m not enough for you now. And I never will be.” You said to him, your voice cracked a bit.

“You are enough. You’re more than! I just wasn’t good enough for you. I didn’t want to hurt you and lose you.” He explained reaching for your hands and you pulled them out of his grip.

“Well, you hurt me any way. And you lost me anyway. And now that you know you’ve lost me you hate to see it. Well good.” You seethed and he frowned.

“Baby-”

“Don’t. Don’t start with that.” You warned with a frown, “I don’t believe you anymore. I gave my heart over to you every time, like an idiot, thinking that I’d be safe with you and every single time you’ve disappointed me! Well, not anymore.” You said and he reached for you again. “Please leave.”

“I’m not leaving until you tell me that you love me too.” He pressed and you scoffed.

“You need to move on!” You laughed incredulously.

“I can’t! Believe me, I’ve tried!” He raised his voice, his breathing hard, “I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you and that I’ve disappointed you but I’m not afraid anymore.” He said reaching for your hands once more and this time you let him take them, “I’m not afraid of the love we have for each other. I will do anything I can to prove to you that it’ll be different this time. That I won’t disappoint you ever again.” He said earnestly, “Please.” He begged and you swallowed thickly. “I need you like I need air! Being away from you has been torture. And seeing you with someone else has been worse than torture.” He said grabbing your jaw and angling you up gently. His thumb wiped your tears away carefully and you closed your eyes, “Nuh-uh, look at me.” He insisted and your eyes blinked open and met his again. “Say it. Say that you love me, baby. I need to hear you say it.” He practically begged as he leaned in closer.

“I love you.” You whispered and he quickly closed the gap between you. 

His warm, plump lips met your own hungrily. The soft wet sounds of your kisses and shallow breaths were  the only noises in the background, everything was perfectly still otherwise and it really felt like you two were the only people in the world in this moment. You were so close his sopping clothes were transferring the wetness to your own top and his strong hands were holding you low on your hips now, you could feel the cold of them through the thin sleep shorts you were in. “I love you, I do.” You mumbled against his lips and then pulled back and he chased after you but you turned your head to the side and squeezed your eyes shut as he kissed the corner of your mouth and up your jaw, “But I love me more.” You said as you pushed him back and he loosened his grip on you as he pulled back to look at you, his disappointment evident in his gaze, his eyes searching yours. “I’m more than a last resort.” You said and he frowned, “I always chose you and you never chose me, so I’m choosing myself over you this time.” You said and he looked at you with disappointment.

“Cara-”

“You’re going to be okay.” You assured him and he shook his head.

“What a silly thing to say.” He whispered with doubt, a sad smile on his lips.

“If I am after everything, you will be too.” You assured him with a half smile and he let you go.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized quite pitifully and you nodded.

“I know.” You said once more and he rolled his lips together and nodded before silently turning around and heading out the door. You walked over and turned the lock and then turned around and let out a long exhale and then your lips turned up in a small, but sincere smile as you glanced up to the ceiling and made direct eye contact with the camera peering down at you.

“CUT!” The director shouted and you exhaled and your smile widened, “And that’s a wrap!” She shouted and everyone broke out in a cheer. She rushed over and hugged you tight, praising you for how excellent this final scene was. Harry came over as well and got his own hug from her, thanking him for his delivery and congratulating him on a job well done. You also gave him a brief hug before greeting others from the cast.

All the raw emotions of the project being completed really helped you guys along this final scene. It had been one of those magical moments where the first take went perfectly. You guys ran through the entire dialogue and it worked exactly as everyone had envisioned it. Truly, you hardly even noticed the cameras around you guys. The film would be released on Prime in three short months, which was when your contractual obligation to each other would end. Your appearances together were going to be far more “private” now that filming was about to wrap. Sure, you’d be seen out at places together, but it was supposed to start to slow down. You had prepared what you would say when someone inevitably asked you what was going on between you two during the promo tour and press junkets. That you guys got really close to the characters and also each other during filming and just let these bleed together while filming and that obviously, it had started to cool down since you weren’t seeing each other every single day for 10 to 11 of the 24 hours the day had. 

“We did it.” Harry said as he came up to you as you guys got ready to go and you nodded.

“Yeah. It’s crazy that it’s already done.” You chuckled, still a little bit in shock and he nodded.

“Right…well I did have fun filming with you.” 

“Same.” You said with a small smile and he nodded.

“Are you going to the cast dinner tomorrow?”

“Of course, I’m in the cast…” You said through a chuckle.

“Duh…” he said nervously as he looked down at his feet in a bit of embarrassment.

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah.” You confirmed and turned to get into your car and just offered one final wave before you took off. 

You glanced back to see him still standing there, watching you go. You were glad your windows were tinted so that he couldn’t see you staring back, but you just weren’t sure what to feel. As much as you were into him, you were dreading the rest of your time “together”. Clearly to him this was just like any other task he had for work, maybe he was used to this but you weren’t. You’d never done anything like this before and you kind of expected him to be a little more understanding and not so harsh and cold about it like he had been with you.

…. TWO MONTHS LATER ….

Harry wasn’t that clueless, he noticed the shift in your interactions with him after filming ended. Almost as if you were relieved that you wouldn’t have to see each other every single day for hours and hours at a time. He knew that you liked him and he wished he had handled that differently because clearly the way he went about it hurt your feelings to the extent that you’d gone completely cold on him.

When you’d go out and he’d grab your hand it was dead weight in his grip. When he’d drape his arm around your shoulder he could feel the tension in them. And when you’d exchange “loving glances” your smile didn’t light up your eyes like before. Maybe it was just what you needed to do to get through the last month of this stunt but it was just going bad now. He wanted to apologize but he had no idea what he even needed to apologize for because he wasn’t sorry about the conversation he’d had with you.

You guys needed to tighten things up at the personal level, clearly he got far too comfortable with you fast and it scared him. He didn’t want to get hurt again and he didn’t want to hurt you either. He’d done this to protect you both from getting far more involved than necessary and now he felt like even the potential friendship he could have with you was crumbling before him which was really unfortunate. 

He was feeling bummed out as he drove past your tall, wooden gate and up the long driveway to your house. He saw another car there but didn’t really mind it as he parked somewhere out of its way. He was getting out of his car when the front door opened and out rushed some guy who definitely looked familiar, probably some other industry guy. His hair was wet and he looked a bit surprised to see Harry there, so he rushed to his car.

“Hey!” He called after him and hurried towards him.

“Look man, she said you guys aren’t dating and-”

“Wait, she slept with you?” Harry asked with a small frown.

“So you are dating?” He asked and Harry shook his head ‘no’, “Thank, fuck. Then, yes, we did.” He said and Harry nodded and swallowed thickly.

“Is she- can I go in?”

“Yeah, she’s just finishing up her shower.” He said and Harry nodded.

“Thanks, mate.” He mumbled before heading towards the door. 

With every step he took the anger rose and rose further and further. You were being reckless, putting everything in jeopardy all to what? Get back at him for not liking you back? He was waiting in the kitchen, but when he heard you singing along to whatever was playing on your phone as you made your way down he hurried out to meet you. When he rounded the corner and saw you coming down the final step you gasped in surprise.

“Oh my god, Harry!” You scolded with a hand over your chest as you put your music on pause. He didn’t answer so you walked past him, “You’re here a lot early.” You said to him playfully as he followed you wordlessly. He was just so fuming mad after seeing a faint hickey right beneath your jaw, “Hello?” You questioned him until his frustrated gaze met yours.

“What the fuck is the matter with you?” He questioned you.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I saw him leaving. That guy.” He came right out and said it.

“Look, it was a spur of the moment thing, we were just having dinner and one thing led to another and-”

“You fucked him.” He said and you sighed. “How could you do that?” He asked you in disbelief.

“What do you mean? It’s not like we’re actually together.” You scoffed and he frowned but then let the anger overcome him once more.

“Exactly! We’re not together and if anyone sees some stupid dweeb leaving your house then all of this is going to be for nothing!” He rationalized.

“Oh my god, no one’s gonna see anything, Harry…”

“They might see that fucking hickey on your neck!” He argued, “How clueless can you be?!” He was berating you now, his voice raised and his expression creased in a scowl and you frowned.

“I didn’t think about that. I mean, I-I can cover it. If not, they’ll just think it was you.” You said more quietly.

“No one would ever believe that was me. I have never left visible marks on anyone I’ve been with. My fans will never buy it.” He said pointedly. “You can’t do shit with other people while we are contractually obligated to each other. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out, Y/N!”

“Well, there is no clause about that! And I was careful!”

“Not careful enough! I can’t believe you would do something so stupid and all for what? To get back at me?” He scoffed with an accusatory tone and now it was your turn to scoff incredulously.

“Oh, don’t fucking flatter yourself, Harry!” You laughed mawkishly as you rolled your eyes up in disbelief.

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t do this on purpose to piss me off.” 

“Why would I want to piss you off if I have to spend a whole fucking day with you?” You asked him and well, he had no idea. “He likes me and he wanted to have dinner with me. I said I couldn’t do that out in public so I offered for him to come over instead.”

“He doesn’t like you, he just wanted to fuck you.” Harry said with a sarcastic smile.

“Well good for him then! He did!”

“You’re being childish.”

“I’m being childish? You’re the one waltzing in here over an hour early, might I add, yelling at me because I hooked up with someone in the privacy of my home when we’re not even a thing!”

“I already told you why I’m angry at you over this.”

“Well I already told you that I was careful! This is my first time doing something like this and I made a bad judgment call. I genuinely didn’t think it would be a problem.” You said and he shook his head. 

“You knew it would be. You did it to get back at me for…never mind.” He huffed and rolled his eyes.

“For what? Finish the sentence, Harry.” You demanded.

“You know why.” He said lowly and you arched your eyebrows up.

“I don’t. Enlighten me, please.” You insisted.

“Because of what I said to you before about us. I hurt your feelings and-”

“Yeah, you were kind of a prick about it but I’m not offended. You were right about that and I think I’ve done enough to manage what I used to feel for you-”

“Used to feel? The wave of hostility you’ve unleashed upon me after I rejected you says otherwise. And I think you’re just acting out because you can’t get a handle on your feelings. You’re being impulsive and it’s going to throw a wrench in things!”

“I’m being impulsive? Who kissed who, Harry? I’m forgetting…” You said sarcastically and he glanced to the ground.

“That was a mistake.”

“Yeah, you’ve made that abundantly clear over and over again, thanks.” You said with irritation. “And I’m not being hostile. I’m doing what I need to do until we just get this stupid thing over with!” You said to him, completely exasperated, “I’ve never done this before, OK? I didn’t expect t-to like you like I do-er did.” You corrected yourself with a shake of your head, “I’m sure it was weird for you the first time you did it.” You said and his jaw clenched up because you were right. 

His first PR stunt fucked him up for a while…he was still a teenager, frontal lobe smooth as butter. But he let himself fall and he thought she was too and well, to this day he was still a hot topic amongst her projects. It did bother him a little bit at first, he reckoned it’d bother anyone but he didn’t give it the satisfaction of a negative response ever. He changed the narrative, called it a compliment even though he had no idea where the fuck he was going with that at the moment. He never said a bad thing even through his music even though he’d been painted as the “bad guy” who was a player and couldn’t commit over and over again. He’d hoped it would work out but to anyone outside of it, it was kind of obvious that it wouldn’t go anywhere. After all, what could a 23 year old want with a 18 year old in any serious manner? The point being, that these PR stunts and crossing professional lines always left one or both people hurting if they weren’t overly cautious, which is why he had said what he had said to you. 

But now he was jealous, gut wrenchingly jealous when he shouldn’t be. You had made a mistake but you had been cautious to not endanger what you guys had signed on for. He was being far too harsh with you and sensitive about this and he needed to reel it back in. You were waiting for him to say something, anything…

“You shouldn’t have done that. It was a stupid mistake.” He said again and you swallowed thickly.

“Yeah, I get it.” You responded lowly.

“Do you?” He asked. He was patronizing you and you glanced up to the ceiling and shook your head.

“Harry, honestly, I don’t need this. Please leave.” You said to him and he frowned.

“But we-”

“I don’t want to be with you for the whole fucking day and pretend that I like you.” You said and he felt his heart shrivel up.

“We have an obligation to do an appearance-”

“Well I’ll see you around dinner time then because I don’t want to be around you right now.” You said to him and he bit on the inside of his cheek to distract from the hurt in his heart.

“Yeah, alright.” He said lowly and turned around to leave.

“Congrats by the way.” You said to him and he sighed and looked back at you quizzically, “You got what you wanted this whole time, I don’t think I like you anymore.” You said to him callously and he suddenly wanted to throw up so he just hurried out of there and sat in his car in utter silence for a few minutes before taking off.

You guys did meet over dinner and he apologized for how he’d handled the whole situation earlier that day. You'd cooled off enough as well and apologized for not considering what he had mentioned and assured him that you wouldn’t do it again while you were contractually obligated to each other. He was hoping to hear you say that you didn’t mean what you’d said about not liking him anymore, but he never got the satisfaction. He was certain you’d spoken purely out of anger with him, especially after he’d been such a dick about it, but maybe you just needed to tell yourself that to really not let your feelings grow anymore than they had or even to just not have some illusion that he was jealous. Which he was, but he’d never admit that to you or anyone else, he hardly admitted it to himself. But by the end of the night you were both very cordial with each other and able to hug before heading your own ways.

…. FOUR MONTHS LATER ….

The film had been a success to say the least. It was getting decent reviews and your press for it had been good. After you and Harry had put aside your problems after your fight things got monumentally better. There were tons of questions about whether you guys were dating or not and you both explained your attraction and dedication to your roles expertly, leaving a hint of mystery behind every time this came up, in very Harry-esque nature. But each night before you went to bed in whatever city you were for the night you thought of Harry, how could you not?

Of course you still liked him, even now, after months of not seeing each other your heart went all soft and gooey at the thought of him. Yeah, you had said that you didn’t like him anymore hoping to get a reaction out of him when you fought. You knew that he was jealous that day and you wanted him to just admit it, you wanted to get a rise out of him and hope he spoke up but in his true obstinate nature, he never did. You wondered what would’ve happened if he had admitted it. Where would you be now? Probably on a vacation somewhere really getting to know the parts of each other that you’d left guarded, which admittedly weren’t many.

“Earth to Y/N…” your friend said, snapping you out of your thoughts and you chuckled in slight embarrassment.

“Sorry, what?” You asked.

“I asked if you and Harry still talk.” She repeated her question.

“Oh right…ummm, n-not really. It’s not like we’re close friends, we just worked together. We just had to be super chummy during the press tours and stuff. Like it was a really superficial friendship I’d say.” You fibbed and she sighed.

“So no free shows for us…” She mumbled and you smiled a bit and shrugged apologetically, “You had one job.” She joked and you giggled before getting back to eat and everyone else started talking again. 

In reality, you and Harry had gotten close after spending so much time together. You’d shared a lot of things with him and vise versa. He had been a little more hesitant to take it there but after a good month or so of constantly being around each other and “seeing each other” he started to open up about more real and deep things. Things like how much he worried about his mom, how she deserved to be happy and have a full life full of love. How he was worried that he’d never be able to really stop making music and touring at the level he did now and it would affect his ability to marry and have his own family. How he wished there was a way to know that you were doing the right thing or going down the best path and you guys talked about that a lot. About what “the right thing” was. About what it meant to be happy and fulfilled. What was most important to him now and could he afford to keep pushing the rest of his life back to relish where he was now.

You were an over thinker, much like him, and you guys talked about how nice it was when you didn’t worry so much and just lived day to day, focusing on that day’s challenges and blessings. It was nice, you felt comfortable around him and safe, looked after. He was good at making people feel seen and special and with all of that it was hard not to start to fall for him. You missed him a lot. You wanted to text him or call him sometimes just to see how he was doing, what he was up to, if by any chance he missed you too…When you had that thought you smiled to yourself a bit and talked yourself out of it. Of course he didn’t miss you, he was probably glad you were gone, something less for him to deal with and worry about.

****************

Harry’s POV

Harry had been lying in bed for a good hour already, drifting in and out of sleep. He canceled his work out and his morning swim, he didn’t have the energy to go to that right now. And that’s how he knew that he was in a bad way, when even those simple pleasures weren’t even a little appealing to him. In all honesty, he’d been feeling like this for a few weeks now and it all started when he was at dinner with some friends and one of your songs came over the speakers at the restaurant. At first it felt good to hear your voice, it made him feel happy and warm inside, but when he was at home later that night and all alone in his bed he started to miss you. And he felt so awful. 

He felt awful about how he’d handled his attraction towards you. He hated how afraid he was of doing what his heart asked him to. He missed going on “dates” with you. He missed the conversations you guys had, he missed seeing the sincere care in your eyes when he shared things or opened up about topics he felt nervous about. He was never judged by you, in fact he felt accepted with you. He looked forward to the time you’d spend together off the set for a reason, it was because he liked you. A lot. And now he felt foolish for being too scared to admit it when he had the chance. He was sad when he came to the realization that you’d probably moved on and closed off your heart to him after how he behaved.

Regardless, he wanted to see you or at the very least to hear your voice. He at least needed to reach out and let you know that he was thinking of you. He did have a trip to LA in a few weeks and he decided that he’d reach out and see if you wanted to hang out for a bit, he only had two days of work things to take care of but he could add a few more days to his travel plans if it meant making things right with you.

…. A FEW WEEKS LATER ….

You were genuinely shocked when Harry’s name lit up your phone screen one breezy afternoon. It was past midnight his time so you had a mind to just ignore it, he was probably drunk or something…but then you remembered how sweet and giggly he was when he’d had a little much to drink, so you swiped at your screen and brought your phone up to your ear.

“Hello?” 

“Hey!” He sounded relieved. Relieved that you had answered?

“Ummm…are you drunk?” You asked immediately and he huffed out a little chuckle.

“No…why would I be drunk at this hour?” He asked and you furrowed your eyebrows a little bit in confusion.

“Well you’re calling me past midnight your time so I just assumed. Unless something is wrong? Are you okay?” You asked next.

“Yeah, I’m fine. And I’m actually on your time. And while I enjoy day drinking as much as the next person I can assure you I am not drunk. I just ummm…I wanted to see if you had any free time in the next couple days or so? Maybe we could see each other?” He suggested hopefully and you felt your stomach sink. 

