I’ll Live In The Bathtub

If you start reading books again, you’ll feel at least a little better. I promise.

Every once in a while, I wish the friendship meter from the Sims was real so that way when people tell me "I used Chat-GPT" they can visually see just how much respect I just lost for them in that moment.

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

(trying to give relationship advice) from a narrative perspective i think both of you dying together would be the most emotionally satisfying resolution but i’m guessing that’s not what you want to hear

I can smell the poison in my goblet but I lowkey don't even care anymore

🎹🎂20 YEARS OF NEIL🎂🎹

some of you are perfectly fine people but you need to develop self esteem and distress tolerance so bad how are you ugly and having the worst day of your life every day

people sent me death threats for this one

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

americans are sooo desensitized to guns and sometimes it manifests in ways that affect your media literacy. like remember in the first episode of sherlock when john watson opens up his drawer and you see a gun in there and youre supposed to understand that this is narratively significant and conveys his suicidality as well as his willingness to skirt rules and laws but the first time i watched it i was like oh well theres his desk gun. lots of people have those

[me, fumbling a social interaction] oh lovely. another haunting addition to the collection