stay calm and get buoyant

You can lie when you name things

all movies are for children because the moving image is inherently juvenile. to be entertained by it even moreso

its gigglebait. its hehebait

And of course the second part of the tragedy, which is: which quadrant did you think you were in vs. which one you were really in

I had a dream about getting stuck in an elevator 4 times in a row and I work in a place with an elevator that I avoided until I realized that was stupid and took the damn thing and you'll never guess what happened when I reached my floor

last week I described my email inbox as a Sisyphean task to my coworker because that day I genuinely just could not get my email count down lower than 15, every email I opened and replied to would immediately be replaced with another new message, and today I walked into that coworkers office looking dejected again and she said “what’s wrong? Another syphilis day or whatever?”

Bloopers are movie aftercare and it’s fucked up that we got rid of them

i think i deserve financial compensation for everything. all of it. i’m not even gonna specify

Mods? Take him to the stump of his favorite childhood tree.

Mods, make him busy during a friends planned trip so he misses out on the new inside joke.

Mods… change the smell of his parents house.

look boss, our quarterly "subjection to the brutalities of the Absurd" budget is almost blown already. can we not just shoot this one twice in the back of the head and call it a day?

mods? renovate her childhood playground the summer after she graduates college.

mods? make her help replace her parents' kitchen sink the first time she visits them after moving out.