Bellamy Blake

It was in the midst of an argument between Bellamy and Finn when you’d first noticed his absence. Things between the two of them had always been strained, but with the added stress of Octavia’s disappearance they were even worse. 

“Wandering aimlessly through the woods isn’t the way to find your sister, Bellamy.” Finn muttered while combing through some brush, only angering the both of them further. 

“I’m not leaving, Finn.” He bit back, the coldness of his voice actually making you flinch. He’d never spoken to you that way before, or even shown that side of himself. Arrogant, cocky playboy, yes. But never cold or ruthless. 

“Hey, guys, where did John go??” A girl from the back of the pack piped up, you didn’t even know her name, “He was just here.” 

“Spread out, he couldn’t have gott-” You started to announce, but were interrupted by a sickening thud. 

Looking down, you found John laying at your feet...... his eyes shiny with the same glaze you’d seen in Atom’s after the fog. 

When his body hit the ground the blood pouring from his neck had sprayed, and you found yourself covered in it. Hot and thick, it was on your face, your hands, your mouth, “Holy shit” You sputtered, tasting metal, “Holy shit.” 

“(Y/N)!” Bellamy moved, but you were in a trance. “Shit, shit, shit, oh my god, shit.” You muttered, unable to tear yourself away from the familiar body in front of you. 

“(Y/N), (Y/N)??” Bellamy’s voice echoed, but you couldn’t quite focus on it. You were thinking. 

Looking up at the great pines towering above, you came to a sickening realization, “They use the trees.” 

“What?” Finn tilted his head up. Thinking, analyzing. 

“Guys look!” Jasper pointed to a far off figure, standing with its weapon raised, “There!” 

“Shit, we’re surrounded.” You felt your stomach drop as you scanned a full 180 around the clearing, and found 5 other dark figures. Grounders, they had to be Grounders.

“EVERYBODY RUN!” Bellamy screamed when the first figure started to move, and your feet sprang into action. Your face set into a hard line as you started to sprint. But it wasn’t fear or cowardice you were running for; it was sheer determination. Minutes ago you’d been frozen, but now you were ready to defend your place on the Ground. 

As you were running you realized how important the life you’d made for yourself was, how important the people in it were. All 100 of you had been fighting since your feet hit the ground, and had literally carved an existence out of nothing. You had a society, you had relationships, you had order. Sort of. 

Maybe this could be your next Luke and Stella. Maybe this little camp on the edge of the world, what you’d just realized meant so much to you, could be something worth fighting for. Worth dying for. 

You panted as you ran, but slowing down hadn’t even crossed your mind. Looking to your left, and then your right, you found Finn and Bellamy on either side of you. Their equally long locks plastered to the sides of their faces, out of either fear or pure exhaustion. Maybe a little bit of both. 

“(Y/N),” Bellamy moved to you but kept his pace. The two of you were in a full fledged sprint now: dodging rocks and foliage while gasping for air. But neither dared to slow down, for those dark figures were gaining on you. Every step you took they took two, and you couldn’t fight the fact that they’d eventually catch up.

“What are we gonna do? They keep cutting us off!” A voice shouted from your right, and Bellamy actually slowed down, “We’re gonna stop running.” 

“What the hell are you doing?!” Finn slowed his sprint to grab Bellamy’s arm, “We have to go!” 

“They know where she is,” Bellamy barked back, “I’m getting answers.” 

He had that crazy glint in his eye, and you couldn’t help but stare. Bellamy reminded you so much of yourself: so willing to give up everything for the people he loved.  

That sent a murmur through the group, half of them wanting to stay and half to go. A few took off in a sprint on the other direction, fingers trembling as they ran. But you, Bellamy, Jasper, Finn and a girl named Monroe stayed behind. 

The five of you waited for a fight to breakout, and things to get bloody, but it never did. Those dark figures that had been seconds away from catching you were nowhere to be found, and you knew they were toying with you. 

It was a game of cat and mouse- one where you were undeniably the mice. 

“They’re playing with us,” You whispered, keeping you voice hushed incase the Grounders were still listening, “It’s a fucking game to them.” 

Jasper’s face twisted with rage, “Then they should GET IT OVER WITH!!” 

“JASPER!” Bellamy whisper-yelled, nodding at Finn to shut him up. But he wouldn’t be quieted, and Jasper’s voice was now a scream, “COME GET US YOU BASTARDS!” 

“FINN, SHUT HIM UP!” You yelled over the chaos, until you were interrupted by the sound of a horn. Loud and piercing it rang through the forest, and caused the Grounders to turn back. 

“A horn,” Bellamy looked up, “What does a horn mean.” 

“Oh shit..... acid fog.” 

You sprang into action, grabbing a tent out of Bellamy’s bag and throwing it on the ground. It probably wouldn’t work, but maybe if you could get under that tent you’d be safe from the fog. 

“Is this even gonna work?!” Monroe looked panicked, and when you just shrugged she went on to groan, “God, we’re gonna die.” 

Your legs felt wobbly as you lay down on the forest’s floor, and exhaustion was taking its toll. Next to you was Bellamy, probably just as tired, clutching your hand. It had been subtle at first, just a quick brush of fingertips, but now his grip had tightened. And yours had too.

One particularly awful night, you decided to leave your room and walk around  instead. For hours you wandered around the outskirts of camp, stumbling through the grass and mud until you found a quiet spot to lay down. 

It was past the fence, barely still on land that counted as “Skaikru territory”, but you didn’t give a shit. You weren’t scared of grounders. In fact, you never had been- you were more like them than any of your own people anyways. 

About a half hour of staring into the sky above and you felt your throat starting to close. The sanctuary from the nightmares and panic attacks you were seeking outside had failed you, and all of the terror came crawling back. 

