shaken by a low sound

you sent this to my main inbox but i'm answering here since i figure you follow me here anyway (also late watching it lol but it sure was bliss to not watch for a bit)

i think it's a waste of an episode to have all the flashbacks put together like this. they're meant to give little bits of insight as to why ellie is gunning so hard for revenge (but ellie isn't gunning very hard in the show right now, she actually seems pretty occupied with her relationship with dina that abby is hardly on her mind at all). they accompany and highlight the brutality and danger that we were meant to see (again, absent; story's gutted of all the brutal killing ellie's supposed to be doing) but they feel a lot less significant when put up against each other.

they probably could've made for intro segments since the show seems pretty fond of these but maybe they'd be too long? though there have been long intros before in season 1.

it being from joel's perspective is a very confusing choice. even if they started out the season attempting to flesh him out more, it still doesn't really work because he's been dead the entire season. i don't think we gain anything from having more of his pov because we know enough of how he felt about the rift between him and ellie already, and especially not with the thesis that they set up for the episode which is the cycle of...fatherhood? the story is already about joel's story as a father and the choices he makes because of it! why are we throwing in yet another point his morally gray choices as a father?

instead of joel and ellie's relationship being okay with an undercurrent of tension only to make a sheer drop when ellie seeks out the truth about salt lake, the episode presents it more as a gradual fall. i can see a world where it would be interesting but it stumbles so much. ellie's characterization is one of the season's biggest problems because she's written as if she's still 14. she's still happy-go-lucky, she still jokes and quips, and she's still same-old ellie and i think that's a huge misstep. because it really doesn't seem like she's all that affected by the weight of what joel did.

they remove some pretty integral scenes that give insight to how feelings about salt lake have just been festering within her all this time, like the flashbacks of when she was 17, where she finds the bodies of jackson residents who ran away and where she runs off to salt lake to find the truth (presumably to cut back on set costs??). it's the legit turning point for their relationship but they sub in, uh...eugene's death? there's an attempt at ellie's feelings about infection and where she stands as an immune person, but again, the episode is from joel's perspective so that clearly isn't the point of the scene but instead, ✨joel's gray morality again✨, hooray. the show keeps beating us over the head with THIS shit in particular, and neglecting that subtextual facet of ellie's character that has to do with her lost sense of purpose as "the immune girl." y'know. a major part of season one.

the eugene scene makes it more about ellie's overall distrust in joel being reaffirmed but not really in regards to what happened at salt lake specifically.

i could pick at every detail in the episode if i wanted to, but i feel like the most important is the porch scene. what. the fuck.

pushing the porch scene up makes no sense at all? with this, it felt like they just didn't want the flashbacks as a motif at all, which would've been fine for the others but this one? how do you botch one of the most important scenes to the story? it's not even supported by any momentum because this episode didn't build any at all.

the porch scene is meant to be pivotal to both characters. it's joel stating that he stands by his choice, and it's ellie offering an olive branch between them. instead, much like with the whole episode, they cram two important moments in one: ellie starting to forgive joel and joel confessing the truth about salt lake. why is this HERE of all places. why did they choose to have joel confess in one of his last moments with ellie, when it causes a rift between them in the og story?

and ellie forgives him almost immediately! what causes her to break down, hyperventilate, and stop speaking to joel entirely for two whole years in the game, she gets over completely in the show in a matter of minutes.

it begs the question now: what is ellie's motivation here, really?

ellie's reason for going on a damn-near suicidal revenge mission is just not strong enough in the show. it effectively boils down to "she loves him so she goes," which is fine, but other people loved joel. everyone in town loved joel. in the show, she's the one who presses pretty hard to go (unlike in the game, where tommy mirrors her grief). the show is of the position that "only a certain type of person would do this (one with a 'violent heart')" when it should be "ellie is desperate to do this because of what she could've had." it is a character choice based on a perceived mistake.

they softened EVERYTHING in this version of the story to the point where i feel disoriented just watching. they softened joel, they softened ellie, they softened every edge of the story that gave it clarity for, what, some simulated sense of "nuance"? to explore more of joel's gray morality and the consequences of his actions?

i feel like it's pretty easy to get swept up in the gay representation of tlou hbo and i, like, understand that but i just can't jive with it when everything surrounding it is flawed at the base?

