chapter 4: co-star captain
chapter warnings: SMUT mdni 18+ -pinv(i write with the intention that reader is on birth control) like straight away, ANGST!!! (not gonna spoil a lot but imo its very heavy), poor billy :(, just billy x reader!, fem reader! pet name: bills(is this petname or nickname) + good girl, love confession highkey gone wrong..😬
shiv's notes: aw poor bills! thats a wrap from him.. or is it? also writing the last but of this and listening to who you are by djo is so sad and makes me wanna write a one shot based on it!’ what do we think?? PLEASE ENJOY and as always lmk if there are any mistakes as this is NOT proofread!
taglist: @kurtsw7rld96 @hoekeerymm @coldalpsmcu @supershyemma @kalunacow @fangirlll2000 @stoneyggirl2 @hexyissy
after a crazy night with your boyfriend, your ex friends with benefits, and your friends, you decide to go to billy’s house afterwards since it was nearing 1AM and you didn’t want to be alone after steve’s crazy confession.
however, as soon as you and billy went to his house, his hands were already on you, rough and insistent, shoving you back against his bedroom wall as the dim glow of the bedside lamp cast long shadows across your tangled forms.
the air hung thick with the scent of sweat and the faint trace of his cologne, mingling with the heat radiating from your bodies.
you gasped as he gripped the front of your blouse and yanked, buttons scattering like pebbles across the hardwood floor as. your breasts spilling free into the cool air.
his mouth descended, teeth scraping your nipple while his fingers worked at your jeans, shoving them down your hips in one impatient motion that left you bare and exposed.
you tried to focus on him.. on billy, with his blonde mullet falling into his eyes and that intense gaze pinning you in place..
but steve’s words from earlier echoed unbidden, twisting through your mind like smoke.
billy’s cock pressed hard against your thigh, thick and insistent, as he spun you around and bent you over the edge of the bed.
he thrust into you without preamble, filling your pussy in one deep stroke that made you cry out, your walls clenching around his length. “o-oh ffuuuuuuck”
the slap of skin on skin filled the room, his hands gripping your hips hard enough to bruise as he pounded into you, each thrust sending jolts of raw pleasure up your spine.
you arched back into him, chasing the friction, the way his cock stretched you and hit that spot deep inside that made your thighs tremble..
but flashes of steve’s confession intruded.. his voice low and sincere, his hands gentler, his touch lingering like a promise
billy growled low in your ear, one hand sliding around to rub your clit in rough circles as he drove deeper, his breath hot on your neck.
“fuuuck baby - take it” he muttered, his pace relentless, building the tension coiling tighter in your core. “you’re always so fucking good to me, aren’t you? billy’s good girl?”
your fingers clutched the sheets, your body responding with slick heat and desperate moans
and yet..? the emotional pull of steve’s declaration clawed at your focus, threatening to pull you under even as billy’s dominance demanded your full surrender.
the room spun with the rhythm of your bodies, your breasts swaying with each impact, your arousal slicking his shaft, but the rising storm inside you promised no easy release.
you ground back harder against billy’s relentless thrusts, your hips rolling with desperate need as you tried to anchor yourself in the present moment..
trying desperately to stay in the pleasure of the raw stretch of his cock driving deep into your pussy and the way his fingers circled your swollen clit with punishing precision.
sweat slicked your skin, your breasts bouncing with every forceful impact, nipples tight and aching from the earlier scrape of his teeth, while your inner walls fluttered and clenched around his thick length, coating him in your slick arousal.
you focused on the slap of his hips against your ass, the low growls vibrating from his chest as he leaned over you
“fu-uuck baby.. ‘s’so so good” his blonde mullet brushing your shoulder, the heat of his body pinning you down
your breaths came in ragged pants, the coil in your core winding tighter with each brutal stroke that hit that sensitive spot inside you, sending sparks of pleasure radiating out to your fingertips and toes.
billy’s hand gripped your hair now, pulling your head back as he fucked you with increasing urgency.
his free hand sliding up to cup and squeeze your breast, thumb flicking over the sensitive peak.
the room filled with the wet sounds of your joining as your moans echoing off the walls, yet the emotional undercurrent from steve pulled at you, blending guilt with the building ecstasy until you could barely tell where one ended and the other began.
the pressure mounted unbearably, your body straining toward that shattering peak.
every nerve alight and begging for release while your mind fractured between the man pounding into you and the one who'd left you reeling earlier.
the tension coiled so fiercely it bordered on pain, your muscles locking as you chased it with frantic rolls of your hips, the edge looming closer with every thrust.
billy’s fingers dug deeper into your clit, rubbing harder, his cock slamming into your pussy with wet, obscene force until the dam broke.
ecstacy ripped through you like lightning, your walls spasming wildly around his shaft as slick gushed down your thighs as your entire body convulsed.