The less mature part of you wanted to be a smart ass with him, tell him you didn’t need to hang out as your contract was long over. But you did miss him and as much as his invitation raised up some of your past irritations with him it wasn’t worth being a bitch to him over, especially after all of that time. Maybe this was him extending an olive branch? Maybe you guys could be proper friends now that your working relationship was over.

“Ummm, yeah. I actually don’t have any plans at all the next few days.” You explained.

“And work?”

“I’m not doing anything right now just relishing in the big bucks from our hit rom-com.” You said with a dry sarcasm and he chuckled.

“God, already letting all that fame get to your head, are you?” He teased and you giggled.

“Yeah, I’m changed.” You responded and he laughed. “Well, what did you have in mind?” You asked.

“Dinner? I’m renting this really beautiful place up in the hills and it has the most impeccable views, you’d love it. There’s a hot tub and a pool and a piano, we could just hang out here for a while? Or if you prefer to do something in town somewhere we could do that too.”

“Well I do want to see this house you’re staying at but ummm, I don’t want to impose or anything and-”

“I’m inviting you over, you’re not imposing in any way, love.” He assured.

“Alright then. Well when do you prefer I come over?”

“Do you want to do tomorrow? Say around 3 or 4?” He asked and you bit on your lip, “We could talk, swim, share music because I’m certain you’ve been writing.” He said knowingly and you smiled.

“Yeah, that’s good. I’ll show up sometime between 3 and 4, gotta keep you on your toes, you know?”

“Yeah.” He hummed, “So bring your swim suit, or don’t I mean, either way you can expect to get in the water…” he said suggestively and you chuckled.

“Should I bring anything else?”

“No just yourself.” He said and you nodded, “We can plan dinner once you’re here.”

“Alright, sounds good. See ya’.” 

“See you soon.” He replied and then you quickly hung up.

You set your phone down on your lap and just let your face contort in confusion. What was that all about? You guys weren’t even friends… sure, things were this easy with him all the time but you couldn’t help but question his motives. Maybe he still felt guilty for how things transpired between the two of you and he just needed to do this to confirm that you weren’t upset at him. You grabbed your phone and called him back, he picked up right away.

“Hello?”

“Why are you doing this?” You asked.

“Wait, what?” He questioned you and you sighed.

“What do you want from me by asking me over to hang out or whatever?” You asked more clearly and Harry frowned upon hearing you asking this.

“Ummm, I didn’t…mean anything by it, it’s just hanging out.” He said and you sighed.

“Right, but we’re not friends.” You said and his heart lurched in his chest, “Now that we aren’t working together we can be or what?” You asked for clarity.

“I mean, yes, i-if you want that?” He said with a questioning tone.

“Okay…” you said and trailed off.

“Is there something wrong with that?” He asked and you weren’t sure how to answer that.

“I just ummm…I don’t know if I can trust that you won’t get all…weird.” You said to him.

“That’s valid.”

“I mean we were friends before. Or at least I considered us t-to have a friendship to some extent and then you just…took that away.” You explained and he nodded with a frown as he heard you out.

“I think we were friends too.” He agreed, “I just have a hard time letting people in.”

“And now you don’t?” You asked.

“No, I certainly do but I…” he sighed and licked over his lips as he plopped down on the couch as he stared at the ceiling as he decided to just admit it, “I miss you.” He confessed and you bit your lip upon hearing his words. You hoped it would stop the butterflies that were starting to flutter about in your tummy but it wasn’t doing much. “Honestly Y/N, I don’t think I handled the relationship between us the right way and-”

“Can I come over right now?” You interrupted him.

“Ummm, y-yes. Sure.” He said nervously.

“I just think we ought to have this conversation in person.” You explained and he smiled a bit. God, you had to make it harder for him, didn’t you?

“You’re right.” He conceded. “I’ll send you the address right now.”

“Should I still bring a swim suit?” You asked, he could heard the smirk on your face and he chuckled. Your smiled widened at your successful attempt to lighten the mood.

“We can talk things out in the hot tub.” He joked.

“I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“Yeah, drive safe.” He said and you thanked him and hung up again.

You headed up to your room and grabbed a bathing suit, a simple, paisley print, two-piece and dropped it into your tote and then took off. You were nervous, not so much about what he would say but at the prospect of you leaving with any sense of false hope. Yeah, he missed you, but that didn’t really mean anything but that. You couldn’t or shouldn’t read into that in any way. When you were all in your head like this time just escaped you and soon enough you were pulling up to the gate and putting in the code he had texted you before you started heading up the driveway. You only waited a few moments at the door after ringing the doorbell before he opened it up. 

“Hi.” He said softly with a smile on his face and you smiled back.

“Hey.” You responded, you just looked at each other for a few moments before he chuckled and moved out of the way.

“Oh, come in. Please.” He said and allowed you to step inside. You looked around as he locked up. The home was very modern, an open concept type of thing and it had one of those sunken living rooms that were making a come back. 

“This is cool.” You complimented.

“Yeah, I like it a lot.” He said as he came up beside you and looked out at the space. “Ummm, can I get you something to drink? Or a snack if you’re hungry? I have…watermelon.” He said and you smiled.

“No thanks, I’m alright.” You assured him and he nodded and just looked over you for a few more moments. It made you feel all tingly so you cleared your throat and he looked down at the ground.

“Ummm so let’s just…we can sit over here and talk.” He said signaling towards the living room and you nodded and followed him down the small set of steps leading down to the couches. “Feel free to get comfy wherever.”

“Thanks.” You said as you headed towards one of the corners of the large sectional and slipped off your shoes before you nestled in, legs criss-crossed over each other as you pulled a pillow into your lap. Harry settled in near you, one of his legs tucked under him and the other hanging off of the couch. He looked a bit pensive, not entirely sure how or where to start and you were getting a little impatient.

“So you…missed me.” You said simply and he glanced into you eyes and nodded.

“Yeah, I have been for…a while.” He confirmed and you sighed.

“I have too…a little bit.” You admitted as you looked down into your lap and he smiled.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, we did spend a lot of time together so…”

“Yeah, true.” You sighed.

“So ummm, what I was saying before…” he started and you nodded, “I didn’t go about things the right way with you. I could’ve been…”

“Less of a dick?” You interjected and he smiled down at his lap, when he looked up at you, you were already smiling.

“I was going to say nicer about it but same thing, I guess.” He chuckled and you did as well. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot and while my reasons for it were really valid, I think, it doesn’t mean that I handled it well and I…regret hurting your feelings. I’m sorry.” He said and you hummed.

“Thank you. I just…was -er still am a bit confused about that because, I mean, I told you that I’d never done something like this before and I don’t know…I guess I was just expecting you to be a little bit more understanding or even just compassionate with me about the whole thing, you know?” You explained and he nodded.

“I wish I had been. I really do.” He said with a small frown. “I can explain actually.” He said and you nodded, “And this is not an excuse at all, it’s just that, an explanation.” He added and you nodded again, “When I kissed you I…I realized how much I was starting to like you and it scared me.” He explained, “And it took me back to what I’d been through before and I didn’t want that again, not for me, but especially not for you.” He explained, “So I decided that I wasn’t going to allow my feelings for you to grow any more or go any further than that.” He said and your gaze on him softened, “And well, i-it worked well enough for a bit. It was easier when we were working to remind myself that it was for the best. And then we fought and you told me you didn’t like me anymore and I felt like shit but I was also glad because you deserved better than that.” He said with a frown. “But when we went our own ways it got worse…not worse, you know what I mean.” He said nervously, “I just thought about you all the time- er I have been thinking about you this whole time. Just wondering i-if you think about me too sometimes…I mean, I know that you don’t feel that way about me any more but-”

“I do.” You cut in and he looked surprised.

“After all of that?” He asked softly and you nodded.

“You more than made up for it on the press tour.” You assured him, “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or upset you so I buried it all but I still like you. I mean, how could I not?” You chuckled and he smiled at you. “And I’m sorry for the way I said I didn’t, I wanted to make you upset.” You explained.

“Well it worked.” He chuckled and you smiled sadly. “I kind of deserved it though.” He said, “You didn’t ummm…see that guy again did you?” He asked and you smiled.

“I didn’t.” You confirmed and he smiled down at his lap.

“Good.” He mumbled lowly and you just smiled to yourself for a moment, “I really like you, Y/N.” He finally said as his gaze met your own. “And i-if you still like me too then maybe we can try and go an actual date.” He said with hope and you nodded.

“I’d like that.” You agreed and he smiled wider.

“Okay, that’s…that’s good to hear.” He chuckled nervously, “So tomorrow d-do you want to go out and do something with me? I’ve got something in mind.”

“Why not tonight?” You asked with a small pout and he chuckled.

“Because I’d like to make it at least a little bit nice.” He added and you smiled.

“Oh okay, then. That’s fine with me!” You giggled and he chuckled. “I brought my bathing suit so maybe we can go for a swim and have dinner instead, like we planned for tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” He agreed easily and you both got changed and then got into the pool where you caught up on how the last few months had been treating you both so far. 

Then, you had dinner and watched a film and he reached for your hand while you guys watched. You’d held hands before but now you at least knew it was out of a desire to and not obligation it made the butterflies in your stomach swarm at ungodly rates. As the night wrapped up he walked you out to your car, like the sweet man you knew him to be but it was hard to leave. You guys lingered there, finding random little things to talk about to prevent saying goodbye.

“Thank you for hearing me out, by the way.” He said to you after another small moment of silence and you smiled up at him as you leaned on your car and smiled at him. “You didn’t have to after everything.”

“Of course. I’m really glad you reached out to me.” You assured him and he nodded and pulled you in for a hug for maybe the third time now and you nestled into him and sighed, “I really missed you too.” You hummed softly and he pulled back a little bit, enough to be able to look into your eyes again. Neither of you wanted to let go more than that.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.” You said instantly, “Please.” You chuckled and he did as well as he angled up your face gently by your jaw until he was dipping down enough to smoosh his lips against yours. 

He was tentative, he didn’t want to kiss you too hard and hungrily for the first time since the time he’d mucked it up. He wanted you to feel how much he missed you and that despite his previous disrespects, that he in fact did respect you and your time and openness towards him. His fingers skimming along your jaw caused your skin to rise with goosebumps and for a delicious shiver to zing throughout your body. You wanted to lose your cool and just let things get fiery with the tension that simmered between you but he was being so patient himself that it staved off your desperation. You wanted to enjoy how soft and tender he was being right now. You liked how his feelings were emanating from him in intense waves and warming you from the inside out. Finally, he pulled away, it was painful and almost impossible to let him end the kiss.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” He whispered between the two of you and you nodded.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll pick you up around 7.” He informed and you nodded.

“Okay.” You whispered and he pulled you off to the side before opening your car door, “Thanks.”

“Of course.” He smiled and you bit your lip for a moment.

“One for the road?” You asked timidly and he grinned grabbed your face before pecking your lips once more.

“There you are. Now leave while I have the self-control to let you go.” He mumbled between you two and you laughed before settling into your seat and he closed the door behind you. You buckled up and got the engine on and he backed up, giving you room to get going and with a final wave you headed home. You weren’t driving fast at all but it felt like you were flying. You couldn’t stop smiling, even as you settled into bed and stared at the dark ceiling you were wearing a huge smile until you fell asleep.

***************

You’d been on edge all day wondering what it was that he would plan for you two. When you texted to ask what you should wear he said he was going for a semi-casual look, button down with a vest and trousers sort of thing so you decided on going for a similar vibe. You spent hours trying on a variety of combinations and in the end you settled on a black mini skirt with a creme colored, sleeveless knit top. You searched around for your chunky loafers and decided those paired best with the outfit as well. You had blown out your hair that morning so you got it into rollers and threw on a shower cap before you got in and exfoliated your body religiously. You knew your wax girl would kill you, but you ran a razor over your legs to get rid of the slightly prickly layer of hair growing in. You moisturized efficiently and then spritz yourself   with your current preferred fragrance, Brit for Her by Burberry. 

You had taken a fondness to the scent recently because it reminded you of him. Not that he even smelled like that but just vibe of it made you think of who he was. The prominent or top notes were sweet and fruity. They were bright and intriguing but not overpowering like some fruity perfumes could be. These blended so well with the warmer, darker base notes of  vanilla, amber, and mahogany. It created an alluring and irresistible blend of fragrances that seemed to perfectly encompass the feeling he gave you of comfort and warmth and excitement. You wanted it to linger and be memorable, the way he lingered and was memorable to you. Truly, you had no idea where this with him would go or if it would even work out, but you knew he was the kind of person who would leave a mark on you forever.

When you got his call that he was outside you grabbed you gave yourself one more spritz, grabbed your purse, and got into your shoes before hurrying out. He was waiting outside of the car for you, his smiled widened when you saw you going down the steps.

“You look lovely.” He complimented as you approached and you smiled timidly until you got up to him. 

“Thank you.” You hummed softly and he pulled you in for a hug and he froze for a second when you hugged him back.

“Fuck…you smell so good.” He hummed against you and you smirked victoriously as he squeezed around you a bit more. “Damn.” He mumbled as he dipped down to kiss right under your jaw and inhale the sweet scent. You giggled as his little bit of stubble lightly tickled your skin as he nuzzled closer.

“Stop that…” You laughed as he nipped at your skin.

“I can’t.” He huffed before kissing up to your lips and pecking over them a few times and pulling away with his lip bitten beneath his teeth.

“Please take me on a date.” You said softly and he smiled.

“Yeah alright.” He agreed with a grin and you giggled as he opened up the door for you. You greeted your driver and settled in as he hurried over to his side and soon enough you were on the road.

“So where are we going?” You asked as your fingers fiddled together and he smiled.

“You’ll see…” he said smugly and you chuckled. You both hummed along to the radio as you tried to figure out where it was you were heading but you seemed to be going in almost a circle as you started heading back towards where your house was. Then you guys turned down a street and you immediate recognized the area and saw the wine bar you guys had been to before just down the way.

“Are we going back to the wine bar?” You asked him and he immediately smiled as you started to slow down before it.

“I desperately need a do over.” He said to you and you smiled, “Things should’ve gone a lot differently than they did that night. So we’re doing it again, correctly this time.” He said with a smile as the car stopped at the valet station up front.

“You’re too sweet.” You said softly and he smiled. 

You were soon helped out of the car by the attendant as Harry met you on the sidewalk and you thanked the driver and valet before looping your arms together and heading inside. He gave his name to the young lady at the entrance and she kept her cool as she guided you on back to where you sat the last time you were there. Of course, people were looking but he didn’t seem to mind and soon you were tucked into the back of the bar, mostly covered from everyone’s curious gazes and just smiling at each other across the small table. You guys ordered your first glass and then got to playing Jenga; this one had questions pasted onto the sides of the blocks so you guys went through the tower, giving your responses and discussing these until you toppled it over. You couldn’t help it, your hands were shaky with nerves but also with excitement. He looked so handsome, it was almost painful not to look at him. Soon enough, two glasses turned to four, and you were both giggly and reminiscing your filming days fondly. He had been telling a story about a little mishap he had with one of the modesty garments for one of his scenes with another actress and you two were laughing so hard.

“Wait, wait, wait, I need to go to the bathroom so bad!” You laughed breathily and he chuckled as he let your hand go over the top of the table.

“Yeah, love you go on. Do you want me to order you another?” He asked and you nodded as you hopped down from the high stool.

“Please.” you confirmed as you came around. You were half expecting it when he pulled you in by the waist and nuzzled against your neck again.

  “You were too far away.” He hummed as he nipped under your jaw for a second as his big, warm palm nearly caressed down your bottom and you smiled.

“Behave.” You reprimanded playfully and he pulled back to meet your eyes.

“I am.” He assured you and you smiled. “Now go.”

“That requires letting me go.”

“I know…” he said and released you with some reluctance. He watched as you walked off, hips swaying hypnotically as you headed off. 

Yeah, you needed to use the bathroom but you also needed a break from the intensity of Harry’s gaze on you. It was intense before, but now that you knew he was also into you it felt overwhelming. This entire time he found a way to graze his fingertips against yours, to knock his foot into yours, to make you aware of the minimal space between the two of you as much as possible. As if you needed a reminder of how badly you wanted him in the first place. The more you drank the deeper his voice got and the more intense the tingles got when he spoke to you, you swore you felt the vibrations of his low drawn baritone at your core, rippling out to the rest of your body with each word. Lust didn’t begin to cover what you felt for him. Even as you sat there for a moment relieving yourself you could hear some other ladies in the bathroom talking about just how good he looked tonight and how demanding and intense his energy was. How it was practically impossible not to feel him in the space. When you opened up the stall door the girls talking about it froze and watched you for a second.

“You’re not wrong.” You said to them with a small smile and they looked relieved at how relaxed you were towards them. “Please don’t tell anyone that. I just needed to get it off my chest.” You chuckled bashfully as you washed your hands.

“No girl, your secret is safe with us.” One of them assured with a kind smile.

“You guys kissed in that movie a bunch of times, how are you still alive?” One of them asked and you chuckled.

“It was hard for sure…” you confirmed, “What was worse was how sweet he is…It makes it so hard not to take it to heart.” You explained and they hummed. 

“You look so cute by the way. Could we get a picture?” One of them asked and you smiled.

“Ummm sure!” You giggled and they hurried over. The first pic was a failure, you all laughed at your half closed eyes, “Sorry, I’m so fucking tipsy!” You giggled and on the third try you managed to keep your eyes open wide enough to appear normal.

“I wish we could get one with Harry too.” One of the girls said.

“Well, if you guys leave at the same time as we do I can try and talk him into it.” You offered and they gushed and thanked you and assured you they’d keep an eye out for this. 

They were so sweet to you, assuring you that you looked exquisite and giving you the confidence boost you really needed to flirt up a storm with Harry. He’d been so attentive and you’d been quite cool about it, but you were ready to reciprocate and show him just how much you wanted him too. When you made your way out of the bathroom it was with a new found confidence thanks to your bathroom besties. You were walking a little taller and with a little more sway as you headed back to your table. 

As you made it back to your secluded little section you saw that Harry had settled into the stool beside yours. He was initially looking at the drinks menu but then he glanced up and right into your eyes, almost as if he sensed you coming. When your eyes met you just about melted. You finally understood that famous and hunger-inducing line form Bridgerton - “I burn for you.” You were feeling it in real time. The energy between you two, the longing of his gaze and how it followed the curves of your body, taking you in from head to toe. You loved how you could see his restraint as you approached your table once again. You felt scrutinized but in a good way. You felt desirable, you felt like the perfect and delicate thing you’d always wanted to be in someone’s gaze. He made you feel like you were worth all the effort and more and you loved that. You knew you could be a little intense and rough around the edges at times but he clearly liked that. He found it amusing and endearing. He loved having something to fight for. He enjoyed proving to you why he was worth your time and effort.