dina's character is pretty much entirely stripped of her jewishness to make way for this more "exploratory" approach to her bisexuality. with them removing a lot of the worldbuilding and exploration of seattle from the episode, we're not able to get those moments where we get to know dina along with ellie. there's no synagogue scene, no reminiscence, no grounding for the character, save for the bi "exploration". and even then, they don't dwell on the gay landmarks of seattle either (which could've helped solidify this internal struggle? also hence why "exploration" is in quotes; there was no exploring, in multiple ways) so i'm left wondering why did they decide to make this change in dina's character? because it is a fairly deliberate one to make, to change her from the assured queer character to one only just able to express her attraction.

beyond her explaining her feelings on it, is there going to be more? coming to terms with your sexuality is a pretty big step, especially on a revenge mission across state lines, and now it's a part of her character arc so will there be follow-through? will there be commitment? if not, it feels as if it was just tossed in to say, hey this is how the bi experience can be for some people, to the accolades of people who are fine with queer narratives just being THAT.

they didn't need to make one aspect of dina win out over another. she's jewish AND she's bi and both of these things matter greatly to her character and yet writers chose one at the end of the day.

and it's not like i have all bad things to say about episode 4. like yes i'm glad the sex was more explicit, yes i'm glad the culminating scene about ellie's immunity wasn't phoned in, yes i'm glad ellie makes a dad joke, but they didn't exactly land the plane on the evolution of their relationship.

because they've made such an issue out of ellie and dina's miscommunication that it's disrupted the plot entirely. like this is a problem between the characters that has nothing to do with abby or ellie's quest for revenge; it feels like for the entire episode, we're meant to forget about abby and everything else. none of it is meshing together and it feels like the way the relationship is written suffers from the same problems as the rest of the show:

they are giving too much. and for what?

why was the relationship emphasized in this way? why drag them into a belated start to their romance because dina has trouble accepting her attraction? why did the writers push aside dina's jewishness in favor of her bisexuality? is it all just meant to be a subplot?

i'm back on this blog for the very specific reason that i'm filled with spite and rage. i Must talk about how bad tlou hbo season 2 is. spoilers (and lots of hatred) ahead.

(i know i stated before that i wouldn't be watching; that was a fuckin lie)

the show is so...pretentiously written in the second season because they keep adding insignificant fluff that overall weakens the story beats. the game story is neat and clean in that it doesn't waste any time, because, go figure, it doesn't make for a good game story. the player wants to get in there. tv shows don't have the same needs but god, that doesn't mean that you can stretch everything and fill in the gaps with frivolous, drawn out dialogue that explains EVERYTHING that the characters are thinking.

the game really shines in the brevity of its dialogue -- its quiet, contemplative scenes that allow you to sit in the emotions of the moment. the show does the exact opposite and tells us TOO MUCH. first episode, we re-acquaint ourselves with these characters; what have ellie and joel up to? surely we get bits of the sudden iciness between them. nope, dina has to straight up ask joel, "why is she mad at you?" how's joel feeling about it? surely, it's up to viewer interpretation. maybe we can read joel's expressions and interactions with other characters -- nope, he goes to ✨therapy✨ now, and we have to be told what ellie and joel's relationship is through a brand new, useless character who adds zero impact to the story's themes/messages. great. cool. i love being told what's happening instead of just seeing it for myself.

each episode is worse than the last (and there are only three out at the time of me writing this!) with completely bizarre writing choices and massive tonal issues. abby is perhaps the most egregious example. i won't talk about my gripes with the casting because it's a dead horse. instead, let's talk about how she killed joel. abby prefaces the act by going on this longgggg speech about who exactly she is, what she's there for, who joel killed to make her do this, xyz, everything under the sun. then as she grabs the golf club and continues her speech, joel tells her to "shut the fuck up already and do it." joel saying the game's version of this ("save whatever speech you got and get it over with.") is badass, because it implies that it could've been anyone related to someone he's killed in the past, but it just happened to be abby that day. the ambiguity of whether he knew who exactly he killed or not adds to the tragedy of the story, because this was the one guy he had to kill to save ellie. in the show, it's almost comical, because we're fed this long speech that is entirely unnecessary and kills the flow of the scene; she JUST shot him in the fucking leg, you can't just go into a monologue after that. him knowing it was jerry he killed means fuck-all to the story. it works to the story's detriment, in fact, because it's a story about blind revenge, and it's a recurring thing in the game that these characters don't know what the fuck the other's motives are; they just know each other's actions.

the final blow on joel lacked the brutality and rage of the game. like, impaling him? is it meant to like, show that this scrawnier abby has a different set of abilities now that she doesn't have muscles to prove her prowess as a killer. in fact, what is it now that makes abby a daunting character? is it her drive to kill? is it her obsession? is it her being slightly more fucked up than her friends? because none of this was telegraphed to the audience. she just read as a hurt person. which SHE IS. but again. we're not meant to know this much about abby this early on. the show flouts the game's use of perception and throws everything it possibly can at the audience all at once, sacrificing the mystery of the narrative.

