system sideblog

i was talking to the therapist today. everyone's trying to get me to be independent but what if i don't want to be. what if i want to be codependent. i was literally made for it, to "hold feelings of obsessive love and codependence" but everyone wants me to change and not be what i am. ive always known there was something about me that made me inherently repulsive to everyone and that i would have to work really hard for love. but i think im starting to understand why our ex said the things she did. this is why. and she was right. just the fact that i crave love so much and that i work hard to get it in and of itself makes me repulsive to everyone. i think i see now.

surely hearing the voice of a character in a show ive been watching means nothing

sometimes the spirit of a teenage girl possesses you on a worknight and decides youre gonna draw the same thing over and over again and you just gotta sit back watching your sleep time slowly tick away and your future self getting more and more tired

Constantly cleaning up after these fucking slobs in my head

sometimes being part of a system is trying to lay down and go to sleep while someone is screaming at the top of their lungs and beating their fists and stabbing their knife on the inside of your skull

that one is pressing so hard to front but i can't let her because all she does is freak the fuck out endlessly and i can't let her repeat the toxic bullshit we used to do