“What?” you asked as you reached your seat and he shook his head.

“You’re just so fucking beautiful.” He hummed lowly as you settled into your seat. You smiled and then glanced up to him.

“Yeah? You think so?”

“I know so, love. Convincing myself otherwise was absolute torture.” He confessed and you bit your lip to suppress your smile and all of the feelings you had for him boiling inside of you. He shook his head and glanced down at his hands timidly. “Don’t do that…”

“Why not?” You pressed and he looked at you again.

“I don’t think I can handle it all.” He explained with a pained look in his eyes and you hummed softly. “You already smell so divine that I want to be close in enough to breathe you in. But you biting on your lip like that makes me want to bite it for you and suck it between my own. I know you’d taste so sweet because you like chewing that bubble mint gum.” He said to you lowly and you nodded almost dumbly as your gazes remained locked on each others.

“What if we call it a night a little early?” You asked him quietly and he smiled.

“Yeah?” He asked and you nodded and shivered when one of his hands landed on your thigh, right over your knee. 

“Text the driver.” You instructed and he nodded and pulled out his phone as you reached for your glass of wine. You chugged it down quickly as he texted the man, it was amusing to him how desperate you were to get out of there.

“D’you wanna stop for dumpli-”

“No.” You cut him off and he grinned before reaching for his own glass.

“I kind of don’t want to be anymore buzzed for you but-”

“It’ll feel nicer.” You said with a smile and he hummed.

“It would…” He agreed, his own smile ghosting along his lips.

“I’m still good though, are you?”

“Yeah, love.”

“Then, who cares?” You asked.

“You don’t mind?”

“Not at all.” You assured him.

“I want you so fucking bad. That’s what were talking about, right?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah.” You confirmed and he flashed you that charming, dimpled boyish grin that you’d missed so much.

“Okay. As long as you really don’t mind-”

“I don’t. I promise you. Just want to be alone with you.” You assured him and he hummed and finished his glass. “I ummm ran to some girls in the bathroom, they were so sweet to me, they were fans and I told them if they walked out behind us you could take a picture with them outside. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, love.” He assured and you smiled. Moments later the driver was informing you he was pulling up and you started to head out. The girls from the bathroom followed, as you instructed, and they got their photo before you guys slipped into the SUV smoothly and headed off into the night.

You were tingling with his hand running up and down your leg, his fingers danced along your skin. His nose was buried against your neck, kissing you up and down as he inhaled the sweet scent lingering on your skin and in your hair. He was whispering to you how much he missed you and how he wished he hadn’t wasted so much time in reaching out. His fingers were burning into your skin as he slid them up your thigh to a dangerous degree until you gripped around his wrist and smirked at him knowingly. 

“What?” He whispered huskily, his eyes already dark and hazy with need.

“You know what…” you hummed lowly and he grinned.

“Sorry, I am trying to behave.” He assured you and then planted a kiss on your temple and lowered his hand to above your knee again. As much as you were asking him to stop, a part of you enjoyed how he pushed the limits a little bit. He clearly was dying to touch you and you were absolutely touch starved. Even just having him rubbing over your knee was causing your skin to rise with goosebumps. You couldn’t arrive at your place any sooner.

When you were finally heading up your driveway you were about ready to burst at the seems. You could feel how wet you were for him, it was even dripping down between your cheeks and you knew he’d love to discover that on his own so you kept it to yourself. Once you got out of the car and thanked the driver, he took off and you keyed your way into your home. As soon as the door closed behind you he pressed you up against it and locked eyes with you.

“This is where I need the do over.” He mumbled, lips tickling your own.

“Tell me more…” You whispered and he smiled and gabbed your jaw with his right hand while he grabbed your hip with his left and he leaned in and kissed you quickly, like he had that first time and his eyes met yours with a fake apologetic look in them, it was amusing really.

“Shit.” He whispered between you two; just like he had the first time, “That was a mistake.” He hummed as he looked into your eyes and you smiled as you decided to play along and role play it with him.

“Then why did you do it?” You asked and he bit his lip, nose skimming your nose with his again.

“I can’t help it. I like you. I like you so fucking much, Y/N.” He confessed softly.

“Then do it again. Like you mean it this time.” You requested. Before you knew it he grabbed your face and kissed your deeply. The hunger of it was making you weak in the knees. Your tongues tangled as you guided his hands down your waist, hips, and finally to the bottom of your skirt.

“Yeah? Can I?”

“Please.” You insisted and he slid them up under the fabric to feel your underwear-covered butt. He kneaded your cheeks in his big, warm palms, squeezing the fleshy bits fervently and feeling you up, pressing you up against his growing erection.

“I want you. I want you so fucking bad.” He breathed into your mouth.

“Me too.” You panted as you looped your arms around his neck, “Should we go up to my room?”

“Are you sure?” He asked once more through his ragged breaths. You kissed his slowly and nodded into it.

“I’m so fucking sure.” You confirmed breathlessly and he kissed you deeply again before you guided him up the stairs and into your bedroom. You threw the door back and you two immediately started undressing.

You didn’t care to make it all that romantic, especially with how tipsy you both were, you guys just wanted to feel each other. So as soon as you were naked you guys fell into your bed and he kissed from your lips down your body. He didn’t waste an opportunity to inhale your perfume before sinking down to your breasts and sucking at your needy nipples while his fingers rubbed precise little circles into your throbbing little clit with no preamble. You were grateful he got straight to it because you were desperate for any stimulation.

“You’re so fucking wet f’me, baby.” He hummed before nipping at your sensitive nipple once more and you whimpered, “Is that how bad you want me?” He asked.

“Yes! Yes, I want you so bad!” You whined as he pulled and sucked at your breasts with more force. You winced and whined as he sucked marks into the tender flesh of them to his satisfaction and your own. Before long you started to feel that familiar warmth swirling in the put of your stomach from his fingers on your clit. “Yeah H, just like that!” You cried into the air as he swirled around the sensitive little button over and over until your vision started to blur with your approaching orgasm. 

His lips kissed down your abdomen and finally he ended up between your legs and licked at you expertly and you mewled in satisfaction. His tongue replaced his fingers and flicked at your needy little bud while one of his fingers plunged into the depths of you, searching around for your spot. When your legs startled to tremble around his head, attempting to lock him in place  he knew you were close. And just seconds later he pulled an orgasm from you with ease and snuck in another finger in, this caused you to gasp and tense up before you just melted into your bed. He was just hitting the perfect spot with his fingertips, rubbing into a part of you that was making your pussy flutter in a way it never had before and you felt another orgasm unexpectedly building up.

“Yes! Yes, baby! I-I’m coming!” You gasped and he moaned into your pussy as he tarted to suck on your clit and you began to whither around his thick, lock digits. You were covered in goosebumps as the pleasure started to roll through your body in wonderfully timed waves that allowed you to enjoy his persistent stimulation into your greedy little cunt. Even this wasn’t enough. You were trembling but begging for more. “Please, I need you. I need more.” You panted in your impaired state.

“Don’t have a condom, love.” He chuckled against your smooth and sticky folds.

“Just pull out.” You panted as you raked your fingers into his hair and he groaned against you.

“Don’t tempt me, baby.” He chuckled and you bit your lip and tugged him up by the hair until his eyes met yours.

“I’m serious.” You assured him as you swallowed thickly, “Please baby, need you to fuck me. Need you to fuck me so good I forget everything except you.” You panted and he licked over his lips with a near pained expression.

“ Baby-”

“Please, H. Please, give it t’me. Want you so badly, it hurts, that’s how bad I need you.” You begged and he groaned as he caved to your request with a deep and sloppy kiss. You knew he was painfully hard as well. As much as you wanted a taste of him, you’d much rather feel his big, thick cock spreading you open and splitting you apart.

“Y’sure?” He panted as he hovered above you.

“I’m so sure, baby. So sure.” You assured him as he glanced up at you and before you knew it he was kneeling over you as you helped him out of his boxer-briefs, wrapping his thick length in your palm the moment it fell out of its constraint.

“Shit, a little tighter.” He mumbled and you tightened your grip around him and stroked him over and over, up and down, keeping him at full mast. “That’s it. Jus’like that.” He sighed in relief. You could feel the sticky texture of his precome when you’d reach the tip and drag it down his length. After a few moment of this he lowered his hips and settled against your hot and drenched folds, immediately the wet squelching sounds of him sliding through your labia became the most prominent sound between you two. “So fucking wet f’me. Shit, you want my cock so bad, don’t you?” He panted and you nodded and whined, “Say it. Say you want my cock in that pretty little pussy and I’ll fuck you with it. Stretch open that tight little hole, make it all mine.” He breathed into the minimal space between you two.

“Please, H.” You panted, “I need your cock. Need to feel you spreading my tight little hole open.” You pleaded, tearful eyes meeting his and he groaned and leaned down, squeezing  his eyes shut as he kissed you for a few seconds before he guided himself down to your entrance and fed the tip into your weepy little hold. “Oh fuck!” You gasped softly as he started to push in and he moaned as he felt you start to stretch around him.

“You can take it. I know you can, baby.” He panted as his eyes met your wide eyes again. You nodded in confirmation for him to keep going and he pushed in further, splitting you open until your eyes just fluttered shut until he was bottoming out and sheathed fully in the warmth of your wet and velvety walls.

You swore his tip was poking into your stomach from how deep he was. You’d never felt so full before, you were paralyzed for a few moments. He was big and thick, you swore it wiped out part of your brain when he started to grind into you. The thick, ruddy tip of his cock was prodding into your g-spot, causing your mind to blank and for your body to shiver with an abundance of pleasure. You were getting more drunk on his dick and even the way he was grinning down at you as you let out the most obscene moans was feeding your pleasure.

“Shit, you take it so well…fuck, love to see that tight little hole stretching wide around my cock, baby. Y’feel so fucking good…so fucking tight and wet f’me.” He groaned as he thrusted in and out, watching your little hole puckering around his thick cock. He moaned every time he pulled back, watching your creamy arousal streaking down his shaft with each deep plunge into your needy little pussy. He moaned and spat against your folds before rubbing his thumb into your clit and you shuddered.

“Yes, baby! That’s it!” You mewled as you grabbed your breasts, pinching at your nipples, helping him draw you up the edge of your orgasm. Harry was panting, feeling his balls thwacking against your ass had his mind going fuzzy with excitement. 

“Fuck…fuuuuck, you’re gonna make me come so fucking hard!” He chuckled breathily, head thrown back as he delivered sharp and powerful thrusts into you, over and over, living for the feeling of his tip colliding into the depths of you.

“Oh fuck…fuck! I’m…ohmygodI’mcoming!” You slurred and he smiled as you started to whither beautifully. Your back arched up, nipples pointed straight towards the ceiling as you trembled and soaked his cock with a soft squirt from how deep he was getting. Your ears were ringing and you were seeing white behind your closed eyelids but he wasn’t letting up until you got through the whole thing. You could hear him moaning and struggling to keep it together as he thrust in and out of you. Your walls pulsed around his cock hard and fast with your slick coated all over his thick length, causing him to lose some control over his movements. You were covered in goosebumps, shivering as you continued to come hard around him.

“Shit, baby! Shit!” He gasped as he started thrusting erratically, losing the steady rhythm he had maintained until now.

“Come for me, H. Come for me, baby.” You encouraged him and he pulled out quickly and you wrapped your hand around his length and he thrust into your perfectly tight grip a few times until his breath hitched and he groaned when you felt the first spurt of his hot, milky cum right over your pubic bone. He moaned lowly as he started to unload all over your already sticky pussy. You guided him between your swollen and sensitive folds, letting him thrust against you as he spilled all over your swollen pussy with his cum. His body was trembling as you rubbed at his bicep until he minimized the space between you and caught your lips with his. “Mmm…fuck…” he hummed and you smiled

“Good?”

“So fucking good.” He panted breathily and you pecked his lips quickly. “Was it good for you?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, H. More than.” You assured and he smiled before kissing you again.

“Good, love.” He whispered before resting his weight on one elbow before kissing you deep and slow. He took his time tasting you properly and only pulled away when you both needed to breathe, “Jut as things should’ve been from the start.” He hummed and you kissed his lips quickly.

“We’re here now, yeah?” You asked quietly and he smiled and nodded.

“Yeah.” He hummed, “So, does this mean we can give us a real chance?” He asked as his fingers found yours and you nodded and smiled as he bought your hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

“I’d love that, Harry.” You assured him and he smiled brightly at you.

“Thank you for giving me another chance after the stunt I pulled before.” He said more seriously.

“I like you too much not to.” You said with a small smile and he smiled and kissed you once more. 

“Well I assure you, there’s far more making up I plan on doing…” He smirked and you bit your lip excitedly, “Just you wait.”

READ MORE OF MY WORK HERE...

----TAG LIST----

You took a sip of your apple juice in its carton as you suppressed a laugh. Harry rolled his eyes at you, taking the joke like the good sport he is.

“I actually have more hair than them. I’m not bald anymore.”

“See! Embrace the new hair, H. You look really good.”

Harry smiled at you then, his eyes which had previously been darting between watching you and looking out the moving car window were now permanently on you.

“Not as beautiful as you, though, love.”

“Don’t even have my makeup on yet.”

“Never needed it.”

You blew him a camera kiss for those words alone.

“Where are you now?” You reached for a slice of pineapple from the bowl of fruit you’d ordered from room service.

“About five minutes away I think. Are you still in the hotel?”

“Yeah. Don’t need to be ready until 5.”

You were getting ready for the BAFTAS, which Harry had hoped to be there with you for but you’d decided to take your nan as your date instead since she wanted to spend as much time with you as possible.

Harry was more than happy to let Nana, as he liked to call her, be your date to the BAFTAS. Plus, it meant that he could go see the football.

“You’re going to look so pretty.”

Harry had helped your pick out your dress, which was a sophisticated black to contrast the red carpet you’d be walking down. The dress itself was beautifully cut and shaped you in all the right places, making you look elegant and regal.

“I’m nervous.” You picked up your phone so the conversation felt a little more intimate, even though it was still over face-time.

“Why, love?”

“Don’t normally do stuff like this without you.” You pouted.

Harry wished he could kiss that pout away, “And yet the times that you do, you always end up winning! It’s like they never want you to win when i’m there.”

It was a running joke that Harry was your ‘bad luck charm’.

You didn’t believe that though. It’s just that other actors performed better and won, over you, because of it. If anything, you always won because you got to go home and drink hot tea and eat popcorn with your Harry.

“I’ll miss you.” Your face was so close to the camera that Harry could probably see up your nose.

“I miss you. Send me photos when you’re getting ready. I wanna see you before anyone else.”

“Okay.” You smiled. It was routine at this point to always show each other’s public outfits before anyone else.

“Have you got your ring?”

You held up your left hand and wiggled your ring finger in front of the camera. You blushed thinking about the moment that you got given the piece of delicate jewellery, with Harry on one knee.

“Always.”

“You going to wear it on the carpet?”

“Of course. Not going to draw attention to it though. I’ll let people discover it for themselves.”

Harry laughed at the thought. You two were practically the biggest, most A-List, celebrity couple around at the moment and so when people watch sight of you with the ring there’s no doubt it’s all people will talk about for weeks.

Someone told Harry they’d arrived at the venue, then.

“I have to go, honey, but text me updates please. Wanna see you get ready through photos, okay?”

“Okay.” You promised. “Text me to let me know you’re safely home later, please.”

Even though he was going back to his Manchester home, you still liked to know that he was safe and sound. Especially since you were in London and weren’t going to get to be with him tonight.

“Will do. I love you.” Harry kissed his fingers and then dotted them over the camera.

You returned the gesture, “I love you. Bye, bye, bye!”

•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•

You were just finishing getting ready and scrolling through Twitter.

Harry was trending worldwide for showcasing his new hair. His growing hair. No one had seen him like this since the end of Tour last year.

You pouted because you missed him a lot.

People were absolutely loving it. As always, a lot of people were losing their shit over Harry content. You were too, because you missed him.

“Oh, he looks so good!” Your stylist, Jamie, gasped behind you.

Jamie was currently fixing your hair and you had to say they had done an impressive job.

“I know.” You smiled to yourself.

“He looks like a sexy CEO.”

You laughed out loud at that, “When he puts on his glasses he does.” You agreed.

“Harry wears glasses?” Jamie gasped.

“Yeah, hang on..”

You started to go through your camera roll. It was only a few days ago that he had gotten new glasses, because he’d managed to lose his old ones. Typical.

You stopped on a photo of Harry sat in bed with the duvet up on his chest, a book in his lap and his glasses on. He didn’t realise you had taken the photo of him, but it was now one of your favourites.

“Oh damn…” Jamie gasped. “If your marriage ever goes south, tell him I’ll be available.”

You laughed again, shaking your head in dismissal but also approval.

You went back to Twitter to see if any of the Harrie accounts you follow have tweeted anything. You make yourself laugh as you look through their feral comments.

And just because you like to cause a riot on the internet you liked an insane tweet.

harriesmiles: the way that this photo makes me want to cling onto harry like a koala bear and never let go

It wasn’t long before you were trending with Harry.

Then the face-time call comes through from him.

“Am I done?” You asked Jamie quickly.

He nods, knowing you routine with Harry, and allows you to slip into the bathroom next to the bedroom.

You answered the call shortly after locking the bathroom door.

“Hellooo.” You said in a weird voice, feeling hyper from the Twitter craze.

“Hi, babe.” Harry was obviously outside and trying to watch where he was going, more than looking at you.

“Has the match finished?”

“Yeah.” And you honestly didn’t care enough about football to ask how it went. “Are you ready?”

Harry’s eyes flicked down to his screen momentarily, smirking when he catches sight of your glammed out makeup.

One thing Harry loved more than anything was you in a red-lip, so of course you had to make sure you had one for him - despite the fact he couldn’t kiss it off you tonight.

“What?” You giggled, watching him trying to suppress his smirk in public.

“You’re so annoying. I’m trying to act all cool and mysterious here and you’re making me smile like an idiot.”

You dipped your head and smiled, accentuating the blush that was already powdered onto your cheeks.

“H, honey, you’re walking through the streets of Manchester. No one cares about how you act. They’re probably all drunk anyways.”

