Look, folks, I know you don't have to believe, but when I was a child, my family hit a dead deer on the road that was bloated and caused so much deer meat to get into the inner workings of the van that it stunk for two years.
Ever since that day, anytime I travel something seemingly preternatural causes my travel to go awry. Some examples:
A tornado in downtown Chicago.
A different tornado while in O'hare.
A plane breaking on take off.
A hotel breaking on the way to the hotel.
A man threatening to kill me in Milwaukee. He had to be reminded he was in Milwaukee.
The entire airport breaking prior to take off.
A person being carried off a plane because they chose to fight.
Flight crew goes missing.
A tornado while driving a van full of high schoolers through rural Illinois. I was only in rural Illinois because my high school navigator was bad at navigation.
The hotel broke again, but in a fun different way.
Trip cancelled because there was physically no way to get to the East Coast prior to 5pm the next day.
A shuttle driver responding to the question, where is the hotel, with "This is New York. Just walk to it."
A small man coming out of closet to curse at my group that a plane we could physically see was still at the gate was "fucking gone" and "didn't fucking exist anymore." At least Denny's the next morning was good.
Except, I checked my glasses on that trip and blinked my contact out in O'hare and had to stare at London for a day with only one eye.
An entire trip where someone needed me to sleep on my shoulder. Actually, she might have just been into me, that one may not count.
A different bus trip where the driver didn't want to take an exit 3 hours away, so he diverted to another path that added an hour to the trip. Also we got accosted by a guy who was high on drugs at a gas station at 10pm. Not a big deal, but we didn't need to be accosted had the bus driver not done that.
Anyway, all I'm saying is that I have a real, measurable, and repeatable travel curse caused by the Vengeful Spirit of the Ancient Deer God who has yet to forgive me for the sins of my father on a rural highway in Georgia sometime in the 90s.
So don't be like this poet.
You'll get cursed by the Vengeful Spirit of the Ancient Deer God.
gummygunk
2087
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
