Spilling My Heart

I haven't been on here in a while. I apologize for that. I've been busy and dealing with all kinds of hell, nothing major though, not really.

Well, college has been going good for me. In December my first quarter of college finished up and I finished my first two classes. I had an A in both of them and my GPA is 4.0 right now. Last week the new quarter started and I started my two new classes. I have a communications class and a math class now. I hate math so much. I'm really rusty at it and have to brush up on it a lot. Right now my grade in that class isn't good, but I will end up pulling it back up. I'm not worried about it at the moment seeing as how tomorrow only starts up the second week of the class. I'm going to study and get better at it. I'm doing good in my communications class though, thankfully.

I've been spending a lot of time with my new boyfriend lately. He's so amazing. I really love him. He means the world to me. He makes me feel like I'm the only one for him. I definitely think he's the one for me, too. He's very supportive of my decision to go back to college to better myself. I don't think I've ever felt so loved in my life. He's been coming to get me and I've been spending a lot of time at his house. He asked me to move in with him, but at this point we haven't really made that step yet. I want to, but I'm really going to miss my mom and brother if I do. I've never lived away from my mom before. It's weird, but I feel like I'm ready to do this.

I feel so tired, but I can't take a nap now or I won't sleep tonight and I have to get up early to get my college work done. I waited too late in the day to become tired.

Anyway, not much else has really been happening in my life lately besides dealing with stress about bills and whatnot. I hate being an adult at times. It gets annoying being stressed all the time.

I know, I've been MIA for a few days. My sinuses have been really kicking me in the butt. I've been so tired and drained lately. I haven't been able to do much of anything really. I've been sleeping and resting because it hurt to do much else. I'm finally starting to feel a little better though, thankfully.

Yesterday I made it through most of the day without a headache, so that was good. I didn't have any body aches aside from my usual back pain.

Today I'm doing pretty good so far, but the day is just beginning, so we shall see how it goes. I'm still tired so far, but that's honestly not that surprising for me.

So, as the title suggests, nothing exciting has happened today. It's just been another boring day for the most part. Its also been gloomy most of the day. It finally warmed up some in the afternoon and the sun came out for a little while, which felt nice.

I haven't really done much today. I slept in an extra hour today. Then I got up, got dressed, and came and sat in my spot in the kitchen for a little while. After that my mom asked me if I wanted to go to her friends' house with her, so I tagged along. We didn't stay there very long and after we left we walked to the gas station and got a soda. When we walked back home, I came back in the kitchen and sat here again.

I've pretty much been sitting here most of the day since there's nothing else to do. It's so boring around here. I wish there was more to do though. It's always been boring around here though, so I'm used to it.

I'm just sitting here listening to music right now and waiting for my song to come on. It's called 'Angel With A Shotgun' by The Cab. My boyfriend got me hooked on it and I love it so much.

I haven't gotten to use my new controller to game with yet because I was really tired last night, but I'm definitely going to tonight. I can't wait to play some Apex with my boyfriend. I'm so glad it's cross-platform so we can play together. I don't have any other games that I can play with him right now and it sucks. If I had the money I'd buy a couple more so we could, but at least we have Apex. I still have to buy a new headset for my ps4 though. I wasn't able to get one because I didn't have the money. At least we video chat while we're playing so we can still know what the other person is doing though.

Don't grow up kids, it's a trap!!!

Well, if you can't tell by the title, I had to do adult stuff today. I did my classwork for college this morning, which also happened to be the last day of week 4 of college for me, I made it a whole month so far! I honestly can't believe it. I didn't think I'd make it this far, but here I am, and I'm still going! To the people that ever doubted me: YOU CAN SUCK IT!!!

Anyway, a little while after I got done with my classwork, I got my money, so then the adulting began. First, I had to go to the bank to get some money out, then I had to go to the pawn shop and get the rest of my stuff out of pawn. After that we came home to drop off my mom and the stuff that I'd just gotten out of pawn. We then left to get cigarettes, dog food, and some other odds and ends that we needed for the house. While we were at Walmart, I managed to get a new controller for my ps4 so that means more gaming for me again. I didn't have the money to buy a new headset though, but at least I got the controller. I desperately needed a new one because mine had the drift problem on both of the joysticks, when they weren't sticking, that is.