“True, true.”

“Did you have a pint?” You propped your phone on the counter.

“Uh, yeah.” He said whilst trying to cross a road.

“Love, do you want to call me back when you’re at less risk of being hit by a car?” You sarcastically asked.

“No!” He yelped. “No. Needs to be now.”

You gave him a confused look but carried on regardless.

You shuffled back in the bathroom, giving him a full angle.

You watched in anticipation as Harry looked at you through his tiny screen, wishing it were ten times bigger.

“Wow.” Was all he said and you giggled like a girl having a high-school crush. “I love you so much.”

“So you like?” You swished your dress from side to side.

“Mhm. Wishing I wasn’t so far from you now.”

“Tomorrow. I’ll have all the kisses for you then.”

“Tomorrow it is, then.” Harry smirked to himself, kissing the camera.

Working for the music industry has been a whirlwind to put it mildly. But working directly for Jenifer at Columbia Records was totally unexpected. And even though she’s just working as her assistant, watching someone as powerful as Jenifer maintain a high level executive position—whilst managing the distribution of new music from some of the greatest musicians of their time—has been life changing for Y/N.

Most days start the same. She picks up Jenifer’s favorite coffee on her way into the office—a building purposefully kept off the grid so large talents could visit and nobody would suspect the business going on inside. It helped keep new releases a surprise. A two floor, sandstone-colored building that even looked a little run down from the outside. Inside, however, it’s remodeled and decorated to the nines. Koi ponds, a skylight, a barista joint (enter: Jenifer’s favorite coffee), plush couches and expensive art. The works.

While standing in line for her daily coffee pickup, she notices a bit of commotion from the corner of her eye, causing her to look up at the flurry of people walking through the main lobby. In the middle of this tiny crowd of people, she spots a man. He’s dressed in joggers that are tucked into his socks, a pair of trainers, and a hoodie on top. Peeking out through the hoodie, milk chocolate curly hair was tufted into a little claw clip. Even with sunglasses on his face, it was hard to miss who it was. 

But no one had told Y/N that Harry Styles was visiting that day. Normally everyone is in a tizzy the day, or sometimes even for the whole week, before someone high profile is expected to swing by the office, so this had to have been a surprise, drop-by kind of visit, right?

Y/N quickly tips the barista and hurries into the elevator with a coffee in hand for her boss, just knowing Jenifer was likely already pulling her hair out if she’d only gotten word this morning that Harry Styles was in the building—or worse, still didn’t know. She jabs the button to the second floor and just as the doors are closing, the man himself slides through and joins her in the tiny traveling metal box.

An intense wave of nerves washes over her in his presence. It feels like every hair on her body is standing up in his presence. Just the air he carried with him was intimidating, but not in an inherently bad way. The scent of his cologne and fresh laundry fill the elevator. His sunglasses are now pushed up into his hair, resting in front of the endearing claw clip he’d chosen to tame his handsomely tousled curls. She wants to spend more time looking at him—she wants to see the minute details of his face, but she knows it’s rude to stare. She’s trying to keep calm, trying to avoid indicating she knew who he was, but her body language is subconscious of course. She stiffens, holding her breath. 

But it’s a different kind of nervousness than what she normally experiences with a VIP client visit. That kind of nervousness usually comes with thoughts of wanting to make sure they’re pleased, making sure everything is ready and prepared for them, making sure they have the client’s favorite brand of water in stock and refrigerated, making sure she doesn’t spill something on them, or step on their feet, or accidentally steal their pen. Normal nerves. Wanting to make sure the client is happy. 

None of the clients she’d met before had ever made her feel like there was electricity floating through the air. Like she needed to squeeze her thighs and arms tightly against her body, turning herself into the shape of an uncooked spaghetti noodle, being careful not to brush against him in what seems like a much smaller space than it did yesterday—for fear of a chemical reaction; like if they touched it would be the equivalent of striking a match. The back of her knees and her hands are already clammy, trembling in a feeling of self-consciousness—of her movements, of what she’s wearing, of what he thinks of her (which is nothing at this point, she obviously knows this, but still). 

She knew he was attractive but fuck, this is something else entirely. These are not normal nerves. These nerves are the kind she gets on a first date, not riding on an elevator with a client.

And true to character, Y/N usually says stupid shit when she’s overly nervous. In this instance, she pawns out a terrible joke.

“What floor?” She gestures to the panel, hoping her trembling hand goes unnoticed.

There’s only two floors. They are both on the first, and she’s already pushed the button to the second floor. There’s literally no other option. 

So… Yeah. It was a terrible joke! But Y/N had always thought it’d be funny to do that to someone. Confuse them for a minute. Her dumbass just happened to choose Harry Styles to try it out on.

The man beside her opens his mouth as if to speak, then cocks his head in momentary confusion, then promptly closes his mouth, his lips twitching in amusement as he realized she was fucking with him.

With a soft jilt, the elevator starts to move upwards. Y/N’s gaze falls to the floor but she can still feel his eyes linger on her profile for a few more seconds. She rolls her lips into her mouth in a pitiful attempt to curb her smile, her face burning from the flush in her cheeks at her own ridiculousness. 

Fortunately—and she guesses, unfortunately as well—there’s only two floors, as previously discussed, and therefore it’s only seconds later when the elevator bings as the doors slide open to reveal the second floor. In her peripheral vision, she sees the man’s arm lift upwards, gesturing towards her in a “ladies first” sort of motion.

Considering her first fumble, she figures she might as well lean into it.

“This is my floor,” she peeks up at the man through her lashes to briefly meet the man’s gaze, jutting a thumb out towards the opening of the elevator doors. The man has a small smirk on his face already, but at her words, the corner of his mouth buckles, a dimple beginning to dip into his left cheek.

Again, she knew it was dumb, but something about this man seemed to make her do stupid things already. She waves a small goodbye and scurries out, as if the man in the elevator wouldn’t be exiting off onto the same floor right after her. As if the man could somehow possibly be going to a floor higher up.

She scampers down the hallway towards Jenifer’s office, not looking back to see if Harry had gone in the same direction as her, knocking twice quietly, and then enters.

She closes the door behind her with a gust, pressing her back up against it, squeezing her eyes shut and letting a large sigh exhale from her body. The electric charge in the air she’d felt had finally ceased now that she was out of his presence.

“Y/N?” Jenifer asks, startling Y/N in her spot. Her eyes fly open to find Jenifer staring at her assistant warily. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she chirps out nervously, the tone of her voice very much indicative of the anxiety she feels. “Did, um, did anyone tell you about who’s here today?” 

She winces as she asks the question, keeping one eye open to watch her boss’s facial expression. She really hopes she isn’t going to be the one delivering the news to her.

“Yes…”

“So, you know that Harry Styles is here then, yes?” 

Y/N holds her breath while she waits for an answer.

“Yes…” Her boss echoes in the same apprehensive tone, continuing to stare at Y/N, perplexed at her assistant’s flustered state.

“Wait, then why didn’t anyone tell me?” Y/N asks, eyebrows furrowing accompanied by a miniscule shake of her head, suddenly feeling annoyed nobody had given her a heads up.

“Only executives were told. Information spreads fast and with someone who has that high of a publicity profile, it was very hush hush even on an executive level. There’s a few people who we really have to protect their privacy if fans and paparazzi follow their every move, anywhere they go. He’s one of them.”

Y/N grumbles. She guesses that makes sense, but still, a little warning would’ve been nice? Maybe a text? An email? A raven? An owl? Literally anything? Attire is always business professional but she would’ve done… something—she’s not sure what—to at least make herself look slightly more… dressed up. She smoothes down her shirt.

“Y/N, why do you look so flustered? Did something happen?”

Y/N’s eyes squeeze shut again, a tiny groan escaping her mouth, then she opens her eyes once more, mustering everything she has to present a calm, cool, and collected facade.

“No. Everything’s fine. I was just a little… surprised, I guess.” A half-truth.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything you need to tell me? We’re meeting with him in 10 minutes so spit it out quickly if so.”

We?

Y/N nearly chokes on her spit—the irony of her boss’s words spit it out entirely lost on her—but tries to cover it up by clearing her throat. She knows Jenifer isn’t buying it. “S-sorry, sorry—did you say ‘w-we’?”

“Yes, I need you taking notes during the meeting as I want to give Mr. Styles my full attention. He called for this meeting but wouldn’t say what it was about, so we have to assume it’s important,” Jenifer says calmly as she walks over to take her coffee from Y/N’s hands, who’s still pressed against the door of her office. “So, are you sure there isn’t anything you need to tell me before we go in there? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

She considered it. She really did consider just telling her boss up front about her terrible joke and the awkward encounter. But instead all she says is—

“Nope. All good. I’ll be ready in 9 minutes. West conference room?”

“Yes, thank you, Y/N,” Jenifer responds, eyeing her assistant warily once more with one eyebrow raised, wondering what could possibly have her assistant in such a tizzy.

Harry and his team are already seated in the conference room when Jenifer and Y/N enter through the doors. Y/N tip-toes behind Jenifer, knowing it’s inevitable that he’ll recognize her, but maybe Jenifer wouldn’t introduce her and they’ll all pretend like she wasn’t even in there!

It was fun to wish, anyway.

“Mr. Styles, we’re so happy to have you here. I trust your trip here was pleasant?” Jenifer kicks everything off with, extending a hand to shake. Harry stands up to return her handshake, and his team follows his lead.

“It was, thank you. And thank you f’seein’ me last minute,'' he responds. His voice is so deep—it makes Y/N shiver. She hadn’t expected it to be that deep.

She watches him from behind Jenifer’s shoulder, that is, until Jenifer steps to the side and reveals Y/N’s frame, much to her dismay. “It’s no problem at all. That’s what we’re here for after all. This is my assistant, Y/N Y/L/N. She’ll be taking notes during the meeting. Are you comfortable discussing business with her in the room? She’s signed an NDA so I can assure you that anything shared in this room will not be shared.”

Harry’s eyes lock with Y/N’s. She hadn’t looked directly into them in the elevator and she thinks she should’ve, so she could’ve better prepared herself. The color is that of a glowing mossy green pond, and the intensity of his gaze forces her to take in a sharp breath and hold it. His lips are curled into a knowing smile, and there’s a playful sparkling glint in his eyes. She can feel the heat rising in her neck.

“Sure,” he responds, his tone dripping with humor. He definitely recognizes her. He definitely remembers. “Nice to meet you, Y/N,” he follows with, keeping up with formal etiquette, but his tone indicates there’s some kind of inside joke. Y/N nods her head in acknowledgement as he puts his hands back in the front pocket of his hoodie. 

“Likewise,” she murmurs quietly, much more shyly than she would’ve liked to. She can feel Jenifer’s gaze on her before her boss lets out an uncomfortable, nervous sounding chuckle. The tension could be cut with a knife.

As they all sit back down, Y/N’s gaze never leaves his, and vice versa. But right before they break eye contact, he shoots her a wink and he watches as Y/N’s cheeks flush a dark, flustered pink.

Harry maintains an air of professionalism and focus throughout the meeting. Y/N is able to spend the majority of the meeting with her eyes on paper as she scribbles notes, for both Jenifer and Harry’s team. But there’s a few moments that Harry does manage to catch the eyes of Y/N, when she’s admiring him, thinking he’s too preoccupied with the current conversation, but his eyes flick to hers the moment she is, as if he could’ve felt her eyes on him even if he had been faced the other way. He gives her a look of You’re not slick. I. See. You.

It’s a game of tag and the conference room is their playground. First, he’ll catch her eyes on him. Then, she’ll catch his on her. Though, she thinks she mostly catches him not because she felt his eyes on her, but because she was trying to catch a glimpse of him and his eyes had already been on her. Each time their gazes lock, Y/N’s hand stutters on her page. It’s hard to focus.

Even though he’d been professional and focused, clearly driven and knowing of what he wants, his vision for his next record, he’d also been profoundly easygoing—so mellow and relaxed—and there was something comforting, soothing even, about being in his presence despite how intimidated she felt around him. He was also funny, and cheeky, and multiple times found playful ways to tease his entire team resulting in everyone letting out a few chuckles. There was an obvious fondness, a protectiveness, for the people he worked with. They weren’t just people who worked for him; they were friends—maybe even family to him.

So, the rumors were true. People gravitated towards him, physically and emotionally, when he spoke. His slow, deep British drawl was enough to soothe and entrance anyone who let their guard down for a moment's notice. He was charming. Charming is an understatement. He was enigmatic. Beguiling.

At the meeting’s end, everyone stands up and Jenifer reaches out to shake Harry’s hand once more. 

Y/N can’t deny that she’s a little disappointed when Harry finally departs the conference room, leaving her and Jenifer standing on one side of the table. Jenifer’s face has a picture perfect smile pasted on it until the second the door closes behind them, to which Jenifer whips her head to face Y/N with an accusing glare.

“Please tell me you’ve not hooked up with him,” she deadpans.

“What?!” Y/N’s voice reaches a new octave in response. She tries not to shriek, but Jenifer’s assumption is just so ludicrous. “What are you talking about?”

“You heard me. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s clear you two know each other. And there’s a strict no fraternizing with clients clause in your contract. I don’t care how cute or good in bed he is,” she says, giving Y/N another pointed stare.

“Jenifer, I can assure you. I just met him today. I’d never spoken to him before in my life before today." 

“Promise me. Swear on your life. Because if it’s a lie, I will find out. I love having you as my assistant, but you know I wouldn’t be able to keep you. But if you tell me now, there's still hope yet—because if it’s something that happened before you started working here then we can disclose it to HR and get it all squared away,” Jenifer says, her features finally relaxing. Y/N’s not sure she’s ever seen that side of Jenifer before. It was actually kind of scary, to be quite honest.

“I promise. Swear on my life.”

“Then what was that all about then?” Jenifer asks, seeming to relax back into her normal demeanor, a hint of amusement tinting her expression now. Actually, it’s even friendlier than usual. Y/N thinks she’d have normally dropped the topic after that.

Y/N’s face flushes at the memory of—

“There! That’s what I am talking about,” Jenifer exclaims with a snap of her fingers and a point of her finger at Y/N, and Y/N’s eyes widen, startled and confused. “You’ve been a nearly tickled-pink color the entire time. Are you just attracted to him or a big fan or what?”

“Jenifer, that’s a little personal…” Y/N responds, trying to sound chiding and shocked at her boss’s forwardness, but it only comes out sounding shy and pouty. “But um, no, none of those things—I mean, wait—okay, I can’t say—I guess I’d be lying if I said I’m not a little attracted… I mean, you saw him, right? But that—that’s beside the point. That’s not what I… What I… Shit. Um, what was the question?” Y/N asks, blinking rapidly in succession, dizzied by her own words.

But Jenifer only giggles in response. Giggles. Y/N’s not sure she’s ever heard her boss giggle. Much less at her.

“What in god’s name has you so flustered, Y/N? Did he… Hit on you… Maybe?” Jenifer asks, treading lightly with the question and peering at her with curiosity.

“Hit on me? Oh, god, no—no. Me? Ha! That’s, um… that’s funny. No, uh, I… He just makes me nervous, I guess, and um, so,” she sighs before continuing, finally caving to her boss’s curiosity. “We rode on the elevator together this morning, and I made a really, dumb embarrassing joke,” Y/N finally admits with a sheepish look on her face, recalling the incident internally. “And then I… Well, I made another bad joke. Just to… Just to really solidify that hole I’d dug myself into, you know?” Y/N’s tone drips in a defeated-sounding satire before she continues.

 “Gotta… Gotta make a good impression! Well, maybe not—maybe not good impression… But not bad either! If It was bad I would’ve told you beforehand, of course. Just… indifferent. More just, um, embarrassing, a little. But it was only in front of him! Not his team or anything... Not that that makes it any better, necessarily, since he’s the client… It’s just…” Y/N sighs again, seemingly swept away in a cyclone of erratic thoughts. Jenifer watches in stunned amusement. “Anyway, it wasn't inappropriate by any means though—the jokes. I just—I, well—it was just like, a dumb joke. You know? Like a bad joke. So he was probably just—maybe feeling bad for me, or maybe he was amused at the attempt. Anyway. Um. I’ll get these notes typed up for you and send them over,” Y/N finally finishes her clusterfuck ramble of an explanation, making way to exit the conference room. 

“I’ve never seen you so tongue-tied, Y/N,” Jenifer responds following behind, soft amusement lacing the tone of her words. Y/N opens the door and continues to talk as she walks.

“Yeah, well, nervous, like I said—oh!” Y/N startles, cutoff mid-sentence after nearly slamming into a body.

The body of the person they were talking about.

“Mr. Styles! I didn’t know you were still here. Did you forget something?” Jenifer asks, switching back into her professional demeanor automatically.

Y/N can feel the burn intensify on her face, her frame frozen just inches in front of Harry with Jenifer right behind her, sandwiched between the both of them. It’s a little close for comfort on either end.

“Oh, I was actually hopin’ t’speak with Y/N about somethin’ in the notes from the meeting,” Harry responded with an ease that conflictingly encouraged her to feel calm even though she was feeling anything but calm. She’d barely recovered, now flustered by the interaction she just shared with her boss. 

Her heart hammered in her chest, feeling like a fly caught in a spider’s web, but the way her name sounded on his lips was divine. She’d never loved the sound of her name before. Not until it was wrapped around his cushiony lips. 

He holds eye contact with Jenifer for a majority of the statement, but glances down to look at Y/N for the briefest second when he says her name, only to find Y/N already watching him from beneath her lashes—eyes wide and curious with blown out pupils, her mouth slightly agape and leaving just enough space to slip a key through it—at the man standing before her. That same little smirk is curled at the corner of the left side of his mouth, the ghost of a dimple playing at his cheek as amusement dances in his staggeringly green eyes. 

Y/N feels herself curl up her shoulders shyly in her Jenifer-Harry sandwich, wondering if he really does have something to say about the notes or if he actually has something to say about her dumbass remarks from earlier. On the bright side, at least he wasn’t asking to speak to Jenifer in private instead. Surely he’d be making a complaint about her if that was the case.

“Oh,” Jenifer says, and Y/N can hear the way her voice is surprised-but-not-surprised simultaneously, with a lingering curiosity—a questioning in her tone heard perhaps by Y/N only. “Yes, of course. That’s fine. Y/N, please swing by my office after you’re done.”

Jenifer breezes past Y/N and Harry, the sound of her heels thunking on the carpet of the long hallway. Y/N’s finally able to take a step back so she’s not breathing in his face when she brings her head up to look at him.

