=^._.^= ∫

two glasses of wine and i start showing ankle

This is stupid! Were you born yesterday? (the mayfly’s big limpid eyes fill with tears as it looks at me) oh god I’m so sorry oh no oh god

When youre a kid youre like wtf adults are making themselves sick with poisons and when youre an adult youre like i need more poisons ASAP

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

american blackbirds are icterids but european blackbirds are thrushes but american robins are thrushes but european robins are flycatchers and they are named robin because (checks notes) brits in the 1400s called them "robert" on account of they are just some familiar guy who shows up in your yard. hold on post canceled is that really why they are called that? what the fuck. they did this with jackdaws and magpies too? i can't even be annoyed. how human. "who's that? that's bob." fuck dude it sure is.

new product concept. Creek Yogurt. you know what it is. CREEK YOGURT: You Fucking Bet Your Ass It Has Active Cultures

it must feel good as hell when you’re a horse and you take a big bite out of an apple like ttshoke

your command over onomatopoeia is unmatched bestie