List of stupid moral OCD thoughts I’ve had (and will continue to have) :
[Keep in mind I am fully aware that these sound like strawmen conservatives would make up, but like. This is my life. And it is a mental illness. This isn’t stuff the ‘woke left’ genuinely espouses, my brain just decided to latch onto an ideology I agreed with and push it to a comical extent, specifically to hurt me.]
- It is racist to have difficulties understanding someone’s accent if they aren’t white (I can barely understand people who have the same accent as me by the way, since I have auditory processing issues).
- Thinking the N-word is just as bad as saying it (queue 1000 intrusive thoughts of the N-word). This is based on one tweet I saw years ago that I’m pretty sure was a joke, by the way.
- It is bigoted to look at someone who is visibly marginalized, but it is also bigoted to avoid looking at them.
- Eating chocolate in the vicinity of a black person will make them feel unsafe, and thus I am racist for doing it.
- If I look people in the eyes, then I’m faking being autistic, and if I don’t, then I’m obviously playing it up (so also faking it).
- Anytime I am having sex with someone, I could be raping them, because I can’t read non-verbal communication. Even if I ask them repeatedly if they like what I’m doing, I could still be raping them, because they could be lying, which would also be my fault for not making them feel safe enough that they wouldn’t feel the need to lie. So basically I have no way to know whether or not I am raping someone when I’m having sex with them. Also, me expressing sexual arousal/enthusiastically consenting is pressuring the other party into consenting, thus coercion, because they’d feel bad saying no. And also me asking them if they like what I’m doing is pressuring them. As you can guess, I rarely enjoy having sex. Because if I did. Then that’d be rape. Of course ! /s
- If I’m attracted to a visibly marginalized person, I’m fetishizing them, but also, if I’m not attracted to them, then I’m bigoted. And also I’m a horrible person for thinking about this because it shouldn’t matter if I’m attracted to them or not, everyone deserves respect (<- guy who has not been disrespectful to them in the slightest).
- I must always be the one changing my path when walking around visibly marginalized people, because if not, then they’ll think I think I own this space more than they do.
- When putting my hand up in class to ask a question, my fingers must always be separated, because if they’re all next to each other, then I’m doing the ‘Heil Hitler’ greeting.
- If I reblog guilt trip-y mutual aid posts, then I’m hurting other people with OCD (and could be responsible for someone’s suicide), and if I don’t, then I’m a horrible person who’s responsible for whatever happened & happens to the person/people in the post.
- If someone likes me (platonically or otherwise), it means I manipulated them into it, and thus I am a danger to them.
- If I even as much as glance in the direction of someone’s breasts, then that means I’m attracted to them. Which gets pretty gnarly when it happens with a family member or a minor.
- Not applicable anymore, I’ve had top surgery, but before that: If I say I’m a man with breasts, then I’m pretending to be intersex.
- I’m privileged for having moral OCD, because people who are really struggling don’t have the time to think this much.
- I’m a bad person for even taking time to think about my problems because there’s so much worse happening constantly in the world and at the end of the day, I’m very privileged.
- It is my moral responsibility to constantly be questioning myself, my morals and my identity, because what if this time it’s not moral OCD. What if this time I’m actually bigoted. What if this time I’m actually wrong.
[I’ve talked for a while about my moral OCD, but was always scared to talk about what it’s actually about, because it is a type of it I rarely see mentioned (despite it being much more common in leftist online spaces than people would like to admit) and if I do, the general response is that the people who have OCD about being bigoted are actually bigoted for having it. Which is fucking. Soul-crushing. Anyways yeah, I’m scared to post this. But I’ll do it anyways. Yeah.]
[Reblogging is okay; I want people to see what it’s actually like. I might mute it later or delete it if it gets too overwhelming/gets me harrassment.]
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