Eccedentesiast

White supremacist trying to form a straight-pride parade accidentally lets truth slip at city council meeting

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine

SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.

“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”

“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”

Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.

In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.

Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.

“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”

“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”

Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.

“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”

While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.

“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”

“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.

Okay, here’s the stupid gender essentialist metaphor:

Women are like spaghetti because their thoughts noodle all over the place. Men are like waffles because there thoughts are in boxes. Men aren’t bad listeners, they just can’t keep up with a conversation when women are noodling topics so fast and they have to keep switching boxes. Also, when a woman asks a man what he’s thinking and he says “nothing” women just don’t understand that some of a man’s boxes literally have nothing in them, haha!

….. :|

It’s sung to the tune of The Ants Go Marching One By One song!!!

Oh, my god. I’m already crying with asexuality included.

Now you’re telling me other groups feel the same way?

There’s legit tears down my face.

The drag queen is holding a BLM sign.

There’s a Hijabi on the all races float (and if you look closely at the flag, I think the owl is indigenous).

One of the babas is disabled.

They could have just stopped at including all the flags.

But no. They said “I don’t care if they’re animals. I’m going to make it very clear we’re including all races and disabled people.”

And it’s such small details, but they’re there.

And I consider myself pretty versed in queer identities, but even I don’t know what some of these flags are.

Which really shows that you’ve never had the opportunity to feel validated like this, and that makes me love it even more.

Pride, Progress Pride, BLM Progress Pride, Lesbian, Gay Man

Trans, Nonbinary — Dolphin wheelchair user, Top surgery beaver

Gender Queer, Genderfluid, Intersex Demigender, Demiboy, Demigirl, Bisexual, Pansexual, Asexual, Demisexual, Gray Asexual, Aromantic — Blind bird

Bigender, Genderflux, Omnisexual, Neutrois, Maverique, Pangender, Drag — llama(?) with prosthetic leg

and in a KIDS show, like that’s insane, people will finally grow up knowing it’s ok to exist