The drill, all you could hear was the sound of that god damn drill. It wasn’t cutting into you yet, but you were next. And from the way the boy on the table screamed, you knew you were in for hell. 

So you kicked and thrashed wildly, pulling on the restraints like an animal. Because that’s what you and your friends had been reduced to- animals. Surviving like cockroaches just to live another day that wasn’t really worth fighting for. 

You struggled against the binds to much, intact, that you earned a swift shock to the ribs. The burly guard to your left jabbed a baton to your side and you found yourself gagging and thrashing even more at the impact. 

You must have blacked out because the next thing you remembered was lying on a medical table, staring up at the ceiling in mute terror. The boy who’d gone before you must have died, or been taken away, because the room was silent- save for the sound of that god damned drill warming up. 

A doctor you’d never seen before suddenly was peering over you, protective mask over his face and apron draped over his torso- probably for the blood. There was going to be a lot of blood. 

Before you could protest, or even react, a belt was put in your mouth which the doctor suggested you bite down on, because this was going to hurt. 

And then he began drilling, starting with your hip and eventually moving to your shoulder. It couldn’t have lasted more than five minutes, but you’d never forget the pain. 

It was excruciating, like nothing you’d ever felt before. And you’d felt a lot before. 

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)! It’s a dream- WAKE UP!” You felt a rough pair of hands shake your shoulders. Not once, but twice, until you snapped back to reality and found a wide eyed boy kneeling over you. 

Bellamy, Bellamy Blake. 

“It’s a dream, you were dreaming,” He repeated himself, making sure you were really with him. 

“I-I’m fine,” You brushed him off and sat up, instinctually hugging your knees to your chest.  

“Yeah, except that you’re not.” He stated plainly, scooting over to lean his back against the same tree trunk as you were. 

The two of you had been in this position before, after he’d destroyed the radio needed to contact the Ark and stop the culling. He’d blamed himself for the massacre of 300 innocent people, and you'd never really understood what that felt like until right then. You’d sat with him and been his shoulder, but even back then you hadn’t known what it was like to feel the weight off all that death. Now you did.  

“I’m fine, Bel.” You said again, already feeling yourself putting up walls- closing him off as you had thousands of other times. 

Because that was your go-to move, shutting people out when they got too close. And it was fair to say that Bellamy had been getting way too close in the weeks leading up to Mount Weather, way too close. 

“You’re forgetting that I was in that room too, (Y/N).” He said quietly, pausing a second before adding, “And I know you.” 

“You don’t know me,” You said quickly, “And I’m fine. I’m dealing, Bellamy.” 

“Oh, so you call waking up screaming every night 'dealing’??” He argued, turning his head to look at you- but you couldn’t meet his eyes. 

“I said I’m dealing,” 

But he knew you too well, he knew what you were doing- exactly what you were doing. 

“Don’t do that, don’t push me away. You’ve been a ghost ever since Mount Weather-” You flinched at the name, “-you don’t eat, you don’t sleep, (Y/N) you’re not living.” 

“You know what, just leave me alone, Bellamy!” You turned to him in a rush of heat, “You can’t save everyone, and you can’t save me! So stop trying to! How the hell did you even find me out here?!” 

That was a low blow, even for you, and he knew it too, “How did I find you out here? Maybe because I don’t sleep, I can’t sleep. Maybe because I walk out here every single night because I’m desperate to take my mind off all the shit I’ve done, all the shit I’ve seen. Seriously, (Y/N), you weren’t the only one who pulled that fucking lever. I was there too, remember? You made the call but I was the one who was supposed to get everyone out before things could turn to shit- and I failed. You’re not the only one with skeletons.” 

You fell silent, because this little encounter wasn’t what you thought it was. This wasn’t him trying to “fix” you, or make everything better- he needed a shoulder too. And maybe, in his own way, helping you was the only thing that put his mind at ease these days. 

“Bellamy, things are never gonna be the way they were before Mount Weather,” You whispered, “I’m never gonna be the same.” 

“(Y/N) I promise you these feelings are gonna stop,” He whispered right back, moving his hand silently to brush the top of your own, “And- and I know we’re not conventional, nothing about our lives is ever gonna be conventional. But you and me- us together- that isn’t going anywhere, I’m not going anywhere.” 

He was referring to before Mount Weather, when the two of you had been together. Even your first day on earth, when you were experiencing everything lush and green for the first time, you still couldn’t take your eyes off him. 

Bellamy had drawn you in from the beginning, and you hadn’t been able to keep away since. The two of you had flirted and looked out for each other when you needed to fend for yourself, but you’d never seen true loyalty until you saw how Bellamy reacted to you being in danger. 

From then on you knew he loved you, and you loved him right back. You’d always leant on each other before, so why couldn’t you bring yourself to now? 

Was it because you were too ashamed of what you’d done? Was it the guilt? The PTSD? Or was it because you were afraid. 

You were afraid you’d broken yourself beyond repair this time, and you weren’t the person he’d fallen in love with anymore. 

“How the hell can you still love me? After all the shit I’ve done, Bellamy, how the  hell can you still love me??” You asking quietly, keeping your hand still when you feel this on top of it. All you wanted to do was grab that hand, or throw your arms around him or something, but you stayed still. 

“(Y/N), I still love you because you’re everything I want to be. And I see you falling apart right now, I see you deteriorating and pushing me away and it’s scaring the shit out of me. I still love you because I can’t picture a world without you in it, I still love you because I have never stopped- I could never stop.”  

“I-I...” You were at a loss for words. 

You couldn’t quite bring yourself to look at his eyes, but you could scoot closer. You could lean towards him and let him wrap his arms around your shoulders. You could hug him back and let him tell you everything was going to be okay. And for the first time in a long time, it felt like everything actually might be.