human behavior explained

People who don’t feel chosen often aren’t seeing reality clearly. They’re stuck inside a belief system that has convinced them they’re not worthy of being chosen. You may be chosen, but not in the way that you feel chosen. So even when you are, when someone does try to pursue you, love you, invest in you.. you can’t feel it

Your nervous system is patterned to expect rejection & abandonment. So unconsciously, you keep gravitating towards people who don’t choose them. It feels “normal”

You ignore the people who do choose you because it feels unfamiliar or boring even. Sometimes you will even sabotage it

You don’t feel chosen because deep down, you don’t believe you’re worthy of being chosen. You’ve normalized chasing, proving & working for someone’s attention because a part of you still believes you have to earn being picked

But you don’t

Healing this starts with realizing that it’s not that no one wants you, it’s that you can’t receive it

You don’t have to perform to be chosen. You are already worthy of love, attention, respect etc

Once you start feeling safe with the idea of being chosen with no strings attached, you’ll start seeing that it was never about your worth. It was always about your willingness to receive

chasing people who ghost you, mistreat you, ignore you, is a trauma response. you're re-enacting a similar dynamic from your childhood in hopes that you can change the outcome and feel "fixed" or "worthy" of good treatment finally

you go for emotionally unavailable partners for one of 2 reasons: either your self esteem is too low and you think you don't deserve a healthy and reciprocal relationship; or you are protecting your heart by intentionally choosing someone you can't truly connect/resonate with, nor have to fully open up or get attached to

we are attracted to partners that in some way recreate the dynamic we had with our primary caregivers. ie. an emotionally unavailable parent can lead people to chase partners with avoidant attachment styles and/or emotionally unavailable

being obsessed or holding on to an ex, a situationship or unrequitted love of some kind is not always because you were "so in love with them". it's not about emotional attachment. it's about the mental attachment: to what they meant to you, how they made you feel, or a (often toxic) belief you associated with them, and by letting them go you feel you will lose some essential part of yourself (or self concept)