episode three is the worst of the episodes that are out (again, how are things this bad at just episode three?). we fast-forward to jackson three whole months after joel's death. it's implied that ellie was...committed to jackson's equivalent to a psych ward and that's the reason. i don't mind setting the stage for ellie's trauma as it's a huge part of the story. but three months? that takes so much of the wind out of the sails of the story. (the story is so bogged down by modern expectations of mental health. no, we don't need to see joel in therapy. no, we don't need to see ellie in the psych ward. these moments literally, literally don't matter.) dina has withheld info about joel's death (let's not get into the weird choice to swap tommy and dina for patrol; yet another nonsensical choice), and the two go through fucking LEGAL AVENUES TO GET AFTER ABBY? what the fuck?? you have ellie, a character who throughout the entire course of her life as a young person has seen absolutely no reason to respect authority figures, systems, or processes, and yet she has to wait for the people of jackson to vote on whether she should go after abby or not. ellie gets her own speech on what her motivations are. again, we know what her motivations are, it's pretty easy to tell, considering it happened in the previous episode. AGAIN, this entire scene doesn't impact the story in any way whatsoever...except in one way, as perceived by craig mazin.

seth (homophobic asshole) vocally supports the proposal, and this leads to him later giving ellie one of his guns as she's leaving jackson (which she does regardless of the vote, fuck fuck fuck why are they doing this). they share, i guess, a "meaningful moment" and they left. because do you guys get it yet? the show's about clashing forces needing to get along. because if we all just understood one another's intentions a little bit, maybe we'd be alright in the long run, right?

maria is the one who intercepts the girls as they leave, in the game. go figure, they make her black in the show and shelve her completely in the second season. i would think if they wanted to press a little more on the domesticity of jackson life, they would've kept this connection but...no. give the screentime to the white homophobe. because his actions totally needed to be justified, right? (for those who don't watch the behind-the-scenes featurettes, neil druckmann paints seth as a character who, in his own eyes, seeks to protect his community "in his own way." fuck off.) progressing the story in this way through a homophobe is so fucking morally corrupt. i get that they might be wanting to make a point about a perceived "unforgivable" person having the chance to redeem himself, but come the fuck on. we're in the middle of one of the worst moments in modern history for queer people and you choose to do THIS.

on the note of how they're depicting queer issues, LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT THEY DO TO DINA (beloved, proudly bisexual partner of ellie). ellie and dina's relationship in the show is very different from the game. i'll maybe save the whole can of worms for a different post, but in episode three in particular, dina (in the game, an assured character; a rock for ellie's instability) doesn't confirm her feelings toward ellie. in fact, she dances around it; she poses the question about rating the kiss, the two banter, and dina confirms to ellie instead that she went back to jesse. what. the fuck? she plays off the kiss as something girls do when they're high, or drunk, or whatever. giggles and says, "you're gay, i'm not. i wanna know how good i was." which is the most insane fucking line in the show so far.

now, the present theory is that dina will realize she's bisexual later. but why? what room is there in this story for that? why did craig mazin make the significant change to explore dina's sexuality, and why does he think he's the guy to do it? because he's already fucked up. he's made dina ditzy, he's affirmed ellie's insecurities about the kiss, he's made her go back to jesse (ensuring she gets pregnant because of that fuckass timeskip). i won't deny that these things might happen to bi people irl, or that exploring a character's realization of their sexuality is something that could be depicted more. but why make this change from source material to adaptation? why add this to the ever-growing list of plotlines added on top of the base one?

at present, ellie and dina's relationship is left up in the air, removing the stability that both would've been able to rely on as the story progresses, and effectively making them "gal pals." tale as old as time, i guess.

i still like tlou, i still like writing and drawing fan content for it and i may doing that for a long while still to come. i like sharing it with people who are also kinda in it for the long haul! i just don't like the whole rigamarole of being a Content Creator, most of all for a fandom. i don't like being demanded for "content", or pestered, or sucked up to, i'm legit just some lesbo. the hate i get on butch posts was gonna come no matter what but being treated that way by the people who actually like my work? that sucks!

like i said, i'll still be drawing but stuff may be a little more confined to my patreon(s) just for a little while, i don't know. i'm not really leaving here, i just won't yknow. be as online. just till it feels comfortable again.