After we got all of that done we came back home and I've pretty much just sitting here in pain every since. My back's killing me from all the walking and getting in and out of the vehicle so much, then I have another sinus headache on top of it because the medicine wore off and it came back. I hate sinuses so much.

I've got nothing to do for the rest of the night or tomorrow that I know of so I'm probably just going to keep sitting here, relaxing for a little while. Then I'll probably end up going to my room, setting up my new controller, and gaming for a while. Man I've missed doing that.

Well, tomorrow is the last day of my 4th week of college. I can't believe I've been in college for a month. It's crazy. I never thought I'd be able to do this. I'm so glad I am though and I'm proud of myself for it too. I'm going to try my damnedest to stick with this all the way though. I don't want to be a quitter again.

Today has kind of sucked, I'm not going to go in to a lot of detail though. Just know it involved me being in quite a bit of pain and then getting extremely angry.

Anyway, I realize I haven't updated this in the past couple of days and I'm sorry for that, but I've been dealing with awful headaches and back pain for the most part.

I got all my classwork for the day and pretty much the week done today. Now it's just logging in and answering two bonus questions each day through Friday, then I'll be done. I can't believe today was the first day of week 4. The time seems like it's flying by. I still have A's in my classes, which is obviously good.

Today I've been dealing with a headache all day and as time has gone by its been getting worse. I don't know why I keep having all these headaches though. I don't know if it's because of my sinuses or if it may be from the weather changing.

Today completed my 3rd week of college. I can't believe how fast time is going by. Only 8 more weeks and the quarter will be over. I surpassed my first attempt at college by 2 weeks so far and I'm still going strong. I'm loving doing college online. It's so much easier for me to do my work and actually concentrate.

So, I haven't really done much today. I got done with my classwork and pretty much just sat here the rest of the day. Sometimes I had occasional conversations with my mom and brother.

I'm honestly just ready to go to bed, but it's too early for that. I got my antibiotics today and started taking them. I really hope they help. I have to take them for 7 days. Then I have to get blood work done and give another urine sample. I hate when I have to pee in a cup.

We went to the pawn shop and I got out half of our stuff. Then we went and got new phones, which I desperately needed a new one because my phone kept acting up on me. Then I had a doctor's appointment.

The doctor gave me a week's worth of antibiotics to take because I have some kind of infection going on, but they're not sure what kind yet. It could be in my kidneys or my bladder or anything around in that area. I have some blood in my urine though, which isn't good. That's why she wants me to start taking the antibiotics as soon as I can, then after the week is up I have to go get lab tests done. She said everything else seems fine though. I gained 20lbs since May and they're thinking it's because of my hypothyroidism. I hope that's the cause.

Anyway, we finally got back home, thankfully. I have my new phone set up and everything, which I'm glad about. I'm probably going to go to bed soon because I've been tired and hurting all day. I'm also starting to get a headache again which I hate. I just can't win.

Well, today actually went pretty good. I got up on time again, did my classwork for college, then just pretty much sat here for a while doing nothing while my mom went to her friend's house for a little while.

I'm still doing good in my classes, I have A's in them. I like my professors and they seem to like me. They both tell me I'm doing good work. I really appreciate their positive feedback about my work.

I've been doing pretty good today aside from my back and neck hurting. I actually got some good sleep last night so I'm not as tired as I usually am. I'm happy about that. I think the biggest reason why I'm so tired all the time is because of my sleep apnea. I'm supposed to use a cpap machine but I don't know where mine is. I need to have another sleep study done anyway. Maybe I'll be able to have one done soon, but I'm not counting on it with my luck.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment that I don't even know if I'll be able to go to because my brother is the only one that has a vehicle right now, so I have to depend on him to go to appointments and whatnot, but he's been doing his own thing lately and has hardly been home. I hope he can take me because it's a yearly checkup for my insurance, so I really need to get it done.

I actually woke up on time this morning, thankfully. I didn't just shut my alarm off and go back to sleep. I got up, got dressed, and did my classwork for the day, which was easy. I'm glad I got all of the hard/week long stuff done yesterday. I woke up with my back hurting again today though.

The day didn't start off bad, it's actually been good most of the day. My mom made some peanut butter fudge and some chocolate fudge for her friends and had some left over so I got to have a few pieces. It was really good. We walked it down to them a little while ago and as far as I know they really liked it. We also tried my peanut butter cheesecake today and it's so good. I'm so glad it turned out good.

