Work In Progress

I’m really just pissed off at my family about this. My mom has had this very cavalier attitude about the whole thing and I’ve been holding my tongue about it for the past two years because every time I say anything along the lines of “woah, actually maybe you shouldn’t be doing that right now??” They make me feel like I’m blowing things out of proportion, like I’m the silly one for not going out or eating in restaurants or going to the gym, or wherever else.

And it’s infuriating! Because when I processed what was happening, I did my part, and now I’m just feeling like it was all useless, like there’s no point.

I want to be friends with her, I used to be better friends with her, but she doesn’t speak to me very much and when she does, it feels like a crapshoot of whether this will be a normal, nice interaction, or whether she’ll do something rude. I feel bad bringing it up out of nowhere because any and all conflict sends her into an anxiety-insomnia-depression spiral but she hasn’t given me any indication of how I should talk to her! And if I just wait for the next time she does something upsetting, I’ll have no way of knowing if she wants to try to make this situation better or if I should suggest that we not live together anymore.

I won’t feel any better about this until I talk to her about it, and I can’t because she’s almost never here, so I’m just stuck! And I can feel it getting pent up under my skin the longer I don’t say anything to her, which is exactly what I don’t want, because that’s what she does and it ends with her getting super aggressive and hostile and scary.