Pregnant, Parenting, and Pro-Choice

As a longtime fertility patient, I have learned so much about pregnancy and prenatal development. Much more than I had being a biology major. I think if pro lifers were educated, they would change their ways.

In order to have a live birth, often abnormal embryos have to be destroyed. Even if an embryo is normal, most likely it will not survive anyhow. That's just how it is. Before it reaches the fetal stage, it has a decent chance of dying as well. The embryo is so primitive, cannot feel pain or think. In the first few weeks, the embryo cannot be seen and often actually is a ball of cells. The pro lifers who view primitive life as more important than a fully grown mother are ludicrous. 

Knowing this gave me a tiny bit of comfort during my miscarriages. Pro-lifers think once you have two pink lines on a pregnancy test, you have a child. The truth is, only if you are lucky. 

Back to the subject of miscarriages, pro life propaganda made my miscarriages so much worse! I know a lot of facts and pictures they use are lies, I just have to keep telling myself that, or feel much sadder again.

  Because my HCG levels are monitored closely, I had a few ectopic scares. I would HAVE to have an abortion if I wanted to save my fertility or even my life. And the pro life community wants to take that right away! I can't support people who don't care about my health or my desire to have children.

While undergoing fertility treatments, I was at risk of multiples. Quite often in order to have a live birth, aborting some of the embryos is needed because multiples can be very risky. 

I'm currently pregnant and having all sorts of complications. If I didn't want this baby so much I don't think I could do it. It's like I have a chronic illness. I'm nauseated, dizzy, ditzy and too tired to do much anything, but I can rarely get comfortable. I have to use the bathroom a million times a day, yet am constipated. I have to take tons of expensive meds including several injections to stay healthy. I was on bedrest and lost my job, if I can even manage to work at all. Pregnancy isn't easy, at least for me. I'd hate to think of someone being forced into it who didn't have the family support I do.

I am pro-choice, therefore I am pro-family. The picture above is me, my parents, and my two children supporting our local Planned Parenthood at a rally last fall.

When I was 18, I terminated an unintended pregnancy because I had plans and dreams that that couldn’t be fulfilled if I were a teen mom. I have never once regretted it, and am so thankful I live in a place and time that allowed me to make my own choices, choose my own destiny.

Fast forward to me at 33-a proud wife and mother to a 2- and 4-year old, for whom the sun and moon sets. And I’m pregnant. My husband and I chose to terminate the pregnancy because we were already overwhelmed with the difficulties and the joys of parenthood, and the financial strain it causes.

I worked at an abortion clinic while I was pregnant with my first child. One of the women who was there to have an abortion asked me if it was difficult emotionally to do the work while carrying a child to term. I told her, "My feet hurt, my hips hurt, my joints are so lax I have to be careful not to sprain my ankles walking, I have to pee constantly, and I'm looking forward to eighteen years of putting someone else first in my life. You better believe I want you to have a choice about doing this for yourself." She broke out in a big, relieved smile. One of my best memories.

My pregnancy was planned to the month. The part you can’t plan for is the six months of throwing up and being unable to eat, the multiple emergency room visits for dehydration, the endless rounds of frightening drugs to try to keep nutrients in my body and in the baby’s body. The part you can’t plan for is the 26 hours of labor, the first big chunk during the biggest storm and power outage in many years. The part you can’t plan for is the three hours of pushing so hard the capillaries in my eyes broke. Would I do it over again? Absolutely. But NOBODY should have to do it without choosing it. 

Our only daughter is 16 months now and I loved having the choice. The pregnancy was not planned but I never felt the pressure of having to go through with it. I, to this day, have not had an abortion, but I do not see how that fact would have an impact on whether or not I can be ProChoice. I am thinking of myself as very empathic, but I cannot find any reason why somebody would think that being ProChoice and being a parent contradict. It can only be rooted in a deep misunderstanding of what this campaign is about. NO, it is not about bringing humanity down by refusing to procreate. All it is about is CHOICE! I wish people would listen more and judge less.

We found out I was pregnant shortly after my husband was diagnosed with an illness that would kill him in a few years. We had three preschool age children already, and I was a knowledgeable and motivated birth control user. “Stunned” would be a good description of my response.

I was working in healthcare at the time, and one of the doctors sent word through my best friend that “If now isn’t the right time, I can refer to a very safe clinic”. 22 years later, I am still grateful that the decision to continue the pregnancy was MINE. I believe I might have resented her if I was forced to carry her to term.

 No one else knew my circumstances, my heart, my life. I, in discussion with my family, was the person most invested and knowledgeable about my life. Each woman should be trusted and respected to make her own decisions.

The kids are all grown now, happy and healthy. Solo parenting (all 4 were teens at once for a few years)  for the last 16 years has had some exhausting spells. There have been many more joyous episodes, and a lot of laughter. I will always be grateful that I was able to choose what was right for my family and my life.

I had two early miscarriages before giving birth to my son in 1997 and then five more before adopting my daughter in 2004. Although I have always been pro-choice, my struggles with infertility deepened my commitment to speaking out for every woman’s right to control her reproductive life. Also, as an adoptive parent, I am grateful that my daughter’s first mom was able to choose to continue her pregnancy and was not coerced into doing so by legal constraints. 

Now as a counselor working with women around issues of family building, I am committed to offering pro-choice services for my clients as they struggle with all aspects of fertility, pregnancy and parenting. I trust the woman sitting before me to know her self best and whatever decisions she may make, I am honored to bear witness to them and to support her in them.

This is a picture of me writing to meet deadline with my then 2-year old daughter keeping me company.

Me, with the two reasons that I am pro-choice: my daughters, both of whom have enabled me to see my own humanity by letting me view it through the lens of their own.

I am the young mother of two vivacious daughters. I have been empowered by my pregnancies and childbirth journeys, because I chose to embark on them and I had access to proper care. I am not a vessel by which others dictate my future. I am pro-choice.

I am a doula, childbirth educator, mother, and abortion nurse.