HOLY BUTTS

>about 13 years old

>basically naivete incarnate still

>just discovered the world of fanfiction.net

>have an account and a few stories posted so far

>currently working on a fanfic of Spirited Away

>get a comment one day

>commenter asks if I can put lemons in my story

>I think it’s an odd request but will do anything to please a fan

>write the next chapter acknowledging the lemon request and say that the chapter WILL CONTAIN LEMONS

>about halfway through the chapter I wrote a giant duck running past the protagonist with an armful of lemons

>duck says “MY lemons” then runs off

>feel pleased with myself at having granted my fan’s request

>years later I find out there’s another meaning for lemon in the fanfic world

>lemons are sex scenes

>my commenter was asking me to put a sex scene in my story

>at 13 years old I unintentionally trolled the shit out of some random person

Two? Nope. You have FIVE, minimum.

You take the apple

You take the orange

You take both

You take nothing

You take something else

And this works EVERYWHERE. 

“Are you with us or with them?”

I’m with you!

I’m with them!

You both have good points!

You’re all insane!

I’m going with that other group over there!

“You need to vote Democrat or Republican!”

Democrat!

Republican!

I switch depending on the leader and the issues!

I don’t vote! 

I vote for a third-party!

“Are you Christian or Muslim??”  

I’m Christian

I’m Muslim

I think God is one and the same and follow good doctrines of both

I’m atheist

I’m Jewish

And it’s often more subtle

Like a salesperson handing you two products and pressuring you to buy one of them, making you forget that 

You don’t have to buy anything if you don’t want to

You can leave the store and buy something elsewhere

And sometimes it can be as important as

“Are you gay or are you straight?”

I’m gay

I’m straight

I’m both? So Bi?

I like no one, I’m ace. 

I’m anything else, really, this is a spectrum and I define my own orientation.