mina

*has a piece of bread and calms down a little*

i’m sitting at a starbucks in barnes n noble and there’s a small family w a little baby and the baby went “SCREEEEEEEEEgdblbghlb” and the dad goes “HEY! what does that even mean”

this man next to me is on the phone and he went “are you fucking kidding me right now? are you serious?” then he got up and stood next to a cactus and went “im by my favorite cactus right now, and you’re disrespecting me like this?”

the moon is proud of you

and so are the stars

and so is the sun 

the aliens are watching you, a little confused about your life choices but are proud of you too

That comet’s judging you but that comet’s an asshole

first dude to invent drums was just like super pissed one day and fucked up punching something and everyone was just like oh shit this fucking slaps 

i didnt shovel enough driveways as a kid so i didnt build enough character and thats why im the way that i am 

i have never had to mow a lawn and you can tell