VII XII XV

I'd be honored to open my eyes to you each morning...

I guess that is true, isn’t it? After all this time no matter how much I wanted to and tried to fit into your life I really couldn’t. I’m only human after all. I’m sorry for running away. You’ve always been right about people though, even when you’ve made the wrong choices with them. Do you think it’s fair to everyone else? You ran off not too long ago and I was stuck here waiting for you to return. Wanting you to be back. I thought he was taking you from me forever. Did you know that? Turns out he did anyway. Kai is upset again, I think. If I’d ask I know he’d say it’s okay. You know how soft hearted he is… and now he wants me to talk to you. I get that it isn’t right if I try to keep him from you so I don’t ask him to stay away anymore. He says you need someone more than ever. I’m scared, Kohen. You’re scared too, aren’t you? You can hate me. Not that I would need to give you permission but I wouldn’t blame you. I’m more sure now that I don’t hate you though….. but it gets complicated after that.You can’t just leave again. Are you aware of that? You can’t pack up and go away and pretend that there’s nothing here. You can hate me and never speak to me but you owe it to Kai to stick around. For him. Please don’t hurt him. He loves you. And I don’t understand it fully right now but I love you too. Or the you that you were….. did he die too?Didn’t you fall in love again? Is it love? It must be, right? I wish I could have witnessed that. I didn’t meet him but I liked the way your cheeks pushed up high when you talked about him. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really am just like everyone else. I run when I’m scared. I hide when I’m at fault. I do and say things I don’t mean.I forget just how selfish I can be.

I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job of that already.