in which you knew how much trouble there would be when u dated Jack, but nothing could have prepared you for this.
warning: strong language, mention of death, memory loss, HEAVVYYY angst. all characters are 21+!!! (sorry for my mcu fans out there)
authors note: if anyone even reads this i'm going to scream. THis one came out of the archives so bear with me.
now playing: the 30th - Billie Eilish
You always knew dating Jack Traven would be difficult.
And somehow… it worked.
Even when everyone said you were crazy for being with a cop.
Even when his colleagues whispered that you weren’t his type, too soft, too careful.
Even when your friends warned you that he was reckless, that one day he’d be the death of you.
God, if you knew they were right… would that change how you felt?
You didn’t know.
Regardless, you and Jack were a perfect couple.
You kept him from dying, he kept you from boredom with your job.
That morning, you and Annie grabbed a bus.
Her car had broken down, your least favorite situation. Neither of you liked public transport. You hated being pinned to schedules; Annie hated being around people. But you convinced her—just this once—to ride together.
Together.
Nothing could go wrong, right?
If only you knew what was waiting.
“Annie! Come on!” Jack’s voice cut through the chaos as he guided your friend onto another bus. The safe bus.
When the doors closed and it was just you and him, his tone dropped into that low, steady cadence that made your heart race.
“Princess, we’re gonna have to do this differently.”
“Differently?” You swallowed, uneasy. “What do you mean… differently?”
Before you could react, Jack opened a hatch in the floor.
On a moving bus.
“Jack! What the fuck?!” Your voice hitched. Your heart pounded against your ribs. “Why would you—on a moving bus—open a fucking floor?!”
“Princess, breathe,” he said, hands steady on your shoulders, grounding you.
You stared into his brown eyes—familiar, steady, burning with calm in the middle of chaos.
“In… out.” His own breath guided you. Slowly, your racing chest began to settle, or at least enough to think.
“That’s my girl.” He pressed a quick kiss to your temple. “We’re gonna lay down on this, and—”
He explained the plan. It sounded insane. Yet somehow… plausible.
You stepped onto the wood panel, sparks flying where it scraped the pavement. The rope and 2x4 held, barely. Jack took one last look ahead.
Then the wing of a small jet slammed through the windshield, slicing through the side of the bus. Time slowed.
Jack dove through the gaping hole, crouching on the sled. You clung to him, the world a shower of fire and sparks around you.
You remembered the weight of him pressed against you, the deafening roar, the smell of burnt rubber and gasoline. And then… the ground came up. Maybe grass. Maybe concrete. Maybe neither. You couldn’t tell.
Jack’s voice… calling your name? You weren’t sure.
All you knew was the warm press of his body was gone. Something cold, thick, and liquid pooled beneath you. Blood.
Jack never stopped feeling guilty.
Not after he killed Howard Payne.
Not after he saved the entire city.
Not even when he got his morning coffee, like some absurd normalcy could erase it all.
Ever since that day, he had been sitting beside your hospital bed.
The doctors told him you were in a coma. That it would be alright. And for a moment… he almost believed them.
You lay there like you were simply asleep. But it didn’t feel right. It never felt right.
He was the reason you were here. He hadn’t protected you. Not enough.
His hand rubbed yours unconsciously, as if that touch alone could coax you back.
“You’re going to be okay,” he whispered.
And he didn’t know if it was meant for you… or for himself.
A soft knock at the door drew him out of his spiral.
Annie appeared slowly, hesitating like she knew the fragility of this space.
“Hey,” she greeted, her voice gentle.
Jack looked up and managed a small, tired smile.
“Any updates?” he asked.
The last three months had brought him and Annie closer—by necessity, by shared trauma, by silent understanding. Yet somehow, the one thing they couldn’t talk about remained unspoken: you.
They fell into the easy rhythm of chatter, skirting around the real topic, sharing small updates and meaningless jokes. The conversation was a fragile wall between them and the storm of emotions they refused to face.
Annie finally convinced Jack to step back into the real world. To stop sitting beside your bed like a caged animal guarding something already lost.
Which meant you were alone.
Your eyes fluttered open.
At first, everything was light. Too bright. Too white. The world came back in fragments—soft orange lamps against sterile walls, the faint hum of machines, the steady beep of something keeping rhythm for you.
You were in a hospital bed.
Two braids rested over your shoulders. A white T-shirt swallowed your frame. Your hands felt foreign when you lifted them.
Not your name.
Not how you got here.
Not who brought the flowers sitting in the corner.
Panic crept in slowly, then all at once.
What happened?
Why were you alone?
A soft knock echoed from the door.
“Yes?” Your voice scraped out of your throat. Hoarse. Dry. Fragile, like it hadn’t been used in months.
“You’re awake.” The nurse hurried to your side. “We saw your heart rate spike.”
The voice came from nowhere.
The nurse repeated your name. “Are you okay?” she asked gently, resting a hand on your arm.
Silence stretched between you.
“What happened?” you asked. “How did I get here? Who brought those flowers?”
Her smile faltered—just for a second.
You shook your head. Panic sharpened. “Why don’t I remember?”
“You were in an accident,” she said carefully.
Like she was choosing which parts of the truth to hand you.
“And the flowers are from your friends. Annie… and someone named Jack.”
The names sparked faintly, like distant lightning behind clouds.
“I can call them, if you’d like.”
You nodded slowly. “What about my family?” Your voice trembled. “I have a family, right?”
The nurse let out a soft, reassuring laugh. “They’ve been kept updated. They’re still traveling across Europe, but they’ll be notified immediately.”
It should have meant something.
You leaned back against the pillow and released a shaky breath.
The world felt too big. Your body felt too small.
