whoop de friggin' do!

Black Tar and Feathers, 1982, Jean-Michel Basquiat

as someone with a lot of trauma in my childhood i have spent so long and so much grief wishing i could go back and time and save that little kid, because that kid so desperately needed saving, but i’ve always thought it’s too late, bc it all already happened, and no one saved her, so she’ll never be saved and she’ll never be okay,

and i’ve spent the second half of my life mourning the first half.

but my therapist recently made me realize, that little kid is still inside me. i was her, and in a lot of ways i still am her, because i still carry her pain. it’s not too late. she needed an adult to listen to her, and i am that adult. i’m listening. i can tell her that none of it was her fault, and she can believe me, and i can believe me.

Every time I feel grief over the things my childhood trauma and mental illness stole from me, I don’t have to push it away anymore and try to move on without addressing it. I can think of that little me, and I can say “it’s okay. I’m an adult, and I’m listening. This isn’t your fault. You’re doing a good job. You are loved. I love you.”

And I know it sounds like a cliche, but that part of me, that kid that was so afraid, feels that love. And then I can move on.

If you can’t say “I’m beautiful,” begin by shutting down the “I’m ugly” thoughts and saying “I’m a person.”

If you can’t say “I’m valuable” begun by shutting down the “I’m worthless” thoughts and say “all people deserve basic respect, and I’m a person.”

•Challenge men to rethink female sexuality

•Stopped men from viewing women as sex objects

•Given all women the same respectability as the “respectable” non promiscuous female archetype no matter her sexual habits

•Make men rethink or even start a conversation about sexism

•humanize women

•end violence against women

•raise men to a higher standard as sexual or romantic partners

•make men more sexually responsible or accepting of the consequences of hookups

•ended the madonna/whore complex

•Make men not judge women based on women’s sexual habits

•end r*pe culture

•make men more consent conscious

What HC also has done for men:

•made more women sexually available to men who already view women as sex objects

•More women available to men without having to invest any time or effort into gaining the respect of women to have sex

•make women conform to the Male sexual fantasy of endless sexually available women with no strings attatched rather than having to be challenge of this image

•not being required to do the barest of minimums like taking a women out to dinner before having sex

•making it socially acceptable to further devalue women and sex

not requiring men to value valuing women as people as a prerequisite to access sex

But hey, at least at least you can fuck some guy you met 5 mins ago and no one will say anything about it so I guess yall are cool with that, right?

Men are losing absolutely nothing from hook up culture. They’re not being made to change anything about themselves. It’s not gaining social equality for us. It’s not giving us anything we could actually benefit from in the long run. Sure there are women out there who truly do like sta sex, and more power to them, but fact? the vast majority of women dont. Most women dont like feeling like they’re used for sex and nothing more. and that’s not a sign that you should detach your emotions from sex either or make it into some emotionless or mindless act. Never having anything special done for them, never going on dates, never being able to depend on the guy you let beat for shit is not something women enjoy, benefit from or are empowered by. HC has made it so that for men, the understanding that you shouldnt require, hold men to standards or expect anything from them (even tho you’re having sex with them) HAS HIT THE MAINSTREAM IN A MAJOR WAY while expectations for women ar still rigidly in place. And now theres the added expectation that women should dispense sex for absolutely no benefit because now its dirt cheap and you will either have to be superwoman to keep a man or do things you’re uncomfortable with sexually for the same reason, which creates sexual competition amongst women while men are totally untouched and unbothered because that competition will only benefit them.There are women who view sex as a spiritual connection or as something truly special. And believe me, those are not the fruit of virginity culture. Hc doesnt do anything for those women and it doesnt make it easier for them to find the connections they want. Hc has tricked some of yall into undervaluing the physical and not valuing anything that’s not physical.

bursts of rage, or continuous rage at what was done to you

desire to overpower, restrain, chain up, torture or murder your abuser

clarity and full belief in your perception, complete rejection of abuser’s point of view

no longer caring what the abuser thinks of you, knowing their opinion is worthless and filled with lies

cutting off abusers easily as soon as you notice they’re toxic to you

willingness to do whatever it takes to fight for your life

rage at anyone who would cause any further abuse to you

strong conviction that hurting you is evil, and that anyone who does hurt you should be villified for it

full belief that anyone who hurts you is not to be excused for their actions, not given further trust, and that they should pay for it

valuing your freedom of movement, freedom of mind, safety of resources and ability to survive more than any kind of uncertain hopes, promises or validation

unwillingness to depend on someone’s view of you, opinion of you, or affection towards you, as it could change at any second and causes instability and anxiety

valuing stability more than highs and lows

ability to detect when someone is trying to confuse you, divert your point, make you look bad with the intention of punishing or controlling you, silence you or make themselves superior to you, and reacting with rage

avalanche of rage at any attempt to gaslight you, not willing for one second to doubt your own memory, being completely clear that anyone who pretends they didn’t do and say things they did is lying

unwillingness to consider yourself less valuable or important than other humans, and getting angry whenever you’re treated in such manner

refusing to do as you’re told, even if it makes people angry, knowing that what you want to do is more important than what anyone else wants from you

owning your life for yourself and knowing nobody else has any right to it

anger at everyone who could have helped you while you were abused and didn’t, anger at anyone who sided with your abusers, anger at system which allowed for you to be abused for so long, anger at helplessness to change it

recognition of your situation and full awareness you were helpless during abuse, and that none of it is remotely your fault

unwillingness to pretend and act in social situations

unwillingness abandon your morals, feelings, opinions and personality for the sake of pretend friendships and pretend relationships, only seeking real connections that don’t require you to make yourself socially acceptable

distrust in anyone who you notice is demanding authority, control, abuse and exploitation of another’s life, recognizing abusers and those who abuse the power of their social or economic standing and being actively disgusted by them