When she does, she sees the dazzlingly pretty man up close in person for the very first time—a vision she will not soon forget; stubble on his face and the planes of it bordered with lines so sharp they rival the crisp cut of a piece of cardstock. The color of his eyes is a whimsical, woodland kind of green, flecks of gold sprinkled throughout, and his fluffy chestnut curls are still held back in that frustratingly adorable claw clip, little wisps escaping on the sides of his head to caress and hug the shells of his ears.

Truth be told, she’d actually been a fan of One Direction back in the day. She’d always found him the most attractive out of the other boys in the group. She also loved his voice the most, easily identifiable on their tracks. But life goes on, and Y/N’s music tastes expanded and spanned across many genres and artists, and then One Direction broke up. It wasn’t until working at Capitol Records that she’d gotten herself up to date with all their biggest clients, including Harry Styles as a solo artist. 

She’d been impressed with his last three records, and enjoyed his new solo music thoroughly in her research. But life had just been so hectic, that she really hadn’t spent much time following social media or keeping up with trends or what was happening—celebrity news was different from music industry news. She’d had no time to care about who was dating who, if so-and-so broke up with so-and-so. But she knew she’d recognize him if she saw him, however she hadn’t spent much time paying attention to the details of his face and how he looked these days. 

But now that she’s standing in front of him, allowing herself to look at him for longer than a second unlike she’d done in the meeting or in the elevator, she’s at a loss for words. He’s just so… Handsome. She can’t find a physical flaw. Too gorgeous for his own good, honestly. 

He’d aged and matured like a fine wine. A delicacy for luxurious tongues.

Opening her notebook, she stutters through her words. “Um, s-so, what did yo-you need to add t-to the notes?” She clicks her pen, readying to make an adjustment on the pages, then peeks up at him through her nervously fluttering lashes.

When she sees him, she sees that he’s already smiling at her, dimples dipping into both sides of his cheeks. It’s a sweet, sincere kind of smile—the kind of smile you give when you’re standing in front of a shy child you’re trying to say hello to for the first time.

There’s a moment where he doesn’t say anything, and Y/N thinks she might burst. Luckily, she’s out of awful jokes right now, mind blank in exhaust from the day already.

“Knock knock,” is all Harry says in response, ignoring her question altogether.

Y/N blinks owlishly at the man. She knows what she’s supposed to say, in theory, but also… what the fuck is going on?

“Er…” He looks like he’s stifling laughter as he waits for her answer. “Who’s… there?”

“Hula,” Harry says, waiting for her again.

Okay, this was definitely going down in her book as one of the weirdest conversations she’d ever had with a famous musician.

“Hula… Who?”

Harry pops a p sound, and it takes a moment for it to click before Y/N absolutely cannot not stop the giggle that bubbles up out of her.

And then she’s giggling like a madwoman. It’s a delirious sounding giggle and she just can’t stop herself. She reaches her hand up, covering her mouth as more giggles spew out of her.

It’s the result of all the tension she’d felt since that silly little moment in the elevator. It’s the result of the anxiety she felt when she worried that her boss wasn’t aware that Harry Styles was in the building today. It’s the result of the nerves she felt when she realized she was about to go into an important meeting with him right after making a terrible joke and then running away from him. It’s the result of her squeezing her thighs tightly throughout the hour and a half meeting she sat in with him, as she admired and listened to the way he captivated and charmed everyone in his presence. It’s the result of the tension she felt when Jenifer assumed they’d hooked up, which was an outlandish accusation in itself, before telling her that she could possibly lose her job over it. It’s the result of nearly slamming into Harry on her way out of the conference room whilst talking about how nervous he made her. It’s the result of Harry asking to speak to Y/N privately after she’d nearly slammed into him. It’s the result of Harry making a knock knock joke at the end of all of that.

“What is even happening?” She coos out giddily through her giggling, holding her stomach with her other hand because the muscles were aching from the spontaneous workout induced by her giggle fit, and then she hears Harry sputter out a laugh in response.

“I thought we were jus’ exchanging terrible jokes,” he says, looking exceedingly proud of himself, like he’d maybe spent the whole meeting coming up with that joke and that having made her laugh with it was the best thing he’d ever done. 

She gasps, feigning offense through her continued giggles.

“See you next time?” Harry asks, his smiley face watching the girl in front of him become unraveled, her entire face pinking again.

“Next time,” Y/N parrots, as she tapers down her giggles and pulls herself together, giving him one last look before walking past him towards Jenifer’s office.

“I have a busy schedule and I’m focusing on my career,”you tell them every time, but they think it’s just a lame excuse. Well, it is an excuse, but you wouldn’t say it’s lame. It’s the truth, you don’t have much time left next to the tasks you carry with being a superstar’s personal assistant and tour manager at the same time. It’s a killer combo, but you love the challenges and you love the job. Your mother however thinks you’ll never find a husband if you keep working in this pace and she is already praying for your soul even though you’re only twenty-seven, you have plenty of time.

And besides… you’re not quite interested in dating. Not when the man of your dreams is right in front of you and he also happens to be your boss.

“It’s fine,” you mumble into the phone.

“I’ll make it up to you, okay?”

“Sure. I gotta go,” you sigh when you hear the last song starting.

You end the call with a bitter goodbye and take a moment to yourself to think about the trouble you brought on yourself. When your mom kept bringing up your nonexistent dating life over the phone you couldn’t take it anymore and opened your big mouth, telling her that you’d be bringing someone home for Christmas. Not anyone, your boyfriend. Which you obviously don’t have. Jonathan is your only straight male friend who you’d trust with the situation and it took some time to convince him to do it, but at last he agreed to be your fake boyfriend, however his brother’s accident screwed it all up and you’re supposed to fly home in a few days with him but… it’s gone to shit and you’re gonna have to explain to your family why you’re alone again.

It seems like a frown is etched onto your face, because as Harry runs off the stage, sweaty and high on adrenaline he freezes as he sees you, a quizzed look in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you grumble. “Go and get ready to leave,” you tell him, sending out a few texts, avoiding to look at him. When he doesn’t move for several moments your eyes snap up at him. “Would you not be a pain in the ass and do what I asked?”

“Woah, what’s gotten your panties twisted?” he asks with a frown, but heads to his dressing room finally and you walk along him, busying yourself with your phone.

“I said nothing. I’m gonna go and talk to head of security. Meet me at the car in thirty.”

Harry wants to question your sudden change of act, but he has no chance as you run off to do your work.

Running your usual rounds in the venue you make sure everything is going smooth, the arena is slowly emptying out and the stage crew starts to take the stage apart and load everything into the trucks. For a little bit you forget about having to face your family, but as soon as you head out to the car to meet Harry it comes back clashing down on you.

“You’re starting to worry me, Y/N. You look like the world is about to end,” Harry comments on your act once again as the two of you climb into the car and head back to the hotel.

“If the world ended today I would be the happiest,” you mumble barely audible, but he still catches your words.

“You sound like an emo teen, would you just tell me what got you so upset?”

“I’m upset because I’m stupid!” you groan, folding your arms on your chest. The driver starts the car and you roll out of the parking lot, passing by hoards of fans, but neither of you care about them now. Harry is watching you intently as you load your problems out on him. “Jonathan was supposed to come home with me for Christmas, but his brother broke his fucking ankle so he can’t come and I have to go home alone!”

“Okay, I feel like I’m missing something,” Harry comments, eyes narrowed at you. “Why was he supposed to go home with you?”

Pursing your lips you think about telling him a lie. You don’t necessarily want him to know that you’re so desperate you told your mother you have a boyfriend when you’re as single as you can get. This is something only crazy people do who think that their life is a movie.

“I, uhh… I might or might have not told my mother that I have a boyfriend who I’m bringing home for Christmas. And that boyfriend was supposed to be Jonathan.”

“Wait, what?” he grimaces. “You’re dating Jonathan?”

“I’m not!” you growl rolling your eyes. “I just wanted him to pretend like we’re dating.”

“But… why exactly?”

Sighing sadly, you turn to stare out the window, the flickering lights of the city passing by you in a blur. You’ve never told anyone in details about what it was like to grow up with your sister. She was just always better than you. Prettier, more popular, she nailed everything in life. She was a cheerleader in high school and of course, prom queen, she’s been dating her boyfriend since the eleventh grade, she got into Columbia with scholarship and now she is working a perfect job, lives in a perfect house with the perfect man who’ll marry her soon.

You never blamed her. You couldn’t hold it against her that she had everything she wanted. It’s the way your family always treated the situation. You weren’t popular, didn’t get to be prom queen, hell you almost didn’t even go to prom because no one asked you out. You dropped out of college and started as an assistant in a law firm before you ventured over to celebrities. Two years ago you landed this spot next to Harry and you’re proud of what you accomplished, however your parents don’t feel quite the same. You never hear the end of it that you didn’t finish school, but Leila did, that your job is not the type they generally consider serious, but Leila’s is, or that you haven’t had a serious relationship in five years, unlike Leila… Nothing you do is good enough or just simply… enough.

You just wanted one Christmas when you’re not the disgrace of the family. Apparently, you wished for way too much.

“Doesn’t matter, Harry,” you mumble, shaking your head softly.

He remains silent and you’re convinced the topic is dropped, but when you reach the hotel and the two of you are heading up in the elevator, he breaks the silence and almost makes you faint.

“I could go home with you and pretend to be your boyfriend.” You turn to him with wide eyes, fully convinced that he is just pulling your leg, but he seems serious.

“Excuse me?”

“I could do it. Only if you haven’t told your parents that it’s Jonathan, because then we would have some problems with the change…” he muses.

“I-I didn’t tell them, but… Harry, you can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because you can’t.”

The elevator arrives and you’re quick to storm out heading to your room, but Harry catches up with you in a heartbeat.

“I totally can and I’m willing to do it, Y/N.”

“You can’t! They know you’re my boss!” you shush him, but he just rolls his eyes.

“So what? That doesn’t mean we can’t be a couple.” You ignore the way your heart skips a beat as Harry talks about the two of you as a couple. This is not exactly the setting you imagined it come up.

“Harry,” you sigh stopping in the middle of the hallway. “This is just… ridiculous, okay? The whole thing was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have even come up with it. I’ll just tell them the truth.”

“Well… if you change your mind, you know where to find me,” he shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Of course I know, I’m the one who puts your schedule together,” you scoff and he just grins at you before walking up to his room and disappearing inside.

Not even twenty-four hours later you’re sipping on your afternoon coffee in a different city, laptop in front of you on the small table of the hotel bar, going through loads of emails, making calls to all parts of the globe. You’ll head to the venue soon to check out how the stage building is going, it’s been your usual for months now, life on the road.

Your fingers are typing away fast on the keyboard when you spot the familiar figure approaching you from the corner of your eyes. You don’t have to look up to know it’s Harry, wearing a black hoodie and grey sweatpants, a coffee in his hands as he lazily walks up to your table and takes a seat, inviting himself into your company.

“Have you thought about it?” he hums, stirring the black liquid as he stares out the window.

“I think about a million things a day, you have to be more specific,” you answer in a flat tone, eyes still glued to the screen.

It’s been the dynamic you built up. You like to be sarcastic, a bit rude to him but he always knows it’s just a game. It helps you keep a very fragile wall between the two of you so you don’t fall for him even more and at least you can do your job. Though Harry likes the bickering, even fuels it as much as he can, enjoying the little remarks and teasing.

“The Christmas thing,” he adds, taking a sip from the coffee, sliding lower in his chair.

“I have not,” you mumble, but it’s a total lie. It’s all you’ve been thinking about since he offered to be your fake boyfriend. You haven’t been able to wrap your mind around the absurdity of it: your boss, who you’re in love with, coming home with you for Christmas to pretend to be your fake boyfriend. This straight up sounds like the plot of a Netflix movie.

“Okay, then think now. Because I’ve thought and I came up with a few things that would convince you.”

“Harry, I’m working. My job doesn’t end when you run off the stage, alright?” you sigh, leaning back in your seat, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“You’re just answering Jeff’s million emails, that can wait,” he says and simply shuts the laptop down, your eyes widening.

“Are you fucking crazy?!”

“I am, but what’s new?” he smirks at you, crossing one leg over the other. “So. I’m the perfect candidate to be your fake boyfriend, because I know everything about you. We’ve been practically living together, I know the way a boyfriend would know you.”

“Harry, can you just—“

“Second, I’ve met your mother and I totally charmed her, she would love me!”

“You’re giving yourself way too much credit, H,” you roll your eyes.

“Come on, don’t tell me I wouldn’t make her swoon as your boyfriend!”

It’s hard to admit, but he is right. Your parents might not like your career choice, but they love Harry. They think he is the greatest person in the celebrity world and your mother even said that you should quit your job and just date him. As if that was so easy…

“Alright, third. I assume we would have to sleep in the same room so we would have to share a bed and we’ve done that before. Wouldn’t be a problem this time either.”

“Harry, how long did you spend thinking about these stuff?” you huff, your head rolling back as you let out a frustrated groan.

“Enough to make the perfect plan,” he smirks proudly. “Come on, it’s gonna be fun!”

“No, it’s not,” you shake your head right away. “You don’t know the shitshow that goes down on Christmas in our family.”

“It’s a shitshow everywhere, I can manage,” he shrugs.

“And how do you plan to explain to your mother that you won’t be home for Christmas on time?”

“Mum’s in quarantine, one of her girlfriends tested positive so now she is locked up as well. It ends after Christmas so we’re celebrating later.”

“I can’t believe you have an answer to everything,” you scoff in disbelief. “Why are you so desperate to do this?”

“Because I wanna help you! I can tell it’s something important to you and you do so much for me, I could finally do something for you! Just let me help!” he begs, running a hand through his hair and god, he looks way too good for your league. No one will believe you scored Harry Styles…

“I don’t…”

“Come on!” he groans in frustration. “It’s gonna be fun, we can spend some time together without any work loading on us. When was the last time we did that?”

“You took me out to dinner on my birthday,” you answer without a second thought, because you’re definitely keeping tabs on the times you spent alone with Harry.

“That’s right, but that’s been so long,” he whines. “I’ll be your best fake boyfriend, your family will fall in love with me and they are gonna finally get out of your hair about being single.”

“I never told you this is why I’m doing it,” you narrow your eyes at him.

“Y/N, I know you,” he smiles at you softly. “You’ve complained to me several times how your parents just keep bugging you to get a boyfriend and your sister just got engaged. You don’t want to go home alone and listen to them dragging you down because Leila is getting married and you’re not.”

You never thought he paid attention, not this much at least. But it seems like Harry remembered everything you told him and it’s making your chest ache. It would be easier to keep your emotions out of the equation if only he wasn’t the greatest man alive, always so caring and thoughtful. You’re afraid that if you’ll pretend to be dating Harry your heart will get broken, even more than it already is. That’s why you’re so adamant about not accepting his offer.

“You’ll have someone to complain to all Christmas, I think that’s a great deal, Y/N,” he smirks at you, slurping up the rest of his black coffee.

Just as you’re about to answer him, your phone starts to ring and the words die on your tongue as you reach for the device.

“I have to take this,” you mumble. Harry nods and standing up he grabs his empty cup.

“Think about it some more,” he softly tells you, giving your shoulder a squeeze before walking away. You pay one last glance after him before turning back towards your phone and answering the call.

It’s the last show before everyone is heading home for the holidays. The tour dragged longer than it was planned at the beginning, more and more shows were added, because Harry just wants to give the people what they want. That’s how you ended up with the last show being so close to Christmas.

Harry is on stage now, talking to a fan whose sign just asked for dating advice, he is wearing a magenta suit, of course, no shirt underneath. His smile is beaming as he is talking about how they should never trust a man who forgets their birthday and you’ve always found it funny how wise he can get when he is definitely no expert in dating. After all, he is just about to pretend to be your boyfriend for the holidays, what kind of sane man agrees to do that?

Fixing your mask you step out to the arena to the secluded area where crew members can get a glimpse of the show. You stay close to the wall, watching him parade on the stage, another rainbow flag glued to his hands, just like about every night. There’s no doubt this is his element, the place where he is himself the most and you’ve always admired how open he can get with thousands of people around him.

It’s not a surprise you fell for him, how could you not? You hit it off instantly when you started working for him at the beginning, an odd but deep friendship forming between the two of you quite fast. Being vulnerable with Harry feels like second nature, he is a great listener and has a magic power to get you to trust him right away. One month into knowing him it felt like you’ve known him all your life.

And loved him all your life.

While you shared almost every detail of your life with him, he has seen you at your best and worst, bought you tampons in the middle of the night and held your hair as you threw up from food poisoning, there was one thing you could never tell him: how badly you fell in love with him.

You know you’ll never get to have him the way you want. It just wasn’t meant to be, no matter how painful it is to accept it. But as you watch him sing his heart out on stage, the ache to get closer to him just grows and you’re desperate to get just a tiny slice of him.

That’s when you make up your mind that you’ll let him go home with you and pretend to be your boyfriend. Because if that’s the only way you can have him… you’re gonna take it.

It’s an emotional moment as Harry leaves the stage for the last time, he is throwing kisses everywhere, bowing and waving around before he runs behind the curtains where you’re already waiting for him.

“Great job,” you pat him on the back, the two of you heading to his dressing room.

“Thanks. Gonna miss this a lot,” he sighs, chest still heaving as he is trying to catch his breath. “When are you leaving tomorrow?” he asks, pushing the door to his dressing room open and you follow him inside, closing it behind so it’s just the two of you. He gets rid of the mask as he starts unbuttoning his shirt, his suspenders already hanging from his waist.

“You mean… when are we leaving?” you ask, biting into your bottom lip. He freezes and then his head snaps around to look at you, a cheesy grin already growing on his lips. “I thought about what you said and… if you’re still up for it, I would appreciate it if you came home with me to… pretend to be my boyfriend. God, this sounds so stupid,” you groan shaking your head.

“Oh, you won’t regret it, Y/N,” he chuckles and walking closer he yanks you into his arms, hugging you tight, almost knocking the air out of your lungs. “This is gonna be so much fun!”

“Yeah,” you mumble against his shoulder. “I really hope so.”

“Would you relax? You definitely don’t look like you’re happy to bring your boyfriend home.”

Harry places a hand over your bouncing knee as he pulls up to your parents’ house, your anxiety rising high when it comes into your vision. It’s decorated exactly the same as every year, your mother never buys new decorations, not even when they start to look rusty and worn down.

