DECAY SEQUINS

try to wear the full magician costume to dudleys christening 

“you can’t wear that james”  “it’s the only way i’m going, lil”  “fine but give me your wand”  “my real one, or the fake one that shoots out flowers?”  “both, and you’d better tidy the handkerchiefs are trailing out of your trouser leg before we leave”

“I’m not a magician, marge, i’m an illusionist.”

petunia walks in on james pretending to saw toddler dudley in half for toddle harry’s amusement

actually incorporating magic into the tricks and freaking the hell out of vernon’s extended family

standing up at christmas and saying that he’d like to perform a magic trick. and vernon and petunia are HORRIFIED and lily just pours more wine but marge says ‘let him do it’ so she can mock him?? and he tries/fails to ‘vanish’ the napkins 3-4 times and it doesn’t work, until the fourth time when it DOES and it freaks the hell out of vernon’s extended family

Evidence for:

It’s set on an idyllic Mediterranean island.

The plot revolves around a bunch of ridiculous misunderstandings.

The night of the bachelor and bachelorette parties functions as a “liminal space” that allows the characters to throw off the veneer of civilization and realize things about themselves.

A major theme is the return of a loved one who was thought to be lost forever (as in The Tempest and A Winter’s Tale).

The timeline is confusing. (Donna appears to have been in some 1960s/1970s-style band at the time of Sophie’s conception, even though Sophie must have been born in the late 1980s; similarly, in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, nunneries are mentioned despite the ostensibly ancient Greek setting.) 

There are songs.

Evidence against:

The dialogue is really bad.

There aren’t enough dick jokes.

All of the songs are by ABBA, a musical group that was not active in the early modern era.

Conclusion:

instead of doing something Normal And Reasonable, like numbering our child puppets Michael 1, Michael 2, and Michael 3 (to match their ages), they’ve been named “Mikey,” “Mike,” and “Michael,” who are respectively played by “Jimmy,” “Jim,” and “James.” 

they’re. puPPETS.

during fight scenes: swoop in like an eagle, soaring on bone memory alone, as if they were born knowing how to do this and this alone

during dance breaks: intuitively snap into formation, execute complicated steps, glide together as their sixth sense ignites the dark

during ensemble numbers: emote like hell while weaving tricky vocals and complex movements, juggle props (literally), lift up their fellow actors (literally), hold a mirror to life itself, reorganizing its chaos to perfect clarity and order 

Someone on reddit asked about it. And it turns out there’s a logical-ish reason:

all of the other players pair off with their man to prevent anyone else entering into the fight … so it’s a form of self policing. 

[…] The players basically want to prevent 2 on 1, etc. fights and by finding a “hugging” partner so there’s no ganging up on one guy, even on accident. They do it because it’s fair. And it’s kind of cute sometimes.

Farmer’s Market Hot is a specific kind of aesthetic that is the result of me watching Orphan’s Black and trying to describe the hotness of Cal to others.

See my point?

Farmer’s Market Hot is a wholesome kind of hot. Rugged but approachable. It’s not the kind of hot where you immediately go, “Oh my god they’re so perfect, I want to take them home and photograph them/tear their clothes off.” That’s for later.

This is the kind of hot for people who would visit the farmer’s market to buy some organic cheeses on their way to pick up their kids from their Creativity Through Music class. It’s the look that says “I’m here to support our local beekeepers.” You see them and it makes you want to settle down. You want to do your taxes with them, raise dogs together.

It’s borderline hipster without the elitism and irony, borderline country without the sound of Tim McGraw. If they’re white, racist shit like dreads automatically disqualifies them.

Guys will most likely be stubbly, or bearded, but not to the point of lumberjack. Think Chris Evans in between Marvel movies.

Pictured: a man who wants to buy artisan bread from a stall and be polite to the merchants.

Imagine a woman with a sunflower tattoo, wearing a high-low dress and clunky dependable boots, holding a dog’s leash while she waits at the knife sharpening booth. Imagine a man wearing flannel and holding a baby while talking about ethical alternatives to quinoa.

Farmer’s Market Hot™.