hey g woujyumakmeasanwich

my mansion is in fucking shambles. my maids are incompetent and im not convinced they know how dishes work

You sweep them

NO!!!!!!!

Vacuum?

EAT!!!! YOU EAT OFF OF PLATES!!! AND THEN YOU WASH THEM!!!!!!!

ohhh i'm drink them. okay 💛

do NOT SWEEP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

And curling has pebbled ice! They spray the top layer more sparsely so it freezes as droplets, leaving the ice with a fine texture.

Very cool I did not know that!

Nobody calls each other “terminally online” anymore. I think that’s because everyone is terminally online now. Jobless too. And ugly as fuck. Stains all over our shirts. Stupid as well

"guilt-free cookie dough" glad to see we've finally stopped raising young cookies as catholics

OUT OF ME WAY LANDLUBBER I'M GONNA GET SOME

people really believe this? that's obviously a human archer

Trampoline

Can anyone explain wtf is going on here especially a Korean speaker

‎

That is one of the most astronomical fuck up translations I have ever seen.

Sawk-throw-a?

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household

coming up with sexual roleplay scenarios about growing up Upper-Middle Class

Hey, it looks like your parents aren't home because they're still at their Well-Paid White Collar Jobs...why not stop playing with that New Videogame Console and come have some real fun with me in your Bedroom You Don't Share With Any Siblings ;)

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

Wednesday the 15th. What an excellent day. Middle of the week, middle of the month. Truly, we are in the middle of things.

“Cosmetics is actually a fraudulent, baseborn, slavish knave; it tricks us with padding and makeup and polish and clothes, so that people carry around beauty not their own to the neglect of the beauty properly theirs through gymnastic” - Plato, the original antimorpher

We forgot about it

I once signed up to participate in a study on how depression affects memory, forgot I was meant to go do it, and when I emailed to apologise to the PhD student running it she basically told me that a) she was very used to this happening and b) the weird irony of her theories’ correctness making it very difficult to arrange proving them had by now gone from infuriating to hysterical