You shoot Harry an awfully fake smile, but he just chuckles as he places his hand back at the wheel.

“I will not take the blame for any emotional or mental trauma you might suffer from while you’re here, alright?” you remind him again.

“Yup, you want me to sign a contract?” he teases you smirking and you just smack his chest playfully.

He pulls up to the driveway and you see the curtains move in the window so it’s just a matter of seconds for your mother to burst out the front door and attack the two of you. You still haven’t told them who your alleged boyfriend is and she’ll probably flip when she realizes that it’s Harry.

“Get ready, babe,” Harry smirks as the two of you get out of the car and the front door flies open just as you expected.

“Finally!” your mom runs out, hands in the air as she approaches the two of you. You walk around the car, joining Harry by the driver’s side, his arm coming to curl around your shoulders to pull you to his side and you swallow hard, plastering a smile on your face, watching your mother finally realize who you’ve just brought home. She stops, mouth hangs open, covering it with her hands as she stares and you and Harry with wide eyes, while the man on your side is just smiling at her sweetly, always the charmer.

“Oh my God! Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?!” she screeches before taking the rest of the way to you, pulling you into a hug.

“Don’t freak out, okay? I wanted it to be a surprise,” you grit through your teeth as you hug her back before she turns to Harry, arms wrapping around him as well.

“I surely am surprised! Oh my, I was not expecting you, son!” she cheers, patting Harry’s dimply cheeks.

“It’s so nice to see you again Mrs. Y/L/N.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, just call me Martha!”

“Alright,” Harry chuckles, his hand coming to rest on your back. “Hope you don’t mind Y/N didn’t tell you about me, but we’ve been keeping it low.”

“Oh, I understand, though I’m a bit hurt you thought I wouldn’t keep my mouth about it!” she jokes. “But let’s forget about it, come on in! Don’t freeze out here. I’ve just made hot chocolate. Leila and Stanley will be here in a bit too, they are on their way already.”

Unloading your stuff from the car you head inside, your dad coming from the kitchen with a steaming mug in his hand when he spots the two of you, his eyebrows shooting up upon seeing Harry with you.

“You’re dating your boss?” he asks right away, no filter on him at all.

“Dad!” you roll your eyes at him, Harry just grinning next to you.

“What? Is he not your boss?”

“He is, but… it’s not like that, alright? We don’t work in an office or something like that.”

“That I know,” he mumbles and you bite your tongue not to comment on his words. “Well, welcome back, Harry.”

He extends his hands for your boyfriend and he takes it with a soft smile.

“Nice to see you again. And I know this might be a bit weird, but I assure you that we do everything we can to keep our relationship separated from work. It’s been going well.”

“I’m not one to judge,” your dad shrugs. “Worked with your mother when we got together,” he smirks, patting Harry’s shoulder and you let out a long breath. This could have gone better, but it’s not as disastrous as you’ve imagined it. Nice start.

The two of you bring your bags up to your old room, having a few moments to yourself as you close the door saying you’ll unpack.

“This went well, right?” Harry hum, sitting down to the edge of your bed and you try to ignore how weird it is to see him in your old room, the one you grew up in.

“It was fine. But I think Leila will be more skeptical than them, so we gotta convince her.”

“No problem,” he smirks confidently.

Not too much later you hear the front door open and close downstairs, your sister’s voice hitting your ear as she and her fiancé are welcoming your parents. You take a deep breath, mentally bracing yourself for the meeting.

“Okay, come on. Let’s say hi to them,” you say Harry, who’s been lying across the bed flipping through your high school yearbook until now. Shutting the book closed he jumps to his feet and follows you out of the room.

You spot Leila at the bottom of the stairs, Stanley right behind her and they look just the same as you remembered them.

“Hey! There you are!” she greets you with a bright smile when she sees you walking down the stairs, Harry trailing behind you. “And Harry! Hi!”

She doesn’t seem surprised to see Harry and the way they hug got you suspicious. Leila doesn’t seem fazed at all that Harry is the one she is seeing by your side.

“So, um… I know I didn’t tell you about it, but Harry is… the one I’m dating.” you explain, the words feel strange and unfamiliar on your tongue.

“That’s great!” she beams, but no trace of surprise is seen on her face still. Something is off. “Oh, let me put the tiramisu into the fridge,” she rushes off, Stanley following her behind with their bags as you turn to face Harry.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“What do you mean?” he asks with an innocent look.

“Leila doesn’t seem surprised to see you, you know anything about that?”

“That’s because I told her,” he answers as if it was the most usual thing ever, but you don’t share his opinion.

“What do you mean you told her?”

“I talked to her and told her that I’m the one you’re dating and you’re bringing me home for Christmas.”

“What the fuck?! When did that happen? And why are you talking to my sister?!”

It seems like you’re the only one who is shocked by the information, Harry doesn’t seem too shaken up by any of it. If anything, he is looking at you like you’re crazy.

“Talked to her on the phone yesterday. Why is that so shocking to you?”

“Because I didn’t know you were just casually making calls to my sister!”

“You talk to my sister all the time.”

“But that’s different! I’m your assistant, I need to keep in touch with the people around you.”

“I don’t think gossiping with my sister is your job,” Harry smirks at you. “I’ve kept in touch with your sister since I met her last year. Thought I would let her know that you’re bringing me.”

“And do you think she believed that we’re dating?” you nervously ask, glancing towards the kitchen where you can see Leila already arguing about something with your mom. When you look back at Harry he seems a little hesitant, but it disappears from his eyes pretty quickly.

“Don’t worry, she didn’t even question it. Come on, let’s mingle a little.” He puts a hand to your back, guiding you after the rest of your family, though you’re not quite in the mood to put up an act for now. However you don’t have much of a choice.

Somehow, you manage to survive the first day at home. Harry was right, he charmed the shit out of your mother and by the time dinner was over you were sure she was more in love with him than you. Your dad seemed a little skeptical at first, but it didn’t take long for Harry to warm him up and they sat down for dinner like old pals. Everyone seems to love Harry and the fact that you’re dating him.

It’s a shame it’s all just one big lie.

Wrapping yourself up in a thick blanket you grab your tea from the kitchen counter and head out to the sunroom to join Leila, Stanley and Harry for a late night chat. Your parents are already out, your mom is gonna be up by six probably in the morning to start everything for the big family gathering tomorrow, so it’s just the four of you.

It’s too cold to sit on the porch, that’s why you decided to take the evening to the sunroom where your mom keeps most of her precious plants. Arriving you see that you’re the only one drinking tea, an open bottle of wine sits on the table, Everyone nursing a glass of the red liquid as you hold your steaming mug in your hands, sitting down next to Harry. He’s been drinking a bit throughout the evening, though he is not drunk, and you know how touchy he can get with some alcohol in his system, but you still get surprised when he curls an arm around your shoulders and tugs you to his side.

“Apple and cinnamon?” he asks with a lazy smile, sniffing the air that smells from your tea.

“Yeah. You want to try?” you ask, voice barely more than just a whisper. You haven’t been able to get used to the little touches and looks you’ve been getting from Harry. You keep telling yourself not to fall too comfortable into this role, because it’s all fake, but it’s hard to draw the lines.

“No, I’m good, but thank you,” he smiles at you, taking a sip from his own drink.

“Oh my God, you two are the cutest,” Leila sighs and you look at her, meeting her dreamy eyes as she sits cuddled up to Stan’s side. “You haven’t told us how it happened, I wanna hear the story!”

You purse your lips, looking up at Harry you share a glance and he is the one speaking up first.

“It just… kinda happened. I slowly grew some balls and asked her out one day.”

“So you were always into her?” Stan asks.

“Since day one,” he answers, but his eyes are locked on yours and the damn butterflies in your stomach are going crazy. It’s really hard to remind yourself that it’s all just an act, especially when his fingers are delicately dancing on your arm and shoulder.

“And how did you ask her out? Did you just blurt it out or did you plan it?” Leila asks in excitement.

Harry’s eyes shift to his drink as he runs his tongue across his lips, probably coming up with a story he can feed them and you wonder what he’ll say.

“It was at the beginning of tour, just a few shows into it, in Dallas to be precise. She was in my room before the night of the show, going over my schedule for the next few weeks and I was trying to decide if I wanted to shave or not. We had some wine, just chilling and taking it slow,” he starts and you realize that this evening actually happened, you still remember it.

“She was lying on my bed on her stomach, typing so fast on her phone, I wondered how her thumbs haven’t fallen off,” he chuckles and you can’t push down a smile either. “Maybe it was the alcohol or I just finally came around and figured out what I want in life, but I sat down, took her phone and she whined, but I just stared at her smiling and… asked her to have dinner with me in the next city. Then she asked if I wanted her to reserve a table and if anyone else was coming, but I told her that it was just gonna be the two of us, because it’s gonna be our first date.”

Your lips part and your chest aches as your eyes are glued to his. He described that evening perfectly, everything happened like that except he never asked you out. When he grabbed your phone from you, he just stared at you as you whined and asked for it back and he cocked his head to the side before handing it back to you at last, walking back into the bathroom.

“That sounds just like Y/N, thinking that it’s a group thing,” Leila chuckles, snapping you back from your thoughts, you definitely got lost in the memory and the way Harry is staring at you right now.

“Uh, yeah,” you chuckle nervously, bringing your mug to your lips to busy yourself with something, but you were too fast with that and the hot drink burns your tongue.

“I kind of always knew you two would end up together,” Leila muses and you can feel your cheeks heating up.

“Sure you did,” you mumble to yourself, religiously avoiding to look at Harry for the rest of the evening.

You head up to your rooms about an hour later when the wine has run out and you’ve been yawning for a while. Leila and Stanley take her old room while you retreat into yours, Harry following behind and for a hot minute you forgot that you have to sleep in the same bed, but reality comes crashing down on you when he closes the door and it’s just the two of you after being surrounded by your family all day.

You use the bathroom first while Harry lies in bed, scrolling on his phone before it’s his turn. You’ve never been more anxious to sleep next to him, this whole day just turned your world upside down and now you have to share a bed with him, even though it’s not the first time. He has crashed in your hotel room several times not just on this tour but on several trips you’ve taken around the globe since you’ve started working for him.

Placing your rings to the nightstand you cocoon on your side of the bed, pulling the covers up to your ears as you lie on your side, facing the wall. The bathroom door opens and you listen to Harry fumbling around in the room until the mattress dips behind you and he makes himself comfortable on his side. Just when you think he’s gonna go to sleep without a word he speaks up.

“Are you mad at me?”

Turning around you give him a puzzled look.

“Why would I be?” you ask, your heart beating like crazy.

“Because you’ve been so quiet since Leila asked how we got together. Did I say something wrong?”

The two of you are lying now facing each other, your hands tucked under your head as you take just a split second to adorn his handsome face squished into your pillow. You wonder why everyone believed so easily that you’re a couple when he is clearly way out of your league.

“I’ve been just tired. My mother can be a bit too much all at once,” you say, forcing out a tiny smile.

“Are you sure that’s all?”

“Of course.”

“Okay,” he hums nodding into the pillow. “Tomorrow is the big day? Your whole family is coming over?”

“Yeah. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, the whole fam,” you chuckle softly, a smile tugging on his lips too.

“Alright, I’ll switch into full boyfriend mode.”

“Was it not that today?” you tease, making him chuckle.

“Kinda, but I can put some extra into it.”

“No need, you already charmed everyone.”

“Everyone? You included?” he asks teasingly, no clue how on spot that question was.

“Don’t get too cocky,” you warn him, trying to mask your real emotions.

“Okay, I’ll take it as a yes,” he grins, clearly pleased with himself. “Good night, Y/N.”

“Night, Harry,” you sigh, turning back around, your heart pounding in your chest and you can only hope he can’t hear it in the silence.

The house is packed and it’s not even nine am. You didn’t joke when you told Harry that it’s gonna be a shitshow. Your mom has three sisters, each of them at least two kids, but Aunt Carol spent her twenties popping babies out one after the other, gifting you with five cousins alone, so your home would be full if only they came over, but that’s not an option. You’re trying to fetch yourself a coffee, but your cousin Annabelle’s twin daughters have been running in circles in the kitchen, making you trip over them almost three times in the past thirty seconds. Today is going to be way too long and tiring.

If it wasn’t enough, the morning was kind of awkward.

Your bed is not the same size as the ones you’ve shared in hotels before, so you and Harry ended up tangled in each other sometime in the night and when you opened your eyes you were met with his chest, his arms draped over your figure as you were hugging his waist under the covers. You were so shocked, for a minute you didn’t even know what to do, then he woke up too, hugged you even tighter for a second before he realized the position you were in.

It was a bunch of sorry and no worries and awkward fumbling and mumbling before you jumped out of the bed and locked yourself up in the bathroom. You never plan to talk about it again, but it’ll be stuck in your head probably forever.

“Good morning!” Harry greets everyone walking into the kitchen, dressed in a pair of light washed jeans and a simple red sweater. He looks so cozy, you almost want to bury your face in his chest, but you just stare back at him, stirring your coffee, not even realizing that you should introduce him to the people he hasn’t met. Luckily, your mother takes the situation into her own hands.

“Isn’t it great that Y/N finally has a boyfriend?” your mom enthuses to your aunts and you just roll your eyes, sipping on your coffee. “I was starting to get worried that she’ll be alone forever!”

“Mom, I’m only twenty-six. It’s not like I was behind or something,” you scoff at her.

“You haven’t had a boyfriend in so long, we all thought you’d just given up to even look!” she laughs as if she just told the joke of the year, but you’re not laughing at all.

“I’ve been busy, I’ve been working a lot to get here in my career. I’m holding two positions on a sold out tour, that doesn’t leave much time to look.”

“One of those positions is an assistant, honey. Those are never too hard, I assume,” she smiles innocently and you’re quite close to throw the mug at the wall screaming. But before you could react, Harry steps over to you, pulling you in front of him, his arms snaking around your waist from behind as he keeps you tight to his chest.

“Well, it’s not,” he speaks up calmly. “I usually work on at least three projects at the same time and Y/N is the person who keeps it all together. If it wasn’t for her, my career would be literally over. And beside all that, she is tour manager, she stays in contact with about a hundred people on the daily basis and she makes sure everything goes as smooth as possible. I can assure you that Y/N works harder than anyone and I’m so grateful for her, every day.”

Everyone in the room is stunned from Harry’s little speech and you have to blink a few times before you can even move. Harry just smiles around before his eyes fall on you and he simply kisses your cheek before his arms fall from around your waist and he moves to pour himself some coffee.

Your mom just mumbles something that resembles a sorry before she is called away, your aunts leaving as well so it’s just you and Harry left in the kitchen for a few minutes.

“Hey,” you softly say, standing next to him as he is sitting at the kitchen island. “Thanks for… standing up for me.”

“Just told them the truth,” he smiles at you, his hand finding yours on the counter, squeezing it gently. “I hope you do know that you’re amazing at what you do, keeping everything together. I’m sorry your mom doesn’t see how huge it is.”

“Nothing is serious to her other than being a lawyer or a doctor,” you scoff rolling your eyes.

“She has pretty high standards,” he chuckles softly. “But if that makes a change… I’m really proud of you, Y/N.”

“Thanks,” you breathe out. If only he knew how much that means to you…

Somehow you survive the first part of the day without breaking down fully and it has a lot to do with Harry on your side. Every time one of your aunts or your mom or one of your nosy cousins comments on something about you, he swoops right in and not only stands up for you, but he always makes sure to keep you grounded and calm, touching you in any way he could. A hand on your arm or back, sweet and tiny glances and smiles, an arm curled around your shoulders or waist, he’s been really good at this pretending and if you didn’t know better you’d think that he is doing all of this for real.

Sometime after lunch you get caught up in a raging game of Scrabble and you lose track of Harry. When Uncle Thomas wins the third round, using words you all think are made up but he proves over and over again that they aren’t, you leave the table to look for Harry and make sure your family hasn’t wrecked him.

Walking upstairs you hear his voice coming from your room and as you get closer you realize that he is not alone, Leila is in there with him. As you appear at the door their conversation comes to an abrupt stop and Harry jumps to his feet as if he was just caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing.

“Hey, everything alright in here?” you ask, eyes switching between the two of them.

“Of course, we just had a little talk,” Leila smiles at you sweetly, standing up from the edge of the bed. You catch them share a look and your stomach drops, something is going on, but you have no idea what it is and it seems like they are keen to keep it away from you. In the matter of just a few seconds, your anxiety and darkest thoughts take over your mind and you come to the worst possible conclusion.

What if Harry is into your sister? He kept in touch with her all this time and now they are sneaking away from the rest of the family, this looks awfully upsetting, but you can’t let your mask fall.

“Hey, do you maybe want to take a walk?” Harry asks stepping closer to you, but this one time you want to keep some distance between the two of you.

“Um, I’m not feeling too good.”

“Oh, what’s wrong?”

“Just… I think I’m gonna take a quick nap, if that’s alright,” you mumble.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Leila asks, worry lacing through her voice and you just nod, forcing out a smile.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

She leaves so you can have some peace and you get to bed, pulling the covers over yourself, realizing that Harry is still in the room. He comes to sit on the edge of the bed next to you, brushing your hair out of your hair with a soft touch and it churns your stomach.

“Do you need anything?”

“No, I’ll just rest a bit. I promise I’ll be fine,” you smile at him and he doesn’t seem convinced, but nods anyway and leaves, closing the door behind him.

You’ve done this before, got yourself over the fact that you’ll never have a chance at Harry. But this time it hurts even more, because you got a glimpse of what it would be like if he was yours and now your heart is breaking more than ever.

An hour later when you wake up you feel a tad bit better or at least good enough to get back to pretending. While you were out, Harry befriended the younger ones in the house and as you get downstairs you find him in the living room, focused on a coloring book, all the other kids doing the same thing around the coffee table. When he spots you, he abandons his work and he is quick to get to his feet and rush over to you.

“Hey, how are you feeling? Any better?” His hand moves to check your forehead in case you have a fever, but physically you’re alright.

“Yeah, I’m better,” you smile at him and he pulls you into a hug, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.

For some reason, Harry doesn’t leave your side from that moment. He is just always around you, watching you like a hawk.

Dinner finally comes and you all gather around the table, naturally, you sit next to Harry and he keeps putting an arm onto the back of your chair as you both try to keep up with the conversation at the table.

