Why Women Are Able to Say They Love Being Women; While Also Being Able to Love, Appreciate, and Encourage Everyone Who Identifies as Anything Else (Except the Patriarchy), at the Same Time.
Adele was given hell a few months ago, for saying she loves being a Woman at a gender-neutral awards show. Source: rte.ie
I never wanted to have children. Not only did I not want to have children, I was disgusted by, and maybe even morally opposed to, the idea of squeezing a person out of my vagina. I only recently realized itâs because of this Bible verse Iâd heard since I was a kid:
To the woman he said, âI will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.â Gensis 3:16
I was indoctrinated since childhood to believe that bearing children in pain was a punishment. Every time a mother would have a child on one of the sitcoms I would watch in the eighties, I would cringe with fury and embarrassment when they would show the mom screaming in pain, with her legs splayed open onscreen. Why did they have to show Women carrying out a dramatization of their punishment, for boys and men all over the country to witness on TV? Why couldnât we just bear our shame and pain in private? It was then that I decided I was never going to have kids, and be punished and humiliated for something I had nothing to do with.
And what was it that Eve even did? That forced every Woman (and even animals!) henceforward, to be punished so heinously? Because painful childbirth clearly doesnât have anything to do with just...Science. She shared an apple with Adam, that came from a tree that had some kind of knowledge about good and evil?Â
Ya wanna know what I think Adam wouldâve done if heâd found that apple? He wouldâve kept it for himself and forced Eve to have a bunch of kids that heâd put to work clear-cutting the Garden of Eden, planting apple orchards, tending to the trees, and gathering the harvest. Then he wouldâve sold the apples for five dollars each, saving a few to give to Eve so she could use them to make him a pie. And knowing the god that Christians worship, he (because god is obviously a man) wouldâve said it was totally fine! It was Adamâs Manifest Destiny!
I canât believe how ridiculous the story of Adam and Eve is. And I also canât believe it wasnât until recently that I reflected on how that story has affected me my whole life. Iâm forty-two years old, which means itâs taken me four decades to undo the conditioning Iâve unknowingly internalized since birth. Four decades to overcome the utter humiliation of being a Woman. Of being made to believe that one Woman is the reason for all evil in the world (when, ironically, itâs mostly men doing all the evil). Of having commercials on television (one of the most powerful mediums for social conditioning) tell me that I should wear deodorants (some of which are now known to cause cancer) to disguise âfeminine odor.â Of squirming with embarrassment when Iâm watching TV with my dad, and a commercial comes on that treats having a period like a messy, disgusting burden; instead of something that some cultures revere. Of hearing phrases like âChoosy moms choose Jif,â because only moms are responsible for shopping for food (and then cooking it). And buying laundry detergent and cleaning products that sheâll gleefully use to take care of all of the duties that make a household function. Four decades of being bombarded with ads that shame women for having âunsightly parenthesisâ around our mouths (or what I like to call... smile lines). Or fine lines around our eyes (which I also call smile lines...or sun damage from enjoying a childhood spent in the sun. Guess we should stop laughing and going outside when the sunâs out!). Or âcrepe-y neck skin.â âPost-menopausal belly fat.â âWiggly underarms.â âVaricose veins.â âCellulite.â The list goes on. I challenge you to find one commercial on network television, that shames men for having the nerve to live past the age of twenty-five. Â
Four decades of asking questions like, âWhy does the Declaration of Independence say that only men are created equal?â Or âWhy is it that, in the Bible and other books and documents, when someone is talking about a group of men and women, they only use the pronouns âheâ or âhim?ââ And being told something like, âBecause god gave man the gift of ruling over and speaking for everyone, so by saying âheâ or âhim,â it applies to both men and women.â And having to accept that as a legitimate answer, because that was my fate. My punishment. For Eve. Sharing a fucking apple.Â
Itâs taken me four decades to recognize Iâd been brainwashed into believing that women are truly lesser than men. To understand why, even though I accepted it to be true that women had to be under patriarchal control, I was angry about it. It was because I knew deep down it was a bunch of horseshit.Â
This is why when my friend told me last night, that Adele was shamed a few months ago for saying sheâs proud of Women, I was truly saddened. As someone who understands the amount of humiliation, fear, shame, rage, discrimination, degradation, insecurity, harassment, ageism, gaslighting, marketing, propaganda, and subliminal messages one has to overcome in order to get to the point where she can say she loves being a Woman; Iâm hurt that anyone who has never experienced being a cis Woman, would find fault with that.
