hey g woujyumakmeasanwich

when andrew garfield’s peter parker was saving ppl in cars hanging from a bridge and that one little kid is too scared to climb up so he rips off his own mask and says “see? i’m just a guy” like. mcu really truly could never have such a simple and compassionate moment ever

i dunno i feel like it's more complicated than that

uh, how would you fight a world war with sticks and stones, dumbass

the sticks are really really really long

fuck my bad

"Onestone not know what weapons world war 5 will be fought with, but world war 6 will be fought with short sticks and small stones."-Onestone, inventor of the really long stick

i know medical reports have to write things this way, but when i see "dull mood, denies smoking" on my doctor's visit summary i can't help but hear "boring bitch and a croaking liar"

one of the medical reports for my broken leg called me attractive and pleasant, and I haven't let myself read another medical report since because I want to maintain a Schrödinger's cat type situation where the reports might say 'still attractive, would fuck' or they might say 'ugly now, aged poorly' and I'll never know because I refuse to let the wave function collapse into a single reality

one sup of this will have you demanding the news

OK! ♥️

When I die I wanna be resurrected as the crab in the bucket of crabs that pulls the other crabs back into the bucket. And I'll love doing it

if i could die i would wanna be resurrected as a crab strong enough to pull your crabsona out of the bucket. and then where would you be

does anyone remember that one Tumblr account that was dedicated exclusively to hating on Jon Arbuckle

i remember

when you have a hammer everything looks like a guy you could kill with a hammer

a warthog is a thog specialized for use in war

And I can ddos people with my mind

a trap song with the rapper growing increasingly concerned about all the gun sound effects in the music 

For the first time in my tenure on tumblr, it's "THAT'S A PHOTOGRAPH?" and not "THAT'S AN OIL PAINTING?"