“So when are you guys getting married?” You hear your cousin, Penelope ask and you don’t even look up, assuming the question was addressed to your sister, but the silence grabs your attention and when you raise your gaze you realize that she asked you.

“I’m sorry, what?” you chuckle nervously. “We’ve been dating for just a few months, P. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Come on, I’m sure you want to tie this dude down as fast as possible!” she jokes, more people joining in on the laughing while you just grit your teeth. Harry’s hand moves to your knee under the table and he gives it a gentle squeeze before handling the situation.

“We’re not in a rush. Got all the time in the world, right, love?”

The way he called you love has turned you into jelly and you can barely manage to hum an answer as he smiles at you warmly. God, you’re so gone for the man, it’s ridiculous.

“Y/N, would you please bring in the tiramisu from the fridge?” your mother asks and you nod, standing from the table, but Harry moves with you at the same time.

“Let me help.”

You don’t protest, just let him follow you into the kitchen, grabbing the two massive boxes filled with the dessert before heading back, but right as you cross the archway of the kitchen your grandma speaks up.

“Hold on! Stop right there!”

You freeze, Harry right beside you as you stare back at your grandma with a puzzled look, but she just smirks back at you and it’s giving you a sinister feeling.

“Look up, darling!” she tells you and you do just that, finding a mistletoe hanging right above you, your stomach dropping instantly.

“Grandma, come on!” you groan, anxiety rising in your gut.

“I’m not the one making the rules!” she chuckles sweetly and it’s infuriating that you still can’t be mad at her, when she is forcing you into your most awkward situation ever. You dare to glance at Harry just for a second, seeing him with a blank expression, nothing can be read from his face.

“It’s just a silly thing, we’re not gonna…”

“If it’s just a silly thing, then get over with it and you can come back to the table!” she pushes and you have to bite into your bottom lip to stop yourself from a remark.

This is it. This is the moment where you’ll just die from embarrassment, because you’re sure Harry will not go through with it, that would be way over the lines and also, it would be stupid of you to think he would ever be okay with it. So you start thinking about a way to get out of this, but you don’t get far.

Because the next second, Harry’s hand cups your face, he turns your head, angling your head for him before his lips press onto yours.

A round of gasps and exciting murmuring washes over the room, but you shut it all out, only focusing on how Harry’s lips are gently sucking on your bottom lip, kissing you for the first time ever. It doesn’t end in just a few seconds, because when his lips let go of yours he goes right back again, kissing you a little more confidently and this time you return it as well, deepening it just a tiny bit. Your free hand moves up his chest to the base of his neck as you try to wrap your head around what’s truly happening, though it surely feels like a dream. One you’ve already had several times, but none of them were as good as this one.

“Get a room!” one of your cousins laughs, her voice bringing you back to reality, so you pull back, shock plastered all over your face and Harry seems to be mirroring the expression as he stares back at you. But a moment later you force a smile on your face, not wanting to draw any attention.

The two of you walk back to the table, place the tiramisu to the two ends and take your previous seats as the conversation carries on while you sit there in total disbelief that you just kissed Harry under a damn mistletoe.

Well, technically he kissed you and that just makes you even more anxious, not knowing what went down in his head before he made the decision. You have absolutely no idea how you’re gonna move on from this.

Later, when most of your family has left, only those are still around who are spending the night, some of you move to the sunroom again with some wine and leftover for the hungry men. It’s Leila, Stan, Harry and you, two of your cousins, one of your uncles and his wife occupying the beat-up couches your mom has moved to the room a few years ago. This time you’re having some of that wine as well, the conversation is going well and since there’s not that much space, you’re pushed up against Harry’s side while he has an arm curled around your shoulders. Ever since that kiss under the mistletoe something has changed, you can feel it in not just him but yourself too, but you don’t know yet what it really is and you’re a bit scared to face him alone in bed tonight. But for now, you’re just enjoying having him close to you.

Excusing yourself you take a quick trip to the bathroom, fixing your smudged mascara in the mirror before heading back. Just as you near the room you stop, seeing Harry and Leila in a seemingly confidential conversation in there, they are leant closer, pulling themselves a bit away from the rest of the group and your throat closes up at the sight of them. After the kiss you were way too busy to think about what you suspected before about Harry and Leila, but now it hits you like a train.

You should have expected it, Leila was always better than you in every possible way, you were always just a shadow of what she was. When you were a senior and she was a freshman in high school, you remember some of the boys in your class coming up to you, asking if you could introduce them to her. She was always the first one men noticed, the stunning and the pretty sister out of the two of you, why would it have been different with Harry?

With trembling lips you turn around and decide to take a few more minutes alone before returning. Making your way into the empty living room you sit down in the dark to the couch, the only light source is the Christmas tree in the corner, painting the room in a red and yellow hue. You pull your knees up to your chest and try your best not to let the tears spill out of your eyes, but it’s hard to control your emotions after everything that happened in the past two days.

You get sucked into your own dark thoughts and doubts so much that you don’t even hear someone else coming in.

“Y/N?” Your head snaps up at the sound of Harry’s voice and you spot him slowly approaching you on the couch with a worried look on his face. “What are you doing here alone?” he softly asks, sitting down next to you.

“Yeah, I just… I needed a minute. Why did you come inside?”

“Because you’ve been gone for like fifteen minutes, I was worried about you. Is everything alright?” Reaching out his hand falls on your knee and he gives it a gentle squeeze, as if he is saying that he is here and listening.

“Sure. I’ll be out in a second. You just… go back and enjoy the evening, don’t worry about me.”

“Y/N, I always worry about you and you seemed a little shaken up all day.”

“Nothing is wrong, Harry. Just go back, Leila must be looking for you.”

You couldn’t help the petty, bitter comment and you can tell that it took him by surprise as well. But it’s been bottling up inside you all day and it slipped your mouth.

“Why would she?”

“Harry, I’m not blind,” you chuckle bitterly. “It’s not a surprise you like her, but I hope you know she is a risky business since she is engaged.”

“Excuse me?” he huffs in disbelief. “Are you implying that I’m into your sister?”

“It’s pretty obvious,” you mumble under your breath. “You kept in touch with her, talked to her on the phone even before we came here… And when I found the two of you in my room earlier? That seemed pretty intimate.” Your cheeks are burning, but hopefully the dim lighting is hiding your embarrassment that you even have to talk about it.

“That’s… You got the whole thing wrong, Y/N, let me explain.”

“You don’t need to explain your feelings for her, I get it, I’m used to it, it’s totally fine.”

“Would you shut up for a minute and let me talk?” he laughs amused and you finally close your mouth, giving him the chance to talk. “I did keep in touch with Leila but not to the extent you think and most of the time she was just asking if you were doing alright because you haven’t answered her texts. I called her before coming here because it felt odd to come here without telling here, that’s all. Sure, I like her, she is a nice girl but… I assure you that I have no feelings for her or whatsoever. When you caught us in your room…”

He takes a deep breath, like he is getting ready for some kind of announcement and you’re holding your breath, staring back at him intently.

“She figured out that we are not dating.”

“What?” you ask, all blood rushing out of your face.

“Yeah, she saw right through us. But she also saw through me,” he admits clearing his throat. “She wanted to talk to me because… okay, I’ll just say it. She asked if I’m into you, because it seems like that and I told her that I am.”

Your stomach drops, eyes widen and your lips part at his words and it feels like you’ve just entered a parallel universe, because there’s no way Harry just admitted that he is into you.

“I told her that I’ve been in love with you for probably as long as I’ve known you and she urged me to tell you, because she thinks you feel the same way. Then you came up and I suggested to go on a walk because I wanted to tell you, but you didn’t feel good, so I just… dropped it.”

He rubs his face in his hands, letting out a long sigh as he leans back and stares in front of him for a moment before he continues.

“Then that kiss happened at dinner…” A tiny smile tugs on his lips and your heart is fluttering in your chest. “That wasn’t how I imagined our first kiss happening, forced by your grandma in front of your whole family, but… It didn’t matter, I was seeing stars, Y/N. Fucking stars and it was just a kiss!” He lets out an amused chuckle and you can’t help but smile as you listen to him intently, a feeling in the back of your mind still bugging you that it’s just a fever dream. “Leila has been bugging me to tell you all day, but I just couldn’t find the right moment and this is not that either I’m pretty sure about that, but…” He turns to you and reaching out he tugs a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “I don’t care anymore.”

There’s a few seconds of silence of the two of you just staring at each other, letting everything sink in and you have no idea what to do or say next.

“I literally just admitted to you that I’m in love with you and you haven’t said a word, Y/N. I’m starting to worry,” Harry speaks up chuckling and you can’t help the grin plastering across your face.

“I think that my jealousy scene was pretty obvious,” you mumble back and Harry reaches out, cupping your face in his palm, making you melt into his touch.

“I can’t believe you thought I was into your sister who is engaged!” he chuckles and you shoot him a narrow-eyed look.

“Hey! You acted suspicious! And you can’t blame me, my sister always came before me in everything.”

“Not for me,” he hums and you could cry from his words as he scoots closer, his hands grabbing a hold of your legs as he pulls them across his lap, his palms resting on your thighs. “You’ve always been my number one.”

“Always?” you ask in a whisper, your faces getting closer with each passing second and your hands find their way to the base of his neck, your noses bumping against each other.

“From day one, I told you,” he smirks at you cheekily. “Are you gonna say something to my confession or you’ll leave me hanging?”

“Your ego could use some humbling,” you tease him, though your heart is about to jump out of your ribcage.

“Not the time for that, baby,” he warns you playfully before he finally leans in, closing the distance between your lips, kissing you for the second time today.

It’s similar to the one you shared during dinner, but somehow different. There’s no anxiety and guessing about what it means or how the other is perceiving it, because it’s clearer than daylight.

Your hands cup his cheeks and he grasps your waist, pulling and positioning you until you’re straddling his lap and you can’t help the moan that slips through your lips, right into his mouth when your chest presses up against his. His kisses are slow but demanding and deep, he is taking his time savoring the moment, doing everything he couldn’t when your family was watching you with curious eyes earlier.

His lips move softly against yours, sucking and tugging on yours, tongues and teeth clashing, it’s a bit messy, but you don’t mind it. It’s perfect.

“Where did they—Oh!” Leila’s voice breaks the moment as she walks in, quickly stopping when she sees the two of you tangled up on the couch. You pull back, trying to pretend like you weren’t just making out on the couch like teenagers.

“Hi Leila,” Harry smirks as you hide your face in the crook of his neck, still sitting on his lap.

“Didn’t mean to disturb the lovebirds,” she grins widely, knowing exactly what she just walked into. “I wasn’t even here!” she calls out, going back to the sunroom.

“I think we got busted,” Harry murmurs, his fingers carding through your hair.

“We did. And she’ll tease me about it forever!” you groan, lifting your head. “We’ll never live this down, getting together after pretending to be dating.”

“Don’t care, would do it all over again,” he smirks pleased, eyes wandering down to your lips over and over again.

“This feels like a shitty Netflix Christmas movie,” you chuckle and leaning closer you wrap your arms around his neck, pecking his lips shortly.

“Shitty?” he gasps dramatically. “You’re talking about our relationship!”

“We have one?” you tease him.

“Of course,” he grins back. “Your last one.”

"Oh, hey baby." Lando smiles shifting his chair back. "Is it bedtime?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to come see you before bed." Y/n nods lightly, then smiling when he pats his lap making her move and sit down on his lap. "What you playing?"

"Halo." Lando smiles unplugging his headphones so she can hear all the boys then pulling the mic towards her. "Say hi."

"Hey, guys." Y/n grins while reading the chat who are all completely melting over the sight of how Lando is with her. "You're adorable apparently."

"Yeah, I know. They know it too." Lando states making her sigh not hiding an eye roll as she leans back into him rolling her head on his shoulder giving him the opportunity to kiss her neck softly. "Are you ok baby?"

"Yeah, just wanna stay here for a bit...if that's ok?"

"Yeah, of course. I want you to stay here with me. I'd have you here all the time if you actually wanted to be here but you get bored." Lando grins knowing he's just teasing her even if it's with the truth.

"Are we going to just watch the two of you make rest of us, even the ones in relationships, feel painfully single or are we going to keep playing?" Max asks making y/n nearly jump.

"Yes. Yeah, sorry." Y/n nods before she giggles nuzzling down a little against him. "Go on."

Lando does go ahead with the game but he keeps looking and checking on her, watching her gaze focus on the screen but after a few minutes her eyes start to visibly droop and her body grows heavier against him. She tries to fight it for a couple minutes but eventually concedes slumping a little and letting her eyes close. He can't even hide his smile oversaw cute she looks.

Pouted lips, face slightly squished against him.

"Baby, as much as I love having you here. I think you need to go to bed." Lando whispers earning a grunt before she sits up yawning a little. "You can stay here if you want."

"No. I do want to go to bed." Y/n frowns shaking her head since she knows she'd fall asleep and inevitably be woken up by Lando trying to take her to bed and that would make her moody with him and take her forever to get back to sleep.

"Gimme a kiss baby." Lando smiles knowing that was the whole reason she came in here in the first place.

Y/n smiles tiredly leaning in and giving him a couple short kisses, not wanting to get too carried away when the stream is watching. But Lando's large hand coming up to cup her face, she is kept in a longer lingering kiss.

"I won't be too long." Lando states breaking the kiss, though stealing one more short one for good measure.

"We have a whole other mission."

"And I have a girlfriend." Lando states with a shrug while she laughs a little and leans over to the mic.

"Bye guys have fun on that other mission." Y/n yawns before she stands up and moves around, shuffling tiredly as she exits the room and Lando watches her with a loving gaze before she's gone.

"Alright, if you're leaving soon. At least give us your attention until then." Max demands making Lando roll his eyes as he turns back to look at the screens. "Oh he's mad."

"I'm not mad."

"You were rude to his girlfriend, he's mad."

"Shut up." Lando demands then sighing as he puts his head phones back on.

“The whole family?” Charles asked with a breath, feeling the tense glance from his girlfriend. 

Mark nodded, “Yeah. Yeah they’re all around here somewhere.”

Here being the very large venue dedicated to tonight, to the inaugural Las Vegas Grand Prix. Members from each team, the drivers, invited guests and sponsors, everyone was here tonight. 

And apparently, so were you.

Mark was not the only person to mention to Charles that you were there, in fact Mark was the first of about eight people who felt the need to tell Charles that the girl he once spoke to was somewhere around.

Of course, no one could tell Charles exactly where you were, but it didn’t surprise him to hear you were leaving good impressions on everyone you had spoken to. You, someone who could part the red sea with ease, took a more delicate approach tonight. 

You were fully aware Charles was going to be there, but he was of no concern to you. You were polite to absolutely everyone you spoke to and if by chance someone mentioned that, ‘oh, Charles will be here eventually’ you simply smiled and nodded because you weren’t about to make any more waves in the motorsport industry. You preferred your name stayed out of the tabloids and what good would it be going around telling people how Charles broke your heart? 

There was speculation, of course. People knew you spent time together. Those online shared their opinions, right or wrong, thinking they could put the pieces together just based on the fact that he was seen in Paris with you one day and then in Monaco with Alex the next.

It didn’t help that you left England soon after, making only one more appearance in Formula 1 when you went to Spain. 

Charles still thought about that conversation, how calm you were throughout, not allowing him to take any piece of your dignity despite what he did, how he made you feel. 

Charles thought he was better off this way, with Alex. 

You were certainly better off. 

He didn’t like admitting it, in fact he probably never would, but he kept up to date with you, with your life. He saw on Instagram when you dyed your hair and then dyed it again and then chopped it to your shoulders. He saw when you spent time with the F1 Academy drivers, when you attended Nascar races, when you started spending more and more time with the Arrow McLaren team.

You had told him that you wanted to watch a few races, check out a few teams before deciding whether or not you wanted to pursue a career in the motorsports field.

And you had done just that. From the outside looking in, Charles couldn’t help but think that this was you just trying on different lives. Indecisive, certainly. But you looked happy, so who was he to have a say?

It shouldn’t have come as a shock when the news dropped of you being brought on as a Performance Engineer for the US based papaya team starting in 2024. The photo that accompanied the headline was you sitting at the pit wall in Portland, already with the orange headset on as you watched the race.

Charles was in Italy when he read the article. Just over three months after your relationship ended...but who's counting?

He had finished fourth that Sunday, not his worst race but his best one either. He was just on his way to his car, wanting to head to the airport when he came across the news on Instagram.

He wanted to congratulate you. He wanted to call you and tell you he was excited for this move, for this career you landed on. He wanted to joke that he could have gotten you a job at Ferrari if you had just asked. 

But you didn’t talk anymore so he couldn’t say anything. This was the cost of losing you. Charles couldn’t stay your friend, not after what he did, and in return, you were out of his life. 

It wasn't that he was looking for you that night in Vegas but he wasn't not looking for you. It was quite a large crowd that even he had trouble navigating his way around. Alex walked behind him, following Charles at a close distance. 

And truthfully, Charles tried not to compare you and Alex, but something about knowing you were in the vicinity had him thinking of what would be different if you had accompanied him tonight. 

You wouldn’t reach for his hand, but you would have lightly grabbed the back of his shirt if the crowd started getting a little suffocating. Just a slight tug on the material and Charles would turn around and assure you with a smile that he wasn’t going anywhere. 

The first time you did that, you were in Monaco. Those weeks he flew you out to spend time with him after only meeting once in the Ferrari garage. 

After leaving a nightclub, the crowd got a little rowdy- they all wanted a piece of him. You stood behind him as he walked to the car that was waiting but when people started moving closer you felt as though you were suffocating. Heart racing as anxiety crept up, a new feeling because you didn’t think you were claustrophobic but you had also never been in this situation before. 

You reached for the back of Charles’ shirt, hand brushing over the thin material before taking it between your forefinger and thumb. It was helpful for you, knowing that you could still touch him, feel him. It grounded you. A little bit of comfort amidst the chaos.

Charles turned when he felt the faint tug. He recognized the wide eyes, the fear that you tried to play off because this was normal for him. But it wasn’t normal for you so he raised his hand, sliding his fingers into yours to give you that gentle squeeze before finally making it to the car.

The anxiety faded the second Charles closed the door for you. He walked around to the drivers side and slid in, hand automatically finding your leg. 

He didn’t ask about it, the sudden panic. He knew you had been around large crowds a handful of times before. You weren’t in the public eye per say, but your father was and growing up you became used to it. 

But this was just different. Charles recognised it, and he knew moving forward he’d have to be mindful of it, of you, of how you were feeling. 