Jack never drove reckless.
At least, he stopped doing it after the bus-incident.
‘Ey, Jack!’ Annie snapped the man out of his trans. ‘I would like to arrive at the hospital alive?’
‘Right, sorry.’ Jack combed his hand through his hair. ‘I just I- She awake, Annie.’
‘Yeah,’ She smiled. ‘I know.’
By the time they arrived at the hospital, you were already calling your family.
They were all taken aback by the fact that your concussion was so serious that you didn’t remember anything.
Yes, the doctors said you would remember in time.
But it would feel like reading a book only you started in the middle.
Before you knew, your door flew open.
A figure stood by the door.
Male. Tall, broad shoulder. Brown hair and brown eyes.
Some bruises here and there.
Next to him stood a female. She also had brown hair, only hers was longer.
‘Princess.’ The male said.
The nickname rolled of his mouth like it belonged there.
It didn’t feel foreign.
Before you knew it, both engulfed you in a hug.
Which caused the man to let go.
‘What’s wrong?’ He asked.
But before you could answer, the nurse already walked in.
‘Mr. Traven, Miss Porter,’ She started. ‘Could I talk to you in the hallway?’
Annie looked confused. ‘I – sure.’
She grabbed Jack lightly by his arm – who was still looking at you like you broke his heart.
You saw the conversation happen in the hallway.
You could hear the gasp from Annie.
And Jack, Oh poor Jack.
A tear fell down his face.
When the nurse finished talking, both nodded shortly.
The door opened again slowly.
‘Where’s Jack?’ It surprised you that you said that name.
Annie blinked. ‘You know that’ She pointed to the door. ‘That was Jack?’
‘Well, I might’ve lost my memory but I’m not stupid.’ I shrugged my shoulders. ‘Pieced it together.’
Annie let out a small laugh. ‘Yeah, still you.’ She mumbled.
You closed your eyes for a second. ‘I’m sorry.’ You whispered.
Annie’s eyes widened. ‘No. No, don’t you dare feel guilty.’ Her eyes were watering now. ‘It’s not your fault some psycho did that.’ Her voice cracked lightly.
Annie looked at you for a moment.
Then it clicked.
‘Oh, right you don’t remember.’ She chuckled. ‘Long story or short?’ She asked as she sat down on a chair next to your bed.
‘Let’s start with short.’ You answered.
‘Uh, some psychotic dick attached a bomb to our bus. If our speed dropped lower than 50 we would explode.’
‘And’ You tried to figure it out. ‘We exploded?’
‘Oh, no god no.’ She said. ‘Jack came and figured out a plan. A whole while later, we all escaped. You and Jack were the last, and’ She looked at her hands, fidgeting with a loose thread.
‘And that went wrong.’ You exhaled. ‘Thanks for telling me, Annie.’ You spoke.
But she flinched. Barely, but visibly.
You let out a small gasp. ‘Oh god that is your name, right?’ You felt terribly stupid.
‘Oh, yes, it is, you just used to call me different.’ She spoke.
‘Like what?’ You asked. ‘Come on, I want to know as much as I can about myself.’
“Well,” she laughed gently. “Usually, it’s just Ann. But right after we saw that movie, you started calling me ‘orphan’ in this ridiculously stubborn British accent, just to tease me. You barely ever called me Annie.”
You let that sink in, a small smile tugging at your lips. Pieces of the past—strange, fragmented, but familiar—were beginning to click into place.
The day after that conversation with Annie, you were allowed to leave.
Annie brought you home.
It was a small apartment, well not small, but it also wasn’t a mansion.
Big enough for two people, too small for a family.
It was decorated cozy with warm colors.
It almost seemed abandoned.
almost.
It almost wasn’t noticeable, but you did see it.
There was a shirt. Not yours, you could tell.
It was a manly shirt, with a note on top of it.
Just keep it next time, idiot
It was probably Jack’s.
You wanted to talk him, you really did, but it seemed Jack disappeared, neither of you knew why.
You didn’t know why you sat here.
The rooftop stretched beneath you in cool metal panels, still holding onto the last warmth of the day. The city buzzed far below—distant traffic, the faint echo of a siren, the murmur of life continuing whether you remembered it or not.
The sky was painted in molten orange and soft rose, bleeding slowly into violet and deepening blue. Brick buildings stood shoulder to shoulder around you, chimneys cutting dark shapes into the horizon. Windows flickered on one by one as the sun dipped lower.
Soft footsteps approached behind you.
“Didn’t think you’d climb up here without nearly killing yourself,” his voice said quietly.
You glanced over your shoulder.
The sunset caught in his brown hair, softened the bruises still fading along his jaw. He looked tired. Like someone who hadn’t been sleeping well for months.
“I didn’t fall,” you replied lightly. “So I guess I’m improving.”
A small breath left him—almost a laugh.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “You always liked proving me wrong.”
He stepped closer but didn’t sit. Like he wasn’t sure he had the right.
You studied him for a long moment.
“You used to come up here with me?” you asked.
“Yeah,” he said. No hesitation. “You said it was the only place the city shut up for a while.”
The silence between you wasn’t awkward.
You turned back to the skyline. The last sliver of sun slipped lower.
“You look like someone I would’ve loved,” you said quietly.
You didn’t mean it cruelly. You weren’t teasing. You were just… observing.
“I don’t remember it, all I know is that,” you continued, almost thoughtful. “I’m still not who you want me to be.”
A tiny shrug. “I know, but who you are doesn’t matter.” Jack replied.
I took a deep sigh. “I bet we were fun.”
It wasn’t noticeable but you saw it. His eyes were filled with tears. “You wouldn’t believe.”