погибший

     Kylo being drunk enough to admit such things was a rarity. Most of the time, he drank to drown something that was attempting to claw it’s way up his throat. Of course, that clearly didn’t happen this time.

He stumbled slightly and held on to James the best he could. A soft huff left him and he laid his head down on James’s shoulder so he could right himself somehow. “Yeah, I’m drunk, not stupid. I know what I said. I said what I said.” Confusing and a little aggressive but Kylo was trying. Feelings weren’t his strength. 

Another huff left him and Kylo lifted his head just enough to look at James. “The only thing I’m going to regret is not saying them sooner. Or when I was sober. Because do you really see me admitting anything otherwise? No! I’m a… an emotional wreck half the time. It’s like my brain’s in knots. Like something keeps getting crossed somehow and it won’t let me speak up.”

He put his hands on Jame’s shoulders and forced himself to stand up straight enough to get a good look at him. Yes. This was working. “But now, I have no such filters. Ask me anything!”

          lord, he has to hold him tight just so he doesn’t fall over. an easy feat, really. there’s too much strength in the ex-assassin’s arms, too much power that pumps through his veins in doses of serum that will never leave his body. “ . . . i mean that’s a fair point. drunk, no filter. ” but not an idiot. just going off of things that are popping in the forefront of his head.

          he opens his mouth --- still in fervent denial --- before it closes again with a subtle look of shock. did kylo really mean these things? “ okay, no. i don’t really see you admitting . . . anything, without some encouragement. ” he pauses a moment, and he blinks, but his hands slide down, grasping kylo’s hips to hold them so he can keep him balanced. 

@poteryanoy​

“Dude… I said chocolate milk, not water. They aren’t even close to the same thing.”

      he’d heard about the other - not just from Rogers, with the few but significant memories the other had chosen to share with him. most of it had been whenever the blond dropped in on him with coffee, or the promise of something almost resembling real food, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t memorized each & every comment, filing it away on the OFF CHANCE he might possibly, maybe need it n the future. he hadn’t really envisioned actually needing it but the moment JARVIS had pinged him to let him know there was a breach, there was a small part of him that just wondered. not a lot of people could DROP IN UNANNOUNCED but a former Soviet assassin… that might make the list of maybes.

      the last thing he expects is the word help but blinking, he can see the tangle of electrical wires, some sparking, all of them  some varying degree of exposed. ‘ … right, ’ he says with a sense of resignation. there’s a semi-stable assassin in my workshop doesn’t really cross his mind fully before the more curious part of his brain shelves the thought in the face of a potential project. ‘ JARVIS, scan and upload for me. ’ he already knows that Steve isn’t too far away, & if need be JARVIS can definitely ping the star spangled MAN WITH A PLAN, but for now he’s content to find out how bad this damage is while the others go on, blissfully unaware a bit longer. 

      this is the same reckless curiosity that had him confront Loki alone in his tower over a drink. the trip out the penthouse window had ended well enough, so it was hardly a reason for him to be deterred now.… right? ‘ what happened? ’ he asks, tapping the arm a little harder than necessary & feeling some of the plating give. ‘ someone pull out the QUEEN OF DIAMONDS at a bad time? ’ the arm is a lot more complex than he’d thought. ‘ here, lay out for me. I’m taking the entire thing off if I can. easier for me to figure out what went wrong. ’

          he’s not calling that voice in the walls, so that’s a good sign. god, he’s still fucking unnerved that there’s a voice in the walls. hydra had technology, but ai systems were years off. the only voices he’d heard were pa communications and even then, they weren’t as intellectual as . . . jarvis? james’ brows furrow at that. what the fuck is a jarvis? 

          he gets his answer in the form of sudden blaring light, and tension coils through his spine, his muscles tightening and causing jolts of pain that run straight up and down his spinal column. they register as bright flares on the sudden image of himself in front of him, one that rapidly shifts into something that’s skeletal and muscular, showing key points of damage. from this view, he can see how the arm’s structure is bolted into his sternum, his hip. the way the wires are twisted all through his spine. 

          his eyes widen, and he’s too fixated on the image to register how close tony is until the man is tapping at his arm, and the plates give with a soft noise. more sparks fizzle, and james grinds his teeth in defense against the pain. the reference flies over his head, and he furrows his brows, but he carefully lays himself down, only to inhale sharp. “ take it off? ” he doesn’t even know if the damn thing does that, with how it’s attached to him. “ . . . does it come off? ” there’s a press of his tongue against the backs of his teeth, and he turns his head away.

          project winter, activate. 

          sedation feed - off. iv feed - off. muscle relaxer - off.

          he doesn’t recall these things. he recalls waking up in a white room, hooked up to too many tubes, screaming as he ripped them out. he recalls the pain of needles and the arm weighing too much on his left side. he recalls finding clothes, finding his way out of what seemed like a newly abandoned laboratory. that’s all he recalls, and flashes of before that. of an infection, of people dying --- -- but not staying dead.

          this city is . . . alive. somewhat. there are survivors and people, and he knows he has to get away from here. has to work his way around the city the best way he can and maintain himself. if he’s lucky, he can get out. 

          what he doesn’t expect is for everything to go to shit so quickly. for alarms and screaming people and soon the masses of the undead raging in the city, seeking out food. 

          he can sense them. all of them. feel them in ways no human can, and his arm. fuck. his arm. the metal casing seems to weigh a ton at times but other times, it feels like the only thing tethering him and keeping him in control. there are times he wants to let loose with whatever it is inside him, to fight and scream and let go. but he doesn’t, he never does.

     @poteryanoy​ || [X]

    “Doesn’t matter if I’m fuckin’ drunk, don’t want that cheap guy touching you.” If it weren’t for James’ hand on his body, keeping hold of him, Kylo would have turned and gone right for the guy again. He wasn’t done. At least, he didn’t think so.

He frowned at the statement and huffed loudly. “I’ve always had interest. Did a piss poor job showing it apparently. That wasn’t just fucking, by the way, it was supposed to mean something.” Kylo stumbled slightly and found himself being dragged in closer.

Oh yes, he was drunk and possessive, but Kylo liked to think he had a reason for it. He clumsily put his arms around the man and held on tightly. “I want you. They just want what they can see but I want it all,” he slurred. “Winter. James. Both of them. I want them. I want you.”

          “ cheap guy . . . that’s a new one. ” and he holds back soft laughter at that, but there’s still a glint of mischief in those eyes as he looks over kylo. ben. james keeps a good grip on him, just so he can’t go tearing after the guy that’s already retreating with his tail between his legs.

          his eyes widen, just a subtle motion, as he hears the explanation. it was supposed to mean something? had he . . . had he missed that? with how hydra had treated him . . . them . . . he wasn’t sure ben would have done something like that to mean something other than a stress relief.  so he’s startled when ben keeps going, and his breathing hitches slightly.