[ "i'll break them." ]

(Seeing a cis straight couple for the first time) I think I’m gonna be sick… What the fuck do you even call this…? Dark Yuri? Unfaggot? Do they have a fucking word for this? (Flashing back to my troubled childhood) Oh my god… This is that Marge and Homer shit isn’t it

during the smoke sesh our brooding silent friend said "forgive me master" before reducing the entire bowl to ashes in one hit and he didnt even cough

i sleep diagonally so i wake up to a dutch angle view of my ceiling symbolising my descent into madness

when i go in a room and forget what i needed i become a point and click protagonist. [water bottle?] that’s not helpful right now. [socks?] i don’t know what to do with that. [charger?] that’s not helpful right now. [scissors?] i can’t do anything with that. [water bottle?] that’s not helpful right now. [lone paperclip?] that’s not helpful right now. [water bottle?]

i love when a villain is like "ahhh what a ROTTEN day" but they mean that it's good and they're just saying it like that because they arbitrarily like when things are bad

strip mining sounds like something much more exciting than it actually is

we ask that the defense not say "me when i lie" while the witness testifies

(driving home from work) i must not kill myself. killing myself is the myself killer. i will— (sees a guy jogging shirtless and he’s all sweaty) Woaw i wish I lived in his armpit (crashes car into telephone pole)

Growing me

Did you hear about this

the great thing about preserving kink as part of pride is that it’s the one thing that rainbow capitalism can never touch. I sincerely doubt that you’ll ever see Arby’s tweeting about forcefem anytime soon.