My brothers been throwing a fit, complaining how he doesn't have any gas or gas money to go see this girl that he's been seeing for a little while. It's so stupid. We already sold and pawned everything that we could. It's ridiculous.

I was mad at myself today though. I set my alarm to get up at 9AM so I could do my classwork for college, but I apparently woke up, shut my alarm off, then went back to sleep for another hour and woke up a little after 10AM. I really wish there was some way I could stop myself from doing that. It's really annoying.

I've been pretty productive today other than that though. I walked with my mom to the gas station up the street and we got sodas for us and my brother. Then when I got home I started on my classwork. My mom and brother went grocery shopping while I was doing it so I had some quiet time to do it. I got all of my assignments done for the day, even the assignments that were supposed to last me a week are done now. Now the only thing I have to do from tomorrow to Friday is login everyday and answer a couple of bonus questions, then I can log back off because I'll be done for the day. I'm so glad I got all of it done today because I hate knowing I could've had it all done but I put it off. I'm an overachiever when it comes to school. So far I have an A in both of my classes. If that grade ever drops to a B, I will be so mad at myself for not doing better. That's the way I've always been at school. When I was getting bullied in high school to the point where my grades started slipping, I started to give up and not care anymore and that's how everyone knew how bad it was, because I'd never had anything lower than a B before.

Anyway, after I got done with my classwork I helped put away the groceries. Then a little while after that we ate dinner. After we got done with dinner I decided to make a dessert for us, but the bad thing about it is that it needs to be refrigerated for at least 6 hours, so we're not going to be able to eat it tonight, but we will definitely have it tomorrow. I made a peanut butter cheesecake. I hope it's good and that everyone likes it because I've never made that kind before.

Now since I got all of that done, I'm just sitting here resting and relaxing because my back has been bothering me all day. I have a herniated disc in my lower back and it never lets me forget it's there, especially today.

I woke up at 9AM with my back hurting and my leg muscles sore and I'm sure it's from cleaning on my room some yesterday. I've been tired half the day.

Well, tomorrow starts my 3rd week of college. I'm so happy and I still feel confident. I know I can do this. I'm looking forward to getting this week done.

I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight because not only are my back and legs sore, but I have a headache too. I hate headaches. Stupid sinuses and allergies need to just go away.

I went to bed last night around 9PM because I was so tired. Then I woke up at freaking 4AM today. I laid in bed for a half hour trying to fall back asleep but I couldn't so I got up. I was not happy, but I wasn't just going to keep laying there when I couldn't sleep anyway.

Even if it has been boring, it's also been a bit of a productive day for me as well. After I got up this morning I came in to the kitchen and ate a bowl of cereal and I fixed some sweet tea because we don't have anything else to drink right now. After I got done eating and with making the tea I went back in my room and cleaned some more on it. I can finally tell I'm making some progress. I then came back in to the kitchen and sat here until my brother came home, we then ate some pizza he brought home. After that I done the dishes. Then after that I sat down with one of my books and started reading it. The name of it is Lord Of The Flies. I like it so far. I've been reading it off and on today.

The reason I said today is long is because it seems like the time has just been dragging by so slowly. I'm hoping I sleep good tonight since I woke up so early this morning. Tomorrow is grocery shopping day. I'm happy about that because we're almost out of stuff to eat. I think I might wake up in the morning and take a shower before we go shopping to help wake me up and make me feel better. I've been feeling tired most of the day, but I stayed up because I want to be able to sleep tonight. I had a headache earlier, but I took some Tylenol and it made it go away for a while. It kind of feels like it's starting to come back, but then again it could just be my body messing with me. I'm tired of my sinuses and allergies messing with me. I wish the season would hurry up and change and stay that way so I wouldn't have so many problems.

Well, I finished off week two of college today. I can't believe two weeks has gone by so fast. It seems like I just started yesterday. I'm still doing good in my classes so I'm happy about that. I'm not trying to be an honors student again or anything, but my GPA is good so far, which I'm very happy about. Next week I'm going to have an assignment in one of my classes. I'm not sure what it is yet, but the professor was saying that we're going to have one, so I'm expecting it. I don't expect it to be anything too hard though because I had an assignment in my other class this week and it was fairly easy since it's early on in the quarter. I'm expecting things to get a little more difficult as time goes on though.

