floof

sometimes you trap a male false black widow under a cup in the middle of the night because he was roaming around on your ceiling looking for female spider pheromones and then his harmless dumb ass fell straight onto your bed so you had to contain him because you were tired and wanted to sleep. and sometimes that spider is no longer in that cup the next morning. as haunting as it is his determination is honestly kinda inspiring. chase your dreams little man hope you get spider laid

so, I hadn’t seen him since he escaped from his cup prison the other day (I did, however, find a ridiculously tiny vampire bite mark on my tummy— it did not swell or itch, like I said, he’s harmless), and I came home today to find ants swarming my bathroom. and there he was, following the trail and making a meal of em. He really got his revenge by biting me (pathetically) and then made an effort to prove his worth. I think we’re basically best friends now

Billie Joe Armstrong literally wrote a song about coming out as bisexual as a teenager, and then like two years later wrote one that was pretty much all about dressing up in drag and getting fucked by/fucking guys, and y'all STILL say he’s a “straight ally” because he married a woman??

The same goes for Freddy Mercury and David Bowie. Both were openly bi. Both wrote (multiple) songs about their queerness. Both are pigeonholed as either “gay” or “straight”. They were both neither of those things.

hey remember when freddy mercury wrote a literal song about wanting to be allowed to be bisexual without it being a big deal and was incredibly obvious about it and then straighties went “oh lol look at how quirky queen is writing a song all about bicycles!”

my most Millennial trait is that i want big screen to think properly. to compose my thoughts. app exists for your thing but no website? bad bad bad not good for think, need big screen for think. i wrote this post on the small screen btw

I wish all the pee came out in one go like a shotgun blast

you just dont get this on other websites

Tumblr should never have given us polls. Everyday I have to see years-old polls cross my dash proudly proclaiming past-me's vote which I now disagree with. Let me change my vote!! I have rethought which Tetris piece is the sexiest.

Honestly I tried to get into Dora the explora but like media is supposed to be escapism for me and she keeps like asking me like wheres this wheres that and tbh its actually really stressful. Im not dealing with that

pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.

[ID: Janice, a brazilian artist, drifting in the street with their wheelchair, with sparks flying out behind them and a whole rig of speakers modded onto the chair. The back of the chair says "Chillwave cripple punk". They're in a brown halterneck and ripped jeans, with braids and metal pieces attached like arm braces. /end ID]

“…to me” is one of the most powerful disclaimers we have on here… is this character analysis accurate? debatable. but it’s real… to me.

"There's no platonic explanation for this" <-you need to be nicer to your friends. Right now

they're called "bootlickers" because when there's a boot stomping on their neck they lean forward to kiss it

as soon as i clicked post i realized damn that's such an evocatively erotic description, i should be using this sort of language about noble kinksters, not wasting it on class traitors

that's the beta testing stage

we bought a shirt at a thrift store that says "best mom in louisiana" for some reason (as a reminder we are in midwest germany) and now my spouse keeps walking around the house wearing it and saying shit like "WHO STANDS BEFORE THE GREATEST MOM OF LOUISIANA?"

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