“f-fuuuuck steve!” you screamed, the name tearing from your throat, raw and desperate, echoing through the room even as your orgasm crashed over you in shuddering waves.
billy froze mid thrust, his cock still buried deep inside you, his breath catching in a sharp, stunned inhale.
the heat of him vanished from your back as he pulled out abruptly, the sudden emptiness leaving your pussy clenching around nothing.
he stood there rigid, his blonde mullet damp with sweat, chest heaving as fury twisted across his face, hus eyes narrowing to slits, jaw clenched so tight the muscles jumped.
“what the fuck did you just say?” he demanded, voice low and venomous, hands balling into fists at his sides.
your mind reeled, confusion flooding you alongside the fading pulses of pleasure, regret twisting your stomach into knots.
you turned to face him, your lips parting but no words forming yet..
the weight of steve’s lingering confession pressing heavier than ever while billy’s” glare burned into you like accusation made flesh.
your stomach dropped so violently it almost made you feel sick.
“what?” he repeated, slower this time. “did you just call me?”
every muscle in your body locked. “i-“ your mind scrambled desperately for something, anything, some explanation, some excuse but there wasn’t one because you’d heard yourself
you knew exactly what you’d said. “i didn’t mean-“
“no” his voice was still quiet and that somehow scared you more than if he’d shouted. “don’t tell me what you meant.”
he searched your face, like he was hoping, praying, that if he looked long enough, he’d find some sign that this wasn’t real.
your throat tightened. “i- icalled you steve.”
the words felt heavy and painful and real. billy looked down at the floor as his jaw flexed, once, twice.
his tongue pressed briefly against the inside of his cheek as he nodded slowly to himself. “right.” another nod. “right.”
he laughed but it wasn’t really laughter. just a sharp breath through his nose. “that’s” he shook his head. “that’s funny.”
your eyes immediately filled. “billy-”
“no” he finally looked back at you and his smile had disappeared completely. “don’t.”
he bent down, picking up his boxers and jeans from the floor almost mechanically before putting them back on himself.
his movements were strangely calm, way too calm like he was concentrating on anything except looking at you.
“i-it was an accident.” you hated how small your own voice sounded.
he let out another humourless laugh. “an accident..”
“right.” he nodded again. “because people accidentally call their boyfriend someone else’s name all the time.”
“especially” he looked up. “the name of the guy they’ve been pretending not to think about for weeks.”
your breath caught. “that’s not fair.” and it wasn’t.. nit really. billy didn’t know you and steve’s history. thise secret nights in your room, in his room, his car, his kitchen, in his backseats at the drive in-
“fair?” his eyebrows lifted. “you wanna talk about fair?” he took a slow breath and held it before letting it out again. “i’ve spent the last month convincing myself i was imagining things”
he started pacing, not quickly, just aimlessly like standing still suddenly hurt too much. “every time we’d be out somewhere” he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “i’d catch you looking across the room and he’d be there!”
he looked at you again. “every fucking time”
your lips parted. “bill i- i wasn’t-“
“don’t.” he stopped walking. “please.” his voice cracked around the last word. “don’t lie to me now.”
the apartment felt unbearably quiet, stifling almost.. but neither of you noticed. “i kept telling myself i was jealous.” his laugh came back, smaller this time.
“i actually felt guilty.” he shook his head. “i thought maybe i was just insecure.” his eyes glistened beneath the warm lamplight. “turns out..?”
he swallowed hard. “my gut was trying to tell me something.”
he looked around the apartment, at the blanket still draped over the sofa, your mug sitting beside his, the takeaway menu he was going to order afterwards.
all these little pieces of a relationship he’d believed in and suddenly, none of them felt real anymore.
he stood there for a long moment. his chest rose slowly with every measured breath, like he was forcing himself to stay calm, forcing himself not to jump to conclusions, forcing himself to believe this wasn’t what it looked like.
your head lifted, his blue eyes met yours and they weren’t hard anymore.
they weren’t angry, they were desperate, desperate for you to tell him he’d misunderstood.
“j-just tell me it didn’t mean anything.” his voice had softened so much that it barely sounded like him. “tell me it was just a stupid mistake.”
your mouth opened. “it was.”
he took a tiny step towards you, actual hope flickered across his face.
“i didn’t mean to say it.”
his shoulders relaxed, only slightly. “o-okay..” he nodded once. “okay- s-so, why him?”
your heart stopped because he wasn’t looking for an apology anymore, he was looking for the truth.
“why not anyone else? he swallowed. “why steve?”
you looked away, your silence stretched.
one second, two, three. three seconds too long.
“please.” his voice cracked. “don’t make me drag the answer out of you”
tears blurred your vision. “i don’t know.”
he stared at you. “that’s not true.”
“no!” he shook his head. “because people don’t accidentally say someone else’s name unless they’re thinking about them.” he laughed bitterly. “believe me.”