He wondered how you were doing tonight in Vegas, if there was someone else's shirt you were clinging onto this time. Or maybe that was something you saved just for Charles. He couldn’t ask, though. He wouldn’t know the answer to how you were feeling because you didn’t talk anymore.

He also had absolutely no idea where you were. 

Maybe you had left by now. It was getting late. If you showed up on time, which you probably did, you’d have been ready to call it a night thirty minutes ago. You’d have gone back to your hotel room and scrubbed your makeup off, changing into one of those matching jumper and sweats sets you always had. 

You craved comfort over anything else.

Charles remembered Paris. The first night. Not the night where everything fell apart right in front of him all because he couldn’t say those three little words back to you.

No, the first night was good. It was great, magical even. Charles had taken you out to dinner. The skin tight black dress you wore, the one with the low cut neckline - Charles still thought about it. He’d love to know if you still had it, if you wore it for anyone else but those were questions he kept to himself. 

He remembered at the end of the evening you were at your second wine bar, having come across this one completely by accident on your way back to your place. Charles remembered pulling you inside, suggesting that one more glass wouldn’t hurt anyone and you hesitated because it was getting late, but nevertheless, you followed. 

One glass turned into splitting an entire bottle at one of the high tables in the very back. This place was old-school chic with the decor and the 80’s records playing on low volume. It was nothing like the modern and elegant bar you had just spent the last hour in. No, this place was intimate, cozy and surprisingly you didn’t want to leave, even as the night went on. 

And that surprised Charles because you had joked at the beginning of the night that you wanted to be in bed by at least eleven. It was half 12 now and you showed no signs of trying to get back to your flat. 

“So do you or do you not like staying out late?” Charles asked, trying to get the proper read. His hand was resting on your leg, fingers daringly close to the hem of your dress. You were both way too overdressed for this establishment but no one seemed to mind. No one paid you two any attention.

You smiled and glanced around, wanting to bring light to the fact that no one had approached you since you stepped inside, but you didn’t want to jinx it.

“After a certain hour I like to be comfortable,” you answered. “There’s nothing comforting about a stuffy bar and loud music and people in your space who think they know you but they really don’t. And I like going out, I do, but I don’t like staying out longer than I need to.”

Charles nodded, understanding the point you were getting at. This wine bar was a hole in the wall, a hidden gem that provided you the comfort you desired. While you weren’t entirely alone, it certainly felt like it. You could laugh freely without worrying about being too loud or embarrassing. You could sit as close as you wanted to Charles without being cautious of who was nearby. It was just you and him. 

And you could have gone back home, but home would always be there. This moment, this bar, this was just as comforting and in the back of both of your minds, you knew it wouldn’t come again. 

You were right.

Charles would have rather been back in that corner of the wine bar with you now, back in Paris without the impending end of your relationship weighing over his shoulders. 

He wished he could relive that night over and over because for a moment, he thought that maybe, possibly, he could love you.

Charles blamed it on the wine. The way the dim light hit your delicate features was only accentuated because he was drunk. Your laughter was soothing, heartwarming even, but he reminded himself he had heard it hundreds of times before. You looked at him that night, a naive glow to you and it terrified Charles. 

He pushed that four letter word aside. He couldn’t love you. He couldn’t love anyone, he couldn’t have that commitment, not with his lifestyle- his career. If he loved you, you’d become a distraction. You’d want more from him and he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t give you more.

So when you told him you loved him only a few days later, he ran.

He ran back to Alex because she would never tell him she loved him. She wouldn’t put that on his shoulders, she wouldn’t carelessly hand over her heart that way you had. Because that’s what you did. You gave Charles everything, all of you and he didn’t know what to do with it. He wasn’t ready to give you everything in return.

He was left with a tainted memory of Paris.

So yes, he tried to think of that first night more than any other one. At least that memory was pure, wholesome. 

It wouldn’t have surprised him to find out you left this Vegas party already. Probably found the quietest bar on the outskirts of the strip. Or you might have even gone back to the hotel because what comfort could a bar bring you? 

Did you still think about that night in Paris too? Or had you tried to completely forget about your time together there? Again, Charles couldn’t just ask you that. You didn’t talk. 

But there were people here that you did talk to.

Charles spotted Pato O’Ward, the well adored driver in the IndyCar series. You may not have been hired as a performance engineer for his car, but you were going to be a crucial part of the Arrow McLaren team. Plus you had spent a handful of races with them already, sometimes in his pit lane box. 

They had met before, briefly but it was a long enough interaction that Charles didn’t feel uncomfortable approaching the Mexican driver. 

They chatted about the race happening this weekend, about Pato’s upcoming practice session he’ll be participating in in Abu Dhabi. Charles was friendly, he knew how to carry a conversation.

He also knew how to find out the information he couldn’t get first hand from you. Of course, waiting until Alex walked off to get another drink.

“I heard about Y/N joining the team,” Charles casually mentioned. “That’s exciting, she’ll be a good addition.”

“Oh for sure,” Pato nodded in agreement. He glanced around, as if trying to find you but he didn’t spend too long looking. “She’s a genius. We’re happy to have her. I’m surprised that she didn’t find a job in Formula 1, though. With her father and all and-”

Pato cut himself off, unsure if this was a line he wanted to cross.

But Charles chuckled, making light of the history he had with the new Arrow McLaren employee. The more at ease Pato felt, the more likely he’d be willing to talk about you.

“Honestly I could have gotten her a job at Ferrari if she showed interest,” Charles told him. He wasn’t sure if that was true or not, but Pato wasn’t going to talk if Charles was quick to shut down the topic of you. So he continued, “But she always talked about IndyCar. She only ever spent time at Formula 1 because of the history, because of her dad but her interests lied with your series. I think it’s because she grew up with Formula 1, you know, there was no more fascination. IndyCar is almost like a challenge for her…she did always like to challenge herself. I hope this career is good for her- I think it will be, I think it’s what she needs. I mean, I guess I don't really know what she needs but I hope she finds it at Arrow McLaren.”

Where the fuck did that come from?

Even Pato was a little taken aback. He didn’t show it on his face, but he certainly hadn’t expected Charles to say any of those words about you. There was a longing in Charles’ tone. He wasn’t just speaking highly of you, he was pulling from his heaviest memories, his cherished moments. He wasn’t just telling Pato everything that Pato probably already knew. Charles was reminding himself of the person you were, the person you still are. 

The person he didn’t know anymore.

Charles cleared his throat, “Do you talk to her? Or not so much in the off season?”

Pato moved on along with Charles, as best as he could, offering him a faint shrug, “I chatted with her earlier tonight. She’s in the middle of a move, actually.”

“To the states?” Charles asked.

“Bristol, I think,” Pato racked his memory but was confident with his answer. “She lived in Paris for a bit but is going to spend the next few months in Bristol before heading to the states at the end of February.”

Bristol did not come as a surprise to Charles. 

“If you could move anywhere, where would you go?” You had once asked him. Although, your timing was poor as you were both currently lounging on the front of his yacht in the French Riviera. Why would he want to move anywhere else when everything he needed, for the most part, was right here?

“I don’t want to move,” Charles gave you the answer you had expected. He turned his head to face you, arm resting on the back of the chair. He had sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose but he took them off his face and handed them to you when he realised you were squinting as you looked at him.

“I’d move to Bristol,” you told him, unprompted. His sunglasses were a little big for your face, but the gesture was sweet. 

“Bristol,” he repeated. “Why Bristol?”

“It’s beautiful,” you said. “Rich in history and culture. I’d live on the seaside. I’d spend my days in the market. There’s still a bit of a nightlife if I feel like going out. But It’s serene there. I’d be happy there.”

Charles sat up a bit, “Monaco has all that. Why don’t you just move here?”

You laughed. As if moving to Monaco was that easy. 

Regardless, Monaco was missing something you cherished.

“I enjoy the cold weather, Charles.” You said as if this wasn’t something he already knew. “Bristol’s like the perfect place. It doesn’t snow often but it still drops in temperature during the winter and if I wanted a white Christmas I could just drive a few hours inland. I can’t thrive in 365 days of heat. Sometimes I just want to make a cup of tea and curl up on the couch with a blanket.”

Charles admired a lot of things about you, but near the top of that list was how much you appreciated the little things in your life. You were raised in wealth, with a name that everyone was familiar with, but you were simple. You worked hard for what you wanted and you cherished what you had. You never asked for anything more and you were always content, never one to complain. You were probably the most down to earth person he’d ever met.

So no, it wasn’t shocking to hear that you had moved out of your flat in Paris to spend a few months in Bristol. To get that British winter one more time before moving for your career. 

“I’m sure she’s around here somewhere if you-” Pato stopped mid sentence, his eyes landing on something, someone, behind Charles. 

Naturally, Charles turned over his shoulder to look.

There you were. 

Part of your hair was pinned back with a pearl hair clip. You opted out of a dress, going for a matching skirt and cropped blazer instead, pairing it with a pair of heels only a shade darker. You were chatting with someone that Charles didn’t recognise, a champagne glass held delicately between your fingers. You were so into your conversation that you had no idea that you had gained the attention of not just one driver, but two.

Charles wasn’t the only one who was dying to spend some time with you tonight. 

He turned back at Pato and Charles would be lying to himself if he said his blood didn’t boil over at the way Pato was looking at you. He was envious in this moment. He knew you were larger than life, but you were such a well kept secret, his secret, and you were the farthest thing from that now.

Pato muttered something about catching up with Charles later and all Charles could do was watch as the IndyCar driver made his way over to you. You greeted him with a warm smile. His hand found your lower back with ease, like he had placed it there before. You handed him the champagne glass in your hand and Pato took a sip, holding it onto it, like that was normal. Like you shared drinks with him before.

And Charles knew he didn’t have any sort of right to care, to question, to even wonder what you were doing now but god it pained him to think that you were possibly, probably, sleeping with Pato O’Ward.

When did that start? Before you signed your contract or after? Did that matter? No of course it didn’t matter. None of it mattered because Charles was with Alex. He made that choice, he let you go. He foolishly, stupidly, regrettably, let you go and now he had to watch from the sidelines as you lived your life without him. You found the career you wanted, not in Formula 1.

If you were with Pato, there was no doubt in Charles’ mind that Pato treated you better than he did. He was a stand up guy, he was charming, he leaned in and whispered something in your ear that had you blushing in seconds.

How Charles was feeling wasn’t fair and he knew it. He knew he was in the wrong. He knew he couldn’t be jealous seeing you with someone else. You had moved on, you had every right to move on. 

He knew that it shouldn’t have taken seeing you with Pato to realise he had made a mistake. This was a conclusion he should have come to a while ago, honestly he should have never even let you go in the first place. And maybe he did know it and just didn’t want to admit it until it was screaming at him, a brutal hit to the face over and over until he just couldn’t ignore the bruises anymore.

He shouldn’t have let you go. 

But he did and this was the price he had to pay. He watched from the outside, watched you change and grow through the stories he overheard and pictures you shared. He was a mere crumb in your life now compared to when you handed him your heart on a silver platter. 

Charles regretted everything. He regretted that he left you waiting for him to say ‘I love you’ and at the very least, hoping he would say ‘don’t go’ and instead gave you nothing. Now he couldn’t say any of those words. Now you didn’t talk. 

He left the party early. Alex didn’t say anything on the ride back to the hotel. Neither did he. What was there left to say anyway?

But the silence from her left less of a hole than the silence he got from you. 

He sat in the hotel bar while Alex packed up her suitcase and asked the front desk for a new room. She wasn’t going to leave. Not yet, at least. Just give Charles the space he needed and honestly, Charles knew she was waiting for him to return to her once he came to his senses, like he did last time.

Because Alex gave him what he wanted. Comfort, but she didn’t ask for it in return. Adoration, but didn’t expect the love to be reciprocated. She played the part of the girlfriend and she played it well, accompanying Charles wherever, whenever. Alex thought that if she played the long game, Charles would love her. Charles would see a future with her.

You, though, you didn’t have time to wait. You weren’t going to sit ideally and beg for him to love you back. You weren’t going to tell him that you’d wait for him, that you’d be there if things with Alex didn’t work out. 

You moved on. 

Charles tried to accept that, really. He tried to just focus on the last two races and not about what you were doing. If Bristol was everything you dreamt it was. If Pato and you were together. He tried not to think about anything that revolved around you. 

He thought he could at least make it to the New Year, and maybe he would have. He might have reconnected with Alex on the 31st if he successfully went the entire month of December without his mind trailing back to you.

But the second his friend who resided in London called him up and asked if he wanted to attend a fashion show he was part of...well, it was embarrassing how fast Charles agreed to go. Because London was certainly closer to Bristol than Monaco was. And if he was in London, it was hard to find a reason why he shouldn’t just…go to Bristol.

Actually it was very easy to find dozens of reasons. Charles simply ignored all of them. 

He didn’t think this plan through at all, which was why he stood outside your door for nearly five minutes before knocking. What was he going to say?

For starters, he was really hoping you wouldn’t ask how he knew where you lived. Charles didn’t feel like explaining the hoops he had to jump through that may or may not have involved Joris at one point pretending to be your brother and calling your place of employment. 

It was fucked up. Charles could admit that. But if he could admit that, he could admit it wasn’t the only fucked up thing he did. Letting you walk away from him was at the top of that list.

When you opened the door, you weren’t upset to see him, but you weren’t happy either. Charles carried that vibe the entire time he was inside, starting from when you reluctantly let him in to the way you handed him his cup of tea without so much as a word. 

“How’s Alexandra?” You asked him. Charles could tell you were only trying to be polite. 

“Do you care?” He asked in return. 

No hesitation from you as you shook your head, “I do not.”

He always admired your honesty. He was still scared shitless at the way you could quite literally kill someone with kindness, but he also respected it. You were the only person he knew who’s gentle smile had the ability to send someone cowering. It was a skill, truly. 

“So let’s not talk about her,” he suggested and you nodded, but you also weren’t about to let the conversation carry on if it was pointless. 

“Charles if you don’t tell me why you’re here…”

He had an entire drive to figure out how he wanted to word this. He had a whole plane ride to put together the perfect sentence, the perfect mix of apologies and admittance and instead his mind was blank. He didn’t know the words to say to you, not after going so long without saying anything. 

But he lifted his head and met your eyes. He thought about reaching for your hand only to decide against it because your hand wasn’t his to hold anymore. 

“I shouldn’t have let you go,” he said, voice low, breaking almost. He shook his head, repeating it. “I made a mistake, I shouldn’t have let you go. I don’t want to be someone who’s not in your life. I don’t want to be someone who means nothing to you anymore. I-”

I love you, he wanted to say. 

Because he did. 

At least, he thought he did. At one point, he knew he could. If he could then, he could now, right? He could still love you. If you took him back, if you found a way to still love him, Charles wanted to love you back in the same way.

Or maybe he just didn’t want you to love anyone else.

“Charles you don’t know how to love anyone,” you knew exactly what he was going to say. And at one point, you wanted to hear it. Now, though? This was the one time you were hoping he didn’t say it.

“That’s not true.”

“It is,” you stated, like you knew him better than he knew himself. Maybe you did. “You don’t want to love someone, you just want to be loved.”

“I want to be in love with you.”

“That’s not the same and you know it,” your words could have cut through him like glass if your tone wasn’t so soft. 

Charles shifted uncomfortably. This conversation hadn’t gone as planned, but what was he truly expecting? You’d take him back? You were better off without him. Anyone could see that.

“Listen, I had to get over you and you weren’t even mine, Charles. Do you know how twisted that is? The only person to blame for my broken heart was myself because I knew, all along, you weren’t mine. I knew it and I went along anyway and I’m not doing that again. I will not love you again. I don’t need another wave of self destruction and false hope and unrequited love. I am happy, okay? I didn’t need you to come here with some sort of declaration that you can’t even say with your chest. I don’t- I don’t need that. I don’t need you.”

He still tried, still attempted to win you back with the what if’s but you saw through it. You cut him off before he could finish his question. What if I do need you?

You shook your head, staying firm with your decision. “It’s over now, Charles. It was over then and it’s over now.”

Charles believed that. He repeated your words the entire way home. He could never give you the closure you needed so you gave it to yourself and you seemed adamant that your past with Charles was going to stay there, in the past. 

He didn’t get back together with Alex. He couldn’t. He ended things the second he returned to Monaco. She asked if you were the reason and Charles didn’t really have an answer. You weren’t dating, but you were still there. In the back of his mind, in his dreams, everywhere he looked he saw you.

He didn’t think he’d actually see you again. He knew you were moving in the New Year. That you had officially gone on with your life. 

So imagine his surprise when you showed up at his door on New Years Eve. 

Smudged mascara under your eyes, an unopened bottle of wine in your hands and a dress that left very little to the imagination. Charles had hundreds of questions, for you, for himself, like was he just imagining this? 

And then you stepped past him, sliding your heels off and immediately going to his cupboard to pull out two empty wine glasses. It was a screw top, the bottle in your hands, Charles wondered where you got it but he didn’t ask. He just let you pour a very healthy amount into each of the glasses. He didn’t say anything when you handed one to him, you both just took a sip in peace.

Charles wasn’t sure where he found his voice, but he somehow managed to. And he said the stupidest fucking thing ever.

“I thought we were over.”

“We are,” you stated, taking another sip. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror behind him and you tried to wipe your undereyes but the dry pads of your fingers did little to help.

Charles stepped into the bathroom to grab one of those white hand towels that he hung on the rack. He ran it under some warm water before making his way back to you. He was hesitant to step close, but you didn’t flinch away.

So he raised his hand to your cheek, holding you still as he wiped away the stains of mascara, the remains of whatever you were crying over. His touch was gentle. You could feel his breath hit your face and you couldn’t help but glance at his lips. You hadn’t been this close since Paris.

“Thank you,” you whispered when he dropped the cloth to the sink.

Charles didn’t back up after. He stayed with his hand on the side of your face, even sliding his fingers against your scalp to get tangled in your hair. Something he knew you loved. You hummed at the feeling, how normal this seemed, like you weren’t the one to end things that last time around.

Unlike last time, Charles was the one to ask, “Why are you here, Y/N?”

You shook your head, wishing he could just accept this for what it was. You didn’t want to have a conversation.

So you reached for the front of his shirt, dragging your hand up to the collar as you brought your lips closer to his. The little twitch in the corner of your mouth, that faint smirk, it ruined Charles. His hand found your waist, he was only human.