I actually slept until my alarm went off this morning! Actually, I slept until my alarm went off, shut it off, and fell back to sleep for another half hour, but I'm so glad my medicine worked and I didn't wake up at 6AM again, that was getting old real quick. Tomorrow I don't have to get up early so I'm just going to sleep until I wake up and not set an alarm.

There wasn't really much to do today, like usual. Its been raining on and off all day, so I couldn't go outside and do anything either. Today's been one of those days where I just wanted to cuddle up with a good book, but I didn't. I really needed to clean my room some more, but I didn't do that either. I guess its just been a lazy day really. I'm just glad no one was in a bad mood today.

Right now, I'm just waiting for bedtime so I can video chat with my boyfriend and then go to bed. I've felt tired all day and I woke up with a massive headache. The headache went away earlier, but I think it's starting to come back. I hate when the weather changes like this and messes with my sinuses and allergies. I hate having headaches, too. It's annoying. They seem like they never go away.

It's just been another long, drawn out day. I kept waking up off and on from around 6AM to 8:30AM again today. I don't know why I keep doing that but it's really starting to annoy me. I have my sleeping medicine again, so hopefully I won't do that anymore now. Maybe I'll actually be able to sleep until my alarm goes off now. We'll find out tomorrow because I plan on starting to take it again tonight. I don't know where or how I managed to lose it this last time. Thankfully I had that appointment with my psychiatrist this past Tuesday and she refilled it for me though. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll start sleeping normally again now.

Well, I got up this morning and done my classwork. I then just sat here until my mom and brother woke up. After that we've been trying to figure out how and where to get a tire for my brother's Jeep, but I think we finally found one for it. One of my mom's friends has a few that should fit it and he said he'd just give them to my brother, so hopefully that works out for the best. He's supposed to bring them over in the morning, so crossing my fingers on that, too.

Today has just seemed to drag by for me. It feels like this one day has been more like a week. Even now, it's only a little after 8PM and I'm ready to go to bed already. I have to stay up for at least another hour though. If I go to bed early, then I usually end up waking up early, too. Even so, when I do go to my room for the night I don't go to sleep right away. I usually end up video chatting with my boyfriend for a while first, but we don't make a habit of staying up too late, especially now since I'm going back to school.

Like the title says, today has just been one of those days. It seems like everyone I know was having a bad day today one way or another, except me.

I was having a pretty good day today even though I've been tired because I kept waking up off and on starting at around 6:30AM. I woke up, looked at my phone to see the time, then went back to sleep. I then woke up about every 30 minutes thereafter until I finally got up somewhere between 8:30AM and 9AM. I shut my alarm off since I woke up before it even went off again. I got up, got dressed, and came in the kitchen to my spot and did my classwork for the day. It was a rather easy day, I just had to log in and answer two bonus questions.

After I was done with my classwork I just sat there listening to music until my mom and brother got up. Neither of them was in the best of moods today either. I talked to my boyfriend and he told me he wasn't having a good day either because his poor kitten got ran over this morning. It was an accident, but I can see why he was in a bad mood about it. When he told me about what happened I had a flashback to when I was little and saw a school bus run over my kitten. It made me sad remembering it for a while, but then my mood bounced back. I then talked to a friend of mine and he was having a bad day, too. Then I heard from another friend about the fact that he might lose his job today, luckily he didn't, but it just seemed like everyone was having a rotten day.

Thankfully, it seems like everyone's day has turned around for the better finally, but now the day is almost over. I'm just glad that everyone is seemingly having a good ending to a bad day. I just hope tomorrow will be better for everyone.

I have nothing planned for tomorrow aside from doing my classwork. I'm hoping something good will happen tomorrow though.

I woke up early again. I have no idea why. I'm tired of waking up so early all the time. I really wish I could just sleep until my alarm goes off, just one day.

I got all my classwork done today, even the assignment that I was saving from yesterday that I was trying to make last me all week. Oh well, at least it's done and I turned it in already. It was actually a short assignment anyway, so there was no way it was going to last me long.

I really haven't done much else today. I've been feeling too tired to do anything, really. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today. She's lowering the dosage on one of my medicines and taking 3 others away completely. She said she's glad I'm going back to school. I'm supposed to have another appointment with her in a month or two. Hopefully I keep doing good. I hate when my mental illnesses flare up on me, luckily that hasn't happened in a while though.