If you werenât born a cis Woman and wish you were, I have the utmost respect for your struggle and your strength. But a two-gender society is a construct invented and imposed by the patriarchy. And thereâs nothing it would like more than to have us fighting over things we have no control over; like our race, gender, and sexual orientation. Native tribes believe âpeople who were born with the spirits of both genders express them so perfectly. It is as if they have two spirits in one body.â Prior to colonialism, Two Spirit people were considered a gift from The Creator, because they were able to see the world through the eyes of both genders at the same time. The family members of Two Spirit people were considered lucky. I often think that Indigenous people are watching all this bickering and hoopla weâre making over gender and sexual orientation, and just shaking their heads. Weâre playing right into the patriarchyâs hands. It wants us to make a big deal out of something thatâs only a big deal, because it made it a big deal. So that weâll be too divided and distracted to notice all the terrible shit itâs getting away with.Â
Trans people are allowed to own their awesome Two Spirit identity, and love being Trans; and Women should also be allowed to love being Women. It seems like a cruel joke that, just when we got to the point where we can genuinely feel proud to be Women, weâre made to feel ashamed for saying it out loud. My guess is Adele felt she was in a safe space to express pride over her gender identity. Instead, she was chastised, and by people who know the pain of gender and sexual oppression, no less. All while the patriarchy sells the planet to the highest bidder.Â
Umoja, a thriving matriarchal society in Kenya, where only women can live. Photo Source:Â http://ppccparley.com/umoja-paving-the-way-for-womens-rights-by-erin-amos/
The recent threat to have our reproductive rights taken away from us, is a sign to me that Iâm clearly not the only Woman taking my precious time to realize how powerful I am. How worthy I am of making decisions, not just about what I do with my own body, but about what role Iâll allow the government (as long as Iâm forced to have one) to take in my life, and the lives of all of my non-patriarchal allies. And also how unworthy the patriarchy is of making those decisions. How do I know Iâm not the only Woman taking my time to come to these realizations? Because if more Women had, we would be raising hell right now. We and all of our allies (which would basically be anyone whoâs not a white, straight, cis male; and our greatly appreciated white, straight, cis male comrades) would be refusing en masse, to participate any longer in the patriarchal system. That would mean no more money system, two-party system, five-day work week, and all the other trappings of the dysfunctional âcivilizationâ men have imposed on all of us. No more environmental destruction, perpetual slavery disguised in various forms, hunger, war, and certainly no more billionaires.
I mean, as long as weâre telling people what to do with their reproductive systems! But seriously, I would never have the audacity to force a man to get a vasectomy, unless maybe Iâd already had four kids with him. But in that case, I would only ask him to get a vasectomy, not all men. Just as ridiculous, cruel, and unjust as it would be to do that, itâs just as ridiculous, cruel, and unjust for men to force women to have children against their will. In fact, itâs worse. A vasectomy lasts a moment...and can even be reversed! A pregnancy lasts a lifetime.
This attack on womenâs rights means we canât afford to have any enemies other than the patriarchy right now. And neither can anyone else who isnât a part of the Overcompensating Club. As long as it can keep coming after women, it can come after you, too. We all have the same nemesis. So letâs honor each otherâs patriarchal driven oppression, and its subsequent trauma. Acknowledging one personâs oppression and trauma doesnât take away from anyone elseâs. Thereâs enough oppression and trauma to go around, thanks to the patriarchy. And if someone has finally realized how to love who they are, that doesnât take away from their ability to love everyone (except the patriarchy) for who they are, too. Because thereâs also enough love to go around. So letâs not fight, letâs unite! And then letâs smash the ever living shit outta the patriarchy.