“have you been thinking about him?”
you closed your eyes, your mind replayed everything.
steve standing across robin’s apartment, pretending not to look at you, the concert, the whiskey in his shaking hands.
the way he’d looked so relieved after saying it like the words had been trapped inside him for months.
you heard them every night and you hated yourself for it because every time you tried to push them away, they came back louder.
“answer me!” his voice was firmer now. “please”
you looked at him. “i’ve tried not to.”
“i’ve tried.” your words came out in broken pieces. “i tried to stop thinking about him.. i-i wanted to.. i-ii wanted us”
his jaw tightened. “wanted?”
you immediately regretted the word. “n-no i meant-“
“wanted.” he repeated it quietly, like he couldn’t quite believe he’d heard you correctly.
“that’s not what i meant.”
“isn’t it?” he took another slow step backwards, putting more space between you. “i spent a month loving someone who was trying to convince herself to love me back.”
“no?” his voice finally rose. “then tell me i’m wrong!”
you flinched and he noticed immediately.. his expression shifted. guilt flashed across his face as he rubbed both hands over his face.
“i’m sorry.” his voice was quieter again. “i’m not shouting at you i-i just don-“ he laughed weakly, “i don’t understand.”
he looked around the apartment again, his apartment. the place he’d slowly invited you into.
your favourite hoodie was folded over the arm of the sofa, your book was still lying open where you’d left it last week. little pieces of you, everywhere.
“when did it happen?” he asked.
“when did you start loving him again?”
you froze again and he noticed, of course he noticed.
“again.” he whispered it to himself. “…so i’m right.”
“you loved him before.” you nodded once, barely.
“before we got together.”
“yeah.” he looked at the floor. “did he know?”
“k-kinda.. b-but it was- it was gone- a-and then he said it- said he loved loves me! t-tonight at eddies concert..”
“so” his laugh came back. “he tells you he loves you.”
“and suddenly i’m standing in my own apartment wondering if you’ve been wishing i was somebody else.”
“didn’t you?” his voice wasn’t angry anymore and that somehow hurt even more.
“when you looked at me tonight.. when we were sharing our intimacy..” he searched your face. “who were you seeing?”
your breathing became uneven. “idon’t know.”
“don’t” he closed his eyes. “please don’t say that.”
“then that’s worse.” he turned away from you, his shoulders sagged. and for the first time since you’d met him, he looked small. not physically, but emotionally.
like someone had reached into his chest and taken something he couldn’t get back.
“do you know what the worst part is?”
“i can’t even hate you” he laughed bitterly. “how pathetic is that?” he shook his head. “because uou didn’t do anything, you just-“ his voice caught “you loved.”
“and apparently” he swallowed hard. “so did i.” those three words landed like a weight in your chest, he’d never said them before. not out loud.. not until now.
“don’t.” he held up a hand. “please.. i’m not saying it because i expect you to say it back.” he met your eyes one again.. “i’m saying it because i need you to understand why this hurts so much.”
his breathing hitched. “i let myself believe this was it.. that i finally found someone who looked at me…” his voice cracked. “the way i looked at them.”
tears spilled freely down your cheeks. “i do care about you.”
“i know.” he nodded. “that’s what makes this so unfair” he smiled sadly. because caring isn’t the same thing”
he glanced towards the window, the rain continued to fall outside. stead and quiet, almost peaceful.
“you’re standing here trying to convince yourself you love me.” he looked back at you. “and i’m standing here trying to convince myself that that’s enough.”
another long silence settled between you, neither of you moved, neither of you spoke.
but eventually, he exhaled, like he’d finally accepted something he’d been fighting since the moment your lips formed another man’s name.
“i can’t do this.” his voice barely carried across the room. “i love you too much to spend every day wondering if i’m second choice.”
he walked towards the front door, his hand rested on the handle. he didn’t open it straight away, he simply stood there with his back to you.
“i- i think..” he swallowed. “i think you should go.”
you stared at him. “y-you’re asking me to leave?”
he nodded once, still facing the door.
“because if you sta-y” his voice broke completely. “i’m going to keep hoping you’ll choose me” he laughed quietly through the tears gathering in his own eyes. “and i don’t think you can.”
he finally opened the door, and cool air drifted into the apartment.
not call me when you get home.
you lay frozen for another few seconds, hoping he’d turn around, hoping he’d tell you not to go, hoping this was all some awful misunderstanding.
slowly.. you picked up clothes that were scattered everywhere on his bedroom floor as you got changed, tears spilling down and staining them..
your fingers brushed against the sleeve of his denim jacket hanging on the chair beside you whilst you changed.
just a few hours ago.. he’d wrapped it around your shoulders because you’d said you were cold.
now..? you weren’t sure you’d ever be warm again..
as you stepped into the hallway, the door closed behind you with a soft click.
inside, billy stayed exactly where he was, one hand still resting against the door after you’d gone. he squeezed his eyes shut, then, for the first time in years.. he cried.
not loudly, not dramatically, just quietly. alone in an apartment that suddenly felt far too big for one person.
