Pain is progress

So week one is done! I lost 2.6 pounds and some centimeters off of my inches. I’m happy because I really did have a few times there where I ate and drank some things I shouldn’t have. I’m proud to say that today also marks five days of not drinking! I’m not giving up alcohol completely but I am putting an end to drinking alone. Which sounds little but is pretty huge for me so I’m giving myself a big ole pat on the back! 

Here’s my starting numbers:  Hips: 50 Waist: 50.4 Chest: 49 Arms: 18 Thighs: 30 Weight: 243.3 

With full disclosure I will say last night I caved and went through the Wendy’s drive through. I ate a cheeseburger and fries with reckless abandon despite having already prepped delicious, healthy meals. And I can’t even tell you why. Was it because I have some sort of rebellion against staying within the parameters of eating healthy? Was it because I was stressed after a long day? I have no idea. What I do know is that I woke up today and had to find some way to make peace with that lapse in will power. I’d removed one part of the bun so that was less bread consumed. And I didn’t drink the sugary fountain drink that accompanied it. But still, I couldn’t really convince myself I hadn’t effed up my progress.

Now, hours later, I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve made healthier choices all day, drank plenty of water, have been in a decent mindset. But as the night nears, I worry. Am I going to become thoughtless again? Will I cave and cram a ton of calories down my throat just because they taste good? Again, I don’t know. I will say that with having meals and snacks prepped, avoiding unexpected temptations has been way easier. Where I once would have stuffed my face with fried delicious mistakes at my job (I work in a restaurant), I hold off, drink some water and eat an approved snack. Still, I worry about tonight. And I worry about tomorrow because it’s my day off and I may get bored and deviate from my meal plan.

The same goes with alcohol. Somewhere over the past year I became crazy dependent on drinking. Not to the point that I would go through withdrawal if I didn’t have a drink or anything. More like, I’m off so I should have a drink. Or, I’m out so I should have a drink. Or, I’m at a friends place so I should have a drink. Or, I had a rough day, or a great day, so let’s have a drink to cap it off, shall we? It became just another part of my day. Practically EVERY DAY for the last year. I probably skipped maybe one week across the whole year if being completely transparent. I didn’t need any one to drink with me either, I could take care of a bottle of red with no qualms.

So, here we are, two nights in a row have passed where I was alone and did NOT have a sip of alcohol. I find myself worrying about after work. Will I be so stressed out that I break my healthy eating and living goals to buy a drink? Especially since I don’t have to work in the morning. And then what about tomorrow? A whole day off! Prime time to have a chilled beer while doing chores.

This is a pretty long post and I’m not sure what I’m aiming for with it. Maybe just to say these things outside of my head. Perhaps I just want to not be the only one who knows I’ve done this (in the event that someone else actually reads this post). Who knows.

What I do know is this: I will make mistakes. I will eat things that will harm more than help. I will drink things that I shouldn’t. But I won’t let that stop me. I won’t let a mistake be the reason I call the whole thing off. I have a lot I want to do in this life but being unhealthy lessens the time and likelihood of them occurring. Plus, I’d like to just BE FIT. Like, how awesome would it be to live in a fit body, that can do things like climb stairs with ease and run marathons and not be afraid to go inside a store and ask what sizes they carry before even looking at all the cute clothes? That’s what I want. And these mistakes won’t be the reason I don’t get what I want.

Good luck to everyone out here trying to get healthy, lose weight, and live better. Let’s not let our mistakes overpower all of our successes. Yes, every time you eat healthy, you’ve succeeded. Every time you’ve worked out, success! Every time you’ve decided to drink water or make an unhealthy food choice a bit healthier with a small alteration, you’ve achieved success. We can do this. We have to.

So, the month is almost over, but this is only day four of my weight loss journey. I’m feeling pretty good about things so far. For the most part I’ve been eating healthy, so I’m happy. I’ve unofficially lost a little more than three pounds (i say this because I’m going to do weigh ins on Wednesday and OBVIOUSLY it’s only saturday). But I was just so excited to see a drop so soon that I had to mention it! Today I focused on increasing my water intake which had been pretty non-existent for a while. I managed to drink around 60-64 ounces! I have plans on increasing that number in the coming days to make sure I’m getting all the water my body needs. 

Tomorrow is the start of my turn with meal prepping. I did some midnight grocery shopping to make sure I have everything I need to make some healthy and delicious paleo meals that are autoimmune friendly as my sister has a few dietary needs that call for extra care. I still have a couple of items left that I need to pick up first thing in the morning. Other than that, Sunday will be prep day! I can’t wait.

I’m going to work on a goals list or something like that in the coming days as well because I feel like I should have that listed somewhere officially. I think I listed a few numbers in a previous post but I want to do something a little more involved. So keep an eye out for that!