☆Saddest Little Baby In The Room☆

wanting to get shot in the head for wanting something is also wanting

How to Disappear Completely

i will never be convinced that lucas' storyline in season 4 of st is not a tragedy. a young black boy feels as if he must give up the interests that he has held all his life and that he loves and that are a part of him and become a part of something more socially acceptable just so that he wouldn't have to get bullied and treated horribly and he wouldn't be the victim of racism anymore...oh my son. having to be on the same basketball team that fell all over themselves trying to impress billy hargrove the year before, the man that attacked him and hated him for the crime of being black and wanting to befriend a girl because he doesnt want to worry about getting hate-crimed in the street. everytime someone boils him down to playing basketball a flower dies he would much prefer to be playing dnd and indulging in the interests he's had for years with the friends he's had for years but he feels as though he must play basketball because basketball is safe and basketball offers protection and social capital and basketball players dont get accused of being in cults and dont get beat up by men 5 years older than them

ive been thinking about lucas so much recently. i love him so much he deserves more of my brain space actually. especially ive been thinking about during season 4 when he tells the team that erica's the one who likes d&d and not him. ignoring for a moment the sadness that he has to put away one of his favorite things in the world for his own physical safety i'm now considering him post season 4 finale finding out that jason went to his house and talked to erica. and yeah he didn't do anything then but i can't imagine how lucas would feel knowing he put